Do you have experience with either of these books for sleep solutions? I have a four mo old who WILL NOT SLEEP!! He just won't and I'm exhausted all the time. I tried a night of letting him cry it out, but he went 45 minutes just absolutely screaming and I can't do that to him...I know you have to try longer. I have a daughter and she didn't cry that long and it literally took two or three nights...wasn't too bad. This is much worse than what I experienced with her and I just don't know what to do. He was up most of last night and only took one, one-hour nap today. That's not enough for him...or me. Advice please...and encouragement if you've got any!
Just to add another response to a question that came up a couple times...I don't expect him to sleep through the night yet at all and I do enjoy the nightime feedings. it's just that he wakes up every hour or so. I end up putting him in bed with me and he still stirs all night and roots around to nurse so I feel like it becomes every half hour or so. That's what has me so exhausted, and him too I'm afraid. He does have acid reflux but has been on meds for it, wondering if it's not working.
Thanks for all the tips that have come in so far...greatly appreciated! To answer a few of the questions that have come up: He DID have an ear infection, but after two antibiotics we were given the all-clear so that shouldn't be an issue right now and we just got the all clear so I don't think it's another one at this point. It's been two weeks of him not feeling well so I'm pretty in tune with that. I didn't let him cry the full 45 minutes. It was more that I was by myself (hubby works some evenings) and just feeling completely overwhelmed and couldn't get him settled so I laid him down in his crib b/c I had to have the break. At that point, he didn't fuss too much so I thought, well, let's give it a try and I went iin about every five minutes, gave him his binky, patted his hiney, etc. I just couldn't do it...made me too sad to see him so sad. I also don't believe you can spoil a child which is what's making this so challenging...I'm just soooo tired and with one that's about to turn 4, I really need some rest. I'm just going to do what I can to continue to comfort him and read some books to find what falls in line with our parenting style, his temperament, etc. to help him get the best night's sleep possible. To the person who suggested Dr. SEars site, thanks, LOVE IT! I appreciate all the tips and hearing from those going through the same thing or have gone through it. I know I'll miss this stage and I know it will pass, but it sure helps to hear it and also to know I'm not by myself in this. I
Cry it out isn't recommended for children that young... it's recommended around 8 months of age or so.
Dr. Sears has some great advice for infant sleep issues:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp
"Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" has saved me on more than one occassion. I would recommend it over and over again. It is the only book that I read for parenting besides "Happiest Baby on the Block" that I really felt made an impact on me as new mommy for the first time!
I loved Loved LOVED Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. My daughter was one of those babies who needed a ton of sleep but I didnt' realize it fully until I read the book. My family members kept giving me bad advice, like keep her up late so she'll sleep more, etc. (worst advice ever for my kid) but that book confirmed what I had suspected; she needed more nap time so she wouldn't be so gosh darn cranky come bedtime. I got her on the Weissbluth nap schedule. She continued to take three naps per day until almost her first birthday, but I swear those naps made the nights so much easier. It sounds counter-intuitive but I"m telling you, getting enough rest during the day made a huge difference in her nighttime sleep. He will walk you through it. Best of luck!
Advice... your son is not your daughter. Try co-sleeping.
As a single Mother, exclusively breastfeeding... working and going to school - - I Made it thru with great overnight sleeping when I co slept! Most babies and even toddlers will prefer sleeping next to Mom - whom they had a 24/7 connection with for 9 months - than to sleep alone, feeling abandoned, cold, hungry, wet, scared in a dark room all by themselves.
I haven't read Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child, but I have read No Cry Sleep Solution. From what I understand, Healthy Sleep Habits promotes "total extinction," or putting your child in their room and never going back all night long. IMO, a 4-month-old is WAY to young for that, and I don't know that it is good for any age of child. I would try the No Cry Sleep Solution. She has some wonderful, gentle ideas. Good luck to you! The sleep deprivation is so hard!
Hi,
I actually do not have any advice, or I would apply it myself :), yet I feel for you as my son did this for a very, very long time. He was a few years old before he even slept thru the night. I just stopped sleeping with him and he is five. I have a five month old and she too does not sleep thru, yet at least I can feed her a bottle and she will go back for the most part. I actually used to read books in the middle of the night on how to get a baby to sleep by the light of the TV...all while my son would just stare at me. I truly tried many things and I just had a hard time with the cry it out. Had I stuck to it, it probably would have worked. He is as spirited and stubborn now as he was as a baby. I did just buy a white noise machine and that seems to work a bit. I also get so desperate that I often will sleep part of the night with my daughter in a separate bed. Dr. Sears has some good tips on how to do this safely. You should also look at his website as he has some good tips about sleeping and they are very anti cry-it-out. Well, I will think of you as I am head bobbing the night away, knowing I am not alone. This too shall pass...let us just hope it is quickly!
At this point i would do what ever it took to get him to have some sleep-- co-sleeping, driving around the block in circles, holding him all day, nursing to sleep what ever. you need a few days to semi-recharge for him and for you. once he is sleeping for at least a bit longer then you can consider breaking the cycle of what ever he will pick up as a crutch and offering something that you like better, but for right now do what ever it takes.
i would go in the bathroom with my little one turn off the lights and turn on the fan for while noise and just sit on the floor and rock and rock and rock.
Colic comes around now i think, as do growth spurts. I would have your dr check everything they can, ear infections, teething, reflux, formula allergy, caffenine in breastmilk, appropriate weight gain. check to see if he is too hot or too cold while sleeping, get room darkening shades.
don't smoke around the baby, I also wouldn't have the tv on, i think the flickering lights can mess sleep up.
once you can get him to nap for a few days, start going in 5 mins before you expect him to wake, hard to do i know, but if you are right there when he stirrs you can some times get him to go back to sleep like by giving a pacifier or patting his back.
get yourself a rountine, meals as close to the same time every day, bath and play time the same everyday, wind down slowly at the end of the day.
Good luck, it really is the worst form of tortue in the world. but you will get through it.
I was in the same place as you a couple months ago - had done CIO with daughter and now my son was almost four months and wasn't sleeping. I think what happened was I figured that this time I knew what I was doing so I tried CIO a little earlier with him and it just didn't work! Here's what I've come to learn - babies' memories develop with time. That's why you can't "spoil" a baby - they don't really remember enough to become spoiled. On the flip side, you also can't really do CIO with a baby who is too young because they don't really remember that "oh, last time I didn't get picked up so this time I'll just go to sleep". I'm not at all knocking CIO, just saying that it doesn't work when it's done too early because baby isn't cognatively (sp?) ready for it yet. With my son it was a disaster. I waited a few weeks and tried again and it worked beautifully. If it didn't work this time, just hang in there for a little while and then try again every two or three weeks and at some point it will work. Good luck!
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For me I like the no cry sleep solution book. It really helped my son and I. We started him on a good routine and started giving him baths before bed, which made him more relaxed and then gave him milk while rocking him and put him in bed. Then sometimes he would cry so I would give it 5 minutes, if he didnt settle in, then I would go in give him his binky and hold him for a few minutes until he settled down then put him back in his crib. And did this until he didnt wake up again, and went right to sleep. A day or two of this worked pretty good for us. He just needed a stricter routine. Wake up, nurse, play, then so on. Then later on have dinner, bath, more milk, rocked with either mom or dad and then bed.
It takes awhile sometimes to get your routines down and figure it out but hang in there and be strong! It will work out. This too shall pass!
Have you try give him a pacifier?
Also some babies like to be swadle for longer, perhaps he needs that.
Maybe a little more milk.
Also check with your doctor for ear infections, both of my kids had one before 1 year old.
Hope it gets better and both of you have good night sleep.
My nearly 5mo-old boy is also a tough sleeper. He tends to nod off while nursing, sleep rather than burping, and then scream when he feels a gas bubble later in the night. He doesn't like napping at all--30 or 40 minutes in a swing or kicky seat is about the max. I also have a 2.5 year old daughter, so I really feel your pain!! It is super hard.
I have found that even though my son likes to have his hands in his face or his arm over his eyes, if I swaddle him tightly I can get him to settle easier through the night. He's really too big for all the newborn blankets I had, so I went to Target and found these extra-large, thin swaddling blankets that work pretty well. The trick is, he has to be very sleepy to let me swaddle him and then he doesn't struggle with it. By morning, and after several night feedings, he usually has at least one arm out, but that blanket snug around his tummy seems to help him not startle himself awake.
We also use the binkie for soothing when we need to and we have the Rainforest Soother from Fischer-Price that has lots of settings for motion, lights, music or nighttime noises and I use the dark nighttime noise as white noise for him.
Good luck and remember how fast it all goes! At least, that's what I keep telling myself. ;)
In my opinion, he's too young to sleep well at night or to let him cry it out. Really, just take a deep breath and remind yourself that in a few months (which will fly by) you will be able to try again, and for now, just love those special nighttime moments. I was where you were at not all that long ago and now it seems distant past, and I miss it! :)
Did you let him cry for the whole 45 minutes or did you go in and love on him and assure him you're there? I have not read either book you mentioned, but did read and use what I learned from "Babywise: Giving your child the gift of Nighttime sleep." One of the keys that I had to learn and deal with was putting my son to sleep drowsy and letting him learn to fall asleep on his own. Within 3 days of reading and implementing Babywise principles, my son (at age 9 months) was sleeping thru the night and I finally got some shut eye. Good luck. Hang in there.
Frankly, after looking at both books you are going to have to decide which one you can be more consistent with. I think that is more key than anything-if you can't remain consistent with whatever path you choose your baby will sense the lack of routine and balk--yes even at 4 months of age. My daughter slept thru at 6 weeks and then at 4 months after a vacation with a messed up routine gave us a hell of time with sleeping until nearly a year of age. For me, I preferred no -cry 's methods better than CIO because I knew I wouldn't remain consistent with CIO. I like Baby Whisperer--she is a little more structured than No-Cry which I liked. Her idea of an EASY schedule (eat, activity, sleep, youtime!) worked really well for my child who like to nap-nurse on me !
4 months is too young to "cry it out" via ANY method.
I was not in favor of "crying" methods, but with my DS we made it to 11 months of sleepless nights, daddy deploying for a year and a DD who was 3 y/o with a cold...I gave in and found "Sleepeasy solution".
Excellent, mild, kind "sleep training" that worked quickly and easily.
Check out their website, "Sleepyplanet.com". I found it to be very helpful. Now I do our bedtime routine, put my lil man in his crib and he takes his bink and blanky and goes to sleep. Ahhh!
Good luck...but hang in there a few more months...he's a baby and he needs his mama. He could have reflux or other issues...accept a few more months of exhaustion...it goes faster than you think.
I personally think 4 mo. old is too young to let him cry it out. He doesn't understand. I did pick up/put down. I picked DD up when she cried, and put her down when she was calm. Some nights I just put a hand on her back til she settled. She is now 2 and will go to bed by herself most nights. Maybe he just needs some TLC or a better routine or maybe he's teething.
I also suggest co-sleeping.
You need to google "sleep regressions." It is extremely common for four-month-olds to have issues with sleep, even after a few months of great sleep. It is good for you to know that it is common, and that (some people believe) no matter what you do through sleep regressions, the child will go back to sleeping well after them.
Try putting him in his swing or car seat in the play pin so he's upright. My daughter never slept in her bed. She slept in her car seat swaddled until she was about 12 months old. Hope you find a solution soon.
I used Weissbluth Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child. Love it! My kids are now 2.5 and almost 4 and have slept 11-12 hours a night straight through since 9 mos (I nursed him 2-3 times a night till then) and 12 WEEKS respectively (that was her doing, not mine) and nap well....and both have napped well since 4 mos. If you are looking for your baby to sleep all the way through the night though at 4 mos, know that Weissbluth says that some babies just need to eat at night until they are around 9 mos old (like my DS) -- and doesn't suggest dropping feedings altogether at night until then.
The only book I read was Healthy Sleep Habits- I never read anything else because I LOVED that book. Everything he said made SO much sense to me and all the things he talked about really worked- especially catching your baby a few minutes BEFORE he was tired, so he wasn't OVERtired. And also that good sleep during the day = good sleep at night.
Do you have a baby carrier so you can wear him around the house during the day when he is tired but wont sleep in his crib? I SWEAR that this saved me so much during the 3-4 month stage when my baby was so tired and/or cranky (especially in the late afternoon/early evening) but couldn't fall asleep or stay asleep! I LOVED having both my babies close to me- being close was so calming for them (and me as well.) I promise you wont look back and wish you hadn't worn him for those few hours a day... and it wont take long before he's out of that phase and ready for naps in his crib again!
I agree with you in that you can't spoil a child- you just love him and do what you can to give him everything you think he needs. I tried to let my baby CIO once and it was heartwrenching- it wasn't worth it to me. My oldest is almost 3 and I don't regret for one second not ever letting her CIO!
Have you talked with his pediatrician about it? Could be something else going on. My daughter was not sleeping at 6 wks for any stretch of time. Turns out she had acid reflux. Or maybe try an earlier bedtime. Best of luck. I feel your pain!
