My 5.5 year old DD, who without exaggeration, a fantastically well behaved kid - follows all the rules, is respectful to kids and adults, etc….We figured out last night that she stole a small toy from a store while we were out over the weekend. She initially lied to us about it (but she's not a very good liar) and came up with a few elaborate stories of where it came from. We gave her the night to think about whether she was going to tell us the truth or if she was going to continue to lie. We explained to her that is she stole it, that was not good and there would be consequences but that lying to us would be much worse. She fessed up this morning. We plan on making her go back to the store this weekend, apologize and give the toy back.
Anyone else have this happen to their child at this age and did you have any other punishments to deal with it. I do want her to understand the gravity of the situation but I don't want her to feel afraid of telling us the truth go forward.
I think at this age and her being a first offender, you're handling it just the right way. Making her go back and fess up to the store and apologize is the right thing to do. Good luck Momma! :)
I know your feelings!! Greg stole a little puzzle book from the grocery store when he was 5. Like your daughter, he's a TERRIBLE liar (thank God!) and came up with stories, etc. we didn't give him the night to think on it. We just asked for the truth. He started bawling his eyes out and said he had wanted it and thought he could take it....
We took him back to the store, face the manager and tell him that he stole the book. The manager told him that if it happened again he wouldn't be allowed in the store again (thank you manager!) and that stealing is wrong.
Hasn't happened again.
Do exactly what you planned to do, and don't punish her any more. You don't need to make her feel like the devil over this. Parenting is about teaching, and you will have taught her by making her take it back. It's highly unlikely she will do it again.
Also, after your description of her in the first two sentences, she is not the kind of child you should over-discipline -- she will probably be too hard on herself, and that isn't healthy.
I think you handled it well and that the natural consequence of having to take it back to the store and apologize will be punishment enough. I think this is pretty typical to happen once and it sounds like she made the right choice when she was caught and probably won't do it again.
I think you have done well, but I would call the store first and ask how they will deal with it. When I took my son to return a stolen candy, the store manager literally told my son that it was OK he had stolen the item! Of course I did not want the store to punish my child, but they could have at least acted disappointed, IMO. I feel like he got the idea it wasn't as big of a deal as I was making it.
yes I agree.... taking it back and confessing is enough. she is only 5. if she does it again, then maybe another option for that time would be considered.
It sounds like you are doing the right thing. When I was young I was like your daughter -- by my parents' account an extremely well-behaved kid. I lifted an R2D2 figurine from a friend's house and gave it to my brother for his birthday. My parents obviously knew I hadn't gone out and bought it. They said as much but I denied it to the end. They let me know they knew I was lying, were very calm, etc. I felt so guilty about it that I took it back to my friend's house and hid it in her playroom. I never fessed up, but to this day I feel hugely guilty about that and never did it again.
You handled it perfectly if it was the first time. She is old enough to understand you. If the lying persists AFTER this (perfect-especially apology to store personnel) consequence and explanation, you can worry then. I don't think it will continue though if you're firm and matter-of fact, and she's got a good supportive home with clear boundaries, which it sound like she does.
To be honest, my daughter is five, and I might ALSO ADD the loss of something dear to her for a week on top of the apology and return, because the apology and return is simply righting the wrong, not serving any sort penalty for stealing and lying initially. So I MIGHT add more on to this (for LYING and still make it clear things would have been much worse if she stuck to the lie), but you know your daughter and can gauge how affected she is by this consequence and if it suffices as a first warning. You do want to address both the stealing AND the lying sufficiently.
What you have in mind sounds appropriate.
But I would caution you to take your rose-colored glasses off. Apparently your daughter does not follow ALLTHE RULES as she has now stolen and lied! I'm not saying she's a bad kid because I'm sure she is not, but she is not a golden child and you need to see her as a typical child who can and does break the rules occasionally.
I am 37, and I vividly remember having to admit to a store clerk that I had helped myself to something (I think it was a very small piece of candy) in the store. I had to fork over the money and apologize. I didn't get any other punishment other than to fess up and face the music. Point is I still remember taking that responsibility and it definitely stuck with me for all these years. A mistake I have certainly not repeated! My kids haven't done this yet (to our knowledge) but I think your instincts are good, and taking responsibility is enough.
