Do You Ever Fear Losing Your Husband?

Yes. He is in Iraq, so I worry every day. I don't worry for me (although I do love him so very much). I worry for my kids. My father passed when I was 11 and the thought of my kids not having a father brings tears to my eyes.

I used to but I am getting much better at it. May I recommend this book? It has helped me out tremendously.

http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Fear-Worry-Anxiety-Confi...

I do, but mostly because I watched my father's slow death from leukemia over my entire life.. so I've kind of built this wall of independence just in case my husband has an untimely death or disability. All you can really do is embrace the time you have together and be prepared for whatever life throws at you.

I wouldn't be panicked. I would feel blessed! There's a reason he was spared so go with that!

No, I never worry about losing my husband. He's been in plenty of accidents and is a retired Marine with plenty of combat experience. I trust him and I trust God. He's meant to be here. The day he is not meant to be here we will never know. We're not suppose to know. So don't worry about things. Live life and enjoy it!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

Yes-he has no life insurance and we have a mortgage on our house!

Yes and no. Please understand (I don't need any nasty messages) that I do NOT mean this the way it's going to come across. I hope it's taken in the way it's intended, that you really can't worry.
But my husband and I will have been married 23 years this coming October. We were just short of our first anniversary when he was in California on business and caught in that big San Francisco Earthquake of October 1989.
Now mind you that was before the days of cell phones so it was HOURS before I heard from him. I was a mess! I was a nurse and was supposed to work. When I called in, the nursing supervisor offered to send over someone to sit with me. I think it was like 6-7 hours before I heard from him and it still brings tears to my eyes thinking about the relief in hearing his voice! Now we joke about it. That not only would I have gotten the life insurance. But extra from his company because he was on a business trip. And even more because it was an accident.
Bottom line is that I adore my husband as you do yours. But you can not live your life worrying about the 'what if's' of life. You can have the thoughts, but you already said it. . . . put it in God's hands. Let it go and enjoy the life HE has given you!

Yah. My husband has died several times (not in recent years), and is still alive, so I think he may have good luck about having bad luck.

When I was seven months pregnant, he had a boating accident at work. The engine died as a swell came over the stern of the boat and instead of going over it, they went under. The boat sank in under a minute, leaving him and his friend in the middle of the Sound. Luckily, it was daytime and a spring day. Some folks on shore heard them and he got out after an hour of paddling in 45 degree water.

My philosophy (that I'm working on) is: Trying to control that which is out of my control, makes me a crazy person. My biggest fear is loosing the people I love. But, unfortunately, being afraid does not protect my loved ones from misfortune. It does give me stomach aches and wrinkles.

My solution is to try to: Live in the moment and with full love and dedication; live courageously and through the fear.

"The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself". I think FDR nailed it.

Oh my goodness! I am a worry-wort by nature and worry about losing my husband and my kids, a LOT.

Just today my husband texted me and said he was being evacuated b/c there was a bomb scare at his work (he works for our local newspaper), it was instant panic! I called him right back and his phone went straight to voice mail...I called and called and called until finally he picked up, he had to turn off his cell while being evacuated, it sucked!

I do not know what I would do without my husband, he is my very best friend and I love him so very much, my world would come crashing down...I NEED him and so do my kids!

For the most part I think it is normal to worry, and I am sure you are going to worry even more after this near tragedy, just try not to stress too much! When the thoughts come creeping in, push them out...that's what I (try) to do.

~I am sorry about your husband and glad he is OK. That is some scary stuff!

Yes. My husband was in lower manhattan during the 9/11 attacks. It took all day to get in touch with him because the phone lines were overloaded. At first we talked about whether he should quit his job and we should move. But in the end we decided life has to go on. We just kept putting one foot in front of the other. The fear has subsided with time.

This is very normal for you to go through after any kind of trauma. Whether it be to you or your spouse. Or anyone close. It may take even talking to a counselor. I was in a child on bike me driving hit kid accident last summer. Not only have I been in counseling. I have had my spouse come several times. It has been a life changing thing for me. Which means I have had to help my husband change and be able to see where I need help mentally and emotionally.

Be open with your husband. He may not be as OK as he seems. I can safely say, he was probably just as scared during the accident. And going through it, as your are now letting him walk out the door every morning. All of that can be hard too handle as a long term thing..Your brain still has to process all of what went on!!

I will be praying for you guys. This is something I know all too well!!

My husband nearly died. It was a freak reaction to supplements he was taking. The doctor said I needed to call people and after he was safe, the doctor said I need to get our affairs in order in case he dies young. At the time, we didn't know it was the supplements.
I was scared and frankly got finances in order and made sure our will was very specific with regards to our child and finances. For me, I had to take action and KNOW I would be ok if it happened. I was driving myself nuts and worried sick.

It's only been two weeks and things like that do shake you up for sure. I went to check the mail one day and came home to find my husband in a heap on the living room floor and my son beside him trying to shake him. I called out to him, nothing, I started screaming and ran to him and he moved a bit and made a noise. Turns out he had dislocated his shoulder, this is something that happened from time to time due to an issue he had in his shoulder. The pain was so great he fell out and just couldn't get any words out for a minute. When I saw him like that I thought he had a heart attack or something! It was terrible, I really thought for a second I was going to just throw up. Like I never realized how totally connected he and I are. I do love him, but like he is in my soul you know? So I get what you are saying. Thankfully our husbands were both just fine!! That has been a while ago now and I am just fine about it. I think you will be too, it just takes the mind and body a little time to get back to an even keel. You are doing the right thing, giving it over to God, He'll do the rest! Heck I was in a car accident and it took me a while not to cringe every time someone pulled up behind me bc I was hit very hard from behind. But I did get over it. Give yourself some time, I think you will heal up from it soon. Take care!!

In the back of my mind every day I leave the house I wonder if I will get home, is he will get home, if the kids will be okay. What if today were the last day of the world and I didn't get to hug/kiss/love them one more time. Will I ever see their faces again and hug them close? But unfortunately if I let it move to the front of my head I would have a panic attack. My mother passed away suddenly while my dad was on a business trip and I was the one to find her. I had several panic attacks like that over the course of a few months after she died because neither I nor my Dad had the chance to tell her goodbye.

I still catch my breath every once in a while and my chest tightens if I let it come to the front of my brain. It's been 5 1/2 years and even now my heart picks up when I remember it.

In order to stop myself from thinking about this I stop and take a deep breath and try to think of something else. It is all mental. If I have to I stop and call my husband or daycare to ensure everyone is okay. I still call my Dad every night just to tell him about my day and assure myself he is fine. It is very hard in the beginning and I promise it will get easier to watch him leave for work. I'm sorry anyone has to go through something like this.

Keeping praying. There is definately power in prayer.

How awful! I am so sorry that happened but so glad that he is alright! What a blessing. My husband was deployed for over a year overseas and I worried everyday, it was so hard. I just had to push through the feelings and tell myself to be calm. And keep myself as distracted as possible.
It will drive you crazy, and give you such bad anxiety if you dwell on it. You can make yourself sick worrying like that. Take your hubby in your arms for a big squeeze and make him promise to be more careful! Have him check in at certain times during the day just so you can relax and feel at ease.

If it is really bad where you cant function because you worry, then maybe speaking to your doctor about some therapy might be in order.

Hi, I went thru this. My husband did pass away. He was 37 years old and he left behind our son who was 8 years at the time. And he left our daughter who turned 1 a week after he passed. And it was also a week before Christmas. He didn't pass of an accident though. It still doesn't change the worry. He passed from complications to diabetes. How many times I freaked out because of his low blood sugar, how many times I had to call 911! I also worry alot about my children. I know I have to try and not worry so much but it's hard. I worry about something happening to me and where would my kids go. I am remarried now and my husband said that he would fight for our kids if something happened even though he's the step parent. He considers himself their dad...not a step dad.
Oh, sorry I didn't mean to hyjack the post.
I worry about my current husband but not as much. I think time is your only thing to help you forget the scary parts.
take care!

I am sorry this happened to your family, and am very glad he is okay. It sounds to me like you have a bit of post-traumatic stress...which is completely normal. And yes, I have thoughts like that too....I think it is because my father died when I was very young.

I hope you are able to feel a bit better soon.

My husband was in a rock climbing accident. He fell about 60 feet. He did survive. Broke his back, ankle, heal and 3 toes. He was in the hospital for 4 days. He was in a leg cast, a "turtle shell" for his back and a walker when he came home. The leg cast came off after 2 months or so and the "turtle shell" came off after 4 months. At the time I had a 9 month old and a 3 year old. It was horrible!
It took quite a while before I stopped panicing that something was going to happen to him. I would safely say a good year or so. I still have moments here and there. It happened about 6 1/2 years ago now. It does get better though.
He now texts me all the time to let me know he's places and to check in and everything to help me feel better. He does it for the kids too. The oldest still remembers it some.
Glad he made it through the accident.

Sure. My husband travels a lot both by plane and car. That is one of the reasons I went back to college when our youngest started school. I was concern that if something happened to him how was I going to support two kids? I'm a fairly levelheaded person and we have insurance and all but you still have to support your kids.

It was in the early 1990's when he was to be home by 8:00 p.m. from a trip. Well by 11:30 p.m. I'm panicing. I call my mom in New York and ask her what I should do? She said wait until midnight and if he wasn't in call the state troopers. So midnight comes and I call her back and I was crying. I hung up with her and started calling the troopers when he walks in!!! I was so pissed!!! I don't know what I was more mad about, the fact that he WASN'T dead or he wasn't considerate enough to call from a pay phone (pre cellphone, how did we function with out them?). I told him I had him dead on the side of the road in a ditch. He started laughing! When he saw my face he realized I was serious and felt really bad. We have now been married 25 years and he calls ALL THE TIME!!! :)

I use to worry like that but for no reason. I just loved him so much and couldn't believe I had someone so wonderful. it truly would worry me to feeling sick and crying. After about 4-6 months of it and me not being able to control my feelings, I told my husband how I felt. I kept crying and crying. he said to me, "sweety, you are jinxing me if you continue to think this way, I was given to you for a reason and we need to enjoy each other as much as we can" After he said I was jinxing him, I let it go. I prayed really hard that night that God would take my worries on his own shoulders and let me enjoy my life with my husband and not too long after I was able to let it go. My grandmother once told me that if you have a worry that is just too much to bare, literally picture yourself handing the heavy worry over to God, ask him to take it from you and put it on his own shoulders. I have done that many times and it really works.
so glad your husband was ok, God has kept him here for you, enjoy it.

OMG Yes, I have two children and one on the way and I think about this a lot. I love him sooo much , I've had nightmares about him not being able to see us or hear us because he died. I woke up in tears, I also have nightmares about my children dying, I'm a nervous wreck this pregnancy.

Also my uncle (my dad's only brother and sibling) died at age 48 in a car crash. He didn't even own a car, he was given a ride by one of his students (he was a professor) and they crashed head on collission agaisnt a highway pillar. This was in 2008.

After my uncle's accident I've had to have therapy and been prescribed antidepressants (I stopped them after a while). Because I didn't even want to leave the house and I also didn't want my husband to leave the house; he said he had to go to work and leave the house to please stop my nonsense.

It was crazy for a long time, but I just have to trust he is going to be fine otherwise I'll go crazy.

Hi J.,

Thank God your husband is ok! I completely understand how you feel. You went through a huge traumatic ordeal and its very scary to have the one you love get hurt! The thing that helped me the most is to pray and to pray for the safety and security of my husband. I would pray each day and ask God to please keep him safe and that I knew he was in His hands. I would then turn it over and ask God to take the worry and anxiety away. It took a bit of time for me to feel more comfortable with him leaving for work etc. But it got better. I can't say that I don't worry, because I still do--but its much better when I choose to pray about it. I hope you get some peace and comfort----GL!

M

Yep. My husband is a truck driver. He's been driving for 4 years. I know of 3 other people that have died in trucking accidents. NONE of the people died by their own fault. So yes, it does make me extra tense. Especially when the weather is bad. He drives overnite 99% of the time so when I go to bed at night, I just say a quick little prayer to keep him safe & get him home safely and I go to sleep. It's all I can do. We make sure we hug & kiss before he leaves for work & the last thing we say to eachother when we seperate or hang up the phone is always "I love you." We don't go to bed mad & communicate everything. I think that helps too. If the Good Lord is ready for my super awesome hubby then at least we'd have no regrets. :) Best wishes J.. I'm glad to hear your hubby is OK.

I had the same thing happen to me in 2002. AND... I reacted the same way you have. Prayer is good obviously and it helped tremendously but the fear still came and went often. (Don't doubt your trust.) Time is what has helped the most. Keep praying. This too shall pass.

God bless,
M.

Unfortunately these thoughts are a fact of life for me. My husband is deployed for a year in Afghanistan. During his first deployment (no kids and 8 months after we got married), I had someone call at 9pm from the Army asking if I was Mrs. So and so...I couldn't breathe... I couldn't speak. I was a new wife and did not know the protocol on how a family member would be contacted if something bad happened. It turned out to be a call asking for donations for wounded soldiers...I FREAKED ON THE SGT ON THE PHONE! He has no idea what he did to me that night.
A week ago, I was turning off the lights and getting ready for bed around 10pm when a large black car pulled into my driveway....and just sat there with it's lights on, for about 5 minutes. Same thing, I end up on my knees, not able to breathe, waiting to see 2 uniforms come out of that car...the car ended up leaving my driveway and driving slowly down the street...wrong address? No idea...
At spouse briefings, they talk about keeping a list of family phone numbers ready because if you receive bad news, you will not remember even the most well-known phone numbers. They talk about figuring out child care ahead of time in case of an emergency. They talk about making sure you have a valid passport in case you need to fly to Germany to the hospital and to decide whether or not to get them for the kids...ie. what would you do?
Unfortunately, we are forced to confront the reality of this too often. But the truth is, any day on the beltway in a car can be just as dangerous.
I try to not think TOO much about it, or think about it in a logistical sort of way because it would make me sick otherwise. I try to remember that none of us are promised tomorrow and that we need to make our "today" worth it.
Hope you're feeling better soon...

My husband mostly walked away from a near fatal accident 5 years ago involving his dad, best friend and best friends dad. I can remember the call like it just happened. The best friend and dad were flown out to seperate hospitals and his dad and he were taken to a third. They were hours from home and we were so scared.

Then 6 months later my dad passed away and my husband was out of town having to rush home to be with us. Again I was petrified.

I have always worried about him when he travels, but after that I became very afraid. I can't sleep, I worry, and I don't want him to leave. Its been almost 5 years and I still have that pit in my stomache, but I try to stay calm. I guess when its their time its their time and it won't matter if they are on a trip or at the office. But Its still hard. I pray a lot for his safety.

I can't say that you will ever stop being afraid, but just keep praying and your fears will lesson up over time.

I always worry. I even made him put "I C E" after my phone number in his phone (stands for In Case of Emergency, in case medical professionals need to know who to reach).

Working on our wills/ living wills is next on our list. We have discussions a few times a year about what our wishes are as far as organ donation, life support, etc. We have life insurance policies in place.

Life is so very fragile and short. When my little brother got cancer is just reinforced that fact for me. He survived, but I cherish every moment with my family.

I wish I could give more of my worry and fear to God, that sure sounds liberating!