Duaghter Hates Homework

Hi M.,
I have a eight year old in third grade this year. Try doing it as a team. Make it fun for her to hold her interest. she may just be bored and tired of work by the time she gets in from school. Try talking to her and explaining the long term positive effect of homework. She may be looking at it like it is punishment or something.

Hi M. -

I'm assuming that your daughter has only been in second grade for about a month or so, correct? If so, she's probably a bit overwhelmed with the kind of homework she's bringing home. Gone are the days when simple coloring and crafts were expected, as she gets older and the subjects get more advanced, homework is going to be more of a struggle for both of you.

Here's my suggestion...create a physical environment in your home where she can retreat to do her homework rather than feel banished or isolated by doing so. Maybe you can turn on some soft music (if it's not too distracting for her) and let her see that you're in the same room with her. Make sure that she's had a good snack before she begins, and check to see if she's physically comfortable where she's sitting. Turn the TV OFF when she's doing homework and sit with her for support ONLY when she needs it - don't watch over her to make sure she's doing her work. Maybe you can pull out a book and/or puzzle book yourself to do your "homework" at the same time. Kids her age don't want to miss out on anything, so if it appears that you're doing something more enjoyable and not including her, she may resent it and put up a fight to do any of her work.

If you feel that the subject matter is a problem, talk to her teacher about your concerns. Maybe he/she can recommend some supplemental books for you to read and some additional fun activities to make learning the particular subject more enjoyable for your daughter. I would also query some of the other moms in the class to see how they're fairing with homework time. As a last result, if your child continues this mutiny well into the year, I would seek professional help from companies such as Kaplan or Sylvan, but be aware that these institutions are very expensive and much of what you're paying them to do is to have time and patience with your child. At this grade level, nothing she's learning will be too difficult for you to help her with.

As a teacher for ten years, I can't stress enough how important it is to develop good, solid study habits as early as possible. Respecting and treating homework time as a haven for learning rather than a rigorous drag starts with you...because I'm sure your daughter is bright, she'll follow your lead.

Blessings to you and yours.

M., I can relate to some of your problem. I have second grader too. My daughter does not in any way enjoy coming home and doing homework, but I always push on to get it done.
My daughter has always been a little on the hyper side of things. She has a very hard time focusing on what is in front of her and would rather sit and ramble about anything she can to avoid working. She will intentionally drop her pencil and then lean on the chair in some weird acrobatic way till I have to yell at her to get up and work again. I chalk it up as something that she will grow out of. Unfortunately we also learned last year that she is very lazy. She is capable of learning but would rather do other things and not pay attention. She paid the price this year because she was not up to par in her reading and was placed in a remediation class that the school put together to help her catch up before FCATS next year.
All I can say on your behalf is be persistent. I usually make her sit at the kitchen table and work while I cook dinner. That way I can see her working, if she has questions she can ask and I can make sure that her mind is not wandering. I know it is very frustrating! I am going to video tape my daughter one of these days so she can see how she was years from now. It gets really ridiculous some nights. I think the hardest thing for my daughter is that I make her write her vocabulary words and defs out 2 times every night and she hates that. She told her teacher that I make her do it and her teacher sided with me instead of saying that she didn't have to do it.

I am not sure how much your daughter brings home, but if it is not an overlaod, try letting her play for a little bit when she gets home. She may need to get rid of some of her energy. My daughter dance 4 out of 5 mights a week. I find that after we leave dance she does better with focusing than if I try to get her to do it before hand.

Hang in there. You pushing her to get it done will pay off years from now when she has good study habits. I keep trying to tell myself the same thing.

Oh! Gosh, this is a good one. Ah, I'm trying to go back to second grade with my daughter. Yes, I had the same problem in kindergarten-third grade. It might be the way some children learn, they are not hitting the learning curve for that particular age group. The child's mind maybe more on play. So, that is one way to add in learning so she will be excited about finishing homework. And basically, for young children- the mind is also developing (mentally, socially, etc.) and it maybe difficult to grasp newly introduced schoolwork. I found a tool (the computer) that interested my daughter. Her grandpa mailed her fun educational CD's twice a month. That really helped. I hope it can help you.

Hi M.
Wow, I thought I was the only 1 with that problem. I have the same problem. Every night is the same thing, fighting with my son 2 do his homework. I have 2 threaten him 2 do his homework. I even have 2 get the belt so he can do his homework. I know its very hard but ur not alone, thank god, cause like I said, I thought I was the only one. I have 2 other sons & I don't remember them giving me a hard time as my youngest. If u get some good advise please let me know. I would like 2 have homework easier. It's hard cause I get out of work @5 then its rush home 2 get the kids 2 go 2 baseball practice, get home cook dinner than its an argument 4 homework. I am also a single mom struggling w/4 boys & a dog who is pregnant. Wow!! Good luck & again share some advice when u get it. I was just reading Lucy's advise, about the med thing. My kids r going thru psychiatric treatment because there father died in a car accident, so I have been taking them to get counseling, but one of the things the doctor told me is that they have 2 b on meds so they can concentrate. Let me tell u they have improved 100% in school. Even my little one, Damian tells me that he is concentrating more in school but I still have the problem of him doing his homework. But yea have her checked out. I only give him the meds when he has school. I don't give it 2 him on weekends or when there is no school. I went thru the same thing w/my oldest but I didn't like the way the meds worked on him cause he was like a zombie, it wasn't him. That's why I was scared w/my other 2. But check it out, it doesn't hurt.
Good luck
R.

Do you sit with your daughter while she is doing her homework? I am sure that this would be hard with being a single mom of 2. Is your daughter the younger child or the older child? Either way if you can make time to sit with her while she does the homework, not to critisise but to offer support and positive feedback and make it more like a team effort rather that her having to "go" and do her homework. Make sure that the environment is pretty quiet with no TV to distract her and make sure that your other child is either involved in another activity or doing their own thing depending on the age that way your daughter is not distracted by the other sibling.

Maybe if you sit together then not only is it homework time but it is also kind of personal mommy time. I am sure that this is probably much easier said than done with you being a single mom of 2.

Good luck and best wishes
M. N.

Hi M.,

You know I went thru the same thing with my youngest daughter also when she hit 2nd grade. She would cry at the table with her homework. There was times she even sat there thru dinner and then went to bed with it not finished. I mean we would go crazy. We started making her deals, if she did her homework all week without problems and did good on her spelling test at the end of the week, she would get something or go somewhere. Sometimes it was out to eat at her favorite place, or a toy but the toy couldn't be over 10.00 about the same as it would cost to go out to eat. Or a new clothes what ever she may have been wanting at the time.She was into roller skating every weekend so that was even part of the deals. It worked. Then as time went on we also found out she needed meds to help her stay focused to get the work completed in school and home. You might wanna try it. Believe it or not we still use the deal system from time to time. If you have any questions or want any more suggestions let me know i hope it helps. Again its a stage i really think. L.

When my son was about that age, he, too, hated homework (and school) and I had him checked for a learning disability. I had put this off as long as I could because I didn't want to believe there could be anything "wrong" with him. Turns out he had ADHD AND a learning disability. He was put in remedial classes and was quite able to attend regular ones shortly thereafter. Unfortunately, I had done this as a last resort; if I had followed this path BEFORE punative measures were taken at school, his self-esteen wouldn't have been damaged! So make sure she doesn't need special attention before assuming that she simply hates homework; there might be a reason! Good luck!

I give my son time to wind down from school before we begin his homework. He is only in kindergarten, but he has at least 10 minutes of homework everyday. We he gets home I let him make himself a snack and do a quiet activity. Sometimes he even drifts off for an hour. When I'm about to start dinner, I set him down at the table and go over his hoemwork with him then. I know he's still young, and homework is exciting, but I think that "making" him take time out of his day to wind down or to nap keeps him from getting overwhelmed. I hope this helps you at least some.

I know from my own experience with my children, my 7 yr old daughter had to move back to Kindergarten this year as she was not ready for 1st grade due to moving from one state to another. Due to this she hated to do her homework to the point that she would cry and fight with us about it, matter of fact in Kindergarten she would hide her homework and throw it away because it wasn't fun. But after seeing her twin brother excelling in 1st grade and how well he reads, as well as us explaining to her that it's not an option, homework must be done or she will fail and cry about it does not make it go away and etc, but now she is puttin forth more effort and doing well in school.
I guess what I am saying is to just calmly sit her down and explain to her that homework is not an option and that she will do it and the sooner she gets it done the sooner she can go play or watch tv or whatever it is. Another approach that may also help her is to wait a little bit after she gets home, like if she gets home at 3 tell her that she has an hour (or whatever you decide) to snack or "rest" (as my kids call it- sometimes we even wait till after dinner) then when the time is up sit her down to get it done.

Good luck.

Dear M.,
Sorry to hear that your are having trouble. I don't know if this will help you with your problem, but when my neice was in the second grade she, too, had problems. She did beautifully in the first grade so we were kind of shocked. Turns out she had problems with her eyes and it was torture for her. Being young, she had no idea what was wrong and evidently had always had the problem so she didn't know that it truly was a problem. Check everything and don't judt assume it's her having a poor outlook on homework. It made ALL the difference in the world for my neice. She loves school now.
Best of luck!

Dear M. E, two things come to mind. A book by Cynthia Tobias; They Way They Learn. In it she talks about learning styles. It may be that your daughter was responding well to her first and natural learning style. If she is now asked to learn in a different way, it may be a little uncomfortable for her. Read this book and check with your child's teacher and see if you can come up with a strategy to naturally capture her teachable moments. Second, look at the learning reward system that is used in the classroom and match your at home system to memic the same success. If the teacher is using stars for completed work, maybe you can use play stations or favorite storytime or music sessions to celebrate completed work periods. Often new content is easier for the child to focus on when the structure between school and home is most similar.

When she gets home give her a few minutes to wind down. She has spent the last 7 hrs sitting at a desk doing lots of work. I had the same problem with my oldest. Try and make it fun and entertaining for her. Try and relate the work to something she likes, math to # of animals or even candy, spelling or reading make it a game more so then homework offer rewards when she does it. It can be very stressful but be patient. Hope this helps.