Eating Help!

I could be wrong but I believe that at her age eating the equivalent of one complete meal per day (all partially eaten meals combined) is sufficient. That's a question for the pediatrician. Feeding a kid in bed at night might make a difference on how she eats breakfast though. If you eliminate that you may find she eats breakfast better and her meals may be better throughout the day. It's not an easy thing finding the right balance on that though.

It may be rough for (my guess one night) to make her go hungry. You have to eliminate the option with the food right before bed. However, I have read that most toddlers are more of snackers and really have a hard time eating at lunch or dinner time. If this works for her, then I would just make sure there are good snacks available, but I would not let her eat before bed. Give her a cut off time and that is it. No more snacks or food after 7:00 or whatever works. My daughter eats with us at dinner, but she has many snacks before dinner because she is hungry then. I give her the option but sometimes she just sits there and practices using her fork and spoon. I am not sure if I have helped or not, but this is the only thing I can think of. Ok I take that back. When I was younger, if we did not eat our dinner at dinner time we would not get dessert. And if we did not eat our dinner it would be waiting for us in the morning for breakfast. We learned real quick to eat when we were supposed too. (spagetti is not too good in the morning! ha ha) It worked when I was little!
Good Luck!

Hi A.,
I would try either feeding the babies first before the rest of you have dinner and then have your daughter sit down with you and your husband for dinner, if the babies can wait until after dinner do that. Is she old enough to help you feed the twins?
Maybe she can wipe the food off their chins while you feed them so she is a part of the process.

Since she is already in a habit of playing during dinner and eating before bedtime you may have some tantrums for a couple of weeks while breaking these rather undesirable habits, especially eating right before bed is not good for our bodies. As with most issues at this age follow through is the best policy. If you stick to the 'you have to sit at the table with the family at dinner and not play' for a couple weeks she will get the message and stop with fussing about it. Again I would try and include her in the dinner prep process, kids love to cook and are more apt to try foods etc... when they have helped with the making of it. I realize all this is more difficult with 11 mo old twins however until they are old enough to sit at the table I would definitely feed them first or last so the 3 year old is part of the main dinner.
Good luck and have fun.
SarahMM

Honestly, You have to make sure they are hungry at dinner time by not giving in to snacks anytime after lunch. If they play and don't eat anything for a substantial amount of time, they will be hungry for dinner. My 3 year old son will do this as well if I give him much of anything between lunch and dinner. You could also try not setting a plate for her at dinner and give one to everyone else. Sometimes being the one left out is enough to have them want to participate. Enjoy!

A.-
I had the same problem with my 4 yr old son. If possible, feed your twins either before or after you and your husband and daughter eat. Make sure you eat at the table with your husband and your daughter, and turn off the TV, no toys at the table, and she can't get down from the table until she has finished eating. Make sure not to have any snacks after 230 or 3 PM to ensure that she will be hungry for dinner, and in our house, if you don't eat all of your dinner, you don't get a snack before bed. Also, with the snack thing, if your daughter bathes at night, before bath time, ask her if she would like a snack before bed (or after, just ask BEFORE you put her in bed) and if she says no, that means no. If she later asks for a snack when she's in bed, you kindly tell her that she had her chance to have a snack and that it is now bedtime, and she's not allowed to have snacks in bed. My oldest son did this EXACT SAME thing that you are describing. I also have a 5 month old son as well, and they share a room too. At first, I'm sure your daughter will be upset about no longer being able to have a snack in bed, but don't give in. Let her know that you are serious and she will soon realize that it's no longer allowed and she won't even bother to ask. I hope this helps, it worked for me!!!

My daughters did this too. I would warn them at dinner that they needed to eat because they weren't getting any more food that night, no bedtime snacks. The first night they usually didn't eat well and were hungry at bed. It did create a big tantrum when I wouldn't let them eat. They would cry that they were starving and got really dramatic. Don't give in. You will have one really hard night but it won't hurt them to be hungry for one night.

We had the same problem with our (then) 3 year old. We basically told her that we eat at dinner time, and if she didn't want to eat that was fine. She would just have to say "may I be excused please" but that would signal no more food. When she would ask to be excused I would ask her "so you want NO MORE food until tomorrow?" and she would agree. Several times she decided afterwards that she really did want to eat, but I told her it was too late. After going to bed hungry a few times she saw I was serious and we didn't have problems after that.

I think consistency is the key. You don't have to be punitive or harsh - you just explain that this is the way you are doing things now and it is really up to her if she wants to eat or not and leave her empowered.

I would just to not let her eat a few hours before dinner so she is good and hungry. Explain at dinner that if she doesn't eat now she will not get to eat before bed then fallow through. She might go to bed a little hungry, but after i night of that she will probably eat at dinner. Just make sure that you don't force her to always finish her whole meal or make her eat if she really isn't hungry. There have been lots of studies done to show that that thinking is where obesity stems from. So you just don't want to send your daughter the message that she has to even if she isn't hungry.

My 3 year old also likes to play and be a squirmy wormy at dinner time. She usually gets my 6 year old son laughing and playing as well. However, all it takes is a warning that this is dinner time, not play time, and if they want to eat they need to stop playing. If they want to play, then they need to leave the table. We also remind them that this is their last chance for food until breakfast. There is no dessert if they choose not to eat, and there are definitely no snacks after dinner time. This usually resets their little brains, and the giggling and playing stops. Both of our kids have gone to bed hungry before, and they don't care for it much. I think you are on the right track of thinking, and should absolutely cut out snacks at bedtime. You are a very busy mommy, and your little angel has picked up on that and has found a way to get what she wants from you. When she starts acting up at dinner, just let her know in a "matter of fact" voice that this is it for food for the rest of the night. I don't think it will take long for you to get her back on a good eating schedule. My 3 year old loves to snack too, so I know that can be a challenge when planning for dinner. Luckily, my daughter LOVES veggies, and if that's all she eats of her dinner, I'm good with that. Good luck!

I would make sure that you sit everyone down for dinner at the same time. I know this can be difficult, but it is a good habit to get into. We eat dinner around 6, and our kids go to bed by 7:30, so I know they aren't hungry at bed time. Is there any way you could scedule your dinner and bedtimes close like that? Then you would be able to skip the eating in bed thing (which may just be a dawdling tactic--my daughter will think of all kinds of things to keep from going to bed!) Also, my daughter is very picky, and will often choose not to eat what is being served (we refuse to make her a separate dinner), so she goes to bed without dinner (HER CHOICE--she'd rather not eat than try new foods. She will drink her milk and eat the bread or fruit that we serve with the meal, but nothing else), and she is usually just extra hungry for breakfast in the morning...you daughter won't starve without a bedtime snack. And it doesn't make you a bad mom for not providing one!

One of the most difficult jobs of being a parent is knowing when enough is enough. We've tried to teach our children that they do not have to be members of the "clean plate club," but they do have to sit down with the family and eat something at dinnertime. The youngest really pushes the envelope, though, and her teenage sister licks and pushes the flap closed, lol. That is so true! :D When my oldest (now 20) was little, I would've sworn she was going to starve because she would hardly eat anything all day. Her doctor said to present the food at meal time and provide the option to eat with everyone else. If she did not eat, not to worry because her body would tell her when she really needed to eat something. The doctor also said to not give in to providing a separate meal because she would grow to expect that every time (also very inconvenient). It didn't take long before she was eating with the rest of us. It is not a great idea to let kids eat in bed or right before bedtime because it teaches bad habits for later. The hard part is sticking to your guns because if you give an inch, they'll take a mile! It might be a little rough at first, but in time she will adjust. I once read that children are like little cavemen - they won't behave properly nor can they eat properly until they are taught.

I am a mom of 2, ages 9 and 20 and stepmom of 2, ages 7 and 14. I have been married to my soul mate for 4 years. Life in a blended family can have its own challenges!

Hi A.,
I hope that this will help you. Give her an alotted time for dinner like 45 min or whatever you think is a enough time to eat her dinner without rushing. Then if she is not done in that time take her plate. We tell our girls 4 and 2 at that time that they will be able to eat again at breakfast. They don't ask for a snack at bed time but they have been eating better for dinner. Our biggest challenge is getting them to try new things. But the idea to fixing it is the same.

You just described what my 3 1/2 year old son has been trying for the last week! After giving in a couple of times, we have stated clearly that if he doesn't eat at dinner he will go to bed hungry (which often means a tummy ache) because there are no snacks before bed. I also tell him that he doesn't have to eat but that he does have to sit with us at the table. If he decides he can't sit still at the table he has to play quietly in his room, he's not alound to interact with us because it is our time at the table. We try to sit down every night as a family but with a 2 year old and a 3 1/2 year old it doesn't last long. We also take time before dinner to "get quiet" and this seems to bring some focus to the table, it is generally about 15-30 seconds of no talking.

My belief is that at this age they are really testing boundaries and finding out what they have control over. My son always fights bed time and asking for food is one more thing to delay it. It may be really hard with the twins in the same room, but I really believe the only way for you and I to get these kiddo's on track is to make the boundaries clear and not budge, they won't starve them selves and a few nights of frustration will most likely pay off. Just last night, day two of making it clear at dinner that he couldn't have a bedtime snack, he went to bed saying "I ate enough at dinner, I don't need a sandwich"

Good luck! (to both of us!)

It's normal for your child to exercise her independence when it comes to eating. But I also believe in the importance of the whole family sitting together at dinner. If you've got your hands full with the twins, your husband should be making sure the 3 year old is acting appropriately at the dinner table. She is 3 years old and is old enough to act appropriately. Talk to her about being a big girl and how big girls act at the table. I think it's ok for her to have a snack before bedtime --- but not IN bed. I would also say it's ok for her to have a snack before dinner time. Make the snacks count, though --- make 'em healthy. Make sure that you and your husband are good role models at the dinner table. Enlist her help. Have her help make dinner and/or set the table AND clear the table. She'll love being so important. Maybe she could help feed the twins. Reward her for eating a good dinner. Don't make her clean her plate. But she at least has to try everything you put in front of her. I let my children have a dessert if they've eaten and behaved well at the table. Also, have special plates, utensils, and cups for her meals. It could be like a pretend tea party to her and a real dinner for you. You CAN do it --- with the help of your husband and being strict and creative with your daughter.

If my kids ask for a snack at bed time, they get 5 minutes alone with a slice of bread and a drink of water.

My kids have all gone through the 'too busy to eat' stage. Often, they would summarily say "I don't like it." Generally I just tell them that they don't have to eat it but they do have to sit at the table with us during our family dinner time. Usually, they decide that they do like what we're eating.
As far as a bedtime snack, her tummy is still quite small and she may need just a bit more at bed time to get her through the night. I would suggest something fairly bland and very low sugar. And make sure she brushes her teeth after she eats!