Desperatly Need Some Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How new is the separation. She probably is reacting to that
and is just looking for attention. However her behavior
is unacceptable. If she acts up at home, just remove her
from the room where you are. In stores, as hard and unfair
it is to the other two, you need to tell her if she keeps
it up, we are leaving and follow thru. That is the hard
part. As far as wetting herself, make her get washed up
get clean panties and just take care of herself. Good luck.

When she is tantruming in the store just wheel her out to the car and go home. Warn her ahead of time that if she behaves this way you will just leave without purchasing anything. Remove her from her siblings when she is tantrumming and walk away. Just make sure she cannot injure herself where ever she is. If she tears aroom apart she is to clean it up. Let her know that she is responsible for her actions. If she wants to get dressed when she wakes up let HER do it. she is old enough to do it herself. Make some things her responsibility, in the store give her a list of things to pick up and put in the cart, have her help make a list before you go. But be firm when you go to the store that you will leave if there is a tantrum. It will be extra work for you but consistenancy is the key. When she pees on herself make her clean herself up and the floor if need be. Explain to her she is old enough to understand when mom says no it is for a reason, and tell her what it is, not in great detail just that is not what we came for. Go with a list. And stick to it. Be prepared! Good Luck!

Has there been any recent changes in her life? It sounds like the normal behavior of this age is being intensified by stress. As everyone has said a lot of this behavior is typical but your daughter response seems a little extreme. Emotions can be difficult at this age and you might want to help her recognize what she is feeling and offer acceptable ways to express those feelings. Consistency is key for you and how you react to her tantrums. Nobody seem to address the peeing in the pants which is something I would talk to your doctor about just to make sure nothing is wrong.

Her father has nothing to do with it. It's all in your discipline. If you say no and she starts up in the store, tell her either she stops or you will leave the store. If she doesn't stop leave all your stuff and take her out of the store. If she does it at home ignore her. When she throws herself on the floor, walk away. Eventually she will get that your not giving in to her and she will stop. Even if her father stops giving in to her, the tantrums won't stop. She will still do it. If she says she hates you, ignore it. If she says daddy let me have it, tell her your not daddy. When your with me it's my rules. What she does with him isn't going to change how she will act when she is with you.

I read your request and your bit about you - and it sounds like your daughter is feeling a lot of stress. At 3 years old all children's personalities are becoming independent and "testing" as they figure out how they fit into the world.
In your request I felt like she sounded like most 3 year olds. But in your bit at the end where you mentioned she's swearing, hitting, screaming without reason - that tells me she's worried. Kids are extremely intuitive and can sense adults' stress. In my opinion, she feels out of control of everything (which most 3 year olds are) and so she is behaving this way.
When she acts out, remove her from the situation - or try to distract her. Once she is calm, then talk about it - explain very simply that you are happy to help her get dressed that she needs to be patient and wait her turn. Then make sure you spend some time with her at some point later - so she gets some individual attention. This could be as simple as sitting on the couch with a book she picks out - or singing a song together. Catch her when she's doing something the way she's supposed to - no matter how little - so that you can praise her. Don't go over the top - just a "Thanks for waiting your turn for snack - I can tell you'd like one too. Good job at being patient." She needs to pointedly experience positive attention from you and when kids are acting out a lot it may be difficult to find a time when they can receive that - so jump on it.
This is the age that kids are learning how to cope - how to handle situations that make them mad, sad, etc. At this age, emotion overwhelms their actions - and we as parents need to help them learn how to cope with those emotions and react appropriately.
The peeing in her pants could be anything from stress, growth spurt, wanting attention. I'm guessing it's stress.
Good luck. Take deep breaths and remember she's only 3. She loves you and just needs some direction and help coping.

First off, don't reward her for bad behavior buy purchasing gifts to get her to calm down.

My 3 year old is at this stage too. She flips out when it's time to leave daycare or go to bed. When she's screaming and crying, I just look at her and ask if she's done. This throws her off and she settles down.

I have three older children and I let baby girl know that I have already been through this and she is not my first child.

Dear K.,

It sounds like you 3 year old is actually responding to the changes in her life. She is unhappy about the separation and is acting out to get attention and control something in her life. She can't control most everything else, but she can control you through her actions. My best advice is to get her and your whole family in to counseling quick. Being able to talk about things will be of some help. Secondly, be firm with her - loving but firm. Establish rules and don't back down. Don't try to be her friend, you are her Mom . As much as it hurts, you will have to take a hard line if you are going to get anywhere with your 3yo. Set ground rules and if she crosses them, give firm consequences. Next work on a positive chart that rewards good behavior. If you want her to use the potty, give her a sticker each time she does. Tell her if she goes all day on the potty without accidents, she gets something she wants. Remember, most of all she needs to be assured of your love and commitment from her. She is testing you to see how far she can go. Don't let control you with bad behavior. If she screams, send her to her room. Close the door and keep her there until she calms down. If she is violent with you or her sibblings, give sever consequences. If you let her get away with it, she will increase the negative behavior. She really wants to see what you will do. Good luck to you. I know this is not easy but if you are strong in your convictions, you and she will get through it. Take care, G.

Hi K.,

I went through the same thing when my son was little (he's 24 now) The one thing I learned about that type of personality was to set the rules and boundaries before entering a store. And keep reminding them each time. I would tell him for example, "Today we are just going to the store for x we can not get a toy, and if you act up we will leave" and then I would follow through. As far as getting dressed and other situations try to give a 5 minute warning. Tell her in five minutes she will have to get dressed or whatever it is you want her to do. When she acts up just ignore her behavior. When she hits her sisters put her in a time out and make sure she sits there. When she says I hate you do not respond to her. It sounds like she is feeling the effects of the separation and is looking for attention. Children do not know how to express their feelings in these situations so they act out. I am not suggesting her behavior is acceptable I am just saying she is obviously reaching out. I know how difficult it is to be a single mom I was for a short time as well. I think her dad needs to get on board here and not play good cop bad cop. There are no winners in divorce so he needs to participate in raising his children and try to be consistent with what you are doing. Try to explain to him that even though you are not together you will be co-parenting for the rest of their lives so you need to be on the same page. I would try to set some time aside to just be with her each day so she can get the attention from you she seems to be needing. I am sure it is difficult with three children and being separated but I would try. Even if it is a bedtime story and a few extra hugs each day. Hang in there it will get better!!

My boys have been incredibly motivated by sticker charts.
I have one now for my 4-year old who has been acting like a baby lately (we have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and he sees the attention they're getting when they act like babies). So to encourage big-boy behavior, he gets a sticker for doing big-boy things: walking into school by himself, dressing himself, brushing his own teeth, etc.
My 3-year old has had potty trouble lately as well so we give him a sticker for every time he goes. He was totally potty trained for a month and then just stopped! We started the charts a week ago and they have both been great! No potty accidents in 3 days (even at night) and my 4-year old is such a big boy and great helper now.
Oh - the reward will be Chuck E Cheese, or a fun playspace of their choice once the charts are full..

just turn around and leave the store.. put her in the car.. and ignore her as you drive home. don't say anything.. she wants to get your attention.. and by you not responding.. she will stop screaming.. tell her the next time you go to the store she will stay with the mean lady down the block if she acts up.. (just point to a house.. and say the mean old lady lives there and she will watch her while you go shopping ... this should work. I used to tell me son when he wouldn't eat his veggies.. that the alligater was coming.. and he would bite his feet.. if he didn't eat just a little ... it worked... good luck

Maybe your daughter is reacting to the seperation? Maybe visiting a child-life therapist would be helpful in this adjustment.

what has her daycare teacher or babysitter said about her behavior? have you shared your concerns with her pediatrician -- what did s/he say?

it could always be something else but before going there tyr to incorporate some behavior modification that Dr. phil or the Nanny might recommend. it may seem silly but i get help from all sources :) go to their websites and see if you can incorporate some of their suggestions into your daily routine.

Good luck