Does the Catholic Church Have a Right?

Sorry the Mohawk goes. Use this as a teaching moment. There are rules/dress codes that must be followed. It is a sign of respect. Never too young to learn about respect. Put some gel in it and keep it flat for the ceremony.

Seriously? Yes they have the right. That is a sacrament! Have you noticed the girls in the white dresses?
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After reading your what happened I really hope the priest puts his foot down with you. Sorry but you will be no loss to the community if you never set foot in there again.

Sorry but someone who has no respect for others and community has no business being part of the Catholic church.

I can't help but wonder if you even take him to church every week. If you did you would notice no one walking up for communion with some jacked up hair style or attire.

Since no one has mentioned this to you he probably won't be allowed to take communion with his hair spiked as well. I have seen many turned away from communion during regular mass because their attire was disrespectful.

I don't know. I'm a pretty liberal, open minded person (and NOT a Catholic) but I see mohawks like baggy jeans. I KNOW they are "in style" for some people but in a more formal setting they just seem disrespectful.
Maybe they hadn't said anything yet because they assumed you were going to cut it?
If it's only an inch, what's the big deal anyway, it will grow back quickly. Besides I PROMISE you when you look back on his photos of this special day you won't enjoy the memory of him being "that kid with a mohawk." It'll end up on an awkward family photo website or something and you'll BOTH be embarrassed.

Please show some respect and use this as an example to teach your son(and yourself!) that there's a time and place for everything.... and don't be glib, you know a little girl's curls are not even in the same ballpark as a 2 inch mohawk, geez.... really? You're gonna leave the church over this? Great lessons you're teaching, mom!

ADD: Here's the thing. Do you wear your hair the same way to a special event, or do you fix it to FIT THE EVENT? Most of us will tailor our styling to the event we are attending - if a friend was having a formal wedding, would you tone down the hair to fit the wedding, or would you not take the event into account? Same thing - google first holy communion images and take a look. I DON'T think he should cut it - that goes too far, but he can smooth it down to suit the event.

Original: OK, I am all about freedom of expression, and I grew up in the Catholic Church - no longer practicing. I have to assume that you aren't attending the actual Catholic school and that your son is taking classes for the sacrament. Otherwise, why is this a surprise to you? Catholic school requires uniforms. It has a dress code. If you have ever been to a Holy Communion before, it's a solemn ceremony. It's a serious ceremony.
Seriously, there is a dress code for the event. It's a serious, spiritual ceremony. The fact that he is allowed to wear it the rest of the year actually speaks volumes to the fact that your church/school is very PERMISSIVE with hair. When I was a student (35 years ago), there is NO WAY a mohawk would have been allowed in catholic school AT ALL.

You try to compare a 2" high mohawk to regular styling. I am guessing that the boys mostly have 1/2" or shorter hair so that even if they did spike it, which their parents probably won't let them, it wouldn't be a 2" high spike. And the girls will all have tastefully done hair so they can wear their veils - I'm assuming they're not going to have crazy '80's Madonna hair. If they did, THEY would get a talking to, I'm sure.

He can wear it down for a couple of hours for a HOLY CEREMONY, and then spike it back up when it's done.

My middle son has a mohawk too.
Don't spike it for his communion.
It's like taking your hat off when you go into church. It's a sign of respect.

This is a huge, huge, huge event for a Catholic!! Do you understand that he is receiving the Body and Blood of Our Lord? This is huge!!!! Out of respect for the Sacrament that he is receiving tone it down!

Edit: It sounds like you don't believe in the Truth and if that is the case you shouldn't be receiving the body of Christ either. When you receive Communion you are proclaiming that you believe everything the Church teaches. In no way would I ever trade the Eucharist for a hair cut. I believe all that the Church teaches. I don't use birth control. I have seen the graces I have received through being open to life. You truly don't understand the Theology of the Body, if you believe Priests should marry and women should be able to enter the Priesthood. It saddens me to find Catholics so uneducated. I am sorry the hair cut would bring to the point of leaving behind Truth.

Many times in life he/you will find - if you want to be part of the club/association/business(job)/etc, you dress/groom the part.
If your/his style is more important, then you are happy with not being part of the club/association/business(job)/etc.

I agree with Terri S, don't let this moment of "style" become a future "what the Hell was I thinking?!"
It's an important, formal moment in his life, treat it with some dignity.

C.:

You chose to go to them. You walked into THEIR "house". You want them to do something for him. They have EVERY RIGHT to ask or tell you to do something - in my opinion.

You don't like it? Find another church.

Sorry - but most Catholic churches are conservative. Not "MAINSTREAM" and your son's hair style is VERY mainstream. It would be considered disruptive to the service - which is VERY solemn and serious.

Good luck!

Sure they can. It's first holy communion. There's a dress code. They won't tell the girls not to curl their hair, but they WILL dictate what they wear (in a much stricter way than they do with boys). Depending on the parish girls will need all white dresses of a certain length with or without veils. If all they need your son to do is not spike his hair, don't spike it!

Communion aside, there's a dress code for every sacrament, right? My son needed a white garment to put on at the END of his baptism, but not before, and a white towel to carry him in from the font to the back room.
If I had gotten married IN the church, I would have had to cover my shoulders EVEN THOUGH strapless is my preferred style.

Try not to make a big deal of this in front of your son. If he feels like YOU aren't happy with the rule, he'll be unhappy about following it, and it'll interfere with his experience on his special day.

HTH
T.

of course they do, it's communion.
Think of it as a dress code. I'm kind of surprised the Mohawk is allowed in school.

Yes just as they have the right to say you can't wear a wedding dress that exposes your shoulders and has no straps, just as they say you can't chew gum during mass, just as you take off hats, sunglasses, turn off your cell phone and not talk during.

Since he's getting his Communion I am assuming he's been going to school there and since the post is only about the Communion, I assume that they have let him have spiked hair in class. If they wanted to be complete jerks they would not have allowed it during school but this is the formal event. It's important to them that everyone looks as pure so yes, you wear white and yes, you will not have spiked hair, nose rings or any other sort of stuff on you. I'm all for individuality and personal rights but I don't walk into someone else's house and demand that my shoes stay on when they wish for me to take to them off.

I'm not trying to sound feisty, just seems more odd to me that you signed up to follow the rules of the Church only to choose hair as something to rebel against.

Its their church, they can dictate whatever they want, they don't have to give your son 1st communion if they don't like his hair. It seems like a silly reason but whats the difference between telling them what to wear for 1st communion? I assume they don't want them to wear jeans, even though the kids probably wear jeans any other day right? Hairstyle is just another part of the dress code. I don't thinks its a big deal if he just doesn't spike it that day.

I'm not religious but my husband is catholic. I think it would look strange to see a kid in church with a Mohawk.... I mean the catholic church is pretty modest and conservative isn't it?

That's life, sister. It's not public school, it's a CHURCH. They have every right to request he not wear his hair that way. About time he learned, too, because places of employment ALSO won't allow it.

Not like I don't sympathize...in high school, I had pink hair, dressed really out there, was a punk, whatever...but I sure tamed it down when I went to church and work, out of respect.

Yes. Churches have rules about how ceremonies are perform such as what kind of music can be used in weddings even style of bridesmaid dresses. So it doesn't surprise me at all.

OF course they have the "right." It's their space, their service, their Holy Sacrament, their rules. Something like a silly hairstyle can be distracting from the service, especially when a parent decides the hair is more important and "rights" are being violated.

He's a boy. His hair is already short. Get him an appropriate haircut that will soon grow long enough for him to mohawk it again after the service and nice photos are done. Teach your son that it's not all about him and that sometimes, doing nice things like tidying up his appearance are necessary.

first - they didn't say you had to cut it off - keep it down OR cut it off. he can keep his hair.

S. - why on earth is he even going. i don't feel like you have much respect for the sacrament or the institution if he is ONLY going for CCD class and you have such an issue with their expectations - you're really questioning their request he not put gel in his hair. not that big of a deal imo -but i'm not judging b/c i have huge issues with the church of my own. i'm just saying, how much can it mean to you, really?

last - it's their church. they can "dictate" however they want. (and have. and will continue to do so.) play by their rules. that's the name of the game isn't it?

sure. it's their space, their community, and their rules. any school or church has the 'right' to have a dress code that includes hairstyles.
since you're not forced to go there, you have the right to find a church that is more accepting of wacky hairstyles.
my kids have always had fun with mohawks and colors. but i've never demanded that any institution change their guidelines to accommodate my kids. why do you think you're an exception?
khairete
S.

I think it is healthy for kids to learn that certain hairstyles are not appropriate for all situations. I run a small business and I would not hire someone who insisted on wearing a spiked up mohawk to work. It could be off-putting to my customer base. Use this as an opportunity to teach that we dress and present ourselves (including hair) differently for different parts of our lives. I am sure the biggest reason they have made this request is that a spiked up mohawk could be very distracting to the people attending the ceremony and that distraction would detract from the occasion.

I'm surprised they suggested that he not wear it up. I must admit, as soon as I read mohawk and first communion, I giggled.

Being that your son is making his first communion, you have probably been a part of the church for at least 8 years now...you must have known this was coming.

I agree...tone it down. And yes, they do have that right, it is their church and it was probably a request from the priest.

Hmmm....

I would be inclined to 'move' him now...

BUT...i am a 'recovering' catholic...

And you must see my words in this light.

I have MUCH more to say...but decorum prohibits me.

I am surprised he has been allowed to keep it this long. A mohawk is classified as an "extreme hairstyle" at my son's school. It is not allowed, nor is hair allowed to grow past a boy's ears or past his collar. Curled hair and simply-styled hair is permissible. "Extreme hair" is distracting to others.

For crying out loud, don't turn this into a big deal! A Mohawk is a silly, trendy hairstyle. The church has not made a big deal about it during the whole course of his classes because it is a silly, trendy hairstyle that he wears very stylishly BUT must be worn respectfully for the Holy Sacrament.
They have every right to request and they don't need to justify it. It's that simple.

You can't be an "individual" and a Catholic.

As a Catholic you follow their rules. If you want to follow your own rules, then don't join a massive "group" that likes to dictate how you live your life.... you know that's what the Catholic Church does right? They tell you that you can't use birth control etc..........

There is a separation of Church and State for a reason. The "Church" can do whatever it wants.

You ask this about a church that can tell you not to use birth control? That excludes women from serving as religious leaders? that excludes those who want to marry same sex partners? They're kinda big on excluding.

Yep, they do. You also have the right to pick a different church if you wish.

Ditto pretty much everything Patricia G said.

You dress for the occasion. You style your hair for the occasion as well.
It might be fine for "everyday"... but this isn't everyday. It's his first Holy Communion. AND, it isn't his alone, but his and all of the other catechumens who are participating. You wouldn't send him to prom in a pair of denim shorts, would you? No, you'd dress him up appropriately for the austerity of the occasion.

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ETA: I'm Lutheran. My daughter is not a girly-girl kinda girl. She wears denim all the time and hates dresses and pink and cutesie anything. She plays the organ at church on Sundays, and she wears jeans and a polo style shirt. Weekly. I quit buying her dresses b/c it was just a battle I was over. She was confirmed last May. She wore a dress that we bought for that one occasion (and surprise--she hasn't worn it since, and it probably doesn't even fit her anymore either). She was 10 at the time. Was she happy to wear the dress? No. But it was appropriate.

I am very surprised they haven't said anything to you sooner. None of my kids were ever allowed to wear their hair in extreme styles. Nice and short for my son and no extreme color or style for the girls. They do, have the right to ask you this, as he will be entering and following a procession in church and the extreme hair style is inappropriate for this moment in time.
This is not about your son being a trouble maker, but as with certain styles of clothing, hair, makeup and skin art(tatoos), they do not fall under the guidelines of certain policies are accepted by society. I think this would be a great opportunity for you to teach your son about society and some of the rules that are expected to be followed. Rules of conduct etc. It doesn't make him a bad person, it's just the way the world works now and again. Good Luck.

My son goes to a Catholic School and yes..... no "spiky hair".. as for them telling you a year ago... things change.. maybe they just reviewed their rules and decided that the hair was out of line.. No biggie.. roll with the flow and just don't spike it up for the day that he goes.. It will be a lesson for your son of " the world doesn't adapt to you, you adapt to the world" .. it's really not that big of deal... When my son was younger, he wanted to wear his hair blue..... but for school, that isn't allowed.. no biggie.. I told him he could do it in the Summer... it was a nice compromise and his world wasn't shattered..

Yes, it is reasonable for the church to ask everyone to be dressed "appropriately" for the occasion...that includes the hair along with the clothes. If they had a girl who spiked up her hair, they would also ask her to keep it down.

You also have the right to not have your son receive his communion at that church, if you think the church should be more accommodating to your preferences.

I would give him a normal boy haircut for the communiton day and the pictures... then let him grow it back..

Yes, they have a right. There is a dress code. I think it would be a good idea for them to give a good reason to your son. They can say certain hairstyles will take attention away from the service.

My in-laws have a relative who was youngish (high school at the time). She refused to take her spiked dog collar off for a funeral service per her grandmother's request (the grandmother was also the widow). It was her style and she liked it. In your eyes, you might think the mohawk is fashionable. In the elders eye they may find it distracting. She may have thought of her spiked neckless no different than grandma's pearl neckless. She would wear it all the time and did not feel she should have to change for anyone.

I still hear about the dog collar story 15 years later when I go to their gatherings. It was a Lutheran church not Catholic. I want to say get over it, but that relative who used to wear the dog collar (she is close to my age now) is thought of as the dog collar person by the older family. I guess pick your battles to avoid a stigma too.

It is a church, they can keep anyone they want out of whatever ceremony they want. There was a church down in Alabama recently that refused to marry an interracial couple. When it comes to churches the gov. does not interfere, so yes, they are allowed to discriminate all they want.

For a Religious ceremony,yes, they can request or demand anything.. It is up to you and your son, if it is worth it.

Personally, If he is allowed to wear it like this at school, then just comb it over for this event.. No big deal.

It's their space, their ritual, so they get to make the rules. That said, I would think twice about belonging to a church that refused to let my child participate in an activity based on how he wore his hair.

It's part of being catholic...follow their rules or be asked to leave or not participate.

Initially, when I wanted to get married in a Catholic church (I was raised, but not really practicing), they told me that I could not wear a strapless dress, and neither could my bridesmaids. They also said that because I was not marrying a Catholic, they would not serve communion.

I didn't like the rules, so I left and found a church who accepts me for who I am and doesn't have so many rules and hypocrisies...
Good luck :-/

Late in answering this- sorry! You sure got a mix of answers! I am Catholic, and would say to just tone it down for the day. I wouldn't even make it about whether they have a 'right' to dictate this or not. They asked that something be done, just as they asked girls to wear white dresses, etc, etc. It's a very special day, and I would make it about the sacrament and respect for the day, not rights. I get where you are coming from, and usually feel like people should be allowed to express themselves. He is already doing this- just not on the special day. I think you will teach him to have some levity and discernment in life and to not pick a fight over things.

You said you debated him even getting this style, so I'm wondering if you are already feeling a little sensitive about what other people thing. He sounds like a good kid, and you want to make sure people don't stereotype him or you over outward appearance. I totally get that. So this may be a new feeling for you. I say take a deep breath, tone the hair down, enjoy the special day for what it is, and going forward know that you made a choice out of respect for the church and used it as a great teaching moment for your son. Let us know what you decided!

If this is your biggest problem with the "rules" handed down by the Catholic church to it's parishioners I suggest you cut his hair and get on with it.

I just saw this and have no idea if anyone has brought this point up yet so sorry if it's been said already. I am not Catholic but I am a protestant Christian and I would just leave the hair down. If you look at it in terms of rights then you are correct. However the general idea with church is that when we walk in we shouldn't be drawing attention to ourselves. The focus should be on God and worship. Nothing wrong with Mohawks at all but perhaps the priest was concerned that rather than the focus being on an important nile stone ceremony which should be taken very seriously by children and parents alike, everyone would be snickering and saying, o look at that cute kid with the Mohawk. Also, you are your child's role model and if you openly rebel against a simple ceremonial request what kind of message does that send to your child. The Bible warns against the sin of rebellion and implores us to live at peace with others being meek in spirit. So compliance this time would set a great example and be in line with what I assume you believe if you are undergoing a bible faith ceremony. Just an insight. Peace to you.

Well, it fits into a lot of the other traditions, rules and rituals of the catholic church. Because the church is an organization they do have the right to ask him to cut his hair. I guess it depends on if you think it is one person that has a problem with the haircut or everyone involved in the CCD program.

You can talk to the priest and see what he thinks. Did you ask the coordinator why it had just become a problem now?

Hi,

I am a first communion teacher for REP. Is the coordinator or volunteer, I would ignore the comment. If the coordinator is paid, ask if there is a policy in place for this if not then you could ignore it. I know our REP director who is paid would not pick this battle. I would go to your pastor and talk to them about it if there is not policy. Otherwise, ignore it and be aware of the consequences. It is an individual not a whole church dictating this.

Hmm, I think of myself and my (Lutheran) church as pretty conservative, but I am kind of surprised that in this day and age they made that big deal over hair, especially as they never said anything before. However, I agree with the others that this is a teachable moment, and that it is important to teach your son to respect the rules of other institutions, within reason of course. But I would ask them to clarify their reasoning and also ask why it is only now coming up.

Yes, they do. We are also Catholic and my son is making his 1st Communion in a few weeks. I honestly don't think our church would have a problem with it, but every church is different. We are in a military community and a lot of the kids have a high and tight hairstyle which sticks up about an 1", but over the whole top of their head. It's time to choose your battles--I'm not saying which way to go.

unless they have you sign a dress code when you started attending the church then i would tell them no your not changing his hair. they can try to dictate you all they want. its your choice to do it. i dont see the mohawk as an issue.
as for the moms who say that he should tone it down for his first communion thats their opinion. if you have his hair spiked are you really going to look back at it in 10 years and be like oh i wish you had a bowl cut. i doubt it.
i say leave it like it is. its not like you have it died funky colors.

i am not catholic so i do not know how the whole thing with your church works. but also god did say come as you are and he would never turn someone away for having a mohawk.

I don't think the Catholic church should do a lot of the things they do, but they do them anyway.

They can make whatever rules they want. You have the choice of going there or not. The church is on private property. They can ask you to leave.

I personally think it is not appropriate for First Communion. There is a time and a place for his hair style, and it shouldn't be for his First Communion. The church said he didn't have to cut it. Just wear it down. You are just creating drama. Also, I think mohawks look dumb away. My sons used to wear them and was okay having mohawks during football season. The church is particular too when my son had to serve mass. He has to look respectful if he wants to do this type of volunteering. Why do you want him to stand out? He can wear it up when he gets home.

OMG, you have alot of feed back!!
I say, die his hair blue, but flatten it.

Yes, they do have the right. This really wouldn't be the mountain I would choose to die on. You can easily have him wear it down, or just buzz his head for this occasion. Hair grows quickly, and he can get another one. Big deal?? Not really? Worth giving up your son's sacrament over? No way! Really give it some thought before you decide to never "step foot in those doors" again.

You're lucky he doesn't go to Catholic school! My son dealt with Catholic school rules for 9+ years . . .

Personally I think it's silly but when in Rome do as the Romans do (literally in this case). :P

Hey there! I had pink hair during confirmation, was a CCD teacher, and was in the adult choir. No one batted an eye and this was 20 years ago. His hair cut is not inappropriate. 1 inch does not equal a mohawk anyhow. Even if it was 12 inches they should have nothing to say. Is there another church you can attend? Have you spoken to the priest about this?

Sorry, but I totally think it's ok for them to ask you to do that. We attend Catholic Church & school, it's about respect & discipline. I am a person who generally wears their hair pretty wild but 1st communion is such a blessed sacrament. Don't you want him to look like innocent? I'm sure he's as cute as a button anyway, think about buzzing it just for this event, like I remind people all the time....IT GROWS! Sometimes faster than we like it too. We all have to do things we don't like or don't free with sometimes, it's part of life, teach your son that by cutting his hair for this day, then day 2, go right back to growing that radical, fun & adorable Mohawk!