Desperately Need a Class on Tactics for Parenting a Toddler...

Try the Attleboro Parent Network.

They have great classes that are free and open to everyone. They have a great one on parenting toddlers.

http://www.attleboroschools.com/tes/elc/index.htm

Southern NH Medical center has a great parenting class coming up, cal ###-###-####. ALso 1-2-3 Magic is GREAT!!!

Dear S..

I think the first thing I should mention is, you are not alone. Toddlers are very challenging and adoring little creatures that swing on your emotions just like a little pendulum. Things will get easier and they will get better in time. Second, There is a good book that I have started reading called NON-Violent Communication. (forget the authors). What it really teaces is prevention, coping skills and different ways to use strategy and techniques in communication with your children AND others.

I hope this helps. Also, take a moment for yourself, even if that moment is right before you feel you will loose it. Take a moment to breathe and bring yourself back to the center.I know that sounds hippyish- but its meditative and it works.

take care,
Leslie

S.
As an attachment parenting mom of 2 young children and someone who loved their natural/homebirth experience I find most popular press books about parenting don't at all agree with my child-rearing philosophies. I have to say that Magic 1,2,3 led us in the right direction with our 2 year old who started acting out. It gives a relatively easy strategy for dealing with troublesome behaviors that is gentle yet firm. I highly recommend the suggestions in this book. It is easily one of the best ways to spend 20$.

Hi S.,
I'm a 37 yr old Montessori pre-K/K teacher (and graphic designer to stay balanced) with two children of my own.
I find that all kids will push boundaries because they need to know where the "walls" are in order to feel safe. If Seth feels that he is aggravating you, it will actually encourage him to continue b/c it gets him "negative attention" which is better than no attention at all.
You could try giving him a time out like this:
Have a chair in a common area, not in his bedroom. I used to call it the "naughty chair" at home but in the classroom it's called the "thinking chair".
If he acts poorly, he has to sit in it for 2 whole minutes. The trick is to completely ignore him when he's there. If he gets out, put him back in without any emotion. In the beginning, you might only be working on him actually staying in the chair.
The other key is to end the "time out" on a positive note and then give him loving positive attention. So, in the beginning, staying in the chair might be enough to give him the reward of your positive attention.
The actual "punishment" is you completely ignoring him.
Kids want positive attention first. If they can't get that (and they push like hell!) they'll go for the negative. If they can't get that, then they're at the end. So when you ignore him and don't react, he'll have nowhere else to go and then you gain your control back.
I know it takes work on our part to not react, but when we are reacting, we're tantruming right along with the kids!
Good luck,
G. Tenner
Lexington MA
(Lexington Montessori School)

Call the Medford Family Network at ###-###-#### and ask for a newsletter. They have lots of parenting classes that could help you out and in many cases, can offer child care while you are taking the class! I really liked Love and Logic (www.loveandlogic.com) and the STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting) parenting course they offered. I've even taken some of them more than once. All their programs are FREE too!

Hi S.,
My son is now four and I felt the same way last year. A friend suggested the book 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D., and it works! It gives you a tool not only for discipline but how to motivate a toddler to get started doing something, say get dressed. Consistency is key. Good luck!

D.

I know that Parent Talk is hosting a lecture on Setting Limits next Thursday, Feb. 7 at the Dover library. You can access the info on www.parenttalk.info. They are a good resource for training and instruction. Also some excellent books on parenting are Touchpoints (they have different books for different ages). Good Luck!

I am slowly on my way out of toddlerdom, and can promise you that it will get easier. Someone recently reminded me that "The traits you most want your child to have when they are older are the hardest to deal with when they are little!" And I truly believe this is true.
I am always reading and looking for inspiration to keep things going smoothly with my two boys 3 and 4. Some things to keep in mind, children's behavior definitely benefits from regular rest, food, and schedules in general. The more predictable their day, the more well behaved they will be. Fewer power struggles etc. For trouble spots in the day come up with a regular routine so your child will know what to expect during that time. Include a 5 minute countdown, (for time to get out of the tub, for example) Fun can and should be a part of the routine, because let's face it, that is all our kids are about at that age.
Hang in there, I applaud you for seeking help.
AmyB

Hi S.,
Our pediatrician has a component to his practice called, Family Rhythms. He often holds parenting classes and seminars. He's in Natick and his name is Michael McKenzie. He and his wife, Lee, a registered nurse hold these seminars and are wonderful at what they do. My children are much older now and only one of them still goes to the pediatrician. He started this aspect of his practice several years ago and I would reccomend you call and talk to him. His advice to me through the years when my kids were small has been always right on the money...realistic and attainable.
Good Luck
K.

Not a class, but a life-saving book: "1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for children age 2-12" Amazon link to paste in your browser:
http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Ch...
Now that I've read some other responses, I see that I'm the 3rd to reference it!

Hi S.,

the only advice i would tell you is to BE CONSISTENT with him. i have a two and a half year old boy and its hard!! i know! my second son was born a few months ago and since then my older one has been acting out alot more. stick with your rules and be consistent, if you say no to something once then say NO to it again. dont lose hope! it gets better, as soon as they know that you mean NO or YES to something they will start to listen better.
good luck!

We are taking a class now based on Dr. Becky Bailey's book, "Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline". It's been a breakthrough for us in parenting our 2 year-old daughter. Some of it seems corny, but the basic tenets are incredibly helpful and have brought (relative) calm to our house.

Dear S. J,
I found myself in the same boat (and still do) . Recently my sister in law sent me a DVD course called the "Essentials of Discipline: Whats okay, What;s not and What works" Its really solid and has sound advice that is balanced. I have appreciated the tips, background, and feedback.

Good Luck!

Years ago a preschool I worked with sponsored a presentation by a team called Faber Mazlish. These two women have a book called How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk that is indexed by the kinds of common occurrences you face. They focus on building communication (obviously) and eliminating the battle of wills. I found it enlightening and restorative. I just checked their Web site and they are going strong.

I'm L. Haas of Words That Cook.

S.,

Find out if you have a family network in your area. I work for the Medford Family Network in Medford MA and know that most areas have these types of groups. They are usually affiliated with the local school system or a local hospital. Our MFN offers classes and activities for families and children, all free of charge. We offer a class called Love & Logic which deals with parenting issues. Check your local school and hospitals websites or give them a call.

Good luck and hang on! It does get easier but having some good dsicipline techniques is alway helpful.

J. J

I understand your frustration. I have a 5 year old boy who has high energy and we use different tequniques for discipline as well. Before going to classes, try reading these books first; Indigo Children and Food for the Indigo Children. I tell a lot of people about these books because they include more information about the children of now, as opposed to the way our parents were raised, and maybe even how you and I were brought up. Please keep an open mind when reading these. They will help and will make you children much happier. Please let me know if you need any other help :)

Where are you located S.?????

First of all, hang in there and get yourself some support so you can get a little break when you need it. You are right, parenting is the most difficult and important job we have. Even an hour to get a walk in, a bath or go to the gym will help. It does get better as I have just gone through it and my daughter is now 2 &1/2 and I see glimpses of improvement. They start to understand so much more. There are classses at the Family Network in Marlboro and surrounding towns and if you look in your area I'm sure they have them too. ALso, baby center web sites have lots of info on developmental stages as well as the book "What to Expect the Toddler Years". Good luck and take care of yourself.

Families First in Portsmouth offer terrific parenting classes with free childcare. And they even feed the kids!

When my 7 year old was 2, I could not believe how difficult parenting was. I look back and I'm not sure how I really made it through. I often thought I was on the verge of a breakdown, and just made bad choices in my parenting. Thank goodness for Families First and some basic Magic 1-2-3 techniques!

Just know that you are not alone. Most of us have been there at some point.

Also, I happen to live in Durham NH and there is a wonderful support system of other moms in the Oyster River Parents & Preschoolers group. Sometimes knowing other parents that are going through similar issues at the same time really helps.

Good Luck to You!