Do Your Kids Go to Other Kid's Houses?

I was not raised going to my friends homes and playing and spending the night. My parents were very old fasion and were always scared that something would happen to us. Now a days you have to be very carefull with parents and relatives getting to close with children. My neighbors make fun of me because I don't let my 4 years old come over and play with there kids but I only have one and if something happens to him I would never forgive myself. you can never be to protective, I don't care what people think.

It is ok to be worried about the safety of your children, but remember to not exclude them from activities because you are worried about "what ifs".. I know a mom that never let her girls go to anyone else homes. She insisted kids go to her home. Guess what? Her girls did not want to go to birthday parties or to any events without their mother. This caused a lot of crying and clinging... I am talking about even when the girls were in 4th grade! I finally had to speak with the mom and ask her to please allow the girls to go to other peoples homes, cause other parents no longer wanted their kids to go over to her house, because it seemed so dysfunctional.

Our child played with the other kids in the "hood" and they played over here. We always made sure to meet the parents. I would go a little overboard giving them information about us, so that then they would feel free to tell me about themselves. For the first visits, I would go over the house rules in front of the parent so they could add to it and also to let their child know what types of behavior I expected.

I also exchanged phone numbers so we could all get in touch with each other at any time.

Once our child was in school, we were able to meet the other parents at PTA meetings and events. Sometimes while we dropped off or picked up our kids we would visit with the other parents. We then would ask the parent first... If it would be ok to invite their child over sometime. This way it did not put the little one in an uncomfortable situation if they were not ready or not used to going to other peoples houses.

I also would hand out my phone number and let parents know if they needed me to take their children home for them, I was available to help out. They then offered to do the same. This helped us build up a network of parents helping each other.

When your child visits others and others visit your home, this is learning moment like any other. You will learn so much about your child. It allows your child to use her manners, to be helpful to others and to see how other families function.

Our child attended all 3 of our neighborhood schools, so we really became close to the other families in the neighborhood and other families in the schools. We all watched out for each others children and are still staying close even though our kids are now freshmen in college.

Hi S.
When my children were little and starting to "venture out" I would first want the other children to come to our house for a few days just to see how they play together- how "age" compatable they were- etc- so I could be sure what kind of manners or language the other children would use- (did not want my kids to pick up words not to our liking) then when I was satisfied it was ok- I would let them go to the other childrens house maybe for an hour about twice a week- and then have them over to our house for same amount of time twice a week.- something like that just to get them started.....worked for me and I could always be sure the kids were playing like they should with each other.
good luck and blessings

You have to find the balance that works for you. While you don't want her to be left out of the group ("clique", as you mentioned) activities, you also do not want her to become dependent on them for friendship/entertainment. It is important that she learn how to think independently of other children and not work hard to seek their approval. Now is the time for her to start learning this. On the other hand, she needs to be exposed to certain social settings...maybe get her little feelings hurt early on so she can adjust her expectations. Make sure that she is exposed to children other than the ones she may be naturally drawn to or the ones who seek her out. Approach a family in your neighborhood with a child the same age--maybe different race or culture--and set out to get to know them. It's a good idea for your daughter to have different sets of friends...for a number of reasons. Maybe you can get to know someone at work or somewhere else where you go regularly. It's good for children to feel comfortable venturing outside their own "home cultures".

We literaly had a path worn out in the grass between my neighbors and our house. I dont ever remember a time where I wasnt high tailing it off to a friends house. I am extreamly shy but had lots of friends in our neighborhood. I did get the cold sholder from afew kids at school because I didnt care if kids were poor or even retarted if they wanted to laugh and play I was in. So the popular girls werent so nice but when are they ever? Have a neighborhood party. Block party and invite the kids. It can be cheap. popcorn and other things are very resonable.

I would allow it only if I knew the parents well and called them first to be sure it would be all right. Set a time limit for how long she can be there, then watch her or walk her to the friends house to make sure she gets there. Have the parent call to let you know she is on her way home so you can watch her or go get her. At her age she needs plenty of supervision. Play dates or a ply group supervised by parents might be a safer option. The world isn't as safe for kids as it used to be, and seems to get worse by the year.

i have an only child. he is now 23. I also grew up as an only child. Only chidren learn how to occupie themselves well. but as they grow older they do prefer to be alone maybe more than children that grew up around others. we only children enjoy some quiet time alone. I never sent my son to someone elses house when he was small. He never asked to go either. he preferred to be with me or play by himself most of the time. i remember when a few times other children came over, and arguments broke out. his toys never got broken except when other chindren played with them. He started to go to friends houses at about the age of 9? maybe? Then he had a best freind and they were together alot. I would say enjoy your time with your daughter, these years go by so fast. once she is in school she will begin to make friends and ask to go, and get invited to birthday parties etc. My son grew up just fine, and has plenty of friends now! BTW So did I!

Hi S.
My son is 6 and yes I allow him to play at his friend's house. He goes over there and they come over to our house too. He's an only child, so I have to allow him to do that, otherwise he would go nuts. :) We all have each other's phone numbers, we know who the kids are, they play outside together all the time. At times they take turns going into each other's houses, to watch a movie together, or play with toys that aren't allowed to be brought outdoors. My son has had 2 sleepovers at our house.
If you feel comfortable with the parents, and the kids get along, why not let her hang out with her friends?
Good luck.

Kids are like a sponge they learn from each other and those around them. Social, likes,dislikes,etc. but they can also learn things that you do not like, you will need to watch that. She does need to be around other kids that will help her in school, and learn to share and take turns with other, they can laugh and play games with each other also. Mom time is good but she is not getting the enter action with kids her own age.

I think it really depends on how well you know your neighbors. If it is just the social interaction you are wanting than have parents bring the kids to your place or go out to play groups. That what I did for my oldest who is now 7. He now goes only to trusted/ close friends apartments unsupervised and does not go into their home without me knowing about it. If your going to do something like that then a good stranger danger talk, emergency action plan (ie someone tries to touch them) that the child is comfortable implementing. If they are not able to understand it... stick to supervision and outings.

Hi S.-

My daughter just turned 5 and she goes over to the neighbor's houses (and their kids come here) very often. I know the parents and we all just sort of take turns having each other's children over. My daughter has one very good friend (a little boy who lives right across the street) and they probably see each other for at least a little while almost every day. Sometimes they are playing outside and the parents are outside as well talking and sometimes they are in either one of the houses.

For me there are two things that I have drilled into my children as far as things to be careful about in other homes. Pools and guns..... Here in Texas both are a lot more common in homes than they were in Chicago where we came from so that took me a long time to get used to.

Good luck,
K.

Why don't you invite the kids to come to your house & play?
I myself am leary of allowing my 5 yr old tein girls of going to other people's houses. Over protective I guess. But I had a bad experience with my 17 yr old twins when they were young,going to a "neighbors" to swim. A few months later we found out from another mom, the dad was getting in the pool & come to find out he had been "touching" some of the girls. Mine thankfully wasn't part of that because when they invited them I told HIM upfront, my kids are not allowed to sit in a male's lap, hug on them or ANYTHING with a few more donlt added to it. I think my bluntness with him is the only reason he did not touch my girls. I know there are many trustworthy people in the world but there are just as many not trustworthy.
Just wanted to tell you of this, & suggest, allowing your daughter play at your home with her friends. Unless you know the family where she goes VERY WELL.
Happy EASTER!

I have a close friend who has been having my daughter over to her house frequently since she was 2 (without me) so that her daughter (3 yrs older) and my daughter could experience something close to a sibling experience, as they are both only children (not by choice for either of us, and we really wanted them to have that experience). The girls get along great now and are 4 and 7. However, I don't let her go to any neighbor's houses without me. A few good friends have babysat, but no one in the neighborhood. I just don't know them well enough. If I were good friends with any of the other moms in the area, I might consider it, but at 4 (and at 5 too), I'd still call first and walk her down. At 7 or 8, if the other kids were also 7 or 8, and I knew the parents, I think I'd let them become more independent and go back and forth. The older the kids get, the more they are sitting around the house wanting other kids to play with them. At 4, my daughter does like to play with others, but I'm still dragging her here and there so much, we don't have that much time at home.

I remember being more independent when we lived in a great neighborhood growing up, but we moved there when I was 7, so I don't really think I got that experience much before that age anyway.

my son is 8 and i dont let him to go other kids houses.if he wants to play with kids after school or on the weekend i call the parent and if we can meet at the park and play.i am very protective and i dont trust other parents to watch my child at their house, so to answer your question no i dont do that but i do try to set up play dates for him.