Demanding Husband

I think one of the best things to do is to let your husband talk to the baby's pediatrician about this matter. One of the best things you can do for your baby is to put them on their tummy(with supervision) and let them explore. My daughter HATED tummy time, but it was important to give them the chance to grow (whether they like it or not!) If they are held all of the time, they will never learn to crawl, walk, turn over, etc. They need some time to work on these skills and although they may cry, it is so good for their development.

If your little one doesn't like tummy time ( as mine didn't), put up a mirror for them to see themselves. Or, just spend a lot of time playing the "rollover" game. At least it makes it fun for them. Good luck. He will be walking around in no time, so enjoy your last couple of months of freedom! My daughter didn't crawl until she was 9 mo's, but walked on her own at 11 mo's. It happens so fast! Let me know if you have any questions. It really is so good for babies to play and explore on their own. What a great way to discover what God intended for them!

You are right, holding your baby 24/7 is not letting him learn and grow. He will be spoiled and won't walk or crawl when he is suppose to. Talk to your husband about it again and if he still disagrees with you then make an appointment with your child's doctor and let your husband talk to him/her. Maybe hearing it from the doctor will make him understand that the baby needs to crawl and explore things to stimulate his mind.

Hello J.,
I was a mom who did the holding, slinging stuff and my kids did learn all stuff the were supposed to like crawling, walking, etc and they were always cognitively way ahead of the curve too. I really attribute that to them being held so often. The thing about the holding is that it is an actual philosophy. I dont know if your husband has read about how good it is for them, or if he just wants to hold him because he does! Also, when mine were little they would more than let me know when they didnt want to be held.. when they wanted to be on the floor with a toy, when they wanted to crawl etc.. and there were times when I was making a meal for example when I would put them on them in the swing or exersaucer, but I tried to hold them as much as *they wanted* to be held... and then before you know it that era was so quickly gone and they never wanted to be picked up~!
I hope you two find a happy compromise! Good luck!
A. mom to Dominic (9) and Julian (6)

You are absolutely right. Men can be very weird and unreasonable about their first baby, I know. How will your son ever learn to crawl, walk or even gain any independance if you are forced to carry him all day long? Tell your husband no, that this is not good for your son. Show him baby development books and websites. Doesn't he want to see the looks of joy and wonder on your baby's face as he discovers the world around him? Doesn't he want to have his son crawl to him, assist in helping his son talk his first steps? Calmly ask him these questions. There are times when we have to back down and concede to our husbands' unreasonable demands, just as they sometimes concede to ours but on this, I suggest for your son's well being and yours that you firmly but gently stand your ground.

Good luck and God bless. Let meknow how it turns out.

Chris H.

I am child development specialist and in my opinion this is not a slight problem. I have worked with many of the leading pediatric physical therapist across Houston. In a nut shell here are some of the things I learned. From a physical stand point babies need floor time. Babies do not learn to walk from putting them in your lap or a walker. Babies learn walk from going through all the stages in the process by playing and exploring on the floor. They learn from the ground up and each stage is very important. When children crawl they are builing muscles in their hands (later helps with writing skills)and in their necks (later helps with their ability to sit all day at school without fatigue)and this is just a few reasons. There are so many more importnat reasons to let your baby play on the floor such as exploration, independence, and muscle building.

Psychology, holding a child all day does way more harm than good for both of you. A baby needs to find their identity and become secure with themselves. They need to learn that the world is ok with out being attached to mom or dad all the time.
I LOVE my children ages 6,4 and 2. All 3 are the biggest and most important part of my life. I would not be able to function or take the best care of them if I was holding them all the time. It would not be fair to me or them.

You are exactly right. By holding your baby 24/7 he is becoming spoiled and dependent. A child must learn to explore on his own to develop. Maybe you could show your husband how happy your son is when he is on the floor playing. You are not neglecting him by letting him develop. He is being neglected by being held 24/7.

M

i don't know what everyone else has told you, but i have a 6 week old and even though this is my 4th child this is my boyfriends first. he wanted to be the same way, and i had to just sit him down and tell him that it isn't healthy for the baby or us. he can't learn what he needs to learn and it makes it to the point that you can't get anything done cause all they want is to be held, and even though it doesn't seem like it now, it will get harder. they tend to turn to you for EVERY LITTLE problem. i understand some problems it is good to come to you for, but because someone looked at him wrong is not one of them. my first 3 that is what my parents did and i am still paying for it now. i have NO time to myself and they refuse to play by themselves without a big fight. you and your child needs that and if you hold them all the time they will not learn that. i hope that helps.

A.

I know what you mean but it was a mother that was like that. I you just have tell that if you hold hime all day long then he will become arm spoild that is not a good idea. If dose become arm spoild then when you have to put hime down then he will sceam until you pick him up again. I know that your husband feels that he should hold your son all the time but trust don't do it. Have your mother amd mother -n- law talk to him to see that will do any good.

hi J.,

The best thing that I can offer is for you to find some parenting articles on this subject and show them to your husband. Of course, you should not show him these articles during a time when your Dh is fussing about you not holding your son. I would suggest, you reading these articles then calling your dh over to "take a look" at what the experts have to say. hope that helps

C.

Good luck with this one men can be so stubborn when they feel strong about something. Ga when you get as old as me you've seen it all. My sister in law is alot younger than her other sibblings and my mother in law just wanted to hold her well she was still carrying her every where when she was 6, her legs were skinny. My mother in law wanted her to walk thru the mall while she and I were visiting well the lil girl started crying that her legs hurt. Well my mother in law didnt believe her and I told her I'm sure they do because you usually pack her around. This isnt the only damage she did she shielded her from the world. YOUR ONLY AS STRONG AS YOUR PARENTS RAISE YOU TO BE. You have to go thru every stage, hold love your child but let them have the floor time, they have lots of activities you can do on the floor with them. When my kids were babies they had this wonderful gym from fischer price for mom and baby and you exercise them with them on your legs. Had little pull ladders to help them pull at them and eventually pull up. Much doesnt change thru the years either, my kids so much need their father to be at their activities and see them participate which would help their relationship but instead when its his weekedn to have them he's a baby about it and its like his time and usually the kids have to watch him with his interest. Sure kids need hugs and kisses and to be held but its also important that you watch on the sideline too. Hope this makes since.

There is tons of research to show that your husband is WRONG!!! I suggest you print some articles off the internet and leave them laying around the house about child development and the needs to help your baby grow. Go to your web browser and type in child development.

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/childdevelopment.html

http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/development/

http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/child/development.htm

There are three places to start, two by the goverment. It's hard to refute the existing evidence. It is more important that your husband spend time with your son than it is for him to be held all the time. His daddy's example will determine the man he grows into, not whether or not he is held. Anyone can hold a baby, but it takes a special man to grow a baby into a man. In fact, if your son is held all the time, he will NOT DEVELOP NORMALLY. I think your husband just wants to protect the baby and that is understandable and admirable. I believe he has the best intentions and just needs to figure out how to focus his protective nature. Start complimenting your husband on his efforts to be protective, compliment him about how he is helping the baby develop new skills and how awesome of a dad he is. My grandmother always said that the best food you can feed your husband is "compliment sandwiches". She said you can get further in an argument by finding anything positive to compliment them on and before you know it they are like peacocks strutting for their mate!!!

Let me know if you need any further information.
Good luck,
C.

This is a hard one, but what I did was let my husband know how tired I was. THEN, I let him do all the holding. When it got to the time that he was exhausted after work and everything, but the baby was still demanding to be held, he changed his tune. Your baby may be too old, though; this may not work if your child is too old to train not to be held continuously. Kristyn was 3 weeks when I finally got fed up...now she's almost 6 weeks and the swing and bed mobile get healthy amounts of playtime. Also, I have a friend who had a preemie baby and would sit on the floor with him and roll him over. He progressed quickly, so I do this on a big blanket, and he's started doing it. It has helped my child to hold her own head up pretty much all the time, and it has also strengthend her legs by her trying to scoot. I hope this helps...

When my baby was 6 months old, he couldn't even pick up a toy. He was so far behind we had to consult a developmental specialist. It was all because he had a demanding temperament and so I thought that he needed more attention. Then I found out that I had actually hurt him with too much holding!! Babies need to learn how to entertain themselves.