I believe we have officially hit the 'terrible two's'. My son turned 2 in December and is progressively getting worse when it comes to listening to instructions given by myself - dad or his nurse. Yes - he has medical issues which require him to have a nurse but he is just as active (if not more!!) as any other 2 year old. He has moments where he goes into these 'tantrums' when he does not get what he wants. He will either - scratch our face - hit us - pinch us or sometimes bite us - head butt us or hit his head against the wall or the chair he is sitting in. We have tried time outs - that didn’t work. We have tried behavior modification and he didn’t quite get the concept so it wasn’t really effective and we have even tried spanking him and he looks at us with a look as if he doesn’t care!!! I am at a loss. My husband feels he has too much sugar and is all wound up - he has Apple Juice during the day but rarely eats sweets - we don’t have cake and cookies in the house. I feel that we are just in the terrible two stage and I’m hoping he will grow out of it. But in the meantime, I need to find some kind of discipline that will work before he hurts us, himself, or someone else!!! I have even tried to talk to him and explain that it is not nice to hurt people and it makes people sad when they are hurt. He is very smart and knows exactly what I am saying. He uses sign language and when I explain to him about hurt - he shows me the sign for hurt. Any suggestions???
Thanks to everyone for all your great input!!! I have melded together all the suggestions and this is what we came up with. Clinton now only has 1 big nap (of at least 2 hours) a day and if he takes a small nap - he gets 2. We changed his bedtime to 7:30-8:00 so that he is sleeping by 8:30 – he gets up everyday at 6:30-7:00. We have been taking away a toy or something he really likes when he really misbehaves and if he starts to throw a tantrum we try to distract it with conversation which keeps it from escalating! It seems to be working and Clinton in general is happier – now that he gets more sleep! I will keep you posted on how its going!
1,2,3 Magic or Love and Logic are both highly recommended and start at 2 yrs. We have a 20 monthold and use time out for disobeying and crying corner for whining. This generally helps break the behavior cycle about 70% of the time.
I am right in the middle of the terrible twos also. A new thing I have been trying to make my daughter stop screaming and tantruming is to make her count slowly to 10. Really I do the counting (even though she can) But I keep starting over if she screams or whines in the middle of the count. Whatever we are in the middle of, if she is getting to wound up, we both stop and take deep breaths (at least I do) while we count to 10. Once she has been quiet for a full slow count, We try to discuss whatever got her upset. If she starts screaming again, we count to 10 again. It really has been helping...
Another piece of advice I recieved is this... There is no solution to get him to stop having tantrums. It is a part of his growth and he will keep doing this until he has worked through it. All you can do is find tools to deal with individual tantrums so no one gets hurt. But don't focus on the bigger picture. Don't focus on getting him to stop having tantrums. Just focus on how to calm him when they start.
It is easy to blame the juice but I also agree if a kid has alot of energy they don't need juice on top of it. All of those things you mention sound exactly like the boys that age that we know, and many of them sound like our 2 year old daughter. Time Out does not work in our house, so we use Yoga. Redirecting our daughter's energy away from whatever she is doing and giving her two choices of other things to do which she can pick. NO MORE THAN 2 CHOICES, and both choices have to be something you can agree to. I can recommend highly the video TOT YOGA for teaching you ways to reduce stress, increase sleep and rejuvenate your relationship with your son. Full disclosure, I created TOT YOGA to deal with my child and it works great. Now instead of pulling my hair she tells me to do yoga with her, and we end up rolling around laughing on the floor. go to http://totyoga.com and you will see the reviews.
H., Mom to Stoney (formerly terrible) 2
Why didnt time outs work? Did he refuse to stay put? If so plop him in his high chair and turn it to face a wall and ignore him until he stops screaming. Tell him as you are putting him in the chair that he will sit there until he is quiet. And then DO IT!!! Follow through. He just might scream for an hour, but do not let him get up. Remind him every few minutes that he cannot get up until he is quiet. Dont yell, scold or plead. Simply tell him in a calm voice and walk away.
2 year olds have tantrums and fits of hurting because they are frustrated. They WANT WANT WANT and dont always know what they want, but they want it anyway. They all of a sudden realize that those big people are communicating and they have no idea about what or how to do it. He hears you babbling away and then hears the word juice. So he wants juice, but cant tell you that he wants it in his blue cup with stars on it. Or maybe he wants milk but forgot the word, so he says/signs juice and then refuses it. You get the drift. Try to anticipate his frustrations and head him off BEFORE he blows up. YES it can be done. I have had many 2's in my home and have had very few tantrums. Never more than 2 or 3 from the same child either.
My son did the same thing when he was two. The only thing that worked for us when he'd go into his violent tantrums was to distract him with something else. For example, showing him his favorite toy or giving him a food he loves. Lollipops worked best for my son but I wouldn't recommend that since he has had cavities.
Disciple doesn't work at this age because he doesn't understand the concept of time. My son has a speech delay and times out or any type of punishment didn't go through to him because he just didn't understand.
Try the distraction thing for now. It's a phase and he'll get out of it though I know it can be frustrating and embarrassing. I barely even wanted to go out with him. He's 3 now and doesn't do throw crazy tantrums anymore ^_^
What I always found worked, was going into another room
and just ignoring behavior. The more you respond the
more he will do it. Good luck.
my son is 3 1/2 yrs old and i definitely have been where you are now. I have noticed that my sons tantrums do occur mostly when he is tired and learning wise - when he has reached a new platform of familiarity where daily life is very familiar.
My discipline techique varies every few weeks as his response to my discipline varies as often.
I try to relate how my I feel when he does something to how he feels when something bad happens to him.
ultimately though i usually put my son in a time out in a chair or in is room and i always take away something he likes like a toy, a nightime lovie, a movie or a computer game.
One thing i always suggest when i hear of violent behavoir, it two things, one watch the dyes in your childs food and drinks, and get them to a doctor. Lashing this harsh could be other problem that need outside help.
Ahh, the joys of toddlerhood. Little ones testing the boundaries. I'm in agreement with the other posters. Pick a stategy and be consistent with it even if it doesn't seem like it's working. Some things take time. And your little one sounds like he will be a challenge initially. Especially when he assert control again.
We use time outs with success. But there are times my daughter doesn't stay in her time out spot and she has to be put back a few times. We also use the 1-2-3 method as well, but that's for less serious offenses. If I need her to come upstairs to get ready for bed, brush her teeth, get dressed or put her coat on and she ignores me, then that method works well. I don't feel it warrants a time out. However, if she hits, bites or is just in general throwing a major temper tantrum over something, then it's the warning/time out system.
