My husband of 4 months, just recieved a letter stating that he was a potential father of a 1 yr old boy. We were not together when this happened, But i can see it is putting a strain on our new marriage. Any suggestions on how to work through this? \
Thank you for any advice you can give
K.
Just to let everyone know we are the proud parents of a 1 yr old boy
Stay out of it as much as you can. This comes from a stepmom of 3 and mom of 4. Do not put yourself through any emotional grief because of it. And remember- the child, if it is your husband's, is not yours; nor is s/he your responsibility. If it's the county coming after him, BEWARE! They will try to take all the money he has.
K.,
The first thing is to have a paternity test done. Sounds like there is potential, which means the child may be someone elses.
These tests usually come back really quick, ours came back 10 days later.
Good luck
K.,
Hi. My name is S. and along with being a new mom, I am a counselor who frequently works with families. I'm so sorry you are going through this, it is like a nightmare! My advice is to try to remain calm at least until the results are back for sure. You may be worrying over nothing. If it comes back that he is the father, things are going to change, and you'll have to take it one day at a time. In the meantime, try to have some family time in fun stress free ways, saving some time for just you and your husband if possible! I live in Lake Elmo, and if you ever need to talk, just let me know.
I don't have personal expierence with this matter, but as a fellow woman I felt as though I should write you something. I'm sure it's very diffuclt to deal with this at such a crucial part of your marriage, being newlyweds and all. I think first thing is not to jump to any conclusions, take it day by day. It would be a shame if it turned out that he wasn't the father and this has been the core of any fights or doubts. This happened before you were together it sounds, so if it is his, try making it the best as you can. I wish you luck, and sorry I don't have any personal advice for you.
Hi K.,
As a former stepmother, my advice would be to find out what this woman wants/expects from your husband. If she is looking for the father, it is very likely that she wants something (i.e. child support). Then again, if she needs to have a paternity test done, your husband is not the only father-candidate.
My first husband had unresolved back child support issues with his first wife. This plagued us constantly for many years of our marriage and cost me more than a few sleepless nights. I often resented him for allowing this constant intrusion in our lives by his ex-wife.
If he is actually the father and this woman does expect and/or demand something from him, please get an agreeement in writing and make it legal so she can't keep coming back asking for more.This might not make you feel much better right now but will likely save your marriage in the long term.
Best of luck to you,
A.
