Defient Son

For the first 1-2 years after potty training is 'successful' the "old wiring" is still there really strong (the autonomic nervous system, the one that controls breathing, heartrate, etc... initially also controls elimination). When kids are under stress the old wiring takes over.

Since you say he's only doing this when being punished, my guess is that he's having a standard fear/embarrassment response. He's only 6 months out from being potty trained. Which means it's REALLY normal for kids to break training when they're scared, angry, or excited. Normal as in they can't control it yet. They have control under normal circumstance, but not stressful ones.

How old is your son, you didnt mention his ge. If he is 3 1/2 or older I would tell him if he potties in his pants when he is punished then he will have to clean it up. Give him baby bottom wipes, paper towels and spray bottle of water and tell him that he needs to clean up the mess, then walk away. (Ck on him periodically to he sure he is ok, then clean the area better later with real cleaner) You may be doing this already, I couldn't tell from your wording. If you are already doing this and consistently then I would set some add'l rules. Sit down and tell him in a nice, calm way that he is a big boy now and that you and Daddy are sad when he does potty in his pants when he gets in trouble. Tell him if he keeps doing this after he cleans up his mess he will loose a fun thing at home or something planned that day, (loss of privileges), TV program he likes, trip to the park or pool, special toy put away for a day etc. It does sound like this is a form of manipulation by him and I think these things may help. Good luck Mom

Your son might be one of many children who do not respond well to punishment. His deliberate potty accidents are a sign that things are not going well in the discipline department. Too much discipline and punishment are often the problem, and he may feel he has no other way to protest other than to defy you.

Surprisingly, many, perhaps most, children can be raised happily and successfully without punishments delivered as scolding, deprivation, taking away toys or privileges, spanking, or even time-outs. Children crave your attention and high regard almost more than breath itself. If you have him labeled as defiant, your son has almost no possibility of hearing from you how much you appreciate him.

I hope you'll break that pattern, which can only spiral downward. Instead, try the alternative methods taught in the wise and wonderful book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. The authors Faber and Mazlish have years of experience teaching parents how to work as a sympathetic team with their children, finding solutions together to all sorts of classic behavioral problems.

The book is a pleasure to read, very easy to understand, and it coaches you along a little at a time. It's filled with cartoon examples of what not to say, and what works better. While the library should have this to loan, you will want to invest in your own copy, so you can make notes and dog-ear pages.

My 4.5yo grandson has occasional behavioral problems and bad days, and because of this empathetic approach, he almost never gets punished – but he does get natural and logical consequences, and his parents are very clear about their expectations and rules.

He Wants a reaction from you...don't give in, look at him and be calm and say, well, looks like you have a mess to clean up, and leave it at that. I would however praise the heck out of all the good positive things he does, sometimes kids learn bad habits and seek attention ( even negative attention). Good luck to you, I can imagine this is a frustrating time for you. Children go through some phases that can just wear us out at times, we have to be strong and remember that we are the parents and don't give in and let our children start dictating how we are going to react, it is a tough job, and sometimes it is testing! ((hugs)) hang in there ( also, my daughter used to do this before we had potty training down to a science, she would just stand in the middle of the floor and let go...she didn't act like it phased her a bit, but the second I stopped making a fuss over it, it sure did lose its allure fast)

He is now old enough to take care of himself-to the poit of pushing you to take care of him-well this has to stop--make him clean himself up--you stand over him and tell not do--and don't quit till he is done! If he does this at a pre-school he would have to help himself--oh they will take up some of the slack but at this age he should know better and yes he is playing you. So go out and get those great kids wipes for just this occasion and have them ready for the very next time. Then tell him and watch over him while he washes his mess out. Um my guess is this willtake better part of a whole day to do but he will most like ly decide that it may not be the best trick to play on you again--just watch out for something new...

I would threaten to use diapers on the big boy! That might change his attitude. Good for you for taking the energy to discipline and tell your child no and not give in .

My nephew has a similar situation. Whenever he goes to time out, he instantly needs to use the bathroom. He has tried peeing in his pants or anything else can do to derail his timeout. His mom uses a special chair for his timeout area (he has proven too destructive to put in a room alone), so after he had to sit through his timeout in pee pants and earn an extra minute, he didn't do it again. He will still wail at the top of his lungs that he has to go, but she knows he doesn't and leaves him there the duration of his time out. And miraculously, you know, he doesn't have to pee when he comes out of time out.

When my 4-year-old son peed in the closet intentionally, I put him in a diaper and repeated the house rule: "Anyone who does not pee in the toilet will wear a diaper." That experience was so horrible for him that he hasn't considered it again! I would give him a warning first, in your case, and then immediately follow any of these behaviors with diaper wearing for the next few hours until he uses the toilet again.

Late responder here...I'm wondering if there has been any major change in his life recently. Did you move? Did he lose any one close? Change daycare/preschool?
Sometimes stress 'comes out' in other ways for children. It might not be defiance, but a way he is dealing with a situation or circumstance.
You said it yourself, 'it's a phase...he's trying to gain power". Could be a way he's trying to have control over something he CAN control when other things in his life are out of reach.
I could totally be be off the mark, but something to consider.
I wish you and your family the best.