5 Years Old Girl Still Refuse to Poop in the Toilet

Hi Wendy,

Faced this myself with my son. The solution that worked for me was to keep him (at home) diaper and underwear free and suddenly he realized if he had nowhere to go( in his pants or diaper), he went to the toilet. It took a couple of days but worked like a charm!

We got help from a behavioral specialist dealing with pooping issues! We followed his steps exactly and in a matter of a few weeks we had success! One thing that we had to remember is to be VERY positive, even praising him for just sitting on the toilet with nothing coming out. Rewards need to be done every time - whatever you chose, stay consistent. Good luck on this very frustrating issue. The behaviorists can be expensive but worth every penny.

Maybe try having her sit on the toilet with her diaper on to get used to it? and then eventually take away the diaper?

I had the exact same problem with one of the kids I nanny for (same age and everything.) His Mom didn't seem as concerned as you though. I swear, he'd probably be pooping in his diaper still (at 12) if I hadn't addressed it.
I waited until the parents went on vacation for 2 weeks in Europe.
The first day they were gone, I waited until the little boy had to poop. He would always ask me to get him a diaper to poop in. Then I simply told him changing his diaper made me feel like I was going to throw up because he is a big boy with big boy poops. I said it would be like changing his Dad's diaper. He laughed, but then characteristically realized what that meant and then threatened to poop on the floor. I told him if he pooped on the floor that he'd be cleaning that up himself. Then I led him by the hand to the toilet. He literally sat there for about 40 minutes with his arms crossed and then I guess he couldn't hold it anymore. I made a big deal about it (acting real excited) and threw him a mini poop party that night (we just had a little ice cream, but we decorated the house with streamers.) He never asked for a diaper again. I continued to be real excited for a couple of weeks and I guess that was enough of a self esteem boost for him to comply.
Hope this story somehow helps.

Sounds like she can do it. Sounds like you need to go cold turkey with the pull ups and just deal with the mess. Also peer pressure might get her into going in the potty if she has an accident around others. I think the doctor might say the same thing if he thinks there isnt a physical problem.

Hi there,

I was like that as a child so when my son did the same thing, I used the wisdom from my childhood. Sometimes, hard stools is part of the problem, so having these kids sit on the potty as practice, demoralizes them and is not going to work anyway. Check the poops - if they're slightly firm, they are much harder to pass. Pooping or peeing at school can also be an anxiety issue - another reason not to get into a power struggle over it.

I got my son to take mineral oil once a day, with juice chasers or candy, to soften his stools up first -- we did that for a few weeks before the first poop success. I told him that for the first 3 poops in the potty, we would go immediately out to the toy store and he could spend $10 each time. I also predicted he would be successful, and backed off. I told him when he was ready, and his stools were soft, I had total confidence that he would do it. I stopped my hand-wringing and lecturing and relaxed.

He eventually did his first (soft) poop, we went to the store and bought the toy (it had never worked to have rewards in the house.) Another poop, another toy, the third poop, another toy. After that, he realized that pooping on the potty was fine and felt proud and did not need rewards. He would still never poop at school, in kindergarten. Now its no longer an issue, anytime, anywhere.

I had had these issues for several years because of the power struggle element and not realizing the mineral oil was key (that constipation was part of it.) Thus, I was very willing to bribe my child to prevent an on-going problem. He is is an anxious child, so I think I made the right choice -- intuitively. You can't talk a kid out of anxiety -- only successful life experiences convince them that they don't need to be afraid/ tense anymore -- that they can do something.

D

I agree w/the other moms. I also say, get rid of the diapers completely. Make the goal her 5th b-day & tell her once that day arrives, she needs to poop on the potty & you aren't buying anymore diapers. Between now & then, start some kind of reward/star chart. Come up w/an amount she needs to earn & a reward. If you catch her 'assuming the position' run her to the toilet & have her sit there. If she makes poopy on the potty, she gets a star & lotsa praise. I say even praise her for just sitting on the potty. If/when she does poop in her pants/diaper have her clean it up but don't make a huge deal over it. Gently tell her you're disappointed she pooped in her pants cuz that's not what big girls do & say no more on the subject, leaving her to clean up after herself. I also say to talk w/your ped about it & have her checked out just to rule ou any other issues. I used to work w/a boy who in 1st grade, still pooped his pants. He just didn't feel that sensation of needing to poop but did have it for needing to pee. If there is no underlying problem, then the key is to stay strong & consistent. Once the diapers are gone that's it, do not give in & buy more! She may not poop for a few days so keep offering her fruits & water, but she'll figure it out soon enough. Hope this helps & good luck!

Hi Wendy,

I don't think you're going to like my answer :O) I used this on my son when he started to regress a little last year.

It's sounds like you've been the most loving and patient mom throughout the last 2 years. At 5 years old, she needs to take some accountability for her accidents. She knows how to use the toilet perfectly, she's just afraid like most kids are to poop in the toilet. So, she does what she's comfortable doing and she knows you will be right there for her to clean it all up, as a patient mom always does.

Well, I would lovingly "turn the tables". The next time this happens, you need to say, "AAAwwww, I'm sorry honey, here let me get you some clean panties. There you go sweetie, and here's the wipee's, now go ahead and clean yourself like mommy does. I'll wait for you in the kitchen while I do dishes.." Shut the door and go do the dishes.....or something else to make you look, sound and feel too busy to "care" what's going on in the bathroom :o)

After a couple of times of cleaning herself up, she'll attempt to use the potty for sure!

Just have everything she needs to clean easily....underwear, wipee's, whatever. Then, when she's frustrated, don't forget to remind her "It's ok honey, soon you will go poop in the toilet and you won't have to clean this up anymore"

It worked for me when my son regressed last year. He was 4, but he was at an age where he could totally understand my feelings. I never raised my voice, and made it sound like he was in trouble. I only sounded "sorry" and "helpful". I had everything ready in the bathroom in the little "side cabinet". He went in there by himself to change himself and clean up until he perfected his "poo poo timing". He still waits until the last minute, but there aren't any accidents to clean up anymore :o) He just needed the "push" to figure things out for himself.

She's already trained her body to go poop when she gets home.....she can easily go in the potty.....just "make her"

Good Luck!
:o) N.

Hi Wendy,

I hate to say it, but by reading your email I would say that your daughter is manipulating you. She is getting some form of attention by not pooping in the toilet that she wants. Maybe it's a desire to not fully grow up and let the diaper go, or a dynamic that goes on in your house. But my experience with potty/poop training a 4 year old is that they need to sit on the toilet for as long as it takes. If you know she always does her poops in the evenings, have her sit there until it is all the way out, no exceptions. If she thinks she can get away with it and get her diaper on minutes later, she will continue the patter. Most likely she has mixed emotions about growing up as so many little ones do. This is a last ditch effort to hold on to the past. Do yourself a favor, be strong and have her sit on the toilet for as long as it takes. My 4 year old step daughter will be on the toilet sometimes for 20-30 minutes as she is still practicing letting her sphincter muscles relax, so don't think it has to happen straight away.

Good luck to you, be strong and be in charge. 5 years old is really plenty old enough to be off a diaper completely, and you are the one that can help her to see that she doesn't need that security blanket anymore.

Cheers

I had the same problem with my third child and it seemed unsurmountable because you feel so at a loss of what to do. The Pediatrician told me that when they poop in a diaper or something close to their bodies they don't feel a loss; however, when they poop in a void like a toilet and hear the "plop" they feel they are losing part of their body. I thought that sounded quite weird at the time, but I started putting him on a baby toilet chair and didn't put any water in the little container and it worked.
I can't remember how long it took to get him on the toilet but at least with the baby chair he could go in and sit by himself. I think he just matured enough eventually that he wanted to be a "big boy". I hope this helps. L.

Hi Wendy,
Could your little girl by constipated?
What worked for me was playing a game. We put happy face stickers on a calender and I bought little prizes and let him pick from a treasure chest.

Good luck
K.

My sister went through this with my niece. What finally worked was getting rid of all the diapers in the house, giving my niece a mild children's laxative (she held it in for two days because she didn't have a diaper) and waiting for nature to happen. My sister also let her run around the house naked so she wouldn't go in her panties. When she couldn't hold it anymore and there were no diapers (or panties) she had to no choice but to go in the potty. She never had a problem since! I think she was just scared about that first time. Good luck!

You can't really force these issues. With my son who is now 8, it took him until he was about 5 until he didn't have any poop accidents. He would hold it and wind up going in his pants. He could and would go on the potty, but would just hold it as long as possible. Part of his issue was hard stools. I see that addressed by others who wrote. We got him regular using Miralax and that that seemed to help him. I have to admit though I think what finally got him over the final hurdle was the fact that his younger brother who was 3 at the time was going into the potty and never having an accident. I had to finally tell him that even his little brother could do this. He quickly got over it. I think for him though half the battle was that he was worried it would hurt when he went so he would hold it in. This doesn't seem to be the same isssue, but still it did take him a while to do this on his own.

Is there something that she really likes that you can use as an incentive to try it on the potty? LIke a special toy she wants from the store or something? Some kids need a little extra encouragement to get things rollling and once he has done it a few times she will be good to go. The one thing I do know is that they all eventually get over it and the other thing is that it takes time and lots of patience. I look back at all the struggles and sometimes I feel bad about pushing him so much at times. Good luck!

My husband and I had this problem with our son. We never went back to diapers though. What we did was that we kept an eye out for signs that he was going to go poo, or needed to go poo. Usually when he would run and hide, we new that it was time for him to go poo. He did have a lot of accidents, and what we ended up doing was having him wash his underwear at the bathroom sink. Eventually he stopped pooping in his underwear because he did not want to clean them anymore. But then when he started school, it started happening again. This was because the school only allowed the students to use the bathroom at certain times of the day, but since little ones do not have control of there bowels like older children and adults do, he would have accidents. So to resolve this, we had a doctors note to allow him to use the toilet when he needed to go potty, whether or not it was the "allotted time" for potty break during class time. After this was done, and he was allowed to go when he needed to, the accidents stopped.

So maybe try having he clean her underwear when she has these accidents. I know it sounds gross, but it has worked for me, and other parents as well. Keep a chart too, putting stickers on it every time she poos in the potty. And when she does go poo in the potty, make sure to give her lots of praise, and maybe after a week of her going poo in the potty, have a really neat prize for her or something special such as going to the park or ice cream.

Another consideration is maybe she is having hard bowel movements. Feed her less dairy, and feed her more fruits, especially bananas. Other foods that are helpful is flax seed (mix it in with baking), prunes, fiber (such as whole wheat bread and bran cereals), and yogurt (I know I said less dairy, but yogurt does the trick! And it is a yummy treat).

M. *~

You've gotten some good advice. I had the same problem with my daughter. It turned into a huge power struggle (as she is a spirited child.) So, once I stopped getting emotionally worked up over it, it got easier. What worked for us is this:

1) Allow her to poop in a diaper. Make no big deal about it, meaning no criticism or chastisement or anything. But, tell her to let you know when she's big enough to poop in the potty, so that you can give her diapers away to other, smaller kids who still need to poop in diapers.

2) Make sure she's drinking enough water and getting enough fiber so that her poop is soft.

3) Never make her sit on the toilet to poop. That just becomes a power struggle.

4) If she makes a mess, she has to clean it up.

5) Let her know that once she poops on the potty regularly, there will be special things that she can go and do. (For example, off the top of my head, say that the whole family will take a day trip to the Monteray Bay Aquarium once she starts pooping on the potty. Something along those lines. Make it a fun goal, but don't punish her if she doesn't do what you want.)

Just really try to avoid the power struggle. My daughter realized that witholding poop was a way to manipulate me. So, once I put the ball in her court, so to speak, she eventually came around.

Initially when her poop holding began, however, I did have to put her on Miralax for a while so that her poop wouldn't get super-hard and painful. Once she started pooping regularly, I slowly weaned her off of it.

Good luck!

~ E.

Wendy, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this with your child. It's very frustrating and I can tell that you've tried many tactics to encourage your daughter to use the toilet.

I have an 8 year old ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), DD (Developmentally Delayed) child who often used to refuse to use the toilet. Getting her to use the toilet was a true struggle. She had even pooped her pants in class a few times and didn't tell her teacher about it. By the time she'd come home from school, I had a big mess to deal with! The problem with pooping her pants at school is gone, but she still has some occasional toilet problems with both peeing and pooping (she holds it too long) when she "wants to do something else instead".

When asked about it, my daughter spoke of actually having a FEAR of the toilet itself. She thought she would fall in at some point. She also didn't like her legs dangling while sitting on the toilet. This may be playing into your daughter's problem, too. Perhaps you still have your port-a-potty that your daughter could use until the process gets easier for her. If her feet are firmly planted on the ground, she may feel as though she can "let go" more easily.

She may be experiencing some anxiety about letting the poop leave her body, too. Many kids go through this and it is considered relatively normal. They feel as though the toilet is taking something away from them. It seems so far away when they look down into that bowl! They just have to learn to allow themselves to relax and let the waste pass out of their bodies and go into the water. (Some kids are even fearful of the water in the bowl)

Your doctor will be able to give you some ideas as well.
I do hope I've been able to help in some way. Good luck with your little girl. If you need any additional support, you can always send me a message and I'd be more than happy to help out in whatever way I can.

In no time, your daughter will be able to use the toilet freely without feeling anxious about it.
D.

Hi there. Maybe ask her if she would like to sit on the toilet backwards. Sometimes it's the unknown that is scary for whatever reason. She may want to see it from a different angle. Also it may be a position thing. Does she stand while having a bm? Or squat? Maybe sitting on the toilet isn't a natural thing to her. Anyway, good luck Mama!!

Hi, Wendy. How would it be to try letting her practice at home by having her favorite books or toys in the bathroom (even decorate the bathroom according to her input) and going with out pants or diaper just at home? Then when she has to go potty, she just walks into the bathroom and goes. Also, make sure the foods she is eating are not constipating her, making it difficult to finish going to the bathroom in a reasonable amount of time. If she sits there too long, it is like a punishment. J.

I agree it sounds like she may be looking for extra attention, or just needs extra encouragement to potty train. When our daughter was in pre-school, we found that sticker rewards really worked -- every time she goes poo on the potty, she gets a sticker on simple chart / sheet of paper and a lot of fanfare and the chart is put up on the wall. this alone may do it, but if she needs extra incentive, you can set a goal like 3 stickers and she gets to watch a favorite dvd or gets her favorite dessert or something. the "official" attention and celebration will often be enough though -- you may find your 8-year-old asking for his own sticker chart too! :-)

good luck!

Hi Wendy, my daughter had the same problem but she was one year younger than yours. She was totally potty trained and out of the blue she regressed with BM. She would hold it through the day at preschool (fulltime) and do it shortly after we picked her up. This went on for about a year. I took her to the pediatrician and everything was fine. We got similar questions. Our household is pretty stable and happy. So, my sister recommended we talk and to her about the fact that most kids of her age were fully potty trained. Also, to make sure she named her friends that were going in the toilet. My sister is a physiologist and thought my daughter might be feeling the lack of control for certain things going on in her life and BM was something she was fully in control off. After talking to her (many, many, many talks) we found out that she was not wanting to leave her preschool because she did not want to leaver her friends and favorite service provider. So, we got creative about talking to her about how fun it would be to meet new friends, etc.

Good luck! It was totally frustrating for us.

My daughter also did this around age 4. But once I finally discovered that it was related to two different issues, we were successful in toilet training. The first was that she was sensitive to the sound of the toilet flushing! When it was just pee, we didn't require flushing (water conservation!), but we did when she produced a "poopy". The sound of the toilet flushing was simply too loud for her sensitive ears. The second issue was that she simply needed more time to relax and have a bowel movement. She was 'kinda like her dad...take the morning paper into the bathroom and 20 minutes later he's done. As she has grown up we now appreciate her sensitity to both sounds and the "private time" she needs in the bathroom. All children develop and learn these tasks in their own time. It's the job of the parent to appreciate our children as separate individuals and not just replicas of our own experiences. Relax, she will be potty trained well before college!

Good luck to you and when you find out, PLEASE let me know! My daughter is the same and she's 4 1/2 and I'm still trying to get that part down. I even do the reward system, but doesn't work. I try not to force her because it might make her more ambivolent to going to the bathroom, so I'll just wait until she's ready. I'm sure our kids will come around sooner or later! :)

My daughter was the same way until she was about 3 1/2. She would say, "I need to hold the table." We would then have to change her from panties to a diaper. When we would try to force it she would physically fight us and scream and cry. She had no issues with urinating in the toilet. One day she had the urge all of a sudden and my husband was afraid he wouldn't get her diaper on in time to he just put her on the toilet. She had to go so bad that she didn't fight. After it came out she was sooo proud and said, "I want poopoo in the bathroom. I am not afraid. It isn't scary." She tried to revert back to her old ways and we reinforced her continued use of the toilet by offering a piggy bank and a quarter for each "poop." After a while it became habit and we don't give her quarters anymore. We also took the quarters and she went to the Dollar store to spend her poopoo money. The first time she received a special toy from Toys R Us and a treat. That was the first time she had been to the store since she was too small to remember. After giving her the toy of her choice (a plastic princiss crib/sink/table/swing) that cost a few dollars there was no going back. FYI, she never played with it so I sold it last week at a garage sale and she didn't even notice. Good luck and please feel free to email again if you have any question. FYI, I also got her a "Poo Cake." I had Baskin Robbins put a dollop of frosting on the top of the cake and had family over for a celebration. I made it so there was no going back.

This makes me wonder if someone (maybe even your 8 year old) has told her something horrible about pooping in the toilet. Like, if you poop in the toilet a monster will eat you. That was the first thing that popped in my head when I read your post. Maybe having her draw her potty experience will help you figure out what is causing her to not use the toilet for her BM's.
Good Luck!

Let me start by saying this: The fact that your child is 5 years old and not pooping in the toilet does NOT mean that you are not doing your job as a mom or that your child is bad. Your child is a real person with real feelings that impact the way she reacts to what you do. If she is afraid, no reward or punishment is a bigger motivator than that.
The good news is that she is regular and you know when she needs to poop. My oldest daughter would not poop in the toilet. She had a habbit of hiding in her closet to go in her underwear or diaper. After a very frustrating week of a "tough love" approach, it finally occured to me to put her little potty in the closet. She pooped, and contiued to use the little potty in the closet every time. She insisted that no one watch her when she went. After about a month (by which time she couldn't imagine pooping on herself) we moved the little potty into the bathroom and soon she was going on the big toilet. Hope this helps.

I dealt with this similar issue while potty training my 2 1/2yr old. She would only poop in the diaper and hold it, if in underwear and/or at her daddy's house. I finally told her that she was big enough to pee in the pot she could poop in there also. She had maybe four accidents in which she was disciplined for, nothing extreme, but enough to know that this behavior was unacceptable. After the last accident, which resulted in a swat on the bottom and a firm talking to, I haven't had any issues. When she went on the pot by herself, I rewarded her. Once she saw the positive response she got, she never had any accidents, and she poops on the pot 3-4 times a day. It's hard because it's mainely the parents issues. I'm going to be honest, I didn't want to clean nobody's poop off of them, that smelled worst than mine, :-), but that's what gloves and sanitizing wipes are for. I had to get over it and let her know that I meant business, and that I had faith that she could poop on her own. Girls are more stubborn than boys because they're usually strong-willed, at least my 2 1/2yr old is :-)! Good luck and I hope everything works out!

My son did the same thing. I got advice from a neighbor and it worked. When he felt the urge to go poop, we sat him on the toilet while he screamed, and screamed, I sat on the floor of the bathroom with ear plugs in. We sat there 45 minutes until his poop came out. The time lessoned each time and now he has no problems. Tough love is hard sometimes but this technique might work.

My nephew is 4 yrs old and he has the same problem. Its not everytime he goes to the bathroom but its a lot more often then what a 4 yr old should be doing. He is also in Preschool and will hold it until he gets home. I think he just gets too busy that he doesn't go.

My only advice is that I would take her to the doctor. I've heard that children do this sometimes when its hard for them and there are things that they can do to help.

Hi,
My son did the same thing. My suggestion is to just let it go. One day she will go to the bathroom and that might be just around the corner. My son was also 5 before he used the toilet and since then there is no problem I never even had to wipe his bottom since then. It's something you have no control over and they just have to be ready :o)

Hope this helps
T.
Mom of two boys

Hi Wendy, The story sounds familiar. At 5 my son still would not poop on the toilet. He would run in the room change into pullups and do his duty. I tried stickers, charts, rewards all the things already mentioned but nothing worked. When I quit buying pull ups things got worse as he started to hold it in. This turned into a terrbile experience as he would not go for days. I hate to admit this now but I thought that this would solve the problem as I figured one day he would hve no choice as his body would be ready to expell the poop on its own and my son would have no choice but to go. Once he didn't go for 6 days and he was running around the house hitting his belly and begging us to take him to the doctors. It broke my heart. What ended up happening was he was so backed up that new poop just ended up turning into liquid and working it's way around all the backed up stuff and leaking out. We had to give an enema (once we gave him one enema and he know what it is about he would not stay still to do future ones). When we tried he would just scream. My husband and I would both be in tears. It was such an awful experience. I then started having to give him supositores (I would do this when he was sleeping and could pretty much have it inserted before he woke up and realized what was going on). I finally just gave up trying to control it and quit making an issue of it. I just bought the pullups and let him take care of it himself (changing into it, wiping,and getting rid of it). My son was already in morning kindergarten classes by then and being his BM were always in the afternoon this was not a problem. It took about two months but one day he just said "Mom,I think I'm ready to sit on the toilet to go poop". He did it once, realized it wasnt that bad and all was well after that. It may have helped (I'm really not sure) that he had a friend over every afternoon for 3 hours for about two weeks as his mom was taking care of her dying mom and this boy happened to be an afternoon pooper also and my son would see him go into the bathroom and go. Maybe my son realized if his friend could do it so could he......I'm not sure but I guess what I am getting at is just maybe quit making an issue out of it. As hard as it may be for you just let it go. For whatever reason some kids just take longer,maybe its a control issue on their part but they will start to go when THEY are ready. Good Luck!!!

Wendy,
Our daughter did the same thing with us. She would wait until we got home from preschool, put on a pull up hide, then to, and want to be changed. I told my husband one weekend that we were no longer going to buy pull ups. She had no other option but to sit there with her favorite book,with the door shut, and go. She did not want it in her underwear. From then on, it was no longer a problem.
Good luck,
W.

It sounds like you are already trying this technique, but perhaps be more consistent. When I was having trouble with poop with my daughter at 21/2 even though she had been pee trained since 2, my pediatrician told me to have her sit on the potty for a full 15 minutes after every meal since kids are most likely to poop then. She said that I could give her crayons, books, even a DVD player--anything to make her sit there and to set a timer. It definitely added to our mealtimes and didn't work immediately, but eventually she got used to having her time to poop and now goes every day after breakfast like clockwork. We also had rewards, which for her, was wearing a skirt or dress since she always wants to "dress like a princess" and does not like pants or shorts. Finally, for your 5 year old, I would refuse to allow her to wear a diaper or pull up. Like you said, she goes through the night so there is no reason for her to wear a diaper. (Our problem was my daughter still wore a pull up for her long afternoon nap and at night so she would choose those times to poop.) Make a big deal about throwing the diapers out and buy her some new special underwear that she gets to pick. Perhaps then she'll find pooping in her underwear much more uncomfortable than pooping in a diaper. Good luck!!

Hi Cindy,
You may want to talk to a occupational therapist about sensory integration issues. She may not have the right muscle control right now to poop sitting down and may need to do some exercises to help strengthen the muscles. These would be fun and activities you could plan for her that she wouldn't even know are strengthening her muscles.

She could also be afraid of pooping in the potty. Has she expressed any fears?

I am sure you are handling this all with lots of TLC, because that is what she needs.

To transition our 3.5 yr old girl, we moved the kiddie potty to the TV, and laid a diaper over/in it around her normal pooping time of day. We left her alone. After three attempts within 15 minutes she had a poop!
We did the diaper thing for 2 more days, then "forgot" the diaper, and she still pooped by the TV.
Then we moved the kiddie potty to her room during "quiet time" which was her pooping time of the day. She continued pooping, and would let me know when to empty.
The last step was to let her leave her room to use the big potty during quiet time.
We rewarded her for the very first poop, and just "got excited" for the others.
Also, as a note, she was wearing panties and was peeing successfully before the pooping transition.

make a chart: 5 doodies in the toilet and she gets her favourite (fill in the blank). good luck!

I am trying with my son, he is 3 and runs under the table and refuses to come out. when I told him he would get "annie & claribelle" thomas' coaches, he came right out.

5 years old is enough to have a conversation with her about her fears... my son, on the other hand is very limited in his speech. but I hear bribes work great.

good luck.

I don't really have any advice, but I just wanted to say that I have heard that some kids are just afraid to poop in the toilet. don't know why but maybe you should discuss with your ped.

I know I am a little late, but I had a friend who had the same problem with her son. She finally got advise-- to let her son have a diaper and poop in the bathroom with the diaper on. A few times of that-- Then cut a hole in the diaper, so he was wearing the diaper but he was sitting on the potty. That gave him the comfort he needed to "trust" the potty. Maybe 2-3 days later he was "cured"! No diaper and no fear of the bathroom or toliet.
Good Luck

I had the same problem with my daughter when she was 3. She was potty trained at 2, but she still wanted a diaper to poop and then be changed immeadiately after. The only thing I did was one day told her that I didn't have anymore diapers and that she wouldn't fit her baby sisters diapers. She was going to have to use the toilet. I really did think I was out, until I got up and seen a couple behind the door. But she already agreed. After my excitement for her, she never went back to diapers again. It was awful having to buy another size of diapers just for poop. Forcing them to stay on the toilet for as long as it takes only discourages them.

Hi Wendy,

Oh, I remember the days! For sure make sure it isn't a constipation issue first. My daughter used to go out into the backyard and hide to do her business in her panties. We were patient for quite some time but what effectively worked was when we started having her clean it up. She had to dump it in the potty then hand wash the panties as best she could. It may sound harsh to some, but she took responsibility for it - it happened 3 times total after she had to start cleaning up after herself and then she didn't want to do that anymore so she started going in the potty. Also, we did always use the reward system with stickers or m&m's (so many for pee and so many for poop).

My son (4.5) does the same thing so I'm interested in hearing the advice you gave. An article I read on the web about resistant potty-training just said to back off, give them the power and I would not force her to sit on the potty. You could find the article on google.

Hi Wendy~
This reminded me of my 2 1/2 yr old. She was doing great with her little potty chair. Then she upgraded to the little seat u put on the toliet. Well, the water splashed her and she didn't want anything to do with pooping in the toliet again. We have since moved her back to the little potty chair. Maybe u can re-invest in one of those. Do you think the water may have scared her?

I'm just so glad to know that I am not alone in this struggle. I have a 4 year old who will only poop in a pull-up. He has been pee trained for a year and nighttime trained for 5 months. He has control over it and he never has a BM outside our house. This has been incredibly frustrating for my husband and I. My pediatrian has been a big support in this and I encourage you to seek his/her support. I don't have much "new" advice for you. I will say he has come a long way in the last couple of month. My pediatrian encouraged me to make him responsible for as much as possible. He has to get the pull-up, put it on and take care of his business. I do help get it off and he puts the poop in the potty and gets dressed by himself. You would think all this work would deter him..but no. I did try to force the issue a couple of times and we were both brought to tears. If I force him on the toilet he screams and kicks and hits. There is no way a child is going to poop if they are doing that. They need to be relaxed. If I tell them there aren't any pull-ups, he holds it. After holding it for 3 days I decided it wasn't a good idea. We have tried all sorts of rewards and praise as others have mentioned. Nothing works. Right now my dr. told me to start giving him Miralax every other day to stoften his stools and wait for a month or so and then try to gently push the issue again. My next question to my dr. will be how long is it ok for him to hold it. Right now it is a control issue (and I think he is afraid he can't do it if he is sitting) and she says as he matures he will make the choice to poop in the potty. Mr dr. did encourage me to talk about all his friends and family who poop in the potty as much as possible. He does have a twin sister who also started down this road (hers was completly a control issue) but one night she was in the bath and had to go so I put her on the toilet and she did it and was fine from then on. I'm just hoping that my son will make the leap soon. Right now we are not making a big deal out of it. It is his body and he needs to make the choice to go in the potty. I dread and am hoping the time doesn't come when I need to force the issue.

Thanks for bringing up this topic...I have wanted to for the passed few months...but just wasn't sure there were so many others out there going through this struggle. My best of luck to all going through this!!!

Try putting her on the toilet backwards and that will give her a little more stability. I think they are so busy holding theirselves on the pot and afraid to fall in. You could put something she wants on the back of the toilet to look at and tell her she can have it if she poops in the big potty. I put a stuffed babybop on the light fixture for my daughter and it worked for pee & poop. Good old bribery or get a container and let her put a marble in it everytime she does what she is supposed to and tell her when she gets a bunch she can go to the store and pick out something.

Does she squat when she poops in the diaper? It's hard to go sitting down when you are used to squatting. In other countries they squat becuase that is the way our body naturally lines up. It may be difficult to go sitting for her.

The age that is the easiest to train a child is 2 - 2 1/2 years old. Once a child is older, they have formed habits and have become used to something done in a certain way.
The older the child, the harder it is to retrain.

I would buy the alarm that looks like a watch. It snaps on to a childs underwear and will detect the moment a child is starting to go.
I would take a few days and cancel any evening plans. Devote the few days to being totally in tune to when your child is going to need to go. When it is time, take the child to the bathroom and reassure. Have them relax sitting on the toilet while you read a book to them. If they are so tense that they can't go, a warm bath first can help.
Once your child successfully goes, praise them, I mean really make a big deal out of it. After you have done this for a few days in a row, keep encouraging her and making a big deal of when she does.
21 days and you have formed the correct habit.

Please realize that because she is older, it will take longer than a 2-3 year old. Be consistent.

I have 4 children all grown, and 5 grandchildren. Two 5 year olds, one 4 yr. old and two 2 1/2 year old boys. All five grandchildren are fully trained. The girls trained easy at 2 years, the boys at 2 yrs. 3 months. I ran a daycare for 20 years and I have toilet trained many, many children.

Good luck. I will pray that she will choose to go in the toilet. All the best.

I have seen this happen so many times. Including my own daughter, still five, and others in my child care. I am not really sure how or why it happends. Hopefully you can get some outside advice for that. But rest assure, she is not the only one. It is so tough because its a lot to clean up plus others start teasing them. Just remember, praise her so much for those times she does go in the potty.
Keep your head up. Dr. T. Berry Brazelton has some good books!

My son was so used to his poo being in a diaper, the first time he ran naked and pooped on the floor and saw it he was scared and cried for hours........Have your daghter empty the poo from the diaper into the toilet every time. She will know where is goes. Then suggest what a time savings it would be to put it there int he first place, it would eliminate the chore of emptying her diaper.

Hi Wendy,
My daughter is only 3 and I had the same issue with her. She would pee in the potty but would always hide under the kitchen table to go poop in her diaper. Her pediatrician said to not force the issue with her and that she would eventually just do it on her own. I've been waiting, and waiting, and waiting...finally just last week, she went poop in the potty on her own. We (my husband and I) tell her how proud we are and she has been going poop in the potty ever since (2 weeks and counting!). I know it sounds counter intuitive (and difficult to deal with smelly diapers and dirty clothes) but give your daughter encouragement and time and she'll come around. All my best.