Division of Labor - What Do YOU All Do, What Is Fair? SAHD Wonders

Sounds pretty normal to me. That's pretty much what I do, but I also work from home. I think you clean more than I do!! : ) Fortunately, I don't need much sleep, since I've got three kids under six and one is teething nonstop.

Have you tried slings/wraps/mei tai baby carriers to give your arms a break? That's what is saving me. I can get all the cleaning and cooking done with the 1yrold in the carrier on my back. A lot less screaming...on my part and theirs!

I don't know if you're in any kind of SAHD playgroup, but my playgroup gets together during the week and then moms-only for a fun Girls night out once a month. A much needed and necessary break. My dh also gave me coupons for my b/day that are "get out of kids free" coupons. Twice a month I get to pick the time and date with no prior notice (usually after a particularly trying day) and leave the house sans kids for the evening or whenever. Sometimes I'm only capable of pointing to the coupon and walking out. And then he gets to experience them at their...umm...best : )HTH!

Hi Richard,

My cousin has 3 girls & on more on the way & she is a SAHM. She is crazy & I don't know how she does it - doing all of what you've described as well as taking them to their different activities as well as taking care of a new puppy. Her husband's job sounds as demanding as your wife's. She does all of what you do as well. I think it is just the nature of the SAHM/SAHD job detail.

My husband & I work full time with 2 dogs & a baby on the way. We have some set chores & some go to who's got the time. I walk the dogs every weekday morning & sometimes after work (pending on who gets home 1st). He takes all night shifts unless he's working late or out late & all weekend mornings. He's in retail, so he works Saturdays when I'm off & is off on Thursdays when I'm at work. Laundry is done on as needed shared basis. If its there on his day off, he does it & vice versa for me. I ask him to vacuum the house on his day off & usually does it as long as I remind him. He cleans the bathtub (need extra muscle) & sometimes the rest of the bathroom & I take care of the downstairs bathroom since I get ready there. We share the garbage, doing dishes & cooking. I do most of the cooking, but since he's off on Thursday, dinner is his responsibility. As far as "handy-man" stuff, I am the more handy person & do a lot of it. I have "forced" him to do some things, as he needs to learn (eg - putting up closet rods, re-attaching bathroom vanity doors). So I guess it's fairly even over all. We'll see what happens when the baby comes in May.

I hope that helps.

Hi again Richard,

In our household, ALL chores and responsibilities are shared with the exception of the following:

I always nurse our baby because she usually won't take pumped milk. However, Dh, will feed her during meal times.

He always feeds the cat and cleans the litter box. This is more for health reasons as Dh is the one who watches the cat's diet and I have asthma so I should not be around the kitty litter dust.

I typically don't cut the grass, but I do garden and help with the flower beds and such. Since we've been together, we have always shared all household duties. It works in our family.

Again, like my answer to your last question, I believe the KEY element is open, honest communication. Talk to your wife and work out a compromise. Maybe it's time to hire some part-time help.

Best regards,
J.

I think it is the nature of the beast! Since I am home, I do most household chores. I do not get days off like my husband. He just left for an 11 day hunting trip, one of many, 37 days this year alone. Sorry to say, it is just the way it is.
K.

Hi Richard,

I'm a SAHM who sometimes feels like the entire load is on me, too. I do all of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, ironing, pay bills, mow the lawn, and take out the garbage. I am also trying to start up a business from my home. And I have three kids, 7 and under. Frankly, it's crazy! And there are many times that I think my husband has the better end of the deal! But then I ask myself if I would trade places with him, and I wouldn't! Even with all of the thankless, repetitive household tasks, I love being at home with my kids. And doing all of the cleaning, cooking, garbage, etc., gives us more time together as a family on the weekends. So I think in the long run that it is worth it. But if it is really gnawing at you, talk to your wife and see what compromises can be made - it's the small things like resentment over cooking and cleaning that can really hurt a marriage. Or, just agree to leave your house a little messier! Goodness knows that my house is!! :-) Hope that helps out a bit!

Richard,

In our house we divide things pretty evenly as we are both FT workers (out of the home). I cook, he cleans. I vacuum (I love to vacuum) and he does the garbage. We have 2 main bathrooms so we each take one on the weekend. I have to, uh remind him, sometimes to get in the tub to clean it though.

We both do laundry but there was a time when he was slacking. So, I stopped doing his clothes. He came to me, "I don't have any clean t-shirts." I said, "When's the last time you washed any?" He started doing laundry again. Lol.

My advice about the yard work...get a landscaper. It's $30 a week (about) and it saves about 3 hours of time! I never thought I would not cut my own lawn (I love cutting grass) but it takes too much time away from Jake and I hate it.

Hope that helps a little bit.

T.