Desperately Seeking Advise....

Just so you know it is a really common potty training problem. Some kids get so constipated from holding it in for so long. Poor little guy. Me? I would back off and let him take the lead. He is only 3.

Very common issue! Especially with boys--their "peeing process" is just, well, visible to them. Not mysterious.

Explain poop to him.
The name of where the poop comes from.
That it's not part of him.
That it's his body's waste.
That it needs to go into the toilet.

Sometimes they have weird fears about poo!
Good luck!

Normal.

I agree with Lucia's advice -- back off and let him take the lead -- but if the daycare is having an issue with it I don't know what to tell you.

If the daycare is willing to train him, then just let them do what they want to do, but at home, let him wear a diaper and stop trying to potty train him and do what he wants. He will be ready at some point.

Like I always say, he won't be going to high school graduation in a diaper...

My first son wouldn't poop either. He seemed scared and would go and hide in his room to go. I would run in and grab him and put him on the toilet and he wouldn't go. I finally had to take him to the ped. because he went days without going! I called my mom and here's what she said...
Hold him above the toilet and have him put his feet on the toilet seat. Squat him down over the seat. Gravity will take care of the rest.
And don't ya know...the boy pooped. I held onto him so he wasn't balancing and it just came right out.
He isn't throwing up because he has to poop. The feces is not in his stomache and that's what is thrown up. He is probably nervous or scared and that's what's making him barf.
L.

I don't have any good advice for you but I did attend a potty training seminar that was put on by Swell Being and the woman who gave the seminar was great. I am not sure if they might be able to help.
http://www.swellbeing.com/

Good luck - I hope your little guy can get things moving again!

We just went through this same thing with our daughter.

They had us put miralax in a cup on any drink. 1 T. per cup once or twice a day.

She was a night pooper. She would get so constipated and then it would hurt so bad to poop it would wake her out of a sound sleep. Then she WOULD really be scared because she was afraid it would hurt. The miralax may make it soft enough that he starts pooping at night when his little body relaxes.

I don'know if this will help you or not, but when my daughter was acting scared to poop, because it had been a while since she had, it turned out she just wanted to be alone when she pooped. One day, after several days of not pooping, I had to leave her in the bathroom by herself to take care of my son, her younger brother, for a few minutes and sure enough she pooped. I asked her if she just wanted to be alone to poop and she nodded yes. I am not saying every kid wants to be alone, but some just need a little privacy.

Two ideas:

Read him the book

Try having a pooping party with his toys and stuffed animals. Use lumps of clay, brown jelly beans, chocolate kisses, whatever you have to represent poop. Have all the toys line up beside a bowl, yogurt tub, or whatever and take turns pooping. Have them say something like "I need to poop!" or "My turn now!", sit down with pleasure, grunt and wiggle a bit, and drop the 'poop' into the bowl.

Follow up with "Oh, that's better," or "Look, I did a good job, huh?" and then go to the next toy. My grandson loved this game when he was having some difficulty with painful constipation. We'd do the game while he was sitting on the pot.

Fear of losing a piece of oneself is pretty common. If the above suggestions (or other moms' ideas) don't work, it would be a good idea to give him Miralax and take as much adult focus off his pooping as possible for awhile so he doesn't develop painful constipation or worse, encopresis (a much harder physical problem to overcome).

Here's a really comprehensive and well-written website about potty training, with many suggestions and dos and don'ts. It could be your son is being rushed and needs to back off for awhile. It sounds like he's just become completely overwhelmed by the whole businesss. http://www.parentingscience.com/potty-training-tips.html

My baby did the same thing at 16 months. She would pee no problem but would get scared and cry and cry when she had topoop, but wouldn't do it anywhere (diaper or toilet.) I figured maybe she couldn't get a good position to release, and I let her stand over the toilet and over time gently eased her into squatting. Now, at 18 months she sits 99% of the time.

We used M&M's for both kids (girl and boy). We kept a jar in the bathroom and when they pee'd, they got 3, when they pooped they got 6. (they didn't normally get candy so this was a big deal) We made a big deal about this and they were always excited to get M&Ms. I hope you find something that will help him! Good luck.

It all depends on how much prune juice you have tried and how long this has been going on. I would say to try and up his fiber intake and give him as much as 3oz of prune juice. We used to have to give my son 2oz when he was just 1 yo just to go like normal.

We just started potty training too, so as for going in the potty- you will have to check out other responses. I know this is normal thing for kids to go through, but you definitely have to nip it in the bud (or butt so to speak) now. My cousin let her daughter futz around with this part of potty training so long that they have had to go to a specialist recently because of how constipated she gets. Her parents have to give her a weekly enima just to poop!

There are ways to make this work, so keep working on it!! We thought potty training would be easier too since my son is so verbal and follows directions etc... he has the muscle control, but could care less if he is wet!

MamaLucky has good advice. Many kids do feel they are losing something down the toilet and don't have a concept of what feces really are and that they must come out. Plus, he may be frightened of the idea of that gaping hole beneath him as he sits down -- boys can stand to pee and that gives them a sense of control, but when they sit, they feel the air and know there's a hole under them and they feel vulnerable; he may even think he, himself, could "fall down the hole" if he relaxes enough to poop

I'd stop "rushing him to the toilet" as you say -- he may be picking up your sense of urgency and your intense "need" for him to do this, and it's making him scared and resistant, even to doing it in his diaper. I know you're not pressuring him but he is still aware that it's something you want very much. He wants to please you but that's fighting with his fear and the result is he's confused and so uptight.

Also, one other thing -- Do you know exactly how the day care is going about this training when it comes to poop? Is it possible that his fears about it when you are with him stem from how it's being handled in day care? Are they possibly pressuring him too much, even yelling or getting testy if he doesn't produce, or criticizing when he poops in whatever he's wearing (pullup or whatever)? They won't necessarily tell you that, of course, but I'd try to find out. He may be having a bad experience with how they're handling it which is making him more afraid -- and that has the effect of making it harder for him to "perform on command." I would talk to them seriously about what is going on and I'd question whether he's under too much pressure there to poop in the toilet when he's not ready yet.

This sort of happened with my son and it becomes a vicious cycle if you don't get him going regularly. My son would hold it in, and then become constipated, and then when he did finally go, it would hurt him and he would become even more scared of going, hold it in, etc. We used Miralax every day until he was completely regular and over any issues. We used it for almost a year. It wasn't my favorite option, but it worked the best. Good luck!

My son was starting to show signs of this too, so I used a bit of Pedia-Lax to force the issue. He was on the potty and couldn't hold it so he obviously went. After experiencing that it was not a big deal, he was better with it.

I've also experienced what Jennifer did. Sometimes (usually, actually) if I'm in the bathroom with my son when he is trying to go, he's too distracted by me. I have to leave him some privacy and he does much better.

You said the daycare started potty training. Is this because they have a schedule that he has to conform to? What do they do at daycare for the pooping issue?
The fact that he is this scared about it is a red flag. My boy and girl both had issues with getting the poop part trained, but they were never scared like you are describing.
Maybe you need to talk to him about it when he's not in the middle of pooping/trying? Get to a nice safe place and have a gentle conversation with him about it. Let him take the lead, but try to gently guide it. It may take a few times before he'll really open up and tell you the reason he is scared. This is a good opportunity for you to lay the basis for open communication with your child. Good luck!!

My daughter was afraid to poop at my grandma's for some reason, and we were there for over a week. Finally, the only thing that would get her to go was for me to go in front of her. Have you shown him (or your husband), by example how to go poop in the potty? Maybe if he saw you guys going and knew that it wouldn't hurt you in any way, he'd be less afraid.

Try Miralax (with the approval of the Peditrician)

Good luck

In my Child Development classes, they said that some kids (mostly boys)
can have a major issue with this because they feel a part of them is
going going down the toilet.
While we know that NEEDS to happen, they don't get it yet.
They can hold onto it until they make themselves sick. Eventually it has
to come out.
It's also a control thing.
I say keep trying. Boys mature slower than girls so they are ready to poo later (older) than girls are. I've heard the age for boys to pee/poo freely
is about 3 - 3 1/2 (4 in some cases). He will get there. I mean my hubby did, right? (Just a little humor.) ;)
We are trying to use the "reward" system offering up a new small toy for his first time pooping in the toilet. He's just not there developmentally yet.
Keep trying!