Did You Get Cold Feet?

Too late, you already made the centerpieces, so just FA-GET about it!

tehehehe, you'll be FINE!

(And yes, I have freezing cold feet which is why I'm still not saying yes definitavely, much to his distress, sigh)

I told my dad right before he walked me down the aisle "this was a bad idea."
Ended in divorce.
That was because my ex was a (BLEEP) though, had nothing to do with the cold feet. =)

OH honey, PM me if you need to talk about anything ;)

Funny, because I asked my fiance last night if he really wanted to get married... not because I was questioning it (or maybe subconciously I was?) but because I want to make sure that this is really what HE wants.

All relationships have ups and downs, stale periods, etc... it's not always going to be full of passion and excitement. That's why it's important to be friends and companions.... good looks will fade, good fortune will fade, good humor will fade... you're not always going to tolerate the person you're with, but you know you're supposed to be with someone if, even though they drive you crazy, you still can't live WITHOUT them.

Love evolves. It begins with that crazy butterfly feeling in your stomach when you see them, and I believe it ends with a mutual respect for each other. Love adapts to what life brings. Love the one you're with! Love is a gift.

Okay, that went a little off subject. I guess my point is, that sometimes there's a little distance in a relationship, but I believe things will always come full circle as long as there's that mutual respect and loyalty to each other. I want to be able to look back my shared life with this man and see all the things we've accomplished together, and be proud of that, knowing we did a pretty good job in the life we've created together and raised successful, outstanding children. It's about the big picture.

Man, totally kind of lost my train of thought thanks to my son, BUT, PM me if you need to talk. I'm sure you're not alone. Just look past the silly, mundane details that irk you on a daily basis and look at the big picture. That always puts things in perspective for me :)

First marriage... WAY freaked about getting married. Apparently my gut was telling me something and I was NOT listening. Should have. My ex became a different person after we got married... Before we got married, he was charming, sweet, compassionate, and kind. After, he became controlling, manipulative, argumentative, abusive (mentally/emotionally), and hateful.

Second marriage... Wasn't the least bit nervous. I asked him to marry me and a month after I proposed to him, we were married. Couldn't be happier. I love him more now then I did the day we got married. I am CRAZY about my husband. He may not understand why, but he doesn't question it. : )

Hm... I hope you're not calling it off... Theresa N and I are trying to figure out the carpool situation!

I don't know if I would call it "cold feet", but I remember my mom sitting me down and reminding me that the things that annoy me today will still annoy me in 30 years, so could I live with them? Essentially reminding me that people don't change, no matter how much you want them to so, decide "now" whether or not you can live with his faults. I can and I do, but there are some days that I question that, like most other spouses.

My father also asked us both (separately) on the morning of our wedding... "last shot, kid. If this isn't what you want, let's go now b/c once you walk down that aisle you are making a life-long commitment to one another." We both appeared in the church, so neither of us took him up on the offer!

My parents love him, but wanted to make sure that we were both "in it" for the long-run and I'm glad they did. I have a lot of friends who married young (in our 20's) who got so wrapped-up in planning a wedding that they forgot that you actually end-up married in the end. In the last 10 years since graduating college I have attended more weddings than I can count, many of which ended within 5 yrs b/c they shouldn't have been married in the first place!

Now, I did get cold feet with my ex-fiance as a direct result of my mom's chat then. I couldn't live with his imperfections and poor prioritizing. I didn't want to be a "married single parent" who was alone all the time b/c my husband was working on Wall Street. I called it off very soon after he gave me the ring- long before any parties or plans. When it's not the "right fit" and someone who loves you very much asks you if "you're sure"... you'll know the right answer!

I do think that I love my husband more now than when I married him, but that level fluctuates daily. I know that I love him more now that he has become a father b/c it has "mellowed" him significantly and has given him a different perspective on "family" and its importance. I think that we have learned to communicate better with maturity and the comfort that comes with living with another person.

With my ex, I got cold feet the day of the wedding. I should have listened to my instincts.

With my husband, we felt like a married couple within a few weeks after we met. I never doubted my decision to marry him, and I fall in love with him more every day. I think part of the reason is because we both try very hard to make sure the other doesn't feel taken for granted.

Got cold feet, abroad getting married, just the 2 of us and I honestly think if my family had been there and said" are you sure" I would have ran for my life. Now divorced - his behavior changed as soon as we stepped on that plane!! I hope you get other responses with cold feet but still happily married. :-)

Good question!

Yes, I had a case of cold feet about a month before I got married. A friend of mine was getting married, and I went to her wedding with friends (not with my fiance). She was excited and happy about the wedding, but I could tell that she was annoyed with the man she was marrying, upset about the vows that the pastor made her say, and kind of embarrassed about her new in-laws. When I saw those things, it made me question why I was getting married. Whenever I was away from my man, it was easy to think about those things again. Did I really want to spend the rest of my life with him? What if there was someone else out there for me? Did this mean that I couldn't do what I wanted to anymore? I had a lot of questions.

Yes, I eventually did get over it, but mostly I chose to get over it. When he asked me to marry him, I could not have been happier, and I kept reminding myself that I said "Yes" for all the right reasons. It was okay to second-guess myself, but unless there was a really good reason, that's all it was... guessing.

On my wedding day, I almost ran down that aisle because I didn't want him sneaking out the side door! And after the pastor said, "Do you take K...." I held my breath just in case he would say no. But he didn't, thank God! And I don't think there was a bigger smile in the room than mine when the pastor introduced us to our friends and family as a married couple.

Since then, we've been in 3 different countries, lived in 13 different places, attended 2 different graduate schools, had 3 gorgeous children, and fallen more in love than ever. He is awesome. It is certainly a growing process, and we continue to learn more about each other every day. But he is the person that I want with me for the rest of my life.

I never got cold feet. I was with my husband for four years when we got engaged and we were living together at that time. From about a year into it, I knew I wanted to marry him and could never (and still couldn't) see myself with anyone else. That being said, as our marriage progresses, I have seen my love grow for him in so many ways. Seeing him with our children is a huge one! I love him even more when I see him playing with our kids or being sentimental with our daughter or male bonding with our son. The more we talk and communicate and 'get' eachother (even after 9 years together) I find things that I love about him. Just looking at him from across the room sometimes gives me butterflies and when his eyes meet mine, I feel like fireworks are exploding. I know it sounds corny but it's so true!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I wish you many happy years together!!!

With my ex - i had cold feet when my parent's walked me down the isle and I looked at him - I stopped right there and said "I can't do this" my parents (who really didn't like my ex said - take a moment" I did - i thought - okay - deep breath - let's do this...we did. We were together 9 years. We had our good days and our bad days...the bad outnumbered the good. He was controlling, abusive and a cheater. However, I got a beautiful daughter from him and wonderful in-laws!!! :)

When I married my husband - it took EVERYTHING in my NOT to run to him!! I knew the minute I shook his hand that he was the one for me. Has it been "perfect"? Nope. But our good days outnumber our bad by a WHOLE lot!! I have a wonderful, loving husband who is a wonderful provider and puts up with me (I have a hard time doing that sometimes!!)

People change over time. We all do - you aren't the same person you were six months ago...events happen that change the way you think - your attitude, etc....I love my husband more, I think, than I did the day I married him....our love has changed over our 14 years....our relationship has changed...we have had miscarriages (3 - 2 at 12 weeks one at 20 weeks), the death of a parent, family trouble, financial trouble (caused by me) and so much more!!! But we've vowed to put our marriage first - and even in doing that - we've found ourselves in a rut a few times...but it's okay - we're in this together!!!

We had lived together for 2 yrs and found out that we were pregnant. We had a great relationship. I basically looked at him and said "what are you going to do now?" The next day, he came home with a ring and proposed to me! We got married at the courthouse a few weeks later and had a small reception in his hometown. Cold feet? - I guess alittle, but I was mainly freeking out because I was pregnant!! and everything was changing. We will have our 10 yr anniversary Oct 2011 - I love him more every year. He is my best friend. As time goes by, we become even closer, get to know even more about each other and make memories together with our children. Things might not always be as "exciting" as they once were, but things are great, comfortable, safe, happy......
We have our fights too, but we keep respect for each other. We "debate" :) Friendship and respect are so important. I don't miss hanging out with girlfriends as much, I honestly would rather spend time with hubby and kids - they are my bff!!!

I was good up to actually hearing the wedding march!!! My bridesmaids and maid of honor went down the isle and then I turned to run out the door. My dad caught me and said some VERY positive and encouraging words. He also told me what he thought about my husband and how he just had a feeling he would always be there for me. I went down the isle and we have been married for 15 years. NOW, it has not been all bliss. We have had ups and downs like all marriages do. However, there has never been any cheating or separating. We always work it out. It takes patience and a lot of give and take. The best thing is my dad was right. My dad passed away a year ago and my husband was my rock. He is still my rock. It is all good. Yes I love him more today than I did yesterday and more than the beginning of our marriage.

Good luck!

Not sure you want my reply because no, I did not have cold feet. I was SO excited on my wedding day and couldn't wait to walk down that aisle. We dated for 3 years before getting married and talked about a lot of things before we got married. How many kids, religion and so on.

It is now almost 11 years later since I started dating him (almost 8 years since marriage) and I am more in love with him today then the day I married him. Why? #1 He is a great father. Watching him be a great dad to my(our) children makes me love him even more. #2 Because even to this day we are growing as a couple. He is understanding me more and I understand him more. I still to this day feel loved and wanted by him just as I was the day we got married. We've definitely had our days, but deep down I know he loves me and I love him.

Oh yes, a LOT, lol.
I was living in Cancun and my husband is american, so it was a lot of questions about his "real intentions" at the begining.
I actually once brake up with him when he went there and the poor thing had to spend the rest of the weekend alone (I hope, lol).
Then he ask me to married me in the Mexcian day for April's fool, yeah, no kidding, he had no idea but my mother was all puzzle until I swear he wasn't joking, lol.
It took me for ever to fill any paper he send me for the visa because I am so scare to come here and found out I don't like it here, or he had a secret life, or his family didn't like me (this one was true, go figures, lol) etc.
He was so upset because I kept putting excuses.
True story (and something my husband ALWAYS makes fun of it) I ask him to get divorce the same day we got married. I am so glad he said no.
My nerves went away after a month or so.
I found that we go for times were we don't love each other as strong and then later we love each other even more.
But as a today 3-22-11 I love him more then when we got got married.

I love your question!

i don't know if this would classify as cold feet. but i would say that i thought to myself "is this the right thing" and such. but i knew it was. we had never lived to gether so i wasn't sure how that would work out, we didn't have a place to live at first, etc. i've been married for 7 yrs and i still love my husband very much. i have come to accept the things in his personality that bothered me at first. i think that for most people (and myself) that the longer you are married you tend to take the love you have for granted. you get comfortable, sometimes you might not feel the "excitement" when you first look at them like you did when first dating. but i will have to say that when i look at my husband doing things or just sitting on the couch or playing with the kids, etc, i feel a warmth in my heart and realize just how much i do love him and how much i appreciate him. love doesn't mean you are on a "high" all the time. there are ups and downs, but as long as you have communication and are able to compromise than things will be fine. IF you truly love eachother.

I did not get COLD FEET when I married my husband in 2009 but we have known each other for over 20 years and have loved each other for almost the same time.

My husband was married once to someone else. He had cold feet on his wedding day but still went through with the marriage. That marriage ended in divorce.

Love is not just and emotion but an action I take every day.

My love and respect for my husband and his for me grow every day. We work daily on our marriage but it is work we both love.

Ask yourself why do you have cold feet are you reasonings logical? If they are deal breakers? Remember divorce costs more than walking away from the wedding day festivities.

Never got cold feet. I did get anxious though but that was because I spent a year making everything for the wedding. And I mean EVERYTHING! From the favors, to the bridal party outfits (including the groom and my bridal dress). Even the runner.
Planning a wedding can frazzle anyone's nerves and I certainy didn't help myself by adding more stuff on my plate.
I never had any doubt about marrying my hubby. Oh course it's always been so easy with him (we never fight). We were also older and knew exactly what we wanted in a relationship and knew what we were getting. (the good and the bad)

We have been married for 7 years as of this May and are even closer than when we were dating. I told my hubby once that my wedding day is not my best day ever because every new day with him is so much greater. (yea... we're that mushy)

Yes, there was an adjustment stage where we couldn't do whatever we wanted because we now have to share a space. But we kept the lines communication up and made fair compromises. We worked together to help eachother adjust to not being single anymore, and came out of the transition stage stronger than ever.

The best of wishes to you and your loved ones and congrats on finding your mate!!!

I never had cold feet. I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And I had no doubts at all that he truly loved me and wanted to get married.
As our marriage progresses I love him more everyday. I cannot give you a reason why, I simply do. When I look at him I smile, and everything inside me smiles too.

Marriage, the final frontier. Yep, it's so normal to let your mind reel right before the big day, it's a HUGE decision that is meant to be permanent and not temporary.
If you sincerely doubt you can spend the rest of your life through hell and high water with that man, this is your last chance to rethink it, postpone it, disown it, run away from it, etc.
No different than planning to have a baby. Husbands and children are supposed to stay with you and be your responsiblity for the rest of your life.
The cold feet will go away once you have wrestled with all of your thoughts and finally put yourself at ease.
I believe in LONG engagements, it helps warm your feets :)

With my first, I didn't have cold feet, but chose to ignore many red flags. Immediately after the ceremony, I felt horrible and sad, but wrote it off to my MIL being mean to my parents . . . . nothing felt right about any of it.

With my second/current/last :), I had concerns about how we were approaching things, concerns about stuff that came up in premarital counseling, but not really cold feet. I had a calm about us being together, being a great team, and conquering stuff. Just before walking thru the doors to walk down the aisle, I got a wee bit nauseous, but I thought that was more about the whole event and something going wrong, than actually marrying him.

a.) sometimes more, like when he's awesome with our son, or goes overboard doing stuff on the house to take care of us
b.) sometimes less, like when he didn't help me with our son who couldn't sleep more than 20-40mins for 20mos because of health issues

I'm sure he's had similar instances with me.

Marrying later can sometimes make you sort things out more - you're wiser (hopefully :)), and may over-analyze some things, you know enough to revisit other things just for clarity.

I got engaged on my 30th b-day, and a month later discovered I was pregnant. (Too much celebrating, I guess. :-)) Everything I had ever wanted was coming to life. I was all for the marriage and pregnancy until we were together for the 1st ultrasound, and then it hit me. "I'm going to be with this man for the rest of my life. Or at least tied to him for the next 18 years. UGH! What have I done?!?!??!" and then it passed as I thought over all the reasons why I said yes in the 1st place. But it hit me again on the honeymoon. "I don't even know this man. I've only known him a year, and now we're alone in Jamaica. What if he is crazy?" I was 5 months pregnant and paranoid about everything. But then I thought of how he was my rock during my Pop-Pop's funeral, and how he took my father to doctor appts, and looked after my family, and how I could be myself with him more than anyone in the world.
And last week I was like, "so is this the real him? can I trust him?" And during one of our conversations he told me no one else's opinion mattered but mine. And I thought, maybe he does love me as much as I love him. We have our 5 yr anniversary coming in June. Still glad I married him. Still think I love him a little more than any person should love another, but I've decided to trust him with my heart and my life. I re-evaluate this every few months, but always come back to the same decision. (LOL)
What helps me, is knowing I have a great family and friend support system. They allow me to love very freely. Knowing that if my life was ever shattered and I'd fallen to pieces that they would pick me up and put me back together again. If you don't have that yet, get it. They help your marriage to last, because you can be free and not afraid to love and give all of yourself. Doesn't hurt to have some crazy friends and family too. you know, the ones you don't really talk to, but would be there to "mess him up" if he broke your heart. :-) Those are the ones who really provide marriage insurance :-p
Life brings enough things to worry about, so just enjoy being in love and that someone loves you enough to want to wake up everyday with you by his side. You made the choice to marry him, stand by it and trust yourself. and if everyday you look for a reason to love him more, you will find it.

Don't tell me all this wedding advice you've been getting may go down the drain! (joking!:) Normal. But I didn't dread my wedding. After 4 years together,it was like, "finally". How it plays out in the future is usually unrelated to your nerves before hand, unless you have some major red flags nagging at you. Careful, L.! It's OK to back down, and it's OK to be happy and go through with it. Wishing you all the best and happiness!