I'm a grandma (with 4 adult children & 3 grands), and this sounds more like a 'control' issue than 'drama' to me. The more you try to appease and accommodate her, the more she will try to manipulate you. I'd suggest that you stop trying to make her 'happy' so much and start making what you say 'go'.
My deceased mother gave me a 'one liner' of parenting advice that will stand any mother (or father or other caregiver) in good stead. "Don't say anything to a child unless you mean it." This carries lots of ramifications, but it's very effective.
Think before you express an expectation.
If it doesn't matter, don't say it.
If you say it, MAKE it happen. (Don't let the child divert, coax, argue, or otherwise manipulate you or the situation).
This helps keep YOU -- as well as your child -- accountable to your own words.
I'm always analyzing (people) according to the 4 (or 5) temperaments, and I'd say you are a melancholy (who likes things done the 'proper' way) and that she is at least partly choleric (who likes things done HER way). It might help for you to read up on these temperaments and see if it helps you understand her (and everyone else) better.
Also Dr. James Dobson's book, 'The Strong Willed Child' (or other of his parenting books), and just about any book by Kevin Leman should be helpful @ http://www.drleman.com/store/.
God bless and happy parenting!