Hi, I have a few inquiries about divorce proceedings. If you are going through or have already been granted a divorce, please send me a private message so I can present a few questions in need of some light. Thank you.
In the meantime, my soon to be EH is offering to transfer funds to my account, something he's been gaming about for the past 6 months or so, 11th hour...panic-mode and not to mention TAX SEASON. I have no intentions of filing a joint tax return. NO WAY!
**edit** There is no court order for CS. This is money he's offering to help me pay bills (he says that specifically), something he's been promising to do for the past 6 months.
As for CS He's been giving what he can. THAT I DO ACCEPT!
TAX SEASON IS APPROACHING and he's been talking about he bought the baby pampers. I will accept the pampers somehow, I''l get them b/c there is a stay-away order in affect. What I'm thinking is why suddenly is he deciding to do what was morally right as far as household bills are concerned. It's been 6 months!!!! AFTER I have nearly depleted my savings??? It's highly questionable.
There are no court orders for anything. I will have to use of sources like 401k until a decision is rendered. I can take a hardship withdrawal, and also that withdrawal will show the court the predicament his controlling ways left the household in.
IF YOU KNOW HIM, YOU'D HAVE TRIPLE THOUGHTS ABOUT IT TOO. EVERYTHING WITH HIM HAS AN AGENDA!!! and stalling has been a slap in my face. He's a master manipulator.
If you can please answer the specific questions, it would be greatly appreciated. As for the attorney, I'm getting the sense she's too soft and wanna take the high road about everything. ***********Divorce is a life altering situation and my child's future as well as mine will be affected, and already has been affected. So, it's in our best interest to push harder in areas and hold him accountable. No quick settlements where custody, visitation, and CS is concerned.
I responded to him in writing asking him not to put the money into my account UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. Thanks for the feedback. With this guy you have to CYA (cover you a$$. I'm not rejecting the money, just not accepting until I can get the legal guidance. This email came after hours from him and so I wanted people's input.
Again, he has his own agenda and this offer is highly suspect considering he has been stonewalling for 6 months. You have to know him to understand it all, but then again you don't need to know a jerk to understand one.
I would talk to an attorney...if he SHOULD be paying cs and is attempting by transfereing funds since bringing it to you would be violation of a vpo and you decline, that COULD hurt your cs case as "refusal of acceptance" i've seen it done.
If you are not divorced or legally separated why should you not accept a transfer of money? However if you have a restraining order does that mean emails, too? Or only physical proximity? I beg of you do not use a 401 as you will pay serious tax penalties and will be more strung out later on financial messes. It ain't over til it's over. So in your state if you are not actually legally separated or divorced and you are only holding a restraining order on his physical presence I'd seriously accept the money. However, he might also be using this to look wonderful in the eyes of the court if there is a custody issue. Of course as always check with your lawyer, but that is definitely costly. If the money is only in his name you might appeal for some sort of public assistance, but I am not sure if they will help if he has a sizeable bank account and has your name somewhere on that. They laughed at me for instance when I needed food for my children and my husband had all sorts of things listed under him. So I didn't get anything but some temporary food stamps.
I have not been divorced, but know a few people who have gone through the experience.
Just a thought.... in order to transfer money into your account, he would need your banking information ie. your account number. I would NOT give him this information.
Also, what wrong with you accepting money from him if there are no court orders. I'm assuming you have children togehter, he should be giving you something for their support.
F. - you already know the answer to this. He knows he is about to be held accountable for doing nothing, and he's trying to do a few things to look like a good and reasonable guy before the court. Accept his money but document everything - have him give you a check, not cash. I'm not sure about transferring funds into your account - can he also take things out? Can he look at your transactions on line? These are none of his business. A check is a better record for you about how much was given and when. Make a copy before cashing - there are 10 cent copy centers all over.
The attorney may be taking the high road until he violates something and to make it clear that you are reasonable. The less you can argue, the better for you and your stress level. As for tax returns, it might be better for you financially to file jointly IF AND ONLY IF there is an agreement in place about who pays how much, and what happens to any refund. It stinks sometimes to have to work with an ex, but if there's a huge difference in money, you should look at it. Stuff can be signed in the attorney's office or the accountant's (no fee) - you don't have to be there at the same time as your ex.
As for him talking about buying Pampers - big deal! He's trying to show that he pays "support" in the form of buying supplies separate from the money he gives you. It's up to him to document anything he spends, but no judge is going to get all excited about a $10 bag of diapers when you are cutting into your savings. So just keep track of the money he gives you and any big purchases - like if he bought a crib or another essential. FYI spending money on luxuries like the Christmas photo stuff he was planning DOES NOT COUNT as child support, particularly if you aren't part of it. So stick to essentials and keep everything in writing.
You can get a temporary support order while the permanent order, visitation and so on get worked out.
Hi. I am so sorry what you are going through. Can you ask your lawyer about this question. I assume it would be a question of strategy/tactics.
Best of Luck, Jilly
I agree with Jilly you should consult your attorney with this question as every state looks at taking money differently. I wish you the very best and a very Merry Christmas.
Hi F.,
Sounds like we have a lot in common! I'm currently going through a divorce and my ex is also a master manipulator... anyway, I just wanted to say that you should check with your lawyer on drawing from your 401k, I've considered it as well and I'm not allowed to touch any funds right now during the divorce. You may have the same limitation.
If you aren't comfortable with your attorney you may want to call around for others. I often get annoyed with mine... because I feel the same way as you this is the biggest life altering event in my life and the result is about 90% dependent on her doing her job... which I know I'm not her only client, but it's hard to accept that they are just doing a job where this is our life they are dealing with... not sure there are any attorneys out there that will be able to give us the attention we really want... :(
