Diaper & Clothing Changes

My sister had this issue with her son. They found that he was Autistic with sensory issues. It's not normal and having to hold them down we were told makes it worse and can lead to other issues as well.

Not what you want to hear but you need to look into this more than just a blog. My younger son did the same thing. It was because of sensory intgration problems. He has PDD ADHD and a mess of other issues like the sensory problems. He was around 6 months old before I could get him to sleep without swaddling. He just was more comfortable tied up like a football. Baths only became a non-issue a couple years ago and he was seven.

good luck

Maybe she's ready to be potty trained. Have you tried putting her on the potty? My daughter was completely potty trained, even at night, by the time she was 18 months old. This might be her way of letting you know she's ready. Good luck.

Have you spoke to your child's peditrician about this? It sounds like something hurts when you change her. I would talk to your doctor right away about this.

I waited to see what kind of responses you got before I offered mine. I have thought about it and considered what other moms have written.

First of all as her mother I would say that you know her better than any one. You know her pain cry and you know her fit cry. Every mother knows these are very different cries. You have already identified this as a fit cry.

My niece did the very same thing, she hated being changed and it was a fight each and every time. She is in her teens now and a perfectly happy child. Her mother got to the point that you are at now and she had some one give her some very good advice.

If it is only a fit, then treat it as a fit. Dont get upset about what is happening. As an infant she probably did not like getting cold, and felt insecure as her clothes were removed. As a toddler it may have become a habit, this is the way we behave when our clothes are being changed. It is normal for her, she has always done it and she knows no better.

The advice of this older woman about my niece was this. Talk to her the whole time you are changing her. Tell her that her diaper is dirty and she is going to be changed. Tell her it wont take long and just change her. If her she is dirty it might be easier to stand her in the tub and rinse her off than to try to lay her down. Either way, talk to her. As you go through the process of changing her give her choices. Would you like to wear this shirt or that shirt, if she doesnt choose, you choose. Try to give her as much control as she can have without giving in to the fit.

The first few times my niece kicked and hit like usual. My sister in law then decided to give her a sucker, while she was changing her. It kept her hands and her mouth busy. Then she began talking to her, although she fussed about it, she did let her change her. It was never pleasant or enjoyable, but it did get better for them.

My niece had developed a habit, and breaking the habit took weeks. They did break it though. She would tell her it was time to get changed and ask her to go get a diaper, my niece would go and get one. She also left out several shirts and pants, with in reach, she would go and get those as well. She became a part of the process instead of being the object of the process. She still cried if it took too long, but eventually she got better at it.

I am sorry this is happening. I know it must be hard but some where along the line she has decided that it is unpleasant. In my own mind I think that as it became more difficult for you it became harder to keep her still and you needed to restrain her. This made it more difficult for her and it was a vicious cycle. Break the cycle, dont fight with her. Dont give in either.

From this point forward decide that it is no longer a fight. It is like everything else you do. No one likes to clean a bathroom but we do it. You may not like what is happening but just do it, no fighting, no arguing, just talking the whole time. If she cooperates that is great and tell her how great she is doing. If she doesnt cooperate, just keep going.

I hope this helps, it does get better. As she gets older and communicates easier, it will get better.

My son went through this at about this age. I;m not saying he doesn't wiggle now, but as he has gotten older, it has gotten easier.

I wonder if your anxiety is feeding hers. Perhaps spending a few minutes holding, calming, and rocking before the diaper change will help to make it a less anxious experience for you both. Best of luck.

My mom taught us how to do the Patty Cake when she would change our diapers, so we had something to keep our hands busy. I actually did this with my oldest. I can't say I ever had the problems that you are having. I might try making a game out of it. Set a timer and tell her, "Let's see if we can get you diaper/clothes changed before it goes off. Let's hurry." Or try having her help you get her clothes on. My little on is very independent and wants to do it on his own. Maybe she wants to do more. I don't know if this will help at all, but I hope you find something.

Hi,

I know all kids go thru stages of not wanting their clothes & diapers changed but your daughter is the extreme and I don't know what to think. Have you spoke to her pediatrician about it? I'm thinking some type of therapy or couseling would be where I'd head. She needs something for her & for you both. I'm sure things can improve you just need some proffesional guidance to ge there. If her Dr can't or won't help find another Dr or someone else you do need help here and there has to be some way to improve things. Keep at it till you find the help you need!

Good luck!

L.

Audra - this must be horribly frustrating and I really feel for you. I have never heard of such a thing going on for so long, but since she's done this all her life, even as a newborn, it can't be a discipline issue. Perhaps by now it's habit. But then again, she can't be very happy about her behavior - it doesn't sould like she's enjoying the fit. Maybe you have to think that there is something about the diaper changing that is painful to her. At this point, it would be hard to determine what exactly that is, such as having her legs in that position, because she's probably having her fit as soon as you lay her down for the change because she knows what's coming. I think I would consider the possibility that she either has extremely sensitive skin or the act of diaper changing is causing her some kind of pain. I would ask your pediatrician about it and make him/her listen and understand that this isn't just a phase, bus has happened each and every diaper change since birth. If her doctor blows you off and won't check into it or do an MRI or something, then find another doctor. I would want to rule out any medical issue before figuring out what else to do. And the stand up diaper change is probably a good idea - that and buy her clothes that are soft, loose and easy to get on and off. Please let us all know what happens. I'll pray for you.

'Sounds like your child has some very real "Sensory Problems" What has your pediatrician said about this? This is not normal by any mans. G.

late response... she probably senses your anxiety and is playing on it. I know one thing doesn't work for everybody, but I read in a parenting newsletter that our children are testing their 'yes' and 'no' boundaries, almost a question of if you say 'no' and I should listen then why don't you listen when I say 'no'. They actually used the diaper change as a specific example... they said respect their use of 'no'... it sounds terrible, but really it worked for my daughter. She said 'no' to changing it and I said okay, but it's going to make your bottom burn... after about 15min I think it started bothering her and she said she was ready to change it. She still tries 'no' now and then and once she got some diaper rash from it, but I just remind her of that time and how her bottom hurt and she changes it; I figure one episode of diaper rash vs. a fight with every change was probably worth it for both us. If we're in public, I just take her to the changing area (bathroom, whatever) and remind her of her sore bottom and explain that we can't leave the changing area until she changes it, because no one else should have to smell her stinky diaper; a few minutes hanging out in a bathroom and she's ready. It's much easier to wait on her a little while then it is to fight with her; plus i don't feel like I'm bribing her. And, no, my daughter has not suffered from frequent diaper rash or anything else by using this method... if your daughter has extra sensitive skin or something like that it might not be healthy, but you can give it a shot & be the judge of how it works from how long it takes, etc. Maybe it will work for you... good luck.

here's a very late in the day response: I agree that this is not "normal, whatever normal should be". I'm really leaning toward the sensory end of things, & highly recommend pursuing the medical end of it. BUT, only you can determine whether or not this is a discipline issue or something more serious.

That said, in the interim, what about using a battery-operated hand-held spinning/light-up toy...there are several on the market (available at WalM & ToysRus) & are pretty much shaped like a flashlight or ice cream cone. This type of toy usually engages the most active of wiggle worms. As a childcare provider, I use this type of toy regularly.

Ohhhh.... This does sound troubling. How is she when you aren't changing or dressing her? Does she have other problems you are starting to see like running too much or climbing obsessively?

I'm asking because you do need to figure out if it's just personality she'll grow out of or if it is a discipline problem. Is she the type of kid that never sits still no matter what? Could you sit still in church with her?

If it's a personality situation...not sure I want to call it a problem if it's truly just personality... You could be headed toward ADHD. We certainly saw some rambunctious and even obsessive issues with my 3rd daughter even before a year of age. If it is her personality then being real tough on her isn't going to help much.

If it is a discipline issue I'd start with a light swat on her bottom. It could get her attention.

But here's an idea to try first. How about you change her standing up? My mother does this because she feels it's faster with older kids. It drives me crazy to watch her. But in a pinch I've done it when I was in a hurry and had a child in a pull-up that isn't potty training well.
You could put your 1 year old in a small pull up. Then you just hold her up, rip those pants off, put her on her feet, rip the sides and put her legs through the new pull-up after wiping her, all while she's standing.

a lot of good responses but i thought i'd add my two cents. first- mine is a boy and LOVES cars, trains, etc, so when i put his pants on him i tell him, put your foot through the tunnel! and make a motor noise, and he likes that. maybe you can introduce dolls to your daughter and show her how to dress and undress them. even give her one while you're changing her? somehow make it fun and make her think about it differently.

my other thought was, this seems pretty extreme. i'm not sure this is a simple case of being antsy, it sounds like she generally is afraid of being changed, and i would probably have a serious talk with her doctor about it. but that's just me. it doesn't sound like your normal active 1 year old just being a wiggle worm. good luck.

Have you checked to see if she has "sensory integration" issues? Some children truly cannot bear to have their skin touched. The fact she has done this since she was an infant sounds like a deeper problem than behaviorally. A very good book on this subject is "The Out of Sync Child" by Carol Kranowitz. If she has some tactile defensiveness, there are therapies that can do wonders.

WOW, I wish I had a magic answer for you. My daughter has done this on and off and it has made me crazy at times, so I'm sure you are desperate for help. At two, she sometimes still fights it and I try to solve that by changing her is different places...on the floor, in front of the tv, even facing the other way on her changing table. But the fact that your daughter has ALWAYS freaked out for diapers or clothes is unusual. Most kids do go through stages when they don't like it, but you're dealing with an extreme...sounds like something else is going on. When my daughter was small, laying her on her back made her upset because of her reflux...does your daughter lay on her back at other times without issues? If so, than it's not a position problem, but if she's never on her back, I would talk to the pediatrician about that. Otherwise it seems like it would be some kind of sensory issue...that it has to do with being cold or being touched and manipulated (dressed), but you might see signs of that at other times. Look up Sensory Processing Disorder or Sensory Integration Dysfunction and see if any of that seems to fit, but I don't have any experience with it, so don't let me get you freaked out about that. I don't think of behavior issues if she's done it since birth. Also, if your pediatrician dismisses it and you think there is something wrong, PLEASE get a second (or third or fourth) opinion. Pediatricians can tend to brush things off as normal, but they aren't in your shoes, and moms know their kids best. Good luck to you...I think I would have lost my mind by now. Here's a link I found with some info:
http://evansmom.mwpmommyblogs.com/?page_id=74

I think there are lots of good distractions offered. The thing to keep in mind is that some children have extreme personalities and your daughter may be one of them. My son has one of those personalities. Diaper changes and potty training was a challenge.

We have limited television viewing but I think diaper changes was one of those times when we did use it as a distraction. At a very early age I would ask him to choose between two outfits giving him some control. If you buy a brand of diaper that has several images you could ask her to choose between two prints. As others said any distraction like music, games, etc. will sometimes help. Something to keep the hands occupied. Establishing rituals and routines are good. Despite the fact that it is a pain for you, you want to make it as pleasant an experience as possible for her so that she won't see diaper changing as a negative time.

Your child is only one. She may just be a strong willed child. Don't take it personally and don't worry about what other parents think. If it is her personality she may perform spectacularly many times during her life in many different environments despite your parenting skills. Our family friends have fond memories of my husband and I trying to chase my son around a tent on a camping trip to change a dirty diaper.

A one year old does not have the capability of being empathetic or apathetic. If she has always been this way than I doubt it is a discipline issue. However, one year olds do have the need to have control over their environment and their body. I wasn't sure from your paragraph - do you change her standing up or lying down? Sometimes changing them in a standing position can work. They may be a moving target but sometimes it gives them more of a sense of control and there is less of a struggle. I even changed my son holding him upright facing outward. Some kids don't like to lie down.

You mentioned control in your paragraph. This is the optimum word. Kids need to feel some sort of sense of control even if it is in limited quantities that you are doling out.

When you have children with extreme personalities it is easy for people to offer a diagnose to fix it. Perhaps she has some of the before mentioned disorders perhaps not. Either way, it may be her personality. If all else fails let her go naked. Before you know it she will be 2 and it will be a whole different set of challenges. In the mean time you might try reading the Happiest Toddler on the Block. If you find that later you see some strong willed traits read some positive discipline books geared toward strong willed kids or the Love and Logic books.

What kind of diapers do you use? I used cloth and noticed he preferred certain textures. However, since he isn't night trained at 5 we use underjams at night. He said the goodnights/huggies we bought him were rough and hurt him. The underjams are better. He's worn pampers and said they were softer too. He does have sensory issues so at that age I had sure EVERYTHING was soft, washed cotton (like no brand new clothes on him) and I inspected for seams. He often wore zip up PJs since he loved them as day clothes. He became more tolerant as he got older but at 1- if he would wear it- I didn't care.

I had a child that way and many a time in the house he ran around with nothing on or potty pants. Since he didn't like to be changed we purchased a potty chair and began working with sitting on that, he was trained early. We did several different things that worked some of the time but not others... sometimes a reward would work (let M. change your diaper and you may have a cookie/small candy), also when I knew it was time to change him I would sit on the floor and we would sing and play "this little piggy" and I would try and change him while singing and getting toes. Don't stress out about it, the more stress you show the more they play off of it. Do the best you can and don't feel bad or let anyone make you feel bad because of it! If they think they can do better... Let them try it!
P.S. These are the easy times! Enjoy them!!! L. B

Audra,

I agree with Renee. It sounds like your daughter could be doing this because she is associating the diaper change to some type of pain stimulus. I would not only tell your pediatrician about this, but I would demonstrate this to him/her. If she acts this way every single time, then you can easily show your doc. I, too, will pray for you. Let us know what your doc thinks. Hugs, J..

I know of a little boy that also had this issue. He has breathing issues, and so it is uncomfortable for him to lay down. My son does the same when he is having a breathing issue in the AM from his apnea. But, they never arch their back. This type of crying and arching usually has to do with pain. I would have some kind of specialist take a look at her, because THIS is not normal. It could be her hips (does she walk yet?) It could be gastric reflux, does she spit up a lot in the past? Does she have breathing issues? She could be super sensitive to touch. I would have her checked out. And, no, it isn't a discipline issue.

Maybe on the changing clothes let her help she's probably getting at the age to like to do that. On the diaper maybe is you don't feel stressed about it and just relax then maybe she will it almost sounds like she can sense your tension about it and does not like it. Make it fun tickle her or sing something to distract her while you do it. I whs I oculd be more help my babies are 13 and 8 but trying to remember what we did with the kids I watched in childcare. Good Luck!

Your the first one that I've heard of that has had more trouble than me!! My daughter was the same way - since birth. She was only 5lb 13oz when born and would fight and scream when the nurses changed her, they even said they had never seen a little one like that and this lasted pretty much until she was potty trained. Wish I could help, but I too had to have my hubby hold down our little angel while I changed her. But I will tell you - someday they will be potty trained and then at least you only have to get them to change their clothes once a day. Good luck!

Couple of things we have tried for our kids. First, I make up silly songs as I'm changing and that seems to have distracted them most of the time. The other we did was hang some toys from the ceiling that make noise and press the button when changing so my son focuses on that instead of trying to get away from the diaper change. still it's often a wrestling match.