Desperate Single Mother!!

www.focusonthefamily.com
http://www.pbbc.com -offers family counseling
www.singlemamahood.com
www.earlycareguide.com
The counseling center ###-###-####
Sp River counseling ctr ###-###-####
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are two websites that offer family help.

I am a single mother also (of three boys and a girl)and I understand the weight you carry and the frustration you feel. I recently purchased a book called "Positive Discipline for Working Mothers" and read through their website a bunch of times. I would highly recommend the book and the parenting style. It rang so true in my heart. I am now working on changing MY ways and actions, before I can expect the same from my children and have begun to see the results. After all for every action there is a reaction and my actions were not causing the reaction I wanted, a loving family that respects eachother. So, it was time to find a new way. Continue to be strong and listen to your heart.

Check out the website and I sincerely hope it helps.
http://www.positivediscipline.com/

A.

My son is 8 right now and I am a single mom. He has severe emotional problems and goes to a behavioral school. I also have an older daughter who is 20 but acts like 7 because of her disabilities. First let me say that you are not alone. I know how you feel. Here are some things that I have found that will help. 1. Take 20 minutes out of the day to spend just with your 10 year old doing whatever he would like to do. Let him be in control and compliment him on how he is doing the activity. 2. Give him easy chore one at a time and compliment him on that. 3. To stop the behavior I use the counting 1, 2, 3 technique. If you get to 3 then he either loses a priviledge or gets timed out. Sometimes when you take things away they say they don't care but they do care. Next thing you know they try to beg you to let them off. Also they take their anger out on you by destroying property, throwing and hitting things and being mean. It unfortunately will always be a struggle at times. I know it is with mine. You will not want to argue the point with him because that just makes things worse. Tell him once and then follow through with action. If nothing else, you can email me just to vent out your frustrations. I am a good listener and if you are in Gainesville and ever want to have a break let me know.

Dear M.,

I too am a single mom, who is pretty much doing it on my own. I have a 14 year old daughter and an 11 year old son. One of the things that I have done for my son is enroll him in the Big Brothers program. I do not live close to any of my male relatives and his father lives in Chicago. While I feel that I am doing a good job raising my son, I know that there are just some things that I am not going to be able to connect to with my son because I am a woman, and I feel that it is important that there is some kind of positive male role model for a boy to be around. So I would suggest that maybe you get him and even the rest of your boys in with the Big Brothers program. This may not be the "fix" for your problem but I do believe that it could be a start and helpful.

Hi, M. Does your son have any male role models or grandpa to do things with or go fishing? Does he have his own room? Maybe there is something deeper he isnt sharing like school bullying or or missing the closness with dad? He seems to be bottleling up and letting it out explosively. Do you ever get time to just go do something with just him? Once he feels its safe and non judgmental atmosphere he will talk. Please dont yell back stay calm and firm and consistant. a tell him you love him no matter how much he yells,tells you he hates you. that I will love you forever. He is prepubesant. hormones are starting to rage and he wants to be the man and doesnt know how yet. I do need more info from you. Where is dad? I am a mother of 3 boys and a girl 28, 27, 19 and 15 and a 3-1/2 yr old grand son at 48 and also a single mom. Please write back Take care, God bless you. You are a survivor and and wil get thur this. Dory in Cape Coral

I suggest a therapist right away. One that specializes in dealing with children with his issues. Or even a psychologist and/or psychiatrist. I have my 3 oldest in counseling. My 8 year old sounds a bit like your son. Maybe your Pediatrician can suggest someone. GOOD LUCK

Dear M.,

I agree with Lisa H. on your son being angry about something. It sounds to me that he isnt acting out just to do it. There is a reason. I think that professional help would do wonders for him, and you also. Have you considered a group counseling with him? I dont see his behavior improving until the real problem starts to be solved.

I hope everything works out for you, God Bless.

Amanda

M. !
Get to a church!!!!!!!!!
God is first, then theres the fact that you will be able to get the boys to a class and you will have a moment to breath and enjoy adult fellowship. Also on Wednesdays most churches will have a class for the children to attend and again give you time to fellowship and praise God and grow in strength. The boys will most likely attend a class of men like a boy scout class but it will have a different name. Find A church that offers this and go.
You need strength that only God can replenish and the boys need interaction with Godly men. Assembly of God offers this very curriculum. You will find it a struggle at first, but hey face it, Satan does not want you to run to the answer. He has us trapped down but what ever means it takes to keep us away from the Lord. Going to church will not "Solve" your problem... it will however, give you wisdom to figure it out and the strength to carry out the plan God will unfold for you.
I promise! I will pray for you and may you be blessed my sister.
Loving you through Christ,
M.

Hi M..
I am also a single mother and it is very hard. Does the father see them? If not, it could be the lack of the father figure, which means you have to be more tough. Try some one-on-ones with him like playing ball or video games and make sure you tell him you love him so often that he starts replying, "I know Mom, you say it all the time". He needs to be re-assured that he is still #1. He may feel neglected and unimportant, so try involving him more with things you do. If your doing dishes, ask him if he wants to help dry them. If your doing laundry, ask him if he wants to help fold them. If the father does see them occasionally, that is very confusing for them, especially if he is with another woman. You may want to just try talking to him about his feelings. Ask him why is he so upset and if there is anything you can do. The last resort would be to take him to a psychologist. Always try to handle the problem yourself but if you can't, a complete stranger can usually get out what's bothering him. Good luck and God Bless.

M.,

I am a mom of 3 also, 2 boys (13 and 1) and 1 girl (15). Although I don't have the exact same problem with my 13 year old as you seem to be having with your 10 year old, it sounds like he has alot of anger about something and getting to the root of his anger (and he may not know what is making him so angry) can really help both of you. I recommend having him see a therapist to help him figure out what is troubling him so much. Does he see his father? Are you divorced? At this age in his life seeing or hearing other children talk about their Dad's can really make one feel "different". I know when my son was 10 he had some big issues with who he was and figuring out where he fit in. I was divorced from my 1st husband when my son was 2 years old and their father has not had any contact with them since then. It made him very angry when he would think about it and started acting out. He has seen a therapist about this and it has really helped him to learn that it is OK to be upset and angry, but none of this is because of him. Have him see the school counselor for starters, and see what they recommend.
Hope this helps.

Your son is very angry about something and maybe you might want to think about professional help. Seek out a therapist who works with kids and teens. I am sorry you are going through this.

L.

Have he been diagnosed with ADHD? Children pshychiatrist Dr Louis Antoine in Miami was a huge help for our son with similar problem. Do not blame a divorce for all kid's problems. It just makes parents feel guilty without any help.Be positive.
T.

dear M.,

I can relate to what you are going through. I was separated from my husband for a long while and my son was very close to his father. My son went through a very bad time during this time and took it on me. The first thing you have to do is seek counseling for your son and yourself. The second thing you have to do is find some alone time for just you and him. Eeven if it is just going for a walk and talking about his day. This is so important. The third thing is making understand that you are not going to put up with him disrespecting you or your things. That is not going to be tolerated. The way I handled it is I took everything my son loved away from him and made him earn his things back one at a time my bedroom was so crowded, but it worked. It took a little while but it worked. Like I said it did not happen overnigt but it happened. I also gave him chores and he earned an allowance and he loved it. In time his school grades improved immensely and his attitude did a complete turn around. What we do not understand is that our children go through things 100 times worse than we do and we tend to overlood this not intentionally, but at the same time we do. My son is no going to be 17 in February and I couldn't ask for a better kid. He is truly a wonderful young man and all it took was a little bit of time out of my schedule. I wish you the best of luck. You will get through to him. He just needs a little bit of your attention. "GOOD LUCK".

K. H.

I have 4 kids, one being a 12 yr old boy, his hormones are going crazy, my once sweet little boy is now acting completely different. One lady told me that her son was the same way until he was about 17 or 18 so get prepared its gonna be a long ride. What I do now, I try to get him alone and tell him ok you hate me so much, write down why...tell me why, what did I do...it has been, so far that there are other issues that need to be addressed. He feels lonely, problem at school or so much attention is going to the other kids, he feels like he is being left out. Oh man the guilt. I tell him everyday over and over how much I love him and someday he will understand. Some nights, even if it is a school night after the kids are in bed we stay up late and just talk...or watch tv.(even if he doesn't want to at first)I know its hard...but hang in there. Everyday is a new adventure, but the I hate you really hurts. If I can help please let me know!

I am the mother of 3 children myself 2 boys and 1 girl. my oldest is 8 my daughter is 5 and my youngest son is 15 months. Let me just say that my oldest whom I should say gets everything too has a behavior issue to and we found out it is an attention issue. He is the oldest and does not get the same attention as the 2 younger one and he feels that to much responsibility is being put on him. He wants to grow up but at the same time he wants to be treated like the baby. He wants lots of hugs and kisses, cuddling and to be told all the time how much of a great job he is doing. I know who difficult it is but try having him wash dishes with you or folding laundry with you and play around with him while you are doing it. crack jokes with him, and I am sure you probably do but just out of the blue for no reason tell him how proud of him you are and how much you love him. I found this works with my oldest one.

Hi M.
Sorry to hear. I will try to give you some advise. Usually that type of behavior is due to jealously with the other kids. he needs one-on-one with you. You must also make him understand in a stern but loving way that you are in charge. When he misbehaves you have to make sure you act like a parent and find out what is the problem and work from there.

Noel

I do not have children the same age as yours but I have been a nanny for many years. In those years I have helped young children dealing with many issues including the death of a parent and divorce. I highly reccommend the love and logic approach. I am not sure if there are any classes offered in this area since I am quite new here but I have found their approach very effective. There is also a great book titled "Raising Boys" that you may want to check out.
What are his punishments when he treats you this way? These resources may help.

Good Luck,
Jen