Does Anyone Else Have Sick in Laws?

Currently I don't. My coworker does. She went 5 states away to pick up her father in law who is dying of cancer. He had no one left to take care of him. He told her he was fine, she told him ok, but don't be surprised if I don't come up there to check on you. Once she was there, it was obvious that he need someone to tend to him. She now has hospice care in helping out with his final days care. At times my coworker has to run home because of something going on. She has shown just grace in taking care of her husband’s father. Someone that has truly annoyed her at times.

My in-laws and my mother are deceased. My father is dying of kidney failure (18 hrs/week of dialysis), heart failure (30% heart function), and other complications of diabetes. My siblings and I are lucky that his wife is able to care for him, for now.

Assisted living, if available at the level of care they need, seems to be a good option for your in-laws. Especially if it is close to your home.

Being a caretaker is so hard, be sure to take care of yourself as much as you can.

Will do C., and it seems like a good solution to move the parents closer. Your husband is fortunate to have a wife that cares about his folks. So many wives seem to really dislike their husband's parents and want little or nothing to do with them.

Keep us posted.

Blessings...

No, I can't say that I have had sick in-laws like this..My former in-laws are hoarders and you can't really do much about that...especially if they don't want help..

In regards to your inlaws - keeping them close would be a WONDERFUL idea if you can afford it. Maybe they can...your FIL needs to find out why he's lost soo much weight - is it because there is something wrong with him or just taking care of his wife?

I will keep you in my prayers...

We like to say my MIL in a hypochondriac with health issues. She has an autoimmune disease that makes her feel unwell a lot of the time, but it isn't terminal. She was diagnosed with breast cancer this spring and recently had a double mastectomy. Yesterday she had knee surgery. She's always at the doctor for one issue or another (some are obviously very serious other are much more questionable). Anyway, she's still really young (mid 50s)...I've dealt with this for 12 years with my husband and I see many, many more in my future. She definitely thinks of me as her daughter (her one and only) so I feel like I am burdened with talking to her about her treatments, conditions, symptoms A LOT. But, I love her and I love my husband so I do it, but I'm not sure how someone can talk that much about medical treatment...it completely exhausts me...and I feel really bad about it!

Yes, my MIL had some type of virus for several weeks. She was in and out of the hospital for a couple of months. It was not treated correctly. It attacked her nervous system. She has to learn how to speak, walk and even eat again. We were going to take her in but she needs 24/7 care. I am pregnant so I couldn't pick up on her and things like that. She also has to have several hrs. of therapy a day. The only nursing home that could take her is over 3 hrs away!! The sad thing is she is only 49ish. It has been very hard on us. We are not able to travel a lot. We financially can not afford it after paying for her to be there. My husband also works alot, even more now to afford it, so we also don't see him but an hr or so a day! I pray for you family as well as mine!

My step-father in law has very bad diabetes. So, bad that there have been times he has blacked out and then fallen down the stairs.

I fear constantly we are gonna get the call from my husbands mom that Dean hit his head and is gone.

I am very close with him. He has been my mentor so to speak. My husbands extended family can be a bit much, and Dean has sort of walked me through it over the last seven years of marriage.

My M I L is also a Breast Cancer survivor. She had just gone into remission when I met my hubby. So almost nine years.

She also has Fibromialga(sp?) and Rheumatoid Arthritis. So, she is at the doctor alot.

You have your hands full. My step mom in law was left to handle the heavy burden of caring for my hubbies grandma. She was there for three meals a day and to help her to bed. She had very bad Alzheimer's so she had no clue who anybody was, except, Step mom in law.

I had a grandma that was in an adult group home. She lived there until she passed away. They did an amazing job and she ended up living to well over 90. she had had a strokes since she was about seventy, and still trucked that long:)

I think it would be a good thing to put them in a place that can care for them on a round the clock basis. Even if they go to a place where the care in minimal and only as needed. that way your hands are free to help them lightly and just be with them. Help them spend there days trying to enjoy the time left. Instead of you maybe getting on the verge of frustration.

They can be a bit $$$$ . But if you guys are in a position to do it, or medicaid can help you pay for it. I would do it:)

I have been taking care of my Mom since Feb 2007. We bought a house in Nov 2001, an upper lower duplex. The upper is a one bedroom so Mom lived upstairs. When we moved in I had a daughter in 8th grade and a son in 5th, less than a year later my grown daughter moved in with her newborn daughter. So I had 6 people across 4 generations under one roof for almost 5 years. Then both daughters moved out in June 2006. In Feb 2007, my Mom fainted and fell and broke her arm. After a couple of days in the hospital I moved her back home and downstairs with me. I have been taking care of her since. In April of this year she fell again and spent a few days in the hospital, at that time her doctor set up hospice for her. She has heart failure and is only expected to live a few more months. This is difficult, my brother and sister are both deceased and my 4 kids all have kids and are busy raising them. When my Mom was placed on hospice I was told that she could get another dizzy spell at any time and not to leave her alone for more than a few minutes. So now I have to schedule things like cutting my lawn and grocery shopping when someone can be here. I get almost no breaks.

Care-giving for parents, is very arduous.
I did that for my Dad before he died.
He had Diabetes, Renal Failure, on dialysis, heart problems and surgery, vision problems, had a stroke and this handicaps them, and many other health problems. He could not even work anymore. Nor could he drive.
For 3 years I did care-giving. It took me, my Husband and my Mom, to do all of this, for my Dad.
It is not easy.
It takes up all of one's time.
It is for a time, while they are still alive.
They are family, and you do what you have to to care for them. They are blood. It is your Husband's parent.
It is not permanent.
Your Husband needs to do this.
If not, then what?
But yes, assisted care is helpful.
Or a Hospice.
But you still visit them.
Assisted living is round the clock care.

When ill like that, a parent cannot be by themselves. It is a safety hazard, at the least.

all the best.
Remember, it is temporary.
You both seem to be doing what you can.
How much longer does she have?
Have you spoken to the Doctors?

My FIL had a brain tumor and I would of done anything to get him in assisted living, but his girlfriend and kids wanted no part of it. It put a tremendous strain on the family as as a result, my husband doesn't talk to 2 out of 3 of his half-brothers and still feels some resentment towards his 2 other brothers. It's been 4 years since he's passed and 5 since he got sick. We lived about 30 minutes, non traffic and 2 hours traffic away from his Dad (we were in the DC area at the time) and my husband went everyday to help care for him. I decided when his father got sick that my husband should see him as much as he wanted and I would support him. I knew that he had a limited time with his Dad and had forever with me. My husband is extremely grateful and still talks about how supportive I was during this time. It meant a lot to him and I'm glad I was able to be there for him.

Yes, my 94 yr old FIL who was still very active and alert crashed in January and died in April. My MIL just got out the hospital with pneumonia. They live a 1000 miles away so it is very hard on my husband. But his sister and brother live in the same area.
They had already moved into assisted living. I highly recommend hospice since they are both so ill.
I will pray for you.

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