Love my sister, with that said as sisters are and go, they have there quirks. She is older than me and I think she may be going through early menopause but she never answers that question yet. So her temper is not what it should be. One thing I try Never to do is drive with her as a passenger. I always do the driving. My loving sis, is less that patient on a good day outside a car, put her in one behind the wheel and you will see a true gremlin. She drive an hour each way to work daily in a congested area of the Twin Cities. She has had 11, count them 11 accidents. 9 of which are cited as her fault. She can hardly afford the insurance. I have lived her almost my entire adult life and have had 0 accidents.
With that said, 2 days ago she wanted me to go to the Mall of America with her. She was going to pick me up... I said no I will come get you from work. Argument ensued and she said fine I will come there and you can drive me in my car. OK that was a good compromise. When she got to my home she was in a crabby mood due to traffic again. So when I go to the drivers door, she waves me emphatically to the passenger side. I asked her whats up I can drive? she says NO I am mad as hell and dont want to move. I told her I am not interested in going shopping with her in this mood. She says she will simmer down as soon as we get there. Great! I live on a very busy street, its the main artery to our suburb. People are suppose to go only 30mph very few do. I have a decent stretch of open street to be able to see some distance if cars are coming but if they are NOT going the 30mph they can come up on ya pretty fast. Then most get mad cause they think that NO one should ever try to leave there homes, and they ride your patoot unless you super rocket boost ahead of them. Crazy thats for another day about drivers. So she mosey's on out RIGHT in front of two cars obviously coming. I saw them as well. She backs out , they have to brake suddenly and then because they are there. She grandma drives in front of them on purpose. I was not happy, I expressed that I wanted to be let out of the car this instant. Meanwhile she got honks and fingers at her. She got mad. So at the red light just down the block I told her to turn and go back home. She just blew up at me. I didnt say another word. She still continued to drive like a drunk woman. So at the next red I tried to get out of the car. She LOCKED me in... it was kinda well childish. So I calmly told her to turn around and take me back home NOW. She did, and then she peeled out of my driveway, burned rubber for about a mile, and hasnt answered any of my calls. I want to talk to her about it (she lives about 1 hour away from me so its not like I can go there and talk to her easily. I have 3 little ones as well). I dont want to yell at her, I dont want to argue, I just want to talk to her. I have been conversing with her husband and daughter over social sites and email. They know what she did was wrong but no amount of convincing her will get her to answer my call or talk to me. I think shes more embarrassed than anything about it. I dont want to rub it in or do anything to make her more angry. So I guess whats my next approach or should I let her come to me? I am very sadden by this, shes my older sister and I want to respect her but that was just too out of line.
we are not staging an intervention as of yet, but after we have recently talked to other family on her behavior we are seeing that she does need some kind of help or medications. A few years back I had talked to another sister about helping her have another baby, cause of her infertility, and that she was trying for over 7 years. After she was screaming at both of us about being fertile and how unfair, we decided that BOTH of us would never do such a thing for her, and also told her if she didnt get help we would both not speak to her. My other sister has done just that, I suppose thats the smart thing. I just dont know why I feel obligated to deal with her. I guess I just feel she is my sister and doesnt deserve me just dumping her in her need. However she bites every hand that feeds her. Her husband is about to divorce her as well for these issues, and her 14 year old daughter spends more time at her real dads than there now. I think that exasperated the issue.
I wouldn't call her again. You didn't do anything wrong and you are acting like you did! No more! You have reached out and she has behaved like a brat. She will come around.
Considering the number of traffic violations she has on record, I'm very surprised she does not have a court ordered driver improvement class and anger management class that she must attend and pass in order to keep her drivers license.
I don't care what her issues are, hormonal, menopausal, depression and/or mental - she has no right to wield a 2000lb plus vehicle in an irresponsible manner on the highways.
She's going to get herself or someone else killed the way she is going.
DO NOT EVER allow her to drive you (or any one you love) ANYWHERE for any reason.
She needs to move so she can get to work using public transit.
I'd seriously consider blowing her in to the cops (reckless driving charges) so the courts would force her to get some help.
My brother used to drive angry and aggressively. One year he had to do an anger management driving class through his job. Wow - he totally changed. He told me he used to be in a hurry and would speed around, cutting corners. Anyone getting in front of him or cutting him off would completely piss him off. He said this class taught him the other person's side of things in a VERY graphic visual way. I think the visuals of this class and seeing movies of people getting killed or losing their loved ones/children made him stop and think. Now he never drives like this anymore. I was amazed! It sounds like your sister needs to take this class. If it were me I would stick to my guns with her no matter what - don't let her drive.
Depression..
Your sisters hormones are all over the place.
She is aggressive, touchy and cannot be told what to do or that she needs help.
Depression makes some people VERY aggressive. It is out of their control.
I do not know how you can explain it to her, unless the whole family has a talk with her saying, "we are concerned about you". These are the changes we have seen or noticed.. Typically you are calmer, able to take things in stride.. blah, blah, bl;ah.,. whatever she used to be..
Then read the list.. We have now noticed you seem
Angry
Frustrated
Stressed
Aggressive
Defensive
She needs to go to the doctor this week if possible and let them know about the tickets and her mood and personality changes.
Being depressed is a chemical imbalance in her brain. It is not a character flaw, it is not a weakness, it is not a loss of intelligence and is not something she can control on her own. A Doctor needs to document this in case it gets worse. They can help her find herself again.
The other thing is that depression causes exhaustion. This means physically and mentally. She will have a harder time following through on her own needs, because she is just trying to get her work done at her job..
She would rather eat and watch TV than doing the laundry. She would rather sleep than take a shower.
Do not let her run away from this. Remember she is not herself right now, and she knows it, but will not be able to admit it.
Just keep reminding her you love her, you respect her and you want her to be happy again. Do this with love and understanding.
So sorry about your sister but honestly you never should have gotten in her car in the first place. The deal was you were to drive her car. That is what should have happened.
I don't feel as though you have anything to feel sorry about. She sounds like a dangerous angry driver and you have way too much to loose by riding with her and her road rage.
Stop trying to call her. Give it some time and then drop her a note that you would like to speak with her, not argue just speak.
Life is too short to be so incredibly angry over nothing. An anger management class may do her some good but she has to want to change which it doesn't sound like it does because her family seems to be very accomodating towards her unacceptible behavior. I hope this helps. I will keep you both in my prayers.
You should never ride with someone you don't trust to keep you safe. You are a mother, you need to protect your children's mother's life. I think you need to keep her out of your neighborhood too. Wha tright does she have to embarass you in front of your neighbors in addition to possibly hurtin gyour child or someone else's?
No question, stay away from her car. I think the approach is to tell her that you don't want to hurt her feelings, but you will just have to agree to disagree on this. Then let her come to you. She is acting like a baby and a bully, and you owe her nothing but an openness to work this out. It doesn't matter if she is your big sister or not, she owes YOU respect.
Hormones or not, you can control yourself ...sorry, I know, I am in menopaus right now and I have days where I could blow up and days when I want to be left alone but I could control it all... grit my teeth and smile all while not being too happy about any of it! Your sister sounds as if she needs serious help.
My sister was in an accident when she was younger and was in a coma. She is okay now, has a driver's license and has held down some good jobs but the accident has made her very quick tempered and when my niece was younger, she raised her daughter with a lot of me doing baby sitting etc... we would trade favors and my daughter and niece are like sisters now. When my sister started drinking and using... I put my foot down. And would never let my kids in her car as soon as I found out. One day I was driving her to AA and she freaked out on me and said all these awful things to me. I swore then that I would never put myself in that situation again. And I haven't. It has been about 18 years. We still are gracious to each other and are friendly at family events. But I have stuck to my guns. She used to joke about it... asking if my son or daughter, now adults could drive with her. I said I would hope they wouldn't very matter of factly. I was DONE after so many chances. We are family. I love her. But I chose not to go crazy because of her. And if you look at all the time you have invested in this one question, you my dear are letting her have the power over you. You have lost too much energy worrying about this. YOU are right and she is wrong and you know it. Your family knows it. You don't need us to tell you. NO more second chances. I "get" that she is family. You are not cutting her out. You are not even not talking to her. Stop calling her. You are giving her the power. I love your heart but I remember the day I said ENOUGH and I;m not sorry I did. Some people are toxic to our lives. You can still be nice... but what are you really missing out on not going shopping with her or driving in her car? You sound like a nice enough person that has friends you would enjoy shopping with more than your sister. Give yourself a break.... ask them to go shopping with you next time.
I'm sorry for your pain. Of course, you cannot ride with her again. This is not a matter of discussion with her. It's just what you have to do. At this point you have to wait for her to call you. While your waiting say a few prayers for her and for yourself. Please do not say anything else to her daughter and husband unless you folks are planning an intervention (not that I am recommending that.) I think there are more than a few of us who would be less inclined to call someone back if our husbands and children were becoming involved.
.
I agree with what Laurie suggested and would add the following (to show your support while she works through her isses...)
In a few days text or email her and invite her to do something that you KNOW she would love to do, and ask her to meet you at the place. Use the words "I love you and miss you" or something like that in the message.
Maybe a trip to a spa
To a show
The MOA
A great sale at _____
Whatever it is that floats her boat
You were very right not to continue driving with her. The MOA area is HARDLY the kind of traffic a bad driver in an upset mood should be driving in.
Yes, let her come to you. She's the one who owes an apology, and she's probably too embarrassed to offer one. It may take awhile.
Otherwise, it does sound like she counts on you for companionship, and I'd just wait it out. Be calm. Be grownup. Don't keep callling, because she may assume you will want to make her feel worse. If she's still giving you the silent treatment by Thanksgiving, send her a nice card. But don't try to "hook" her into "making nice" or blowing up again. The ball is in her court.
I have a sister who's behaved like this for her whole life. I can't change her.
I would just wait, give her time to get over the anger. Time will allow both of you to think things over and when the right time is up, you can call her and straighten thing out.
Good Luck!
I have an older brother that is a serious piece of work and I just cant handle hos BS most of the time (right now being one of those times). I think you have exhausted all your resources to reach out to her and I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that you should just wait for her to come to you. You are both adults and she seems to need the time to realize that she is at fault. Let her breathe and think it over and Im sure she will come to you with her tail between her lags after that stunt
Good Luck
Sounds like your sister needs anger management classes as well as driving lessons. Depression can manifest itself as anger because it's screaming for attention and all of her actions are just that - screaming for attention.
This has nothing to do with menopause or hormones, this has everything to do with her ability to manage stress, traffic, etc. She doesn't know how to so she reacts by driving impulsively.....
send her an e-mail or even a letter - and tell her that you love her and want to help her and get her the help she needs so that she can not be angry all the time....ooh man...this is tough...i hope your sister comes around to see that you DO love her and only want to help her.
