Peeing While in Time Out

I would suggest investing in a $10 potty chair and place it in her time-out spot. You could make it her time-out chair, but if she needs to potty, then she can go potty right then and there. No matter the reason, my opinion is to let her go potty. You don't want to force her to hold it as an additional form of punishment. Her punishment should be the time she spends in time-out and not the act of soiling herself.

I would let her go potty no matter what. If you think it's necessary, stop the "timing" when she goes and start it again when she's finished. Manipulating or not if she's peeing on the floor she evidently had to go in the first place. I agree with the above regression point too. Why risk having to potty train all over again? Not worth it in my opinion.

Do not listen to those saying this is manipulation. When I was little I used to do the same thing when I would get in trouble. Every time I would get in trouble I would have to pee so bad I couldn't hold it. I am not talking about just repremanded, but spanked, or time outs. I got really upset, I am not sure why but I just couldn't control it at those times. I had no problem any other time, just when I got in trouble. I did this until I was about 8. My parents knew and as soon as they told me I would be getting in trouble they would tell me to go pee and then come back. I understand that children do learn to manipulized very young and that this may or may not be a way of your child manipulizing you, but in my case it had nothing to do with manipulizing my parents. In fact I would try to hold it because I was afraid I would get in more trouble. I am sure every child is going to try to test the boundries and say they have to pee just to get up, but if they have perfectly fine bladder control at all other times and they not only say they have to pee, but pee their pants, I would say it is something they can't help. DO NOT JUST PUT A TOWEL DOWN, that is a rediculous statement. Even if it is manipulation, that is just more work for you. Make her go pee before being placed in timeout but do not talk to her while she goes. Give her no attention until after timeout is over. Perhaps that will rule out whether she is wanting attention or if she is just someone that cannot control it. Since your children are adopted this could be something totally different all together. I take in foster kids and I know some of the emotional problems they have. If it continues I would talk to her dr.

Hi C.,
My daughter will be 3 at the end of May and she does the samething. If she gets in trouble and I tell her to go to her room, to time out or in the corner she does the samething. When I notice it I tell her to go potty and then continue with whatever punish I said in the first place. I think it's because they don't have full control of their bladder yet. I would let her go potty when she is in time-out but let her no that she still has to finish it and stop the timer or start using one so you can.
I think if you don't let her go you start another issue or regress in the potty issue. I know you want follow thru with discipline but sometimes you may have to do whats more important. I definitely don't want to go backwards in the potty thing, we've both worked very hard to get this far. She starts to get upset if she thinks she's not gonna make it. So I sometimes pick her up and get her there. I see that you just adopted them you may want to evaluate the situation and see if there might be an underlying issue. Do you know the saying "I was so scared I peed my pants" thats what I mean. I don't know for sure but you might look into it. I would think it's an involuntary response when you loose control of your bladder. All of us mothers know what it's like to sneeze, cough, choke, laugh really hard and anything else when we pee our pants and we don't do it on purpose but we can't help it either, if I could I surely would. I hope this helps you in some way. W. mom of 4

Strong-willed children are wonderful aren't they? My older son used to do this as well. I gave in to it and let him go, and now I really wish I hadn't. He learned early that he could manipulate people. If I had it to do again, I would have his time-out on an easy to clean surface, and let him sit there in it and help clean it up. If you watch your child, you will see that she can indeed hold it for 3 minutes if it's something she WANTS to do. She will put off going to the bathroom while playing and I assume she wakes up dry at least some of the time? If that's going on, I would not assume it's a bladder control issue.

good luck!

I personally would throw a towel down. At that age they should be able to hold it 3 or 4 minutes. Sounds like manipulation since it's everytime she is put in timeout. She just it thinking of excuses to get out.

Here's how to find out. If she pees, she really had to go! If she doesn't (and I bet she finds another excuse if you deny her a potty trip) she was manipulating!!

Timeout will be an ineffective form of discipline for you if your child cannot remain there for 3 or 4 minutes.

Good Luck

Hi, C.!!

First off, hugs to you and the girls! I would start collecting some old towels. Fold one up into a soft, cushy mat for her to sit on during time out. I would even go so far as taking off her clothing. Let her know in simple terms that she has to sit in time out because she is behaving badly, but since you know she will have to pee you are preparing for the mess. Maybe you could even sit her on a potty chair to eliminate the towel laundry. If she is being defiant, she'll probably pee off the towel/potty. If she does, I would clean it up with a simple, kindly, "pee goes in the toilet" reminder. (Get yourself some pet mess spray to help eliminate bacteria and odors) If she is doing it on purpose the last thing you want is for her plan to be effective with your reaction. I would also call her doctor and ask if they think she may need tobe checked out for any urinary issues or whether they think she is just holding back some pee from her initial bathroom visit to retaliate against the time out.

Maybe an alternative discipline would work better. I give time outs when there aren't easy consequences or the action is severe. Like if one of my girls spits, hits, kicks, etc. Otherwise, they get a consequence for their action. For instance, if someone throws a toy, that toy is put away for a few days. If one of my girls is splashing water out of the tub, then there are no bubbles and tub toys for the next few baths. This way timeout is not used as much. You may already do this method, since you didn't mention how often she is in time out, but I thought I'd mention it just in case.

This is a hard age, C.! You are a great mom and you show your girls so much love. Just make sure to hug her after each time out and I know you both will get through this!

My 3yr old does this too. 99% of the time she gets in trouble she cries she needs to go potty. I used to let her go thinking she needed to and didn't want her to potty her pants. Then it finally reached the point I realized she was doing it to get out of timeout. So now when she cries about being put in timeout and says she has to go. I tell her she needs to sit in timeout to calm down. After she is done she can get up to go. This way she can learn control and do her time in timeout.

I would get on to her the same as usual. If she has a set time for time out I would set a timer and tell if that if she has to go to the bathroom that she can but you are going to stop the timer until she gets back and it will start again when she returns. Or make her go to the bathroom each time before time-out begins then she has no excuse to leave.

EVERY one of my children ask to use the bathroom while in time out....LOL....that is ages 12,10,7,6,5,3....so it is just kids, and yes she probably does need to use the rest room- kids tend to not pay attn to things like that until their body stops long enough to notice! I say LET HER GO!!!!! Do not set her in a towel, or make her potty in her pants, now she is being punished, and embarrassed, she worked hard to learn how to potty on the big girl potty, and you probably worked hard to get her there, allowing her to pee her pants will only show her that it is alright for her to do so. HOWEVER in saying all that, now lets make her think about punishment...she has to use the rest room OK, you have 3 minutes to do so, and when she comes out her time out starts over. But being 3 she does not remember why she is being punished unless you tell her so she comes out of the bathroom, you sit her back down and you tell her what she did and why she is still being punished and make her fulfill her punishment, that way you are consistent, but not allowing her to regress on potty training because you are angry!!!
Good Luck!!!
T.