Does Anybody Else Always Fear the Worst in Everything? How Do You Not?

I think when you have a traumatic experience its hard to NOT fear the worst all the time.
Whether it be a loved one passing away, or being in an abusive relationship.
When my hubby is late home from work always worry if he's ok.
Or my biggest issue...
In pretty much every relationship I've been in, besides the one I'm in now with my hubby, I've been cheated on and emotionally abused.
My father abused me in almost every way besides sexually. So when ever I get into any kind of argument with my hubby i get scared and "shut down" I totally introvert.
Or whenever he goes out drinking with his coworkers *which is like once every 6 months* The whole time he is gone 'm imagining that he is flirting with some chick at the bar or is going home with them.

How do I deal? I've had to work hard at it. And it still happens from time to time. I realized that those thoughts are irrational ones. So I let them pass. I try to redirect my thoughts to logical ones.

I can relate. I feel the same way sometimes. My mother died when I was only 6 years old, then my father died when I was 22. They both died in weird tragic ways. Its still rough on me at times too. So naturally, I have abandonment issues. I fear the worst a lot. I worry that I will lose my husband or child to a freak accident. I am very cautious and safety oriented. Even going to the playground, which should be fun, makes me anxious the whole time because I am on edge thinking my child will get hurt. If she climbs something that I think is too high, I tense up waiting for her to fall. I don't relax until we leave. She is 2.5 now and I still check her at night to make sure she is still breathing. Things like that LOL.

I went to therapy for about a year and this was a big topic that I discussed with my therapist. She said its natural to feel this way. She told me about a study that was done on people who lost a parent before they were 25 years old. These "parentless children" turned out to be very similiar with their parenting styles once they had kids of their own. They fear the same things you and I do. They are what people on this site love to call "helicoptor" parents. Very worried about their children's safety. And very worried about the safety of everyone they love. Losing a parent when you are still basically a "kid" yourself makes you not trust the world. It makes you think you are bound to lose everyone you love. What you are feeling is text book considering you lost your dad when you were only 21. If I can find that artice online, I will private message you the link.

Anyway, I suggest you see a therapist if you can. It really helped me through a lot of my issues. If you are not into therapy, then check out the "self help" section at the book store. I know there are books on this topic, and reading a book is much cheaper than therapy lol.

If you can find a therapist that can help you change your thought patterns, that may be a place to start. Or even look into self help books to see what may help you deal with this. A little "what if" is healthy, but it sounds like the scope of your fear is stopping you from enjoying your life and family. The right book can help unlock things for you, the right therapist can teach you ways to think. Good luck, and good for you for wanting to help yourself change. The fact that you already want to make the change, and think there are ways to do it is a good sign! :)

I recognize it as a "control" issue - i.e., if I expect the worst, and the worst happens - at least I had some sort of "control" over it by knowing that it was coming (not that you actually do - it's a mind trick we play imho).

Anxiety is a very real and pernicious "devil" in our lives, which is why the Bible warns us about it.

One day at a time . . . grateful for each moment. That's how I try to approach life, not that I always succeed at it.

Dear S. T, You have received great responses, so I will not repeat, only add info: If you decide to go into therapy, you would probably want to check out a "Cognitive Behavioral Therapist." They can help you change your thought patterns.
I Hope this Helps.
jilly

I think to have these thoughts and fears are normal - to a point it keeps you alert, in-tune with the family and surroundings.
When it is not normal is when your fear rules your life. If you choose not to go somewhere for fear of abduction or you and your hubby are fighting because you don't want him to go to work/party/movie, etc.
There could also be some level of anxiety you are dealing with. Talking with a psychologist and possibly some meds could help alleviate the feelings you are having.

Girl I feel ya! My fiance' died in 08 and I had my son in 09 and he sleeps with me and I am always positioned between him and any door or window for fear of someone stealing him. I not only think of the fact that there is no way I could make it with out him but I fear that something will happen to me and he won't be loved and taken care of like I would.
One thing I will tell you is its a process and you will have to start opening up to a few close loved ones like your husband. Let him know your anxiety and fears so if he's gonna be late he can call. Little things that can be avoided will help the stress level. Don't go to the store if it's crowded. Me I personally won't drive on Friday and Sat nights for fear of a drunk driver hitting me. It's a slippery slope though if you find yourself not wanting to go outside at all because of your fears you might want to take a step back and start seeking professional help for you and your familys sake. Good luck!!

I think everyone is paranoid about different things. For me I blame my dad being a cop and nowcrime scene detective. I know through him, how scary things can be.
Ex: Last night while driving home from work my husband put my almost two year old on the phone with me and we talked for a few minutes. After I hung up with her I got this horrible feeling that I was going to get in a car wreck and at least I got to talk to her. It sounds so morbid, but you are not alone. I get panicked anytime I call my dad, husband, mom, sisters, etc and I know they should be able to answer their phones (ie: not at work or school) and don't.

I'm not sure if it's normal or not, but I do the same thing and it's only got worse since having children. You are not alone.

For me it helps to know that I do everything I can to keep our family safe. You mentioned crowds and your child, we bought our little one a Dora backpack (leash agh!) thing and that has really helped ease my mind while we are at places like Disney World or the zoo. I know that I have her and she can't run or get snatched up. It helps me to enjoy things a little more. Sometimes it's hard to relax but I just tell myself that everything will be okay and for the most part it always is.
I'm a mother of 1 and another on the way and I still don't like to be in a dark house by myself at night. I even get mad at my husband if he turns off all the downstairs lights while I'm still down stairs and he goes up, even if I am on my way.
I try to see things through my daughters eyes when we are out for a fun day. It really helps me to relax and enjoy it all. There have been times when we are on our way home from somewhere and I relize that I didn't get nervous one time that day. That's an amazing feeling!

When you are traumatized by something, it is hard not to hold on to that anxiety and fear and have it permeate a number different aspects of your life. I know how this feels since I used to have a probem with anxiety and not feeling like I could trust a number of different situations.

What changed for me was me finally acknowledging where my feelings were coming from (the original source) and trying to view it from a different perspective - not as the child or young adult that I was when it first happened but as the adult that I am now who has so much more wisdom and a better sense of how the world works. I also try to find out what the positive lesson maybe from that particular experience or relationship. For example, it does hurt when you lose a parent but the blessing is that your father may have taught you a number of great life lessons about love and happiness. Keep your focus on the gifts and soon the injury of his passing will dissipate.

It takes time and a lot of work but this seems to have worked for me and hopefully it will for you as well.

I haven't read the other answers yet.
I used to be this way.

It is my belief, based on my own experience and other people's as well,
that it would be very good for you to spend some time
talking with a good therapist to help you work through
what's reasonable and not reasonable in your thinking patterns.

There are some things that are worth worrying about.
And others that just take up too much time and energy.
Some of your worries may be substitutes for other issues,
that you haven't looked at directly.

You are welcome to send me a private message
if you'd like me to share some of my personal experiences.

When my baby was born 5 months ago I cried for two weeks every night because I thought she was going to die of SIDS. I started quoting 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of discipline." It helped me not drive myself crazy with what might happen. My pastor said once "Don't let what you can't control destroy what you can enjoy."

We lost our 7 year old neice about 3 months ago, and I have these thoughts all the time......I havn't found a soulution other than think another thought after I get them. Knowing just the fear that it does happen has scared me......so I try to think happy and laugh if off to get my mind on something else.

i have adhd and recently found out i also have anxiety disorder too. i take niacin to help. It helps me, my daughter, and my dogs (lol). Niacin is just vitamin b3. you might do some research and see if it is for you. it is not very expensive

Reading some of the answers you have some good advice. I think it was Laurie that suggested considering why you feel the way you do. If you are in a crowded place, why do you think someone is going to grab your kid. Does someone look suspicious? Are you in a bad area? If you are answering no to all dangers you are being irrational.

Most people when faced with fear it is instinct that is causing that fear. It is healthy to react on that instinct. When trauma causes you to lose that healthy instinct what you have is very unhealthy. Once huge danger is you always feel you are in danger so when you are really in danger you will try to ignore that as well.

That is where a good therapist can help. You need to sort out why you fear everything.

Good luck.

I feel the same way you do....I think some of it might be a chemical inbalance (depression). I take something for it but I still have these thoughts and feelings. I love my husband and son so much that I just can't imagine something bad happening to them. I would be so lost. I try to take some deep breaths and pray (depending on what your beliefs are) that everything will be ok. Just know that you're not alone :)...Merry Christmas and God Bless