Do You Have Your Kids Give Each Other Birthday Presents?

Updated on March 12, 2013
T.T. asks from Baltimore, MD
26 answers

Another question regarding my daughter's upcoming birthday. She is turning 3; her brother is 6. He wants to give her a birthday gift. While I love the generous impulse behind this, what that realistically means to him is that he just picks something out that we, the parents, pay for.

So my question is do you have your children exchange presents for their birthdays and Christmas? How does it work in your family? Do they make each other presents, buy each other presents, just pick something out that you buy? My son doesn't earn an allowance yet, although he has some money saved up from various holidays. At what age do/did you have your children be responsible for presents for their family?

Thanks!

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Yes. When the kids are too young to foot the bill themselves, I still helped them pick out something for their friends and family members. THEY get him something for Father's Day. If I can't budget much, we work with what I can do, but we always try to give a little something. Give him $5 and take him to Target.

When my SD was 11, she gathered up all her wrinkled allowance money to buy Christmas gifts. She was SO PROUD to go through a magazine and mail order something for several of us. I think part of why it was so important to her was because we'd done gifting (giving more important than receiving) since she was little. When the kids have a job, make it theirs to budget for (SD has a loooong list of friends at Christmas), but before then, help them out, especially for family.

2 moms found this helpful
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F.C.

answers from Tampa on

YES my girls give each other gifts for Bdays, Holidays and Special Events (graduations/religious/etc)

We pay for the gifts (we give them a budget) but they get to pick it out. If they want to do something over and above then they have to pay the difference with their own monies.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

No, I didn't have my kids do that when they were little. Now that they're teens, they typically choose to get each other a little something. We just used to sign the card from the parents and the sibling. If he wants to get her something, let him pick out something from the dollar store, or something that goes along with the present you're getting her.

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K.L.

answers from Washington DC on

YES! My girls are 9 and 11, and I can't really remember when I began having them "buy" each other gifts. I still pay for their gifts to each other. I mean, really, these gifts are small (sometimes from the dollar section at Target or whatever). But it's sweet to watch how they will painstakingly choose things they think the other will like. I always let them wrap the gifts themselves - which was always pretty funny, but now they're getting good at it. If you need to, just put that extra $5 into your budget for the birthday kid. Never too early to teach them about giving (even though you're paying for it, for now at least). Have fun with it.

5 moms found this helpful
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H.G.

answers from Lancaster on

In my mind, it's not about who pays for the gift, it's the thought behind it. It would be nice if your son chose a gift he thought your daughter would like.

3 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

If my kids want to give their sibling a birthday gift, then fine. No biggie.
So what if it is me who is paying for it.
It is the thought of it.
That they love their sibling etc.
But for my kids, I don't make them do this, nor tell them to do it. BUT often, them giving the other sibling a gift means... they make something for that sibling. And it is all THEIR own idea. I don't even tell them "make something for your sister/brother..." they come up with it on their own. They want to.
And even if it is a bought gift from a store... THEY choose the gift for their sibling. And I buy it. And in that case, my kids know fully, what a "budget" means. My kids are 6 and 10.
Or, sometimes they will use their own money. And again, this is THEIR idea. I don't force them to use their savings. They, want to.

Sure my kids exchange gifts. Why not?

My kids don't get an allowance either. But they have money they earn from doing various things or money they got as gifts or the tooth fairy etc.

I don't MAKE my kids, RESPONSIBLE for gifting their "family."
Because, things like this are just tradition or it comes from their own wanting to, their own heart.
It is not a "chore" to them, not a hated responsibility.

As a Mom, I see myself, as being "responsible" for remembering occasions and gifts, ahead of time, and getting it. I don't expect my kids, to do that. They don't drive.
And I certainly don't expect them to be responsible for gifting the entire family.... me/husband/siblings/grandma/aunties or uncles etc. etc. etc. plus, their friends. We do it, as a FAMILY. It is a family, activity.

I don't make... my kids, exchange gifts for their birthdays or Christmas. It comes from their own volition. And the responsibility of who pays, is not rigid.

Then for my kids' friends, they choose the gift, we have a budget of which my kids know what that means, and we go to the store together, they choose a gift that THEY choose, and I buy it.
No problem.

Your son is 6, he wants to get his 3 year old sister a birthday gift. Whether he makes somethings or he picks it out and you buy it, I don't see a problem with that. He is 6.

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M.G.

answers from Seattle on

My children always exchange gifts. My daughter now currently either makes or buys everyone gifts, she's 9. My autistic 6 year old usually just gets his name put onto a gift we've bought because he does not exactly understand the concept of gift giving. I figure no matter how they're giving their sibling a gift the fact remains that that is what they are doing. It does not bother me in the slightest if I have to pay for it.

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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

yes-and I often pay for them and did so in the past

2 moms found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

I have an only child (now 18) and she always gives birthday gifts to hubby and me. Of course I have paid for the gifts she selects for her dad and he does the same as far as paying for mine.. the gifts are selected by her and come from her heart. I see it as a part of my responsibliity of parenting and supporting her to pay. She has money saved up but I would not insist on using her money.

Your son is probably not talking about much money, just a token that comes from his heart which can easily be purchased at a dollar store or in the dollar section of Target. I don't see a big deal...

I grew up with a younger brother and we always exchanged birthday and Christmas gifts with each other. We still do as adults. It is just something we like to do, we were never "told" to do it, made to feel obligated, or used our own money. It was family.

2 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Hartford on

When my children want to "buy" gifts for each other's birthdays, I encourage that generosity and I foster it. They make each other cards and crafty gifts all the time, and sometimes they ask to guy each other a trinket or a treat. since they really don't earn much money then it makes sense that the money would come from me.

After all, it's the thought that counts.

1 mom found this helpful

K.A.

answers from San Diego on

If my kids see something they want to get their siblings for a gift we buy it and they give it to them. We don't make them use their own money (they don't earn a traditional allowance anyway). We don't make it mandatory.
They understand the value of a dollar, you can't have everything, and all that so we don't use this as one of those lessons.
We see it as encouraging them to think about their siblings and be kind.
I would rather our kids show love to each other and show that they are thinking about their siblings.

1 mom found this helpful

R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

As you said, "he has some money saved up from various holidays." So, realistically, he pays for his gift to her.

And even if he didn't have money of his own money he could craft her a gift, the internet is full of craft ideas, or he could simply draw and color a picture for her that you frame (with one you have or from a dollar store) to hang in her room.

I've never insisted on siblings giving gifts to each other, but they've mostly wanted to on their own, they get caught up in the joy of giving. My daughter gave me gifts she purchased or made from the time she was 3.5...my friend who owned a nail salon babysat her while I went to work on Christmas Eve, my daughter had $7 of her own money (her grandfather would give her cash for helping him with yardwork) to buy me a gift, many woman had made things to sell and set them up in part of the shop and she found a cute mug filled with homemade cookies and candy. Even at such a young age she was thrilled to be able to give me a gift on her own, and continued to use her own money for gifts. She always kept her giving spirit and passed it on to her children, my 11 year old granddaughter is a master crafter, she made me a matte and shiny black duct tape clutch purse for Christmas, complete with zipper. She and my grandson use their birthday and Christmas money to purchase or make gifts. They've helped me bake cookies or make candy to give as gifts, they've learned lack of $$$ doesn't mean you can't give a gift.

I always encourage a desire to give a gift, impulsive or not, even if I need to kick in some money. I don't make it compulsive but once they start they're eager to continue gift giving on their own to family and friends. I see it as an opportunity to teach a child to care for others, develop their budgeting skills, and spark their creativity, which they can carry with them into adulthood.

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

yes, I allow this & provide the financial means for it until the kids are old enough to do it on their own. I also encourage handmade gifts. :)

1 mom found this helpful

L.U.

answers from Seattle on

My kids do not buy each other gifts. I don't know if they ever will. I guess if they wanted to they certainly could!
Have him go to the dollar store and get something that she would like. He would probably feel very proud of himself and his gift. It's sweet.
L.

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

If my kids suggested that it would be less about giving and more about receiving. I have never met a kid that doesn't know their parents will buy the gift so you buy one extra gift for your daughter it is reasonable to assume sis will return the favor on his birthday.

So no, my kids didn't start getting each other gifts until they were adults.

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S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

I take my kids to Dollarama and give them a couple of bucks to buy something for each other for Xmas and birthdays, then they wrap the gift and make a card.

1 mom found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Give him some money and let him really pick out and buy something for her. That is what my mom used to do with me and my sister. It was fun..

I bet it will be very sweet or funny, whatever he chooses.

She also did the same thing for Christmas gifts for her and my dad, until I started working, then I gave my sister money to pick out the gifts she gave our parents.

1 mom found this helpful

M.B.

answers from Tampa on

Yes, my son picked out a "welcome home baby sister" present when she was 4 days old. He also picked her a tea set for Christmas, she got him a batman car, I picked that. For her birthday he got her a hello kitty build a bear. For that he used his OWN money and thought of it. But even if he didnt want to use his we would have got it. For his up coming 7th bday he's been telling baby sister what he wants so she will be sure to get him something. There's almost 6 years between my kids, so at least for the next 5 years I plan on having them exchange gifts

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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

Sure,I buy gifts for the kids to give to each other.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Richmond on

Encourage that generous spirit! My stepson is 16 and I have to remind him when his dad's and his mom's (my husband's ex!) birthdays are. He doesn't do anything for any of us for Mother's Day, Father's Day, Xmas... He was never taught to so I don't blame him but I think it would be nice for kids to get in the habit. I'm hoping our 4 yo will try. Get him to pick out a gift for her and buy her 1 less from you. Just make sure he isn't picking out something that he would like more than her! LOL

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D.B.

answers from Fargo on

My 16 just bought my 8 yr old a birthday gift with her own money. I pay for gifts from 8 yr old....dollar section at Target or Dollar Store.

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J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

since we only have 2 yes we sure do. If we had more than 2 we would have the kids choose together 1 gift for the birthday kid. It teaches them how to thoughtfully select a gift and give to someone. Just because they don't pay for it doesn't mean they don't work for it.

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

Generosity from a child sometimes (often? Almost always?) trumps practicality from an adult.

When my children were growing up they gave one another birthday and Christmas presents. We'd discuss what one might want to give to another and come up with a good idea. (It was never anything very fancy or very expensive, and sometimes it was homemade.) Sometimes the giver could take care of the whole expense, and sometimes the giver contributed (even if it were just a dollar) while Mama helped. I wanted them to learn that a generous heart was a good thing to possess; so was financial responsibility, but learning generosity was paramount.

"I want to give" had to come first so that "Rats, I have to give, doggone it" (scowl and gripe) didn't come later.

Now that they're grown and married, the family has expanded greatly, what with spouses and the next generation of children. So they have decided among themselves to give only cards to one another, and focus on the nieces and nephews. But their attitudes are good about it.

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J.S.

answers from Washington DC on

My girls are 2 and 4 and this past Christmas they wanted to give each other gifts. I would definately encourage it. I gave them a money limit for each gift and we went shopping with one picking gifts for me with my mother while I took the other to pick a gift for her sister. It was such a fun experience. It was great to see them both putting a lot of thought into what their sister would like best. They picked great gifts for each other and were very excited to see their sister open the gift they had picked. I think as soon as a child shows an interest in giving you should encourage it by whatever means you are able. Your 6 year old should experience the fun of giving his little sister a gift. :-)

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K.H.

answers from Boston on

My kids exchange gifts. I think it is cute for them to come up with ideas for each other. I do foot the bill, since neither has a money source of her own, but I definitely limit the overall spending. Homemade gifts are fine too.

One of my friends has 5 kids. Her children exchange gifts for birthdays too. They each buy something for the other siblings at the library book sale or Boy Scout yard sale. This limits the cost of the gift exchanges, but allows the kids to think of their siblings.

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J.K.

answers from Wausau on

It isn't consistent, but I have given one money to buy a gift for the other. They do all the thinking and choosing.

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