E.A.S.Y. Or CIO

M.,

We did a modified cry it out with both of our kids. This was mostly at bed time, not nap but the theory should be the same.

We'd do our normal bed time routine and put them in bed, hopefully drowsy or asleep. If they'd fuss we'd wait 5 minutes to give them time to calm themselves. If at the end of the five minutes they were screaming full throttle we'd go in and comfort them until they were calm again. Then, we'd put them back in bed again and repeat.

If at the end of the first five minutes they were whimpering, but mostly wound down we'd leave them be for an additional five minutes, or all night depending on what they did. At anytime during that 10 (or more) minutes they started full throttle again we'd go in immediately and comfort them.

My kids are now 2 and 5 1/2 and can put themselves to sleep at night, and soothe themselves (usually) if they wake up in the middle of the night. My 2 year old would co-sleep with me if I'd let her, but I toss and turn too much to feel comfortable with that.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

I am so sorry you are struggling with this. These decisions are not easy for us but we must do what's best for our wee ones. My little S was the same way, because that is what we taught her. WE couldn't handle the sound of her crying so we would hold her and let her "nap" however she learned to sleep lightly anticipating the moment we would lay her down, then it was back to us quietly rocking...Something needed to be done ! I decided to give the "cry it out" 1 week. Thank goodness it seemed to work by her 3rd nap that day or I may have given up. Your daughter is older than mine but if everyone is supportive and on board she will quickly learn that she can go to sleep on her own. Also having a pattern or routine she can count on and always knows what is coming next is so reassuring to babies. Remind yourself that she is safe and this is temporary and she will SOON be playing more contently (independantly) and it's because she knows she doesn't need you to make her feel safe. My 17 month old naps 2 times a day 5 hours total and sleeps 8p-6a every night with out fail. If she does cry, I know something's up...fever, sliver or wet diaper for example. Best of luck and set her up for the long run not what's easy short term.
PS, I was a nanny for 10 years before having my own and I had success with all 3 this way :)

Is it possible for your sis-in-law to wear her on her back for her nap times? she could go about the house doing her normal routine with hands free and the babe would eventually drift off from the movement. I'd suggest the ergo carrier.

If you can get the naps figured out that should really help out with bedtime.

P.S. I haven't heard of E.A.S.Y and I don't do CIO, so I'm sorry if my suggestion isn't helpful for you. Listen to your heart and do what you think is best for your family. You will figure it out!

She might just be experiencing seperation anxiety. If so, expect it to last around a 4-6 weeks probably. The way we got through it was just to wear my daughter as much as possible. It sucks for a kid in daycare, but that really was the way for us to deal with it. See if your SIL is willing to give it a try. Offer to buy the carrier if she doesn't have one as long as she's willing to try it for a couple days. The Ergo is generally a pretty adjustable all purpose carrier that can fit multiple sized people so you can all use the same carrier for her.

My advice is to put your daughter's bed next to your bed in your room. She is scared and alone in the dark. My daughter also used to throw up when my husband insisted upon putting her into her crib. I used to work during the evenings and I'd come home to see she threw up. That's when I closed my counseling practice. I knew she needed me and I had to be there. Just hold her and be there. That's what she needs. Also, is there any way you can do day care at home so you can be with her? It's just a thought. I gave up my career for a few years and I opened a day care/preschool. The career will always be there, but she'll go into elementary school soon. Remember that our society is one of the few that doesn't sleep next to our children. Listen to your heart. Letting her have her own bed in your room will still allow you cuddle time with your husband after she falls asleep. It works really well for us. I hope this helps. Also, I am very happy to be with her during the day and giving up my career for a few years was what she and I needed. Caring for children in our home is the perfect solution. I love teaching, being mommy and "auntie" to the kids. We had to cut back a lot. It's not for everyone, but it's working well for us.

I did E.A.S.Y. and it worked tremendously for our first child. I love the baby whisperer so much, I bought the book for toddlers too.

I do agree that attachment parenting is a wonderful way to raise a happy secure child, but if you can't stick to a commitment of being with him/her 24/7 for the first 5 years, then it turns out to just be torture on you both. Since you have to work, this parenting style just won't work. No babysitter has the time to hold your baby all day long and neglect not only the things they want to get done, but also all the other children in her care. You need to teach your baby one way or another to be more independent and secure. It starts with putting her down in the comfort of your own home and leaving her alone in a room for a few minutes at a time. It is OK if your baby cries... it is normal, and your job as a parent is NOT to make sure your child never feels sad, angry, or lonely. Your job is to teach her what you must to help her live in this world. Right now, the skill she needs in confidence in herself, and a little independence... it will take a little crying to learn. I agree that there is no need to let it get to hysterics because the point is NOT to teach her that she can't rely on you, but to teach her that she CAN do things without you. By leaving her for a few minutes at a time and letting her fuss and cry some then coming back calmly (instead of greeting her like you saved her from something) you will teach her that you will always come back. She relies on your emotions to decide how to feel, so if her fussing makes you stress out and get frantic, then she will assume there is something scary to get frantic about and it will escalate.

I am also a full-time working mom that went back to work when my baby was 6 months old. We practice a modified form (we can't cosleep because of hubby's insomnia) of attachment parenting and it is possible, without turning everything into a huge struggle. You just have to determine what is important to you and what works for your family - then find the middle ground.
My daughter has been attending a day care center and she did not have to "Cry it out" there, either, so I am sure there is a way for you too. At the center their rate is 4:1 and all of the kids are under 1, though not all of them are there full time. Sometimes I saw a caregiver hold and feed two babies at the same time, sometimes they rocked a third with their foot. None of the kids were ever just sitting in their cribs screaming - and I have spent considerable time there observing.
I am sorry, but the argument that she has her own child to look after doesn't work for me. I would suggest that you try to work with your SIL, or whoever is providing her care and work out a plan that addresses your baby's needs, while keeping your in law's house operational.
The nice thing about working with professionals is that you can clearly state your expectations and usually they will make reasonable accommodations. Even though relative care is inexpensive and convenient, your daughter deserves to be cared for in a way that fosters her development, physical, social and emotional, in a way that meets modern standards.
A commitment to the principles of attachment parenting isn't easy even if you are home 24/7 - it simply is not the easy way out! Please don't let people tell you that you can't practice attachment parenting if you work. You can! Kudos for trying.

You are at a difficult point, i think. Good luck!

I would like to recommend the CIO method. I know its really hard to do this, and to let your kid scream, but, i'm a believer. It will take more than ten minutes (at least the first time), and commitment, though.

Even if you do not want to go that route, I recommend the book 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child'
http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp...
because i think it does a good job of discussing all aspects of sleep, and what is reasonable, and what is a good schedule, but is not a really strict advocate of any particular method of getting your child to sleep. The suggestions also made sense and worked for me, and some of them work for both co-sleeping and CIO parents.

Anyway, why my recommendation of CIO? Well, i wasn't sure about it, but with my child i noticed that every time we went in there we amped her up more. I also noticed that by interacting with her while she was falling asleep (even if it was just holding her) prevented her from falling asleep deeply. We resorted to CIO because our only other alternative was to hold her non-stop all the time. (And she still wasn't getting enough sleep.)

Within a few days of putting her on a strict schedule with CIO to get to sleep, we had a baby who fell asleep on her own, easily, with sometimes fussing (not yelling), sometimes, none. She sleeps well, and for long hours, and is a happy kid.

Given our experience our friends tried this for naps with their kid, and she, too, switched from a girl who wouldn't nap to one who falls asleep easily for naps, on a schedule, naps for a couple of hours, etc. She also became much happier than she had been when they were trying to rock her to sleep for every nap.

The evidence and correlation is so clear to me, that i feel like this is a real technique worth trying. The fact that all the kids that i know personally who have had their parents do this became much happier and much better sleepers makes me believe that the few days/nights of painful crying are worth the end result --- for the kid even more than the adult.

FWIW, i'm still pretty hands on with my kid. I encourage her to be independent, but i pick her up when she wants it. I don't always go to her if she wakes up at night, but if hear the cry that says 'mommy' instead of 'fussy' i do. I calm her down, and then put her back into bed.

I used the CIO with comforting every 5 minutes. If I had to go in to comfort I never used nursing, and tried not to remove him from the bed. I would rub his bellie/back, and talk or sing softly. Once calm I would leave and give him another 5 minutes.

good luck

Hi M.,

I just wanted to say that in my experience, around four months it seems a lot of babies go through this same stage. You know your baby better than anyone so please take or leave this...but it may just be that she really needs that extra support and stimulation. I've watched some (several) little ones who were the same way. When C.I.O. was used with them they just got overstimulated with them and it was a nightmare to get them to bed as well.
My suggestion is to get a good, comfortable wrap, sling or mei tai to carry her in. Also, sometimes a chiropractor can give you some information on whether anything seems to be not normal about this behavior. The 30 minute naps make me think that seeing a chiropractor with her for a consult might be a good idea.
Hang in there. I had one just like this. It does pass! Trust your instinct and don't make decisions based on what anyone else puts pressure on you to do. You know your baby! Trust yourself! You're a great parent.

D. Rylander
A Blessed Birth Doula Services
____@____.com
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I used this method on all three of my babies. One at 8 months, one at 7 months, and one at 4 1/2 months (two weeks ago). Basically whenever co-sleeping started keeping all of us up all night long.

I devote a week of sleeping in baby's room but it's never taken that long. I roll the cot up to the crib and settle in for some crying. They will cry and scream but it makes it easier on you because you are close by and have the peace of mind knowing that nothing is really "wrong".

The first two nights I talk quietly to them and touch in any soothing way without picking up, and once a night after at least 5 hours I take them out to nurse when they wake up. It also helps if they have a "lovie"
The following night I only talk quietly to let them know I'm still there... still right next to the bed.
Night four (if you need it) you can move your bed half way across the room so they can still hear your voice but it's farther away. I've never needed more than night four, now, if the youngest wakes up and won't go back to sleep I go in and make sure he has his "lovie", then he's right back out. I do still let him nurse the one time each night that he wakes up. It's worked great for my three and they are all still sleeping wonderfully. Best of luck with whatever you decide to try. Just make it happen, everyone needs their sleep.