Doesn't Want to Go to Preschool anymore...HELP!

something is scary to her ; 1 find out what it is and see if you are able to help her overcome that fear or 2 move to somewhere else. I would do just that. Step 1 and if necessary Step 2.
K. :)

I went through a similar stage with my son when he was three. We switched him from day care to preschool (starting two days a week) so he was anxious. I would walk him into the school and then stay with him for a few minutes (honestly, some days that was 5 minutes, other days it was 20) - either until class started or other children came to play. As we progressed, I would ask him to walk to the window so he could give me a hug and a kiss through the window. After a few months,he was fine. But, before getting to that point, I did have to factor in the extra time to drop him off and to get him comfortable.

P.,

Without being alarmist, you ALWAYS want to rule out impropriaty. My suggestion is for the mother to make an unannounced visit, or two, to observe her child and the other children. This should be done without the child's knowledge, or the schools for that matter. As much from a distance as possible. If the school has a problem with this, look deeper.

If there is reason to be concerned, go to the administration and ask for a plan to alleviate her fears. Sometimes it is a simple personality insecurity with other, stronger personalities. If the teachers are worth their weight in salt, they will cooperate with you to find the solution, if not, the child is definitely in the wrong place.

I administrated a private school, K-12, and have seen many reasons for children not wanting to go to school. In today's society, we MUST always rule out any situation that may be injuring the child, but most of the time, it is solvable with some gentle understanding.

Lastly, maybe the child is not ready for preschool. I, personally, waited until my grandson was 5 to start him in preschool. Especially little boys, because they physically develop at a slower pace. I am not in the camp that a 2-4-year-old has to be put in large public settings to succeed later in college. Ludicrous!

Thirdly, pray for wisdom to know the truth in this situation. Either the child is hurting or manipulating. We, as parents, can't always be objective, so ask the Lord to help you see. If you don't know Him, start their first.

Blessings,

I am a preschool teacher and see this frequently. First off, your sister should talk to the teachers at school. Make sure that nothing happened to make her scared. Even something small could be made bigger in her mind. If your niece is happy at school except for the drop off, then the "drop and run" policy works best. Mothers who hang around until their child lets go makes it harder. I know that that sounds harsh but it is the reality. Once your niece realizes that her mom will really be back, things should go back to normmal.

Don't give up. Good luck.

My son did that and still does once in a while. He always has fun in school so really there is no reason for him to do it. The best think that works for him is to make it as quick as possible. Just tell him i love him and i will be back to pick him up and then the teacher will take him and i will "run" out the door. His teacher says he is fine as soon as i'm out the door. Maybe your sister should talk to the teacher and asked if she knows if anything is happening at school that might scare her. If not i'm sure its just a phase and she will eventually get over it. Good luck!!!!

Hi P.,
First thing is to have your sister talk to the teachers and see what they know and can do to help.
My 3 year was the same way. I would asked her everyday why she did not like preschool anymore, and the answer was always, "I don't know!" This went on for a week and then she finally said a classmate was hitting her. I told the teachers and they kept her and the other child apart and she now loves preschool again.

I know this is a bit different, but my 3.5 yr old son started doing that with going to his class during church. I found out he doesn't like one of the teachers b/c she's constantly telling him no. I heard from another worker that the one he doesn't like is sometimes meaner to him than other kids (and everyone loves my son--he has always been a good student at preschool, etc). I think this particular teacher doesn't know how to deal with rough play, and while she was just disciplining rough play, my son took it personally. With it being church, we kept him with us in the service for a few months, and he's tried it a few times and been fine. If he doesn't like it again, we'll send him to a different class, which the children's ministry pastor mentioned to me. I didn't know what the problem was, as to why he always cried and said he didn't like his class, until the other worker told me what was going on. That allowed me to ask him the right questions to help him tell me what he was really feeling and why. There are plenty of times kids just throw tantrums, which my son has also done, but if your sister can talk to several of the adults, she may find something deeper happening.

Please tell your sister to investigate what's going on in his class. We started having trouble with our son and we found out that he was being mistreated by one of the teachers in his new class. This teacher has even had issues that involved Child Protective Services and the school still employs her! Needless to say, we moved him to a new school and he loves it!

I'm sure it's just a phase; but see if you can talk with the teacher in private. Maybe the teacher can provide some insight on her in-school behavior or possibly agree to keeping a closer eye on her to see if there is something going on between another classmate. Maybe your sister can spend more time in the morning with her--a special breakfast and a few extra minutes together may help.

I think this is typical of all 3 and 4 year olds. I had my 3 year old go though it, with her sitter who had her since she was 6 months old. I think they just lay on the guilt to see if they can make you do what they want. It typically would happen over a long weekend or if someone was sick. I knew Nanny took very good care of Kailey and there was no reason for her to be acting this way. Your sister needs to sit down and talk to the little one and be sure no one is causing him to be afraid. And be be specific with the questions.

Hi, I just want you to know that my sister went through the same thing with my niece. In her situation she was scared because a friend of hers was picking on her. She didn't tell her the problem at first but with some questioning from her mom she finally told her why she didn't want to go to school. My nephew had this problem for a time too. My sister wasn't sure why but at the time a teacher had been fired for tying a child up for a nap. I don't know if the teacher was the problem but it was suspicious. She never found out why he was scared exactly. They both did go back to happily going to school. I'm not sure if the other kids or the teachers are the problem but it is something to think about.

P.:

My first instinct is to pull her from the school. Something is going on. Have her your put a recorder or something in her backpack so she can find out what's going on.

However unfortunate and wrong it is - bad things happen to children. She's scared and she states she's scared. If my kids told me they were scared, I wouldn't put them in that situation - that's traumatic especially at 3.

Have your sister talk with other parents. Can she acertain when this started - was a new child added to the class? Did the teacher change, leave, have something huge happen in his/her life that is having an adverse affect on his/her teaching ability?

Her child is telling her there's a problem. She can't say what - but there is a problem. It's her responsibility as a mom to fix it and if she can't fix it. Get her daughter into a situation where she feels safe.

Check with child protective services.
Check with the center director. Express your concerns - oh hell, she should be aware that a child is screaming in one of her classrooms. If she's not - then there's an even bigger problem.
If the teacher doesn't try to help - that's a HUGE sign. If the child has an adverse reaction to the teacher that she once loved - huge red flag. Your sister should take a day off work and try to find a new school for her daughter. Stay in the classroom with her - she might find interaction with another child that is wrong, not the teacher.

She owes it to her daughter to get to the bottom of it. How would she feel if the roles were reversed and she's an older W. and her daughter drops her off at a senior citizen center and she starts freaking out but her daughter does exactly what she's doing to her - ignoring her pleas for help.

It doesn't have to be a teacher that's causing the trauma, it could be another child.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Best regards,

Cheryl

This has happened to several children that I know and have cared for. Just keeping going. Perhaps have someone else drop her off. I started taking a friend's child because he was doing this. He now goes with his mother and is just fine. He just had a bit of a rough period for whatever reason.

wow... thought I was the only one going through this. My son is 2 and does the same thing. I have removed him from the class room. the new room he apprears to do a lot better. The Crying is not completly stop, however, I am not as uneasy to leave him anymore.

I would suggest speaking to the other parents to see if their kids are doing this and speeaking with the caregiver or the director. Clearly something has happened. your sister needs to find out soon.

good luck with this sutiatios. I know that it is not easy for your sister to leave her child in that state every morning!!!

may God Bless
Jess

How long has she been in school,she may have to tough if out and take some trial an era.Tell your sisiter to count to 10 and know it's not her. Good Luck

This happened every day with my daughter for about 4 yrs. sometimes there was a reason (her teacher moving to a different room, her friend not being there anymore) but most of the time there was no reason. After I left she would calm down in a few minutes without problems and was happy when I returned. My son, by contrast, could care less that I am gone, so I think it is personality driven somewhat. Hang in there, now at 5, only very occasionally does my daughter cling and she is usually easily redirected by a very skilled teacher. As for past yrs, I would look for a familiar teacher that she liked and hand her off and leave quickly.

We recently went through this with my 4 yr old son. We also tried everything and struggled, but in the end we talked to him alot, and then stooped to the thing that works best - bribery... and since it worked like a charm, I am apt to believe that a lot of his acting up was contrived.
We first told him if he had a good week and didn't cry, we'd let him pick out a toy or costume. Then, we said if he had a good month, we'd do the same.... so far it has continued to work. Yes, he is working us, but if it helps keep peace in the AM, I am ok with that. Good luck to her.

P., this happened with my son (now 4) the same time last year! He had gotten into the groove of going and then, bam! all of a sudden, he didn't want to go. This happened with a few friends of his, too.

I realized he was always happy when I picked him up, so he clearly was happy being there. It truly was a phase and I just gave him lots of hugs and reassurance but I still left him there. There was NEVER a time he was still upset when I picked him up.

Have your sis talk to the teacher privately and ask how your niece is doing overall. If she's happy, this is a separation phase. If possible, have her show up and discreetly watch how her daughter behaves when she doesn't know Mommy is there. That may give her more answers.

D.

Yes i have been through it with my nephew and the children i watch for childcare.
3yr old do throw fits when going to preschool alot of the time. This is the age where they start understanding that mom and dad have a life after they leave them there. They go places and do things. They want to be part of it and are willing to throw a fit for it. What you need to do is make it sound like things are boring at work or home. Tell them you do nothing that is any fun in comparison to what the child is doing. Make it sound like the child is having fun and the parent isn't doing anything but setting around doing nothing they are just waiting for the child to come home. But DON'T make it sound like they are so bored or in need that the child can solve it by being home. The child will also use whatever seems to make the parents seem worried. If she says she scared and the parents react just once they know it works. Even if they stop reacting because they know you can stop the reaction. So ignore it for a long time not a few days or even a few weeks. The only reason you should worry is if you see signs there is something going on there.