Desperate for Sleep!!

Hey S.,
Wow, your story sounds so similar to what we are going through with our almost 8 month old. We also have an almost 5 year old . We had the same story with him except we did the co-sleeping (tossing,turning,waking etc.)the first time and learned to try a different approach the second time. Well it seems that some children are just better sleepers than others, and we didn't get that kind. I have been given the same advice as lots of your responces and read piles of books that praise the cry it out method. This method works for most folks but not all can do it. I do not feel comfortable letting my child scream himself to near hyperventalation for the sake of some small amount of sleep. My best advice to you is to make peace with your little insomniac and know that it like childhood, won't last forever. I wish I had a miracle solution for both our families and if you find one, PLEASE pass it on. It also sounds like you do most of the nighttime duty on your own too. Try on a day when your husband isn't working and ask him to do one night of feedings so you can get a little sleep for yourself. It's amazing what 5 hours of sleep in a row will do. My only other thought is that maybe you have an option that we do not, a well rested family member that might do night duty once in a while.
Dreams of sleep,
V. E
PS For crazy screaming fits(by the baby)I have given him the Hylands teething tablets and they really help calm him and relax him into a gentle sleep.

the only thing you can do is let them cry it out. it took me 3 weeks to get results.

Making them cry is NOT the only thing you can do. There is a reason that we don't like to hear our children cry!

If you need to night wean, I recommend folloing this routine by Dr Jay Gordon, who is a firm believer that forcing our children to cry can do them harm, a stance that is backed by research recently published at Harvard University.

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

It is called "Changing The Sleep Pattern In The Family Bed" but it should also work for babies no longer sleeping with their parents.

Children who nurse frequently usually need it for a valid reason, including fighting off illness, going through a growth spurt, teething, or changes in routine.

Using you as a pacifier or "training" you to come to them when they cry is not a bad thing. Nothing atall in social research backs up the idea that too much love or affection spoils a child. On the contrary, animals and children who don't get enough touch generally develop more slowly or fail to thrive altogether. We spend so much effort forcing independence on our babies and then wonder why, as teenagers, they don't trust us or come to us! Attached babies become attached children and teenagers who see us as trusted allies.

The best book I have read on realistic sleep patterns and ways to promote restful sleep for everyone is Sweet Dreams by Dr Paul Fleiss. It is compassionate and based on evidence.

I will say maybe switch to formula at night. This will stay on his stomach and he will sleep a lot sounder. I would never let a 8 mos old cry it out as they need you still and if he is truly hungry he needs to eat. I will say with breast feeding at night, he will and can use you as a human pacifier too so you may want to consider pumping with bottles at night or just breast feed during the day...just some suggestions. Sleep when he does too during the day!!!!!!

The best advice I ever received was "just because something is natural doesn't mean it comes naturally. some things that are natural you have to learn how to do." Like nursing. It is more likely you AND your husband are human pacifiers. It is important for them to learn to sooth themselves and get back to sleep on their own. In fact they are not getting better sleep because you're helping them their getting less because their trained to need you to help them. He'll begin waking up more frequently if you continue. As hard as it is to see our children cry sometimes it is the best thing for them. You can be assuring and loving in the process. It's not about leaving your kids out to dry. Start out by establishing a bedtime routine. Rocking, bathing, singing whatever then give them a hug/kiss and put them in bed somewhat awake. Leave the room. When they cry start by waiting one or two minutes before you go back in. When you go in DO NOT PICK THEM UP. Lean over give them a hug/kiss reassure them that you love them, but they need to learn to go to sleep on their own. Do not stay long! After the quick reassurance you need to leave again. This time wait longer before going in. More like five or ten minutes. Go in again and reassure them of your love and what you are trying to teach them-the key is to not pick them up and make it quick. Keep repeating but stretch out the time between each time you enter. Add at least 5 minutes to the waiting time each time. It's hard I cried, but they will learn with in a couple of nights and we were better parents because we were getting more sleep. Good luck. It may be wise to try pumping to see if your milk supply is okay. Stress, pregnancy, food/water intake and other things can impact your milk supply. If your milk supply is okay he just needs to learn. Good luck!

Here is a sight that helps wean a child from the night feedings, I am with your husband on not letting them cry it out, just cause science says a child can go through the night without eating, doesn't mean they should or that all children should. Babies tell us what they need. This area has good ideas, but no matter what you choose you have to pick a method, one that you and hubby can stick to and to it, son't go back and forth, it only confuses them. here is the sight.

http://www.lovegevity.com/parenting/mother/baby_wakes.html

read babywise. . it saved me. we waited until 8 months with my now 2 1/2 yr old to try to do any kind of scheduling or routine. i was going crazy nursing him on demand all night and day. i never slept and was starting to feel like i couldn't do this mom thing anymore. i was desperate and had to just shut out the crying for a night so i could sleep. we lived in a small apt so we came to my parents house and put his crib on the opposite side of the house than me. i went to sleep and came running to him in the morning. he was fine! he nursed really good, he smiled he loved me still. We did this for 2 nights and on the 3rd night brought the crib closer to me so i could hear him. he fussed one time, but went back to sleep on his own. hardest thing i ever did and by far the best thing i ever did! you have to train him to sleep he doesn't know how to do it on his own. i did this before i read babywise (which i love) so the book has much more details and explanation. its soooooooooooo worth it! good luck use ear plugs if you have to

L.

There is a fabulous sleep CD that we just tried with our one month old and it has worked like a charm. It may be worth a shot. It's called Deep Sleep and it's by a new company called nuphonics. Just go to nuphonics.com and you can hear pieces of it. Good luck!

S.,
About a week ago I asked the same question about my 6 month old. I got tons of responses. I have a 2 year old and when she was 8 months a friend of mine came over and she made me let my daughter cry it out. It took 3 nights. I stood by her door and cried with her. It was so hard but since then she has slept 11-12 hours without waking. I was so nervous to try it again with my 6 month old because she was younger and the thought of her cring was unbearable. Last thursday I decided to let her cry it out. I feed her at 8:00pm put her down and she woke at 11:00pm (cried for 10 minutes) then she woke at 2:30 am (cried for 38 minutes) and then woke at 4 something (cried for 45 minutes). It was so hard for me and my husband. But for us it was time we all needed some sleep. The next night she woke up twice and cried for about 40 minutes both times. The third night she woke up around 2am and fussed for a couple minutes and then put herself back to sleep. I couldn't believe it...she did it!! She still wakes up evreynight around 2-3am but then she goes back to sleep after a few minutes. She wakes every morning around 5am and it so early but at least I am sleeping from 10-5. I always hear her around 2-3am but it is so much better then it was. She used to wake about 4 times I would feed her a couple times during the night and we were all miserable. I know it is hard to let them cry it out but it does work. Good luck.

I know how hard it is to "let your child cry it out”. However, at my child's 9-month check-up I talked with our doctor about his sleeping issues. He was waking up every two hours without fail even at 9 months old. She suggested that I buy “solve your child’s sleep problems” by Ferber. I read the book cover to cover and also read parts aloud to my husband. We then began doing exactly what the book suggested. I kept a sleep journal, etc. Sure enough after a week, our baby that "just didn't sleep" was actually sleeping though the night. He is now 13 months and sleeps straight from 7:30pm to 5:30am basically every night.
I think the key to this type of thing is to realize that: (1) This is temporary - your husband may not want your baby to cry to much because of loss of sleep, but a short week of less sleep is better than month after month of sleep deprivation; (2) It will not work unless you and your partner are in agreement and both stick to the rules; and (3) Your child's behavior is really due to the parents behavior and not because they do not sleep well.
Lastly, I was very against the "cry it out" method. But, it is not about leaving your baby for hours on end and making them cry, it is about sleep association. While creating that sleep association you can visit and comfort your child repeatedly.
I have never responded to one of these posts before, but you are in the exact situation I was and I found a solution. Good luck - it really does work.

At about four months old a baby has a liver that is developed enough to get him/her thru eight hours without feding at night. He is crying because he is in search of some comfort an security he has been used to. I know that it is so hard, but letting him cry is probably the fastest way to normal sleep. If you could have your husband stay at a family member's house for a few days, if he cannot handle it and is not willing to support. I had to do this transition for the first time when my husband was away for work. It should only take a few days. Just set a bedtime and put him in his bed and let him learn to soothe himself to sleep. Make sure he is falling asleep alone initially at night. Then when he wakes, let him be. If he cries for more than 10 min or so, check on him, of course, but do not interact with him or pick him up. He has to learn that this night time thing is for sleeping and nothing else. I know it is so hard!!! With my son, in the middle of the night once he was falling asleep alone at bedtime he never cried for more than 5 minutes at a time. Gradually, not at all. It is hard to keep perspective in the middle of the night. In reality he is prob not crying fr long periods of time, it is hard when husbands get upset too. Hang in there!!! The younger you teach them to fall asleep on their own, the easier it is.

My daughter wanted to be nursed at night up until 10 months or so. Not out of need, but out of desire to be comforted. First you need to stop feeding him twice at night - night feedings should be weaned first. Then the ticket to success (as many of these moms have said) for us was putting our daughter to sleep (nap and bedtime) awake. Also, follow what the other mom said about waiting 5 minutes to go in and reassure him that it is ok. Then leave and wait 10 mins and so on. Eventually he will start falling asleep on his own, but you have to CONSISTENT. Babies have to learn to fall asleep on their own, so that when they wake during the night, they can put themselves back to sleep. Ever since we started this, my daughter sleeps 11-12 hours straight on most nights. I can hear her wake up sometimes and fuss, but a few minutes later, she is sleeping again. It takes alot of patience and persistence and consistency, but it really works. I don't believe in the cry it out method as your first option. Try putting him down awake first and see if he naturally picks it up like my daughter did. It was virtually painless for all of us.

This works~! My pediatrician told me this when my son was 6 months.
You decide on a bedtime. Make a routine. Our was bath at 8:45, dried off, lotioned, maybe a song or two. Then you lay them down and say good night. Close the door and leave. Wait 5 or more minutes. Go back in, pick him up, comfort him (no talking). Put him back down. Say good night. Same thing, but wait 10 minutes. Just double the time you leave him each time. Each night this will be shorter. Should be done in 4 nights. Same thing when he wakes up to feed. Go in, pick him up, comfort him. (no talking, you don't want to reward him) Put him down, say good night, leave. Start your timer. He will eventually self soothe.
Also, when your kids get sick, they will start waking up at the same time every night. Body habit. Just do the same thing to get them to stop. Good luck.

I'm in the SAME situation as you! My 8.5 month old wakes up 3-4 times also during the night. I have been nursing him when he wakes up but have tried to just rock him instead of feeding him EVERY time. I'm hoping that doing this consistently will finally break him of the habit of waking so often. I'm also into herbs and sometimes I give him a dropperful of Dr. Christophers Kid-e-Col that you can buy at the health food store. He didn't like it at the beginning but likes it now. It is used for colic and teething and it seems to soothe him. Hope this helps, if anything, just know that you are not alone! I thought that I was until I read your comment! Hang in there!

1) is your son teething?
2) is he on any form of solid foods?
3) have you tried adding baby cereal to your breastmilk and feeding it to him for his meal before bedtime?

i breastfed my children only until about 6 months. i did not have enough breastmilk o keep up with their feedings so i added baby cereal to the breastmilk and it seemed to keep them content enough (full) to sleep thru the night.
this seems to work for the most part but continue discussing the issues with your pediatrician (if they do not want to listen or assist then change pediatricians)..
sometimes the urge for a child to nurse is just wanting to feel the comfort of someone nearby or feel / hear your heartbeat. try a recording of your heart or even the soothing sound of your voice singing a lullabye. (there are stores that sell a stuffed animal that has the sounds of a heartbeat).....

Has your pedi asked you to start him on some solids. It may help, if he's waking so often and feeding it may be time to start solid foods, I know that there's a lot of debate as to when the best time to start on solids is but every child is different and he may just need that.

Hope you find a solution!
M.

I have also heard that baby rice cereal before bed time with some formula mixed in helps them sleep longer if you think he is waking up because he is hungry?

We ended up finding our son a favorite blanket when he was younger to calm him down and help him sleep through the night. It worked and he woke up alot less..

You could night wean using a pacifier.. You may also want to check with your physician or nurse first.. Because if he is hungry I am not sure if skipping a feeding is a good idea. By 9 months though feedings should be about every 4 hours and he should be able to keep more down..

Perhaps he just wants comforting at night? Soft music in the back ground might help as well.

Whenever introducing something new it takes about a week for the transition to take effect and you have to be consistent too.

Hope I have helped some...

There are alternatives to having your baby cry it out so please don't think that is the only way or the best way. I agree with the suggestions from others here who have mentioned books that help your child sleep without crying it out. (The No Cry Sleep Solution is one.) If you want to do the CIO method, please find some book other than "Babywise," which is a very bad way to go.

My son was waking up 6-8 times a night until he was 10 months old! But my problem ended up being a) I wasn't letting him put himself to sleep (meaning that I would rock or lay down with him until he feel asleep and then move him into his bed) and b) I was still nursing him at night. As soon as I stopped nursing him at night completely--including nursing him to sleep--he stopped waking up so often. It was down to 1-3 times a night. Then when I was able to teach him to fall asleep on his own he has been a full night sleeper ever since. I'd look at those two options and see where you stand. Good luck!