Emotional Comfort

Updated on February 27, 2008
S.S. asks from Irvington, AL
25 answers

Hi im a 39 year old mother of 3 almost grown childern ages 20 17 15 i recently took in 2 little boys ages 3 years and 9 monthes my heart went out to these babys because both parents were own drugs they have been dragged from place to place i really didnt want to start over again i thought i was finished and my life was just beginning the 3 year old has a serious behavior problem i believe from all the emotinal stress he has indured in his 3 years of life the father was abusive and the mother constantly left him and stayed gone for days at a time i want to give these kids the life god wanted them to have and a nice stable home. Im not really asking for advice on raising them just maybe someone that has went threw this similar sitution and your prayers.

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K.A.

answers from Fort Smith on

S., what a wonderful thing you are doing. I am not saying it will be easy but be strong...you can do this! I am 43 and my husband and I are raising his 2 grandkids. Ages 3 and 4. I never thought that with my "baby" being 14 yrs old that I would start raising more kids but I love them and they are my grandkids. We have had them since they were 17 months and 2 1/2 yrs old. The oldest one has lots of anger issues and they both go to therapy once a week.
Hugs,
K.

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K.F.

answers from Fort Smith on

Hi S.,

My name is K., I am 25 years old, and I just recently moved to Paris, AR. Honey, I feel your pain and I know exactly what you’re going through. You are probably asking how that could be possible being that I am only 25, but I promise you, I have been there. I have been dating and am now engaged to the same person for 5 years. I have no children of my own, but he has a little girl. She just turned five, her name is Kaylee, and she is an absolute darling. It has not always been that way though. I came in the picture when she was about 9 months old and had just been taken from her mother who was addicted to crack. Kaylee, even at that young an age was showing severe signs of abandonment. She had really bad tantrums, night terrors that would scare you to death, and abused herself by hitting her head on the floor, on the wall, and smacking herself for no reason. My fiancé was in a constant state of horror and most times didn’t know how to cope with or handle the situation. I wouldn’t say I had any clue either, but I knew she had been lacking attention, nourishment, and love. She wanted nothing to do with me, but I wouldn’t give up. I loved her even when she hated me. She did things that hurt my feelings and made me feel like it was a lost cause, but I still wouldn’t give up. I knew the damage could be corrected, it would just take time. I loved her and filled her voids with all the attention and affection I could possibly give, and today, she is a perfectly healthy, normal, stable little girl. So my advice to you Susan…never give up HOPE!!

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N.W.

answers from Little Rock on

I am so envious of you to have the courage to do this and I send prayers of help and comfort your way. It's a loving wonderful thing you are doing and God will bless you for it.

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A.M.

answers from Mobile on

Dear S...It is commendable because Love does conquer the worst in humane beings..with a child like these two, keep in mind that drugs have a hard affect on the children mentally...I was a home mom, not overly protective but very intuitive as the children were young...Love, and great patience not to raise them like you started with yours..theirs was a different space, and to fit in a place that you provide..nourcher..touch them more with arts and crafts...especially the three year old ..they love the business and to know something is theirs..Love is given in doces because sometimes they resent the changes and show it, in their behaviors..its the only outlet unless they get sick...stomack aches use to make one of my children act out ill behavior...so odd, the way he was different from the other three...but I picked up on it quickly, because I stopped relating to what I did with the first three..he was nothing like them, and demanded more bonding...Apache

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B.N.

answers from Mobile on

S.,
Believe me, I do understand. I too am raiseing my nieces baby. I have had this baby since she was 2 weeks old. I have A 15 yr old and 12 year old, and had not planned on more children. It is very frustrating when you planned on yours, but then you raise others because of the parents lack to resposiability, and they would prefer to go out and do drugs and drink and be in Jail then to be responsiable. Never had they payed one dime to us for this child, and I have a lawyer now and plan on keeping them away and have them served. I have to watch out for her, because I don't wan't her to turn out like her mom, her sister, or her Grandmother on her moms side. Kind of sad isn't it? But your right, for wanting the kids to have a good life. Thank Goodness there are still wonderful people out in the world today, and your one of those. My Prayers are with you.

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M.C.

answers from Tulsa on

What a blessing you are for those little boys! God will give you the strength to cope. Pray unceasingly. The 3 year old's behavior problems are definitely a reaction to the tramatic events he faced before living with you. I don't know if you have looked into therapy but a child psychologist could probably do wonders for him. Also, make sure his life has a routine and a strict for of discipline. If you use time-outs then stick to them, whatever your style is. With prayer, love, and routine I have hope that this little boy will become such a blessing to have around. I will kepp you and your "new" family in my prayers!

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M.E.

answers from Lawton on

Dear S., I am a 41 year old single mom. I have 4 sons. 21,17,15,14. three years ago, I adopted my then 3 year old niece. I also have been legal guardian to a 6 year old niece, since she was 4 months old. I did not plan on taking in children. My heart sounds like yours. It is very hard some days. Then some days are filled with fun. I date sometimes. Most men don't want the responsibility of 6 children. So I try to keep that in mind so that I don't get hurt, which is very hard. My sons are a huge help. They cook and do laundry. I work full time. My nieces both have learning problems. I just wanted to let you know that, I know some of what your going through. If you would like to write me and let me know how everything is going, I would like that. God bless you and your family. Sincerely M. E.

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S.P.

answers from Oklahoma City on

My brother has his girls and when he got them from their mom they were a mess. Just have patience and lots of prayer. Remember to take time for yourself too. Remind them and show them that you are there for them no matter what they do or say you will still love them. Warning it may get worse before it gets better but hang in there. God is using for a very good thing. Will keep you in my prayers. God Bless

S. Jane

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D.C.

answers from Decatur on

I have not been through that, so I cant really give advice but to just love them and keep loving them regardless of what they do. They will test you over and over to see if you are going to stay by them or abandon them like their parents. God placed them in your hands for a reason. Take those children and show them what love is. We need more women like yourself. You will be in my prayers.

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L.H.

answers from Lawton on

WOW! Thank you for doing this. You are what being a mom is all about! Good Luck and hang in there. I'm not sure where you are located but if you need anything please let me know.

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A.H.

answers from Montgomery on

Praying for you and your family.

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M.N.

answers from Florence on

Love and patience will go a VERY long way. My prayers are with you.

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J.C.

answers from Tulsa on

We did the same thing...at retirement age....! Took a 5 yr old home from our wedding & the baby from the hospital a yr. later....just do what you did with your kids...check into state services for therapy on the 3 yr. old...they offer much help...you just have to go after it...! The local DHS will help you...greatly...! Your priorities change and you'll probably be more patient....! Some people mock us for taking on such a responsibilty at "our age" but why not...it's for the lives to two precious children,,,,,best of luck & you're in my prayers!!

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A.B.

answers from Mobile on

I just wanted to say you are awesome for taking that on!! God sent you to those children and now they stand a chance at a normal, happy life! You are definitly in my prayers and you are an angel!

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K.T.

answers from Hattiesburg on

I have no advice to offer but wanted to let you know that I really admire your ability to take in another woman's children and to give them the love and support that they desperately need. May God bless your efforts. You are in my prayers. I hope you can find some great support in your community for the boy, as he will need it. May you have the patience to deal with him and his tantrums. Good luck.

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L.G.

answers from Hattiesburg on

Hi S.!
I have been through this as the oldest child in a stable family that opened its arms to some younger children in need.
It will be challenging, at times everyone will want to give up and send them back. But, it is SOOOOOO worth it.
I will be praying for you and your growing family as you provide a consistency in the lives of these children that will make more difference for them than you can ever imagine.
No matter what the outcome, these children will remember your family for showing them with your words and actions that they are worth loving.
Peace,
L. G

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A.C.

answers from Baton Rouge on

God bless you. Just know you will need to be prepared to let the children go in the future. I got 2 girls and had them 2 year 3 months then mom got the girls back. I do talk to the mom but have not been able to talk to the girls since the day they left 5 years ago. But I would not trade any time I had with them away. I am now married with 2 children of mine own. I dont know if you went though DHS but if you did they have programs to help you. God go with you and your family. You will be bless for this.

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P.K.

answers from Alexandria on

just a few thoughts - check with your state's social services department - you may qualify for financial assistance as well as the children my qualify for services such as counseling. Also check to see if there's a parent group for your emotional needs - it may be a grandparent as parent group - I understand you don't fit that description but you are serving in that capacity of sorts. They are usually a wonderful group with great ideas about how to handle "emotional" children and how to get relieved of the stresses you have now as a parent to children who have seen too much. Reach out to the social service agencies so that these children can learn to adapt to a normal environment and be patient with these babies b/c they do not know what normal is. Best of luck.

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W.K.

answers from Montgomery on

Just wanted to say God Bless You for doing this. God called you to these two precious babies so do not doubt him. HE will give you everything you need to raise these children. You will be blessed!

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K.W.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I have not been in this situation but I can pray for you, your home and those small little angels. It is so sad when things like this happens.

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A.T.

answers from Tulsa on

I have not been through your situation, but you are truly a blessing to those children. My family and I will keep you in our prayers. May God grant you and bless you with the strength, courage and wisdom to lead those children throught their dark past to the life that all children deserve in a loving home. God Bless!

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N.B.

answers from Birmingham on

I have three children and raised twins that had just turned 3 when their mother was murdered. It was the hardest thing to do. The twins had not had a stable life at all and had never had an ounce of discipline! I feel for you in that your own are the age that they are and you could see the light at the end of the tunnel! I know that your 17 and 15 yr old still need their mom to be very much a part of their life! Are these children that you've taken in family? It is an honerable thing that you have chosen to do but it will be a long journey that you're on. Be sure that you are totally sure that there's no other possibility for the little ones. I think the best case scenerio is someone that doesn't have children of their own that would be willing to take them in and give them a good home. Speaking from experience, it is hard to undo the first 3 yrs of life...It will be a huge job!

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L.S.

answers from Oklahoma City on

My husband and I were foster parents for awhile. It just breaks your heart to see children who are so wounded by life that they have "issues". Foster parent training saved our sanity and gave us some insight into why these kids acted the way they did and some tools for dealing with it. You're not alone in trying to love kids who don't know how to be loved. Hang in there, it gets better.

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J.P.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I have not been in a similar situation but wanted to commend you for taking in these 2 children. I have a 17mth old daughter from my husband now, an 8 yr old son, and a 7 yr old daughter from my previous marriage. Kids deserve a wonderful life. Some days it seems so hard to deal with all the emotional problems my older 2 have from their father... But I wouldn't trade raising them for the world. I think kids teach us so much and their unconditional love is incredible. You will be in our prayers. May God provide you with all the strength, encouragement, and financial needs required to raise the children. I always hoped that if I was in the same situation of "inheriting" kids from a friend or family member, that I would be strong enough to accept the responsibility.

A Little About Me: Age 30, Married for the 2nd time...this time to my childhood sweetheart, raising 3 wonderful children

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K.C.

answers from Little Rock on

Hi, I'm 46 and did the same. My grown children are 28 and 27. My adopted son is 3 now and has bipolar, sensory integration dyfunction, seraration anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder and his diagnosis is mood disorder NOS (not otherwise specified). I thought I was finished raising kiddos too.

Believe me, I know what you are going through! My prayers are with you and all your family.

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