What Do You Do in Your Neighborhood?

Well I am pretty close with my neighbors and the kids play outside together almost every single day. I feel like I always have someone at my house and I would rather they felt comfortable and wanted to be here then go somewhere else. I do allow my 6 year old out in front but she is only allowed to play within two houses (usually riding her bike). It is usually not long before all the kids are all outside playing together. My children also know that if they want to go into someones house, even if I know the neighbors they must ask me first.

I used to not allow my kids to be outside but I find it much easier to know the parents of the kids that my children are playing with and its much nicer to have some adult conversation.

My older child is almost 7 and we know several of the neighbors well enough that we are starting to do some "child-trading." And many times the kids all play together on the weekends in one yard or another, often with several parents hanging out together chatting. We haven't run into a problem where anyone takes advantage of the situation by not reciprocating. Everyone sort of informally takes turns.

I love it and love living here - lots of advantages to knowing the other parents and their kids well, and as the kids get older I definitely will let them go to the park together, walk home from school in groups, and so on. As far as safety is concerned, I feel that the more people on the block who know my kids, the safer they will be because we all watch out for one another as they get older.

When one of the kids down the block shows up on their own, I will make them go home and check with their mom to make sure it's ok to play, or I'll call (that's why a block directory is a wonderful thing to have!) Or I'll tell them to play in the front where the mom can find him if she's looking (small lots, so you can see everyone's front yard from any yard.)

Hi L.,
My daughter is 5 and each time she goes outside my husband and I go with her. She is only allowed to enter the home of ONE neighbor that we trust. Not that we don't trust others just haven't gotten to know them on the level of letting our child come inside their home w/o one of us being present.

I have done play dates with friends who don't live near but her friends on the block stay outside. Some have rang the doorbell and I simply say she can't come out right now. I don't invite them in either.

~M.

Ok, I have older kids (11,9,8 and 4) and the oldest does have friends throughout a 5 block area in our neighborhood. He is allowed to go and play but he must tell me which house he is at and if he goes somewhere else - he must either come home and tell me or call. He has set check in times and is pretty good with following the rules. I have spoken to all the parents and feel comfortable with them. There are certain activities that I don't want him doing when he is at certain kids houses (riding the dirt bike, quad runner and items like that) because I know that the parents don't supervise as well as I would like. But I do trust my son because he has never given me a reason not to trust him. It was really hard at first because I grew up on a farm with our nearest neighbor about 5 miles away and I didn't know the "rules" either. My kids still say that I am meaner than the other moms (I see that as a compliment!) and that I watch them much closer and have more rules than other parents.

My other kids ( 9 and 8) have friends that are only a few houses away and they run between our house and theirs. They must always tell me where they are going, when they leave and when the return. I have the rule of "not in the house" You don't invite the entire world into our house!!! Everyone may play outside, but if you come inside - you must receive permission from your parents. This way, the other parents can visiably see and hear the kids playing outside. I also have this rule for my kids. They are not allowed into the house of anyone (except our really good friends next door) without us knowing. I know that this sounds odd, but it cuts down on the traffic in and out of the house.

You may want to visit with the parents next door and set up some ground rules. We have neighbors who have a signal when it is ok to come over and play - the garage door will be open. It is a sign to all the kids that they are up and dressed for the day, meals eaten or chores done. That also ends the problem of the doorbell ringing all day when you are trying to get the kids to finish chores/homework or whatever.

Good luck and I hope this helps!

S.

I am dealing with this as well and personally it really bothers me. I'm very cautious about my daughter and who she plays with. We only have boys in our neighborhood other than one little girl who very seldom stays with her father on the weekends.

We only moved here last year and from the very start, the 2 boys next door are ALWAYS in our backyard. It scares me that I am responsible for them (in more ways than one- if they harm someone else's property, say by throwing a ball through a neighbor's window, it is YOUR fault not their parents!) Their parents don't seem to mind and it doesn't APPEAR to me that they are supervised when they are outdoors alone in their yard (maybe someone is watching, but from the things they do, I doubt it!!)

The little girl, who was 3 last year, would cross the street by herself (without looking) and wander over and want to come inside and eat. She was constantly asking me for a snack and candy and juice. I did feed her lunch one day after getting permission from her who said, "Yeah, keep her as long as you want. Feed her anything you want." The first time she came over and asked to play, we had NO idea who she was or which house she lived in. When we figured it out and told her father she was here, he said to keep her as long as we wanted. He also let us take her to the park on my daughter's b-day and we had only ever had brief interaction with him!! I NEVER would have let my daughter do that, and I only took her because she seems a little neglected and I felt sorry for her. It *IS* a big responsibility though.

I don't understand how, if you are living in the neighborhood and have children, you are automatically trusted with everyone's kids!! I don't feel like that and it seems to make me the odd one out. I have no idea who the parents are or what they do behind closed doors and NONE of them except one has introduced themselves to me! They just DON'T CARE... they just trust that their kids are okay. SCARY!!!! Hubby grew up around here and says his neighborhood was the same way and his parents never knew where they were- just that they were safe because they were still somewhere in the neighborhood.

The downside is, since I don't let my daughter roam around, the kids all congregate in my yard. They eat MY popsicles and drink MY bottled water when it's hot, they play in MY kiddie pool, they trample MY flowers and break MY daughter's toys. I'm basically the neighborhood sitter- for free. The one neighbor she is allowed to go play in their yard has NEVER offered her a popsicle or water, etc. and the parents have never thanked me for the bandaids I put on boo-boos, or offered to watch my daughter at their house for awhile since they have spent HOURS on end in my yard instead. They seem to take for granted that I enjoy it- or they're just jerks- who knows?

Basically, do what you are comfortable with. I felt like a real outsider last year and kind of let the boys run wild in the yard because I was afraid to say NO. This year, I just discipline them like my own because, hey, if they are in my yard, they will obey MY rules. If the parents don't like it- they can take their kids home and deal with them themselves.

Amanda

Like Susan below, I'm a 40yo mom to a 3yo and an 18mo, and growing up was spent the same way -- running from house to house to play, even swimming in neighbors' pools (always supervised), the moms all helping eachother w/ watching the kids. That of course was a different time when all the moms were home, and i was lucky to grow up on a block was small and close-knit. Things are certainly different now, I only know the neighbors directly next to us and across the street after almost 6 yrs of living here, and their kids are all 10 yrs older and more. However, I am HOPING that my house is the one the kids want to go to, so I can keep my own kids in my yard!! :) However, as mentioned, my kids are still pretty little and we do not do anything unsupervised yet, and there really aren't any kids who are my kids' ages, soooo...

I guess the way I will handle this when the time comes would be to introduce myself to those parents whose children will be coming here, or if my children will go there. You can generally tell, upon meeting the parents, whether they share your philosophy or not, and asking pointed questions in a nice way couldn't hurt. Your children will be enriched by playing with other kids, they learn so much from eachother!, but kids are really a reflection of their parents, and if they are playing w/ kids whose parents allow them to watch whatever they want or parents who seem absent in their kids' lives, they prob are best playmates. YOU, however, can be a good influence on other kids in the way their parents aren't. Know it's responsibility (comes w/ the territory unless you don't let your kids out at all to play), and also know we cannot shelter our kids from the world entirely, but keeping them safe is #1 priority, so getting to know the people in their lives also is priority. Good luck to you, and happy playtime! :)

I am a 41 year old mom of a 11 month old and 2 and a half year old boy. When I was little we went from house to house up and down the block. We left the house in the morning came home for lunch and back out to play until dinner time. All the kids in the neighborhood did this. We played at each others houses all day. Today.. I am not sure I would feel safe allowing my boys to run from house to house. I have no problem watching other children when they come to my house to play with my boys but I am not sure other moms would do the same. Not to mention all the wierdo's out there who take children, and all the people who are "sue" happy and will "sue" you when they brake an arm because they fell off the swing set.

I don't quite know about this yet and are interested in the responses. Two of my boys are 6 and 5. They are each others play partners. They are only allowed in our yard and no where else. They can go in the front if they tell me where they are going. We live in a neighborhood with hardly any kids, so them being so close in age is great.
My 6 year old has friends from school and one of them is CONSTANTLY calling and coming over un announced. He lives a good 6 blocks away too. He comes by himself. No escort nothing. He is a rough and tumble kid. He asked to come over one time and it was like 3 pm and I said it was ok. Well, coming on 7 oclock at night and I had to call his mother to tell her to pick him up. Well, she came at 9:00 pm....ON A SCHOOL NIGHT! So basically I put an end to him coming over because I don't answer the phone when he calls to come over and play. My son really doesn't mind it at all. He says he really doesn't like him anyway.But it isnt my responsibilty to babysit HER child. She needs to do that herself.

Hi L.
you are right when it come to your kids and every other kids that come into your home to me it was always a problem because the parents blame you when their kids got into trouble
like my mom always told me make sure that you know where your kid is at and their freinds and family because now it is so hard to trust people with your kids and sometimes parents get lazy and wanted other to watch their kids it is really hard sometimes

Hi L.,

Our kids are 5, 4 and 1. The 5 and 4 year old are only allowed to play without me at neighbors homes where we know the parents very well. The one neighbor is only an outside playtime because I can see them from my backyard and it is vice-versa when those children come to our house.

We really don't have random children knocking on our doors looking to play. Maybe that will occur when they are older, but I really think to error on the side of caution. If you don't know the parents, better to play with those children when you are at a public park. Stick with families you know or the children's well-being become your responsibility if they are on your property.

Have a happy and safe summer.

L.,

I hear you! Just remember that at your house, and with your kids, YOU make the rules. Also, if you are too tired or feel uncomfortable about something, don't do it. Fortunately, we know everyone who comes over to our house. I might be the "bad guy", but I don't care. Now I tell them when it really is not a good time to play at our house, and suggest they come back at another time.

Especially if you don't know many of your neighbors or if the parents are home, absolutely keep your kids at your house. Playdates, imo, are still a good idea for 7 and 5-yr-olds.
Unsupervised kids going from house to house...sounds like trouble to me. Besides, kids your age are too young to be playing unsupervised. Continue to do what feels right to you.
Amy

I think the key is knowing your neighbors. I have twins that are almost 8, and a daughter who is 9, and there are several neighbor kids that they play with regularly. I am comfortable with them "coming over to just play" (and vice-versa) because I made it a point to get to know the parents several years ago when our kids were just starting to venture out. I think that playing with the neighborhood kids and running from house to house is a great part of any kids' childhood (I know it was a great part of mine), and I wouldn't want to take that away from my kids. Get to know the other parents, and then you will be able to make a better decision about who you want coming over to play.

My girls are 9, 5 and 5. We live on a cul-de-sac with other kids there ages. They tend to play in front of each others houses. If my kids want to go in someones house, they have to come and ask first. They usually stay in front of our house or the girl across the street. I let them ride there bikes and scooters only around the cul-de-sac unless I am with them.

I may actually get a walkie talkie with GPS, or Firefly mobile phone for kids, even though they are only on the block.

I am a firm believer it is your house, your rules. But I would ask the child for his parents name and phone number, call to make sure they now where their child is and tell them your house your rules and ask if they have any other rules ie no soda etc. If your child wandered over to a neighbors to play wouldn't you want them to notify you that they were there. Having neighborhood kids come over and play with your children is great, it is summer (almost) they don't have to play inside all the time either.

I am in a similar situation. I just moved into a new neighborhood and there are two boys my sons age (8) who are here all the time wanting to play. One of them doesn't seem to have to tell anyone where he is, and just goes from house to house playing where ever. I like it when the boys play here, because I know I'm watching them, but then I feel weird when this one little boy just leaves and goes to someone elses house.

Anyway it is a tough situation. I also don't want to be paranoid and never let my child out of his yard. The world is a scary place, but it is also a beautiful place and some of my best memories are playing tag with all the kids in my old neighborhood. I'd hate to rob my son of this because I become afraid of everything. I do keep an eye on the www.familywatchdog.us web site for sexual predators. It's an excellent site!
Good luck! I hope we both have a safe summer!

Your question interested me, although my kids are only 4 and 18 months. I don't allow them to play unsupervised.

There are kids across the street and nextdoor to me that are older and play together all of the time. I watch them run back and forth into each other's houses. They are rude and act like they own my yard, they run in it, etc. My son is always asking if he can go outside and play with them, and they are too big so I don't let him. I've heard them talking about things a 4 year old shouldn't hear.

This situation is very common I'm afraid. I am just not the type of person who is comfortable with that, especially if I don't approve of the parents.

If my kids go outside they do not go outside alone. You never know what can happen. If the kids come over to play ask them if their parents know they are at your house and if not make sure they go and let them know. Yes kids go from house to house to see who can play. When its alright they can play thats fine but sometimes you might have to say they can't play right now. When the kids go to someone elses house I want to know where they live and who they are. My kids know they can't just go in someone elses house without permission first. Always know who your kids are playing with and where they are. I like when the kids come over to my house so I get to know who the kids are and how all the kids get along. You do not want to keep your kids caged and should let them also try to have friends that they can go to their house.
We also have play dates that we schedule whether its friends in the neighborhood or friends from other areas.