Etiquette for Birthday Gift Requests

I agree, it's not really up to mommy whether or not she gets gifts, I mean it is, but.....she's 6! My 6 year old would be totally bummed if she got no gifts for her birthday. If you request no gifts, you may end up making her resent having her birthday so close to Christmas. My friend was born on Christmas Day and she always said how she was grateful that her parents always kept things separated as much as they could. Christmas night, they would have her "party" with birthday presents.

My little girls party is just after Christmas and I would never ask for no gifts. We've already gone through the toys we don't play with anymore to give to Salvation Army to make room for the new ones.

Part of the fun for my children when they go to a party is to hand-pick the gift they bring. I'm sure your daughter's buddies feel the same way and a gift card is not nearly as fun.

I agree with the other moms when they say let her have her good time and her own special day!

I agree with Amy, her birthday is something totally different, yet equally as important as Christmas. I do understand where you are coming from about getting so much in such little time (my kids have late November and mid-December birthdays). But you really must look at this from the perspective of your child. You are not always going to be able to control what gifts your children get and when. I know that in our community, most moms will call ahead and ask what "Suzie" would like or needs for her birthday. If this is the case, you could always point out that she is such a fashio diva that she could always use new clothes. Something to that effect. Know what I mean? Otherwise, I would just take it as it is, accept the fact that she is going to get more gifts and there's really not much you can do to control that other than not throw the party.

When my son was 6 or 7 we did a deal where we put in his invite that in lieu of a gift he would like a donation to the humane soceity. some people did it but few did and just brought him gifts instead. But I would try it again because its not about your daughter not getting gifts but having her help others as well....just a thought.

I'd avoid the 'no gifts' because there will ALWAYS be at least one person who wants to give a gift. They bring their gift and then the rest of the party-goers are potentially left feeling uncomfortable. I'd also avoid asking for giftcards because, in my opinion, soliciting a certain type of gift is rude. Now, if gift-givers ask "What might Susie want for her birthday?", then it is okay to give recommendations.

M.,

I understand your perspective and can respect why you want to do it, but your post filled me with a lot of thoughts on behalf of your daughter.

If I were your daughter, I would be confused about what getting presents at Christmas has to do with getting gifts on her birthday two months later and I would be hurt and sad that my mother barred everyone from giving me any if they so chose. Truly not trying to ask sarcastically here, but are you planning to do this the rest of her life? Another mom was right. It sounds like punishment for her.

When my children attend a party and bring a gift, I don't first think of obligation. Neither do I expect a gift from each guest when hosting birthday parties for my children. I was raised this way. If the guests bring a gift, it's an honor and a pleasure for my child. Gifts are never an obligation for any occasion; they aren't a ticket in the door. Otherwise they wouldn't be called gifts. Even though my kids are very young, I have explained this to them and will continue to do it until they can accept them graciously and without a sense of entitlement. Also, according to most etiquette I've read (and heard from my mom), it is never appropriate to suggest how people should or shouldn't spend their money in an invitation.

I'm wondering if instead you might ask your daughter ahead of time to consider which toys she owns that are no longer important to her so that she might purge some, give them to a charity and look forward to her birthday. That way she has done something good for someone else in honor of her birthday and she still gets to enjoy the gifts she MIGHT receive.

I don't mean to lecture and apologize if it came off that way, but I think you should let others decide if they will present her with a gift. Best of luck and best wishes for a happy birthday to your little girl!

I say let people bring her gifts. Its her birthday after all. You are supposed to get gifts on your birthday. I suggest for every new toy she gets pick an old toy and donate the old toy to needy kids. Same with clothes. this will teach your daughter to give back to the less fortunate as well as letting her enjoy opening gifts on her birthday. There are a lot of needy people out there ~ ecpecially right now with the economy ~ this is a chance to do something nice. Check out Freecycle to find local familys in need. Best of luck and Happy Birthday to your little one!

I wouldn't ask for a gift card. I would feel strange requesting a gift of any kind in an invitation. I would either let people bring what they want to bring or put a little note in the invitation saying something like, "No gifts please. Your presence is the present!"

To be honest, even if someone said not to bring a gift, it is a birthday party for a 6 year old and I would bring one.
I agree with the idea of donating toys, even one of her new ones would be great. I wold also consider putting some away for a rainy day. You could do this on the sly (just pick a few and put them in the basement) or talk to her about it. Maybe there are some that are summer toys and you could put those away. Then make a big deal of pulling out a new toy in the summer or on a rainy day.
You could also do a switch around. Put some old ones away right before her party, her new Christmas ones, and then rotate every few months. We do this with our son, granted he is 2, but it works well and does not overclop our house.

I wouldn't tell them not to get her any gifts at all, that's kind of punishing her in a way. I would just politely let them know, in a little note or something with the invitation. Something kind of funny, ya know? Like "seeing that Santa has already filled our home with a bunch of new toys, please feel free to give ______ a gift card. We would all really appreciate it!"

Hope it helps!

If you really don't want any gifts, you can specifically say that on the invitations although I'm sure some people will bring them anyway. You could use a phrase like "Your presence is present enough".