Do You Feel Appreciated?

I don't really need to feel appreciated, exactly, but sometimes I wish my husband and kids would really 'get' everything that I do and have done for them, in particular for my kids.

They won't, however, so I'm over it. My daughter probably will, once she's a mother. The guys probably never will. Whatever.

Stay at home mom. Quickly exiting the mom part, lol.

My H will only slt understand the work it took to raise kids and keep things in balance, ever. I'm ok with that now, I'm finished defending myself.
We are pretty much in balance at this moment.

It's been my experience if I'm craving appreciation, I'm doing too much.
I'm not being my own best friend and female superheroes are never appreciated!

I am a SAHM and frankly, I appreciate what I do. I think it starts with the person themselves-- do you value what you do? If you do, if you value what you have to offer, the choices you've made, then it's often easier to not depend on outside appreciation.

That said, I am fortunate in that I do feel appreciated, whether from someone telling me thank you or as I said before, from within. I find that if I can find meaning in what I'm doing (even the mundane stuff), it makes the day more pleasant. Frankly, I am aware that a lot of what I do goes mostly unacknowledged by my husband and I would bore myself to tears in giving him a litany of "I swept the floor and scoured the bathroom sink and harvested the berries this morning and make xyz for dinner...." Sorry, my eyes would glaze over. He's very thankful for what he does notice and just as he goes off to work and I have no clue what he does for the most part, I thank him for working hard. It goes without saying that we both have our jobs and the life we chose--no need to expect others to always validate those choices or our work in it.

I always think it is odd that people expect appreciation for choosing to have kids. Like my ex, he would always get his knickers in a twist because the kids didn't bow down and worship him for going into work every day. Um, we had them, of course we support them! I chose to have kids, of course I take care of them.

It seems sort of twisted to expect your kids to appreciate that you had them. What is your husband supposed to appreciate, that you stay with him, should you appreciate he stays with you? Isn't that a wash?

We do what we do because we chose this path, not for praise.

I am odd, I get that, but this is something I have never understood.

I feel appreciated.

However, I am not the type who expects my daughter, hubby, friends, etc to bow down to me in thanks if I do something thoughtful. I don't do things for people in order to get an acknowledgement, I do it because I want to.

Of course I feel special when my daughter sends me a picture of her cat and empty laundry basket of clothes that I just washed for her and it says Thanks Mom ILY.

I work from home running our company with my husband so we are working together pretty much 24/7. When you own the business you put in more time and effort because it is something we've built together.

I do have some needy clients that need to hear thank you all the time and have their ego stroked all the time. It is like they are the only ones living in their own world.

I usually do feel pretty appreciated.
My husband son and I make a point of thanking each other for helping - and we all help each other a lot.
Just the other day our son made a sandwich for himself and then he made another one for when Dad got home from working late.

I've never really been one who needs appreciation to thrive or be motivated. I say this because I noticed my husband really craves it, and needs to be appreciated. He needs to know he is valued. I can somewhat live without it... I am cool as long as I recieve an unexpected burst now and then (like a note in a mother's day card, or an end of the year thank you gift from a student at work). But day to day, I just do what I need to do and I don't need accolades along the way. Like Nervy Girl said, I appreciate myself!

I think it's partly from being raised in a large family (all just do their part b/c that's what you do, no special scooby snacks for any of it) and choosing a career in education. If you can't function under little to NO recognition for what you do on a daily basis, don't go into education ;)

I want to thank Nervy Girl for her answer. I think I don't appreciate what I do, and that's part of my problem. I wanted to stay home and am glad I do, but I have a PhD and worked in academia for a lot of years. I feel as though my work is not particularly important in the grand scale of things, so I feel under appreciated because of that. I know intellectually that my family appreciates my work, and I maintain professional ties and activities, but I tend to do a poorer job than I could because I feel the work is less important, and subsequently I feel unsuccessful and under appreciated as a result.

Thanks, Nervy Girl, for your insight!

In my relationship, no, not at all. But that's a really long story, and for privacy reasons I'm not going to get into it here.

With my son, absolutely. He's a little boy, he appreciates me in a little boy way. A special dessert, as a treat? Appreciated. Vegetables, at least twice a day? Not so much. But every night, when he's in his PJs and all sweet-smelling from his bath, he tells me he loves me. These are the happiest moments of my life.

Am I appreciated by my friends? Hell yeah, and I appreciate them right back.

By my mom, my brother, and the rest of my family? Hell yeah again.

At work? Not in a warm-fuzzy way, or even close, but I know my boss respects my work, and I respect her. So we're good.

All of which is to say, I guess, take appreciation where you can get it. If a spouse or someone isn't appreciating you, then don't turn around and fail to appreciate those who DO appreciate you. If that makes any sense.

Yes and no.
When my kids ignore everything I say and I have to repeat my self until I'm yelling, I don't, but when they snuggle up next to me and give me unsolicited loves and tell me I'm the bestest cook ever for making a completely half-assed dinner, I totally do.

Hubby is tougher. I rarely feel he appreciates how much work I do working full-time, caring for our children full-time while working, running the household and being responsible for all appointments, projects, etc., and managing on my own a lot while he travels for work. However, sometimes I just need to back away, back off, claim time for myself and let him take over also. Lately, this pregnancy has been wiping me out, so as soon as dinner is eaten and the kids are in bed, I head to bed too. No asking if he'll clean up, no feeling guilty or like I have to explain, just saying goodnight and heading upstairs. He's gladly tackled the mess in the kitchen, the regular chores, and other tasks I've handed him, which makes me feel appreciated, if not for the quantity of work I do, then for simply being me and being loved and cared for.

Work is another tough one. Many of my clients are fantastic and make me feel appreciated through little gifts, random notes, texts, FB posts, or conversations. They make me feel like I'm a person of value not just for the service I provide, but because they genuinely like me and are thankful for me. Then there are the rare few whose behavior is so selfish and self-centered their children barely make blips on their radars, let alone anyone else. The perfect example of this is a client who left a few weeks ago because her child was headed to preschool and she enrolled her in camp for the summer. After taking care of her child 50 hours/week from 3 months to 3.5 years old, she left without so much as the words "Thank you.". Just a few days ago, she texted my assistant to see if she would watch her daughter in her home for the two weeks between the end of camp and the start of school, knowing full well that she works Monday-Thursday for me.

Feeling appreciated has it's ups and downs, as does everything in life. We just have to try to enhance the positives and either fix or ignore the negatives.

Lately, NO. I have been unemployed for almost 11 months. I spend a lot of time on the computer looking at jobs, searching companies, reading a lot of job descriptions etc. I get a lot of "your on the computer all day" deal. Well, duh. Someone needs to work and I can't wait for the job to find me. My kids even act like now mom's home we don't have to do anything. Or do very little. I have to repeatedly remind everyone to get their chores done, every single day. 15 yr old should be able to get it done. Cannot wait to get back to work and force them to get off their duff. The surprise will come when they have to do some laundry too. I have not told them that bit yet. And I plan to make them start supper some days.

Son? No, he doesn't have a clue how much I do for him even with him living almost 1000 miles away.

Daughter? Oh yeah, she appreciates me now. She is on her own and loves when I do little things for her and she does them for me as well. Its very nice.

Husband? Yes, I feel his appreciation. He tells me all the time how much he loves me and how much I do for our family. Its nice.

Work? Yeah, not so much right now. I'm annoyed with work and would like to just walk out the door. Let them see all I do!!! =) And they can eat cake as well!!!

I don't think they really have a clue about how much I really do for them. I'm mostly OK with them not appreciating me.

What bothers me more is how unappreciated I feel with my HS group. I'm ready to shut the thing down.

I work outside the home full time. I feel very appreciated by my husband, children and my employer. There is mutual respect with each of those relationships and, though there are always moments were I feel like I'm carrying a heavy load, it all works out and overall I know my hubs and kids realize and appreciate all that I do for our family.

As for my boss, I have a great job, a great boss and work for a very generous company who values their employees. I am a very fortunate and grateful woman.

I don't do what I do to have anyone "appreciate" me. That's in business, parenting, relationships, housework etc.

I do what I do because I think it needs to be done. And I do it to the best of my ability because that's how I was raised.

I'm a WAHM and I feel appreciated from both my husband and kids as well as my clients. I do a tremendous amount to keep things up with the household as well as run a business and keep my clients happy. My kids see how hard I work, since they are here with us each day. They also know that mom takes time out to play, take them to activities, do household chores, make healthy dinners, etc. My husband is wonderful about telling me how much he appreciates the work I do.

My clients are great about giving me positive feedback and letting me know how much they appreciate my work.

There are days when I can't keep up and I feel like my world is out of control with all that we have going on, and I love that my family understands that we're all in this together. My husband jumps in and takes on more responsibility to get things back on track. My kids are pretty good about doing what we need for them to keep up on their end too. So I appreciate them too. :)

Before I started my business, I was a SAHM with just a little freelancing work. The only day I didn't feel appreciated was the only day my husband asked what I had done all day. I followed that up with an irritated list of all the craziness of what had gone on for the entire 8 hours he was away and he never treated me like that again. The dishes weren't done and the laundry was piling up, but our babies were happy, fed, clean, entertained and dinner was on the table. He learned quickly that being appreciative is much safer and more rewarding for all.

People don't necessarily focus on the relationships. Often times the focus is on getting the task done. When that happens, one can feel unappreciated.

Sometimes I feel appreciated, as a mom, wife, teacher, daughter of elderly parents, and sometimes I don't. I do my best to "train" those under my care to say thank you. Those who are above me, well, I haven't quite found the right way to express that I am being unappreciated. Teachers in Michigan in general do not feel appreciated given the political circumstances. I am lucky to have an appreciative child and husband to compensate.

I was a SAHM for 8+ years, and I just re-entered the work force a few weeks ago. I have always felt appreciated -- even by my soon-to-be-ex-husband. But you know what? I feel MORE appreciated now. I have always felt good about my contribution to the world and to my family, but there is something about being a SAHM that made me invisible to everyone outside my immediate circle.

Now that I'm working again, I have professional clout. I'm making money. People care about my opinion. I feel useful both at home and at work. Had I not had to make the decision to divorce, I likely would have been a SAHM forever. I would have still felt appreciated, but only by my husband and children.

Not on a regular basis. I work a full time job. I have 3 kids, 19, 17 and 7. A few years back I got really pissed off because so much was expected of me, time to time I still feel like that. I get up at 6:30 AM every morning, the kids are on summer break right now and want me to stay up late with them. I can't, I have responsibilities. My teenage son comes home around 10 or so at night, some nights I'm already in bed.
But what really bothers me is that I'm expected to think of meals every night and cook them, when my husband a lot of the time isn't working. Then when I make something or plan on making it, I get to hear "we always eat the same food or I don't want that." But when I asked for suggestions, all I hear is "I don't know". I have to do the laundry, dishes and regular cleaning; and if I slack off a little I hear about how lazy I am, how dirty I am, etc.

Hands down my bosses make me feel very appreciated and show and tell me. Maybe why I love working so much.

I feel appreciated by everyone except for my husband, but we have a difficult marriage. Like most people, I do work hard and try my best to do good work for those I have committed work to. My boss and team are work are all wonderful and I am blessed to have an amazing positive work environment, where progress is celebrated and problems are seen as puzzles to solve together. It hasn't always been this way but I moved to a new team 6 months ago and have learned so much from how they do things that I hope to take those lessons with me for the rest of my career. My boss and colleagues know how much I appreciate them as well.

At home, my kids certainly don't show appreciation all the time and I especially feel that the older kids (both 16) take a lot for granted and they can act very put upon when doing chores and project but I think it's just the age. My younger two are very quick with a "thank you Mummy!" when something goes their way. Regardless, I try to foster an environment of appreciation with all of them, being sure to say "thanks" when they complete a job or project or spontaneously help out with something or even when they do something as simple as finally remember to text before just showing up with a friend or calling to say they'll be late. I try to recognize when they're trying to do the right thing and let them know that I appreciate their cooperation and effort.

As a volunteer (PTA and church) the people I serve are always quick to say thank you. In turn, I try to be quick with thanks or a kind work or a note to the teachers, coaches, and volunteers in my life. We're all doing our part to make the world a better place one small project or event or group at a time.

Finally, my parents and siblings and other family member are always gracious guests and truly appreciate when we host something or plan an event or pitch in as guests in their homes. I tell them all the time how thankful I am for all that they do for us and our kids so hopefully, they feel appreciated as well.

The one sore spot is my husband - we really don't even like each other a lot of the time - but we're working on that in counseling.

yeah. i'm very lucky.
i'm at home at the moment, but for i worked through my child-rearing years, including the homeschooling ones. now i just work in the spring and fall at my part-time teaching gig. i ought to get a real job, but i confess i'm loving this.
and my husband, kids and bosses past and present have all made me feel very appreciated.
khairete
S.

SAHM. And no I don't.

I am a SAHM and lately, no I do not. Not by my husband or my kids. It is very frustrating to do the same things day and and day out and not be appreciated for anything.