Do You Ever Take Time for Yourself?

I completely understand. I have no answers but I just wanted to say I get it. On the rare occasion my hubs takes my son out, I end up running around like a mad woman trying to get everything done while they're gone...and then I regret not taking the time to relax. But, if I DO relax, afterwards I look at all the stuff I should have been doing. It's no win, I tell you!

I always have that problem. I am now 11 months pregnant with my second child and i still don't know how to rest and am extremely tired. My daughter is 3.5 and is very active, plus i work a full time job. I go home and want to play with her so she doesn't feel like too much is changing,clean, do laundry. My days off i am groccery shopping and other things i can't do on my regular work days..birthday parties on the weekends just on a constant go and when i sit for too long i always feel guilty...must just be a mom thing...

Hi I am a young mom to 4 children I know how it feels to get burnt out don't get me wrong I love my kids but sometimes you just need me time after my third was born I really realized this. I started taking one night a week for my self, my husband comes home from work relaxes for a few hours then he takes care of the kids and I go do something for a few hours, like a movie, shopping, visit with family or friends any thing to get a way to my self it really helps me get back to me. when I get home I am ready for what ever they can throw my way. Sometimes they need to be away from you too and just spend time with daddy every one benefits in the long run.

You should always take time for yourself. That is something that I figured out about 2 years ago. It is hard to get it once you have not taken it. After 7 years my husband does not understand the need for ME time!!! I never needed it before.

Do not feel guilty, feel blessed and take time for yourself. You need it sometimes to jump start YOU!!!

I am a mom to a 16 month old and a 3 1/2 year old and take my advice, you HAVE to take time for yourself. You will go insane if you don't. Take a night out with friends or join a moms group and have coffee. Things are going to get piled up no matter what. It's just life.
I go to the gym and take time for myself there. I know the kids are having fun playing while I'm taking care of myself, physically and mentally.
A happy, rested, well rounded mommy = happy child :)

Cheers,
K.

T.-
You are doing a little something for yourself right now. =) Focusing on yourself for some period of the time is healthier for everyone around you. You could just go & go & be on "auto pilot" & never be "all you could be". Yes- I too feel guilty when I do ANYTHING for myself. I find that I have to convince myself that I do deserve it.
Things I have found that have worked for me:
*keeping a journal for expressing & venting emotions privately* bathe with just 1 candle on & lights off*self pedicure(after kids are in bed)*get lost in the bookstore or library*get a free facial/makeover at the department stores*drinking coffee & reading a newspaper/mag somewhere outside with friends or self*look up old friends from the past & chat about old times* painting/decorating a chosen piece of furniture or a ceramic (no I am no artist- but just the act of it-can be rewarding* call someone long distance with the door locked =)* wear something nice even if going nowhere* pick a place(new restaurant,outdoor activity,a public event,new city to explore etc.) every month to plan to go on with just you & the hubby or just friends* Make 3 lists: currently/near future,3mos,6mos-1yr of "goals to accomplish" make it REALISTIC & achievable not impossible-even the smallest things can be a goal*watch a comedy show-great stress relief*get a massage* have someone/s that you can talk to privately,email or even IM that you can have laughs,cries,unexpected anythings & sudden happenings with.

here is a link on goals for reference:
http://lifehacker.com/software/goals/how-to-choose-achiev...

REMEMBER: You are not very good to anyone else if you cannot be very good to yourself.=D
Good Luck & God Bless

You are the sponge of your family - always giving them the water they need. If you don't soak up, you can't give anything. And isn't it true that they say meditation is good for you? It really is. Enjoy it - don't feel guilty about it.

You should always take time for yourself. The fact that you feel guilty means you dont take enough. Just enjoy(I know easier said than done) but, the more little breaks you take the more you will be able to enjoy them. I love what you want for your daughter, its the exact same I want for my three girls.

You need to have time to yourself. Really!!! I understand the feeling guilty because I feel the same way sometimes. I think you will be a better person, parent, and wife if you have time to yourself. It's hard sometimes to remember that you are a women too and that you have needs just like your kids. I feel guilty for doing anything without them but my husband told me that I needed to start doing things for myself. I get a massage once a month and try to do something alone or with a friend.

I started a Meet up group in Mesa to cover all basis as a parent. Play dates, family events, mom's night, and a dads night once a month. http://couples.meetup.com/562/

I take time for myself EVERYDAY....and so should every mom. Whether it's a nice hot, long bath, a walk outside, time to read, scrapbook for 1/2 an hour, meditate, exercise, catching up with a friend, art, listening to music...whatever suits you. But, I truly believe that it's essential, and you deserve it spirtually, mentally and physically.

So many mom's/friends I've talked to don't even remember what their interests/hobbies are anymore, or they let this
"guilt" thing takeover and lose themselves in the process - which can lead to depression, resentment, etc. Remember, that by law employees are given breaks....you DESERVE a few throughout your day too - being a mom is the most demanding, on-call, job there is - lol

It's like re-charging yourself so that you can be the best woman, mom, wife, etc that you can be. Think of it as a gift you give to yourself...trust me, you'll be happier for it. As the old saying goes, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." ......go get yourself a happy break(s) EACH day!

Best,
C.

P.S. I have (4) kids: 9, 9, 5, 4

You know us ladies always feel guilty for taking some time for ourselves... and if you are like me you feel guilty buying something for yourself even if it is something you need like a new bra or underwear.

I am a mother of 4 that are at home... and some say a during the school year a mother of hundreds. (I work at an elementary school)

I have found that doing a craft like my cross stitching gives me a sense of accomplishing something, relaxing and getting my mind off of everything... helps an awful lot.

Tara,
I am a working mom of 3 girls under age 11. Like you, I was always on the move but never felt that I was actually getting anything accomplished (there was always one more thing that needed to be done or cleaned). By the time my second daughter was 2 I was a stressed out mess. Bless my husband who realized that I needed some prodding to take "me" time.

He bought me a monthly massage memebership and kicks me out of the house for at least an hour every weekend (tells me to get a pedicure, go to the mall, whatever I want but I am not allowed to come home for at least one hour). The way he saw it, a relaxed Mommy is better for everyone. It has worked wonders and I no longer feel bad for wanting to "escape" from my responsibilities. Plus when I come home and see them all playing together, it makes me realize that it allows my husband to bond with the kids without running to Mommy first.

You know, you should never feel guilty for taking some time to yourself! I work 40+ hours a week, commute an hour each way, and my husband and I work different hours so I know what you mean... But let me tell you, we both get time to ourselves and always have and don't feel guilty about it! Don't get me wrong, if I go shopping I am hauling butt trying on clothes and trying not to be gone for too long, but for example today he was gone all day four wheeling and tomorrow I am going to get a pedicure and lunch with a girlfriend. We need time to ourselves and have to make ourselves not feel guilty for taking a breather!

I am lucky though and I have a very hands-on husband who trusts me to have girl time and would be more than happy to let me have a girl’s night out!!! I consider myself very lucky because I have friends who have husbands that won’t “baby sit” … I personally don’t think it is baby-sitting when it is your own baby! LOL

PS - LOVE your little girls name (my middle name). Do you pronounce your first name like Sara or Cara or is it like Tar (bad example) my first name is T. which is pronounced (by me and people who know me at least) like Sara or Cara...

Having mixed feelings about stuff like this is a sign of adult emotional maturity. Our little kids don't have this yet...which is why they feel their emotions so strongly...mad, sad, happy etc. We watch them, and sometimes envy this purity of experience.
There is always more to do than we can, in an hour, a day, a month etc. I think if you just get about half of your mental to-do list done, you are doing really well.
Things will pile up (somewhere) even if you worked 24/7. Let it go. Enjoy life and being a mom. Our days pass too quickly to waste too much time worrying, or feeling guilty about small stuff.

I'm so glad you asked this and you rc'd some great responses that support time for yourself. I finally "get it" after 20 yrs (no exaggeration) of trying to be Superwoman and 2-3 years of counseling appts because I didn't understand why I was bitter and resentful toward 2 failed marraiges and overstimulated kids (now ages 17,16, 6, 3). Am so proud of the women who wrote you that a relaxed mom is a happy mom and kudos to thier husbands too! I was where you're at for so many years-didn't know what a pedicure was until this year! haha Take advantage of that time for yourself--you and your family will love you for it later. Bella will love you for it when she's an adult and has learned this from you. I worry about my 17 yr old--I see a "mini me" in the making and have her in counseling as well. The work you need to get done will still be there when you get back--it doesn't grow legs and walk away like other things! heehee Taking some occasional time for yourself doesn't make you lazy-it helps to keep you healthy. Enjoy your day, everyday!!
S.

You have to take time for yourself don't feel bad about it. On Saturdays my mom takes my son and I'm a single Mommmy so I usually go home and take a nap after I drop him off lol. You have to do something or you'll be pullin your hair out.

It is necessary to take time for ourselves in this busy fast paced world we live in. I'm not a big movie person so my family went to the movies and I stayed home and cooked and I slept.
I used to feel guilty, but quiet time is needed. We all need time to think, relax and renew ourselves. The Bible says be still and know that I am God. It is in the stillness we appreciate His creation. We need the time so we can go forward and be more productive or we will burn ourselves out.

Take care, and avoid unnecessary guilt. Guilt is for when we are doing wrong. Enjoy yourself, your time alone, and the fact that you have someone to take your child. You will have more patience for her when she is home. I think a mistake I made when the kids were young I did not take enough time and then I didn't feel good.

Have a great day!
K.

Hi T. -

If you want your daughter to grow up smart, kind, successful and happy - you have to set the example by first honoring yourself. If need be, get a daily planner and schedule time for yourself in it. This helps some women (moms or not) lessen the guilty feelings about taking time for themselves.

All those qualities you want for your daughter begin with self-respect and learning to honor her needs. Set the example. Don't let her grow up thinking that her time belongs to everyone but herself - like most of us did.

Blessings,

M. M. Ernsberger
Certified Life Coach

I'm right there with you...I believe we are taught that if we are not super moms doing things all day non stop then somethings wrong. I constantly fight with this issue. I know that it's healthy for myself and good for my kids to have a role model who can stop and take some time out. Most of us discipline our kids with time outs...time to be in the present moment is what I believe we're trying to teach them...or that when things are going too fast and are too much, we should stop.
For me I have 4 kids, have a part time job, support my husband who has his own company which entails farming. I am a very involved parent including volunteering in a classroom at the school once a week. I cook almost all the meals, I clean the house, take care of our finances, car repairs, house repairs, all the typical wife duties..
I am constantly questioning how much I contribute and how can I possibly deserve to go out with some friends, take some time to exercise or sit down and read for a moment during the day? Do I feel like my house jobs are not challenging and unfulfilling and I don't "deserve" to take some time? My husband is totally supportive of me and reminds me of all the things I do...
I'm so happy for you that you had some time and hope you keep finding time and enjoying it guilt free!

in the rat race, i didnt notice that i was going and going and going. between work, coaching my sons wrestling teams,being team mom to his cross country team. traveling to all of his events, i had no time for myslef and my husband. he started doing this so that he had a few minutes to talk to me alone. every tuesday he fils up the tub with bubble bath, lights candles, opens a bottle of wine and makes me take a bubble bath. . he sahves my legs (cause i dont have time for that and hate to do it), washes my hair and sits by the tub and we talk and share some wine. after i get out i get a massage. sometimes it will take a couple of hours. it is an awesome way to reconnect. on wednesdays he gets the same treatment. and who cares if the house isnt done. we all clean house every saturday mornign before we head out. sometimes that means getingup at 5 in the morning if we have to travel anywhaere. and that is all the hosue gets for the week. during the week we each do our own laundry we take turns sharing the washing machine. i get it on mondays and tuesdays. my son gets it on wednesdays and thursdays. dad get is friday and saturdays and i do sheets and towels and anything that didnt get done during the week. i usually put a load in as soon as i get up and another as soon as i get home. we dont have a dishwasher)by choice) so i cook, they take turns washing dishes. sometimes they dont get done every night if one of them is too tired but so what, as long as there is no food on them. we also leave soapy water in the sink and everyone rinses whateve dishes they use. so doing dishes onlyinvolves wahsing the cooking dishes. ons aturdays, everyone is assinged a room and everything gets done quicker.

oh my gosh! yes, i take time for myself! almost every single day! i have a wonderful boyfriend (we live together) who will do whatever i need him to so i can have some free time...i know...lucky me! but i love to read, so every night before bed i try to get some reading in, and a long hot bath sometimes after the kids are in bed and i try to get phone calls in to my girlfriends in CA if the kids are asleep or if my boyfriend is watching something that doesn't really interest me. i also read sitting next to him if he's watching a game or something, so we are at least together. both of us work full time away from the house, so we sort of kick it in to high gear to get chores done. we will just powerhouse thru stuff, sweat like the dickens, but then it's done and we can do stuff with the kids or with each other. don't feel guilty! you need family time and private time...take both when you can! it does a world of good for your mental and physical health!