Expected to Travel 1400 Miles to in Laws for Christmas

Well, we never had to travel that far but my husband and I used to have to go to 3 different places around the state on Christmas to make sure we saw everyone. While I was pregnant, we decided we would no longer do that. It was too crazy and we had a son now. He has a good schedule and we didn't want to drag him around and upset it. We're the only one in our families with a small child so everyone understands. We go to my aunt's for Christmas Eve and then we have the rest of the families come over Christmas day. You just have to do what is right for your own family. Especially now that you're having another one. It's just too much.

My husband's father lives an hour and a half away and it's hard to get him to come up once every few months. I can't imagine 1400 miles away! We used to go to him all the time but then thought, "No- it's much easier for them to come to us. We have a son and he has LOTS of stuff that he needs (even though not much as he used to) and it's just too much of a hassle. So we stopped and now they come up when they can. Good luck! Hopefully your husband is on the same page as you are. It's difficult if he doesn't agree with you. Hopefully he does.

No no no. NO. You are not going anywhere!!!! You are pregnant (congratulations!) and you need reliable and comfortable environment, and most certeinly NOT long long hours in the car! Also flying should be avoided if not absolutely necessarily during pregnancy (this is definitely not the case). Not to mention that travelling with 18 months old will be additionaly exhausting and strenuous!
Ask your ob-gyn (midwife) for help - tell her (him ) the truth and ask to tell you, that the best thing for your pregnancy is to stay at home and have your in laws come to visit you, or even straight, that she doesn't let you travel because it poses a risk for the pregnancy (well, it always does). I have done that - worked perfectly well! At least you will not be the one to blame and your ob-gyn shouldn't care less.
Plus it is the great opportunity to start your own family tradition! Try to have your husband see, that you would like to create for your children what is so important for him - the memories from the childchood from the Christmas AT HOME!

Stay home and enjoy Christmas at home. Remember - during this time you and your baby are the most important people in the world!
Good luck and take care.
Joanna

wow, that really seems like a lot to put on you! i think you should lay it all out on the table for him...make him sit down and really listen to what you have to say. before that, keep tract of how often/how many times w/in 1 hr, or even the day, you have to run to the bathroom. if you do that and point out how many time he's going to HAVE TO stop for you to use the rest room, then point out how long you have until your child will most likely freak out to want OUT of his car seat, hopefully he'll understand. you say he'll be 18 months, well, my daughter is going to be 19 months on monday, and i'm lucky if i can get across town into the next one (that's about 15-20 min) before she starts to throw a major tantrum that she wants out (unless of course she's 100% pre-occupied, or zoned out which you really can't plan on). and to be in the car for 2 days, omg i just couldn't begin to imagine the torture...pointing that out alone should be good enough to make him not want to go...then adding on top of that you're much needed restroom breaks should throw him over the top to want to stay home. and don't just point out the ride there...but back, and as you pointed out, the cost it will be financially with the raise in gas prices. have it all down on paper. if you want, you can go and do a pro's con's list on him....make sure you add in how stressed all 3 of you will be once you finally get there, and how stressed you'll be when you get back home. it honestly just doesn't seem like it's worth it. i have no clue on his parents' financial situation, while they may have all the time in the world to take the trip, financially it may be hard on them. tell your husband if this is the case, to offer to pay some, around what it would cost financially to take the trip there...maybe that will get them to come if they don't have to pay. and while you may not be able to just throw that money away, i feel it would definitely be worth it for you in the end...you would have spent it if you drove anyway, now you don't have to be stuck in the car for that time, and you get to sit back and relax. holidays with the family are stressful enough, no need to add to the stress. and if after all those points are made, he STILL doesn't listen to you, just tell him you'll see him when he gets home (whether you would actually stay home while he went or not). good luck, be strong, and stick to what YOU want/need. and congrats on baby #2! oh, also i like what another mom said before...if you HAVE to travel, and can't get out of it...look into taking the train if you can. this way your son will be able to move around, you'll have your bathroom breaks (i'm pretty sure they have rest-rooms...i've never been on a train so i couldn't be positive, but it's worth looking into). once again, good luck!

Dear S. I think that you and your inlaws should reach a compromise. How about if they come out this year, due to the fact that at the moment you are a little overwhelmed. They should understand the fact that you are expecting and have your hands full with the 18 month old. I am sure if they are understanding and caring that a simple solution will come about. Your husband should also understand that the long drive will make all of you irritable. Put it this way, "honey, do you really want to take a road trip with an 18 month old and unpredictable hormone unstable pregnant person"!!! ;) I think after that he should get the message. Just trying to make light of the situation. Good luck with the solution. Have a blessed holiday. N.

Hi S.
i feel your pain. But what your husband and in laws have to realize active toddler aside. You are pregnant and this is not fair to you. Sometimes you have to think of your self. I know you love your husband and dont want to cause a problem. But I dont think anyone is being fair to you..
Think about it

N.

Can you tell your husband that with #2, things will be much more difficult? Could the in-laws come HERE every other year? This would be a good year to start since it is the hardest for you? Good luck and hope things turn out well for you.

You are right, they should take considertion you are exepecting a baby, just let them know if nothing should happen between now and next xmas maybe you guys could make it or do like ever other year ptovided the kids are well! Thank you hope this will help R.

S., you can easily use your pregnancy to your advantage in this situation. Sit him down and be honest with him. I remember when I was pregnant, driving even a few hours was uncomfortable. Just point out the difficulties of you making the trip as opposed to how easy it would be for his family to make the trip. It does seem selfish for them to expect you to do all the traveling. At the very least you should be able to take turns. Since the children are so young, they should do the traveling the first couple of years, atleast until your kids are a little bit older and you're not pregnant. Good Luck.

Hi!
I feel your pain! My husbands parents are divorced and every year we have had to go to 3 different housed on every holiday.

WEll, one year, after my daughter got sick and so over tired from all the running around. I just put my foot down. I had to be a mother first and say its NOT healthy for my child and to be honest absolutly No fun.

From that point on we said We were staying home, and anyone who wanted to come see us was more then welcome.
We had our first non-hectic christmas this past year and it was AWESOME!.

And eventually the grandparents got over it and showed up.

You really just have to take a stand and dont worry about upsetting people. They really cant think its smart to put a toddler, presents and a pregnant mommy in a car and make them drive 14 hours. Its just ridiculous!!!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Jenna

Hi S.,
It sounds like you've answered your own questions! Your argument is quite a strong one with all the reasons you have listed! I too have been traveling for every holiday to visit our families since my husband I have been married, but we are expecting our first right around thanksgiving. Obviously we wouldn't travel for thanksgiving this year, but it's CHRISTMAS I worry about...
Your inlaws should DEFINITELY understand your young family's situation, and your husband should support your feelings! My husband is the same way (not sure how old your inlaws are...) but he says WE should travel since we're younger and more "capable" to jump in a car and go in variable weather situations up north here... I say, times gotta change at some point, so they can come to us this year, it's just too much for us to handle this time! (this would probably mean that YOU would cook/ entertain right? so keep in mind THOSE stresses too!) Maybe you could suggest traveling south every other year- starting this year! (giving you one more year for your kids to grow up a bit) Thats what we'll probably end up doing.
GOOD LUCK and I hope you and your family have a happy (LOW-stress) holiday season! :)
L.

Maybe if you could come up with some nice ideas that can become traditions your husband would be more open to that. Tell him that you would like to start your own family traditions now that your son is really old enough to have a fun Christmas. Make sure you are willing to travel every other year, or every 2 years to spend the holiday with his parents. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect his parents to fly to your house instead. Do they not realize how much gear you need in order to travel with a toddler? I hope you get a suggestion that will work for everyone.

Hey S.,

You need to talk to your husband about how you are feeling regarding this trip. Perhaps you would be better off staying home in your condition, but I feel that there will be hurt feelings and issues with this if you do. Still, they have to realize that taking such a long trip in your condition and having a small child would not be easy for you and need to take that into consideration.

Also, have you and your husband considered taking your trip by train instead? Check into that because that would help a lot. Think less stress. I hope it works out for all of you.

I can't say it loud enough,, DO NOT GO! I am not being mean, I just think, since they moved away if they want to see you and their grandson it is up to them to make the trip. Not only that but don't you want to start your own family holiday traditions at home??? I am all for family I just think the immediate family (the 3 1/2 of you) are most important right now. And from one pregnant girl to another, you do not want to be in a car for that long!!!! Sorry you even have to deal with this stressful situtation!

I would talk to your husband about your feelings, since he has NO clue what it is like to be pregnant and traveling. I would suggest to him that his family come YOUR way this year and perhaps next year your family would go down there. So like every other year you would travel to see his family. His family has to understand that times change, and so do family dynamics and priorities. It's not fair for his family to expect for you to travel each year for the holidays (what would happen if one year you didn't have the funds to travel?)- and what about visiting your family for the holidays? Why not have the ENTIRE family (both sides) together for the holidays? - at least every other year - if his family doesn't want to travel each year to see you.

Hope this helps. Good luck to you!

Sorry I'm jumping in so late but I'm new to the board. We just got back from driving to SoCal to see the folks. Our son is 2-1/2 and we travel a lot but this was his first multi-day car trip. He's an excellent flier (in the air since age 2 months) but we had way too much stuff to take along (and bring back) and would have had to pay a fortune in shipping and excess baggage fees.

But we made it through and without killing each other. We also laid down the law for future holidays--one more traveling Christmas to grandma's place in central PA and that's it! From then on we stay home becuase he's going to be at the age where he "gets" the concept of Santa and we want to start our own holiday traditions. They are supposed to be moving to Florida and being retired they have all the time in the world to make the drive or fly out rather than expecting the 3--soon to be 4--of us to haul butt across the country!

Oh yeah, the mapping systems? Google Maps, Microsoft Streets & Trips, in-car navigation? They all lie. Our first overnight stop in Utah was a 9-hour drive according to all the maps. The drive actually took 14 hours what with all the potty stops, rest breaks, playland time etc.

S.,
That is a problem, but it is for the in-laws. I felt bad after my in-laws moved to S. Carolina, and we could not make it to see them. However, my mother in-law responded with "we moved away and it is our responsibility to come and see you". They are also in the situation where they can afford to pick up and go without notice to anyone. It is unfortunate that you and your children cannot start your own Christmas traditions in your home. I remember those times more than when we went away for the holidays.

God, can I relate to this!! Sorry this reply is so late but I just traveled to NC from L.A. to see my retired parents with my 2 1/2 year old and had to go through DFW and change planes -- horrible hassle! Between the driving, the airport time, the layovers and the flights, my toddler and I were a mess (and I was completely alone since I'm a single mom). For some reason some retirees think you come to them. My mother for one (what a princess!) If you don't come to her, she will probably cancel her flight or car ride last minute to see you, pleading illness. She stood me and my sister up last year after I had traveled to snowy Wisconsin to see her and my niece and this year my sister ditched us all and went skiing instead!!

I don't think that it would be a good idea for you to travel that far while pregnant. Perhaps you could get your OB to back you up with your hubby?

Your in-laws should not be determining whether you're traveling for Christmas. You and your husband should be determining if you are. It's clear that you are against it. You mentioned that you stated you didn't want to go to your husband. What was his response? If he doesn't really care if you stay or go...don't go. You can have a nice relaxing Christmas at your house. Hey, you can even send your in-laws a camera phone for the computer for Christmas and see each other that way. If you're husband is hell-bent on going down to see the in-laws, then you have to compromise. You go this year, but not next year. It will definitely be easier this year without the new baby yet. I hope it works out.

Once my children got to be an age where they enjoyed the holidays I refused to leave the house. I told all family members that I would not make them leave all the gifts santa brought them to go visit relatives. I made an open invitation to all family members to stop by to see us. The first year a few people were angry at us. But ever since they have all popped in to see the kids at our house during the day.

Don't go. Pregnancy is tough enough. your MIL should be able to remmber that. Make lief as easy for yourself as possible, esp. now. Your in laws should try to be understanding.