Traveling with Newborn for Holidays?

If it was me i would tell them they can make the drive and if they choose not to then that is their choice. That is too soo for you to travel after delivery. They should be understanding and caring enough to understand the situation, My question is why do you always have to go to them, I always feel if you want to see them you travel if they want to see you they should travel.

Just explain it to them and they should understand. If they still don't, that's their issue. I've travelled with very small infants before, but it's different for everybody. If you had a rough recovery, then you shouldn't do it; plus, this is the season when everyone still gets sick. I'm sorry they don't understand, but they should. Some people just don't remember what it was like travelling with infants.

Hi J.,

Congratulations with the new baby! I also have family and inlaws that require us to fly OR do a long drive. We live in Southern Nevada and to drive to my inlaws in the Bay Area it would take us about 10 hours. My family is in New York City and it's a 5+ half hour flight. Flying is a hassle (when your pregnant or have a small child). Not to mention the extra security. If you already visit them so frequently it's only fair that they should come to visit you this time. They are just complaining because they are USED to you guys visiting THEM and not the other way around. They are resisting the normal routine. This is YOUR family and YOUR child and you have to do what's best for YOUR new family.

Let them know that you truly care about their feelings but you have to make your decision based on what's best for you at this time. They will eventually come around in time. They have to otherwise they will miss out seeing their grandchildren. Also, let your husband know that he should not be pressured to change his mind. He should be reminded that you are his wife and his new family is a priority right now.

On a medical note....Most pediatricians I have interviewed recently (9 of them) advised me against traveling on a plane with a newborn or allowing newborns to be around large crowds to prevent airbourne illnesses. The first 3 months of their lives they still have delicate immune systems (which makes winter time especially dangerous for them to travel).

Have a great Thanksgiving and Christmas!

How frustrating! I've been there (still am, actually), and know how hard it is to juggle family. Once you have kids, no one can ever get enough! Last year we ended up driving all over the state just for Thanksgiving, so for Christmas we had to put our foot down and tell everyone we were staying home. It's hard, but in our defense, we did offer to let them come to us... and nobody jumped on that bandwagon.

Maybe it's because we're the younger generation, but it seems like we're the ones expected to do all the traveling. I wouldn't go anywhere (much less six hours away) with a baby that's only a few weeks old. That's your reason right there. End of story. It has absolutely nothing to do with listening to your newborn scream for six hours, breastfeeding half-naked, running on ten cups of coffee and no sleep, learning to parent two children instead of one, or exposing a newborn to everyone's germs in the beginning of flu season... er, wait, maybe it does. Ideally, they should understand that, but family isn't always rational. You said you offered to invite them, so do it. Make it official, and then the ball's in their court. They can come if they want to.

Jen

p.s. Because we love our family so much, it's easy to feel guilty for letting them down. After all, the holidays are all about cherishing what - and who - we have in our lives. But this year, you're going to have a brand new (and very cherishable) addition to your family, one who will make the holidays so much sweeter. This new one is going to need the care and attention of twenty regular family members - so don't feel a bit of guilt for not piling on the extras. Good luck.

My personal advice would be to have him talk to his family. Either they want to see you guys and the newborn baby, or they don't. They can't expect you to travel, during winter no less, 6 hours to see them with a newborn! I know exactly what you're going through, I'm 36 weeks pregnant so I'll be having our little girl end of October and I know I don't want to have to travel with a newborn and my 3 year old to see my husband's family! His family should compromise, this baby is their family too. Have him talk to them and try to come to some kind of agreement. Hope this helps!

Your inlaws need to respect the idea of your recovery how hard or unhard it may be. However traveling with a new baby isnt as bad if you do it at night if there sleep patterns arnt backwards that is. i traveled with my daughter when she was 18 days old after a c section in a car for 14 hours. so umm it can be done but it was hard on me mostly she slept the whole way cuz we traveled at night. i didnt nurse either so that im sure makes a differance. good luck! hope your inlaws work with this in your favor! recovery is important!

J. don't worry about your family. They should respect your decision on staying home and cooping with just having a baby and learning to deal with two kids instead of one. Your husband should back you up and tell his family that this is a time for you guys to get use to your bundle of joy and that if they won't to come to for the holidays they are more than welcome. Put your foot down because you are the one who will have to deal with the kids and your house being crowded...

Stick to your guns girl!! I cannot believe that people who call themselves family would put their self serving will projected out on you and your new baby at the very least. Not to mention the effort for your entire family. There could not be a better example of self serving behavior! Where in this world do individuals forget the toll on your physical body to complete the process of labor, birth and the healing process. I am a nurse and their is stout medical evidence to support, mind, body, and physical time to heal and recoperate. None of which is done without SLEEP!! Which we all know is limited with children (of any age)! My only advice would be to continue to take care of you! You deserve that time for you, and your immediate family. There will be a life time of holidays, I doubt the world will stop this year because you are not with them! Best of luck to you.

It can be so tough dealing with family when it comes to sharing your time with your family and your husband's, especially with a new baby that everyone will want to see! I think, though, that you need to do what is right for you and your family. We moved when my son was 6 weeks old from Oklahoma (to NE) and it was a 10hr drive. My son did well for the first 2 or 3 hours, but after that he was miserable in his car seat. Now he's almost 5 months old and he still hates his car seat because of that. He never had a problem with it before. Anyway, you need to do what you feel is the best for your family. If you in-laws don't like it, tough cookies! We're closer to family this year than we have been for four years, I'm sure everyone will expect us to be with them for the holidays, but even with an 8 month old (by Christmas), we'll be sticking around here this year. People can come see us if they want to spend time with us. Good luck to you and best wishes for a safe delivery!

Well, my first reaction is that they are being very unreasonable.

While I don't think traveling with a newborn for 6 hours is a big deal at all (I live in Alaska.. EVERYTHING is 6 hours away LOL) what concerns me is their lack of understanding is alarming.

You list very valid reasons as to why you are not comfortable traveling and I think they are being childish in their refusal to come to your home.

Personally, I'd invite them to you home and if that is something they aren't willing to do, then their loss. My ILs have NO PROBLEM understanding that it's much easier for them to travel to Alaska to see us than it is to pack our whole family to California to see them... so they come EVERY Xmas and never think twice about it.

You ILs need to learn to give your family a little respect.

J.~

If you're not comfortable traveling with your new baby boy and your daughter, then don't. Plain and simple. Your husband should understand, and if your in-laws don't, then they're being extremely selfish. That is your time to recover and bond with your baby, and you don't need the added stress of traveling 6 hours. My advice would be to stick to your guns on your decision. Good luck!

J.,

Being your sister in law from his family but NOT THAT side of things.... I say to heck with it!!!! YOU stay home and take care of your cute little family!!! AND RECOVER. Holidays come and go and you have done your share of traveling. When you are married it is ultimately about your Family. Of course not trying to be offensive about the importance of extended family, but traveling with a newborn is unneccessary and especially at winter time. I wouldn't travel with Maeghan until she was around 3-4 mo, and Jamie was 6 wks when we came down there. But it was LONG traveling with a nursing 6wk old. They are just so suseptible to everything and then you complicate it with the season and the Holiday "germs".....NO WAY would I come up here!!! Enjoy the season like you did with your first and don't feel any GUILT or bad or waste any sort of energy on their feelings because they seem to use that sort of energy as a motivating factor. Emotions last ONLY as long as we let them.(for me sometimes its quick, othertimes though, the processing takes a bit longer depending on the situation and me) For this though You're not saying you won't see them again...its just that the timing is off a bit. It is also much safer to travel NOT in the STORMS, SNOW, ICE. SO honestly....I think it is quite SELFISH of them to even ask that you come!!!

If you don't give yourself time to heal and recoup..you only ask for problems. Its not worth appeasing them. Just let them know you care and are glad they are anxious to see you and you appreciate that but that you would like to see them when things have calmed down a bit and I bet your pediatrician would say the same thing. Why expose you, your family and your newborn to the elements when its for a selfish reason. Offer again to have them come to you. And when things are calmer come up. Besides the blessing will be another option too.

Definetly not worth stressing too much over, but I understand your plight and frustration. ITS OKAY to do whats best for you.

Love
C.

Stand your ground! You know best what you are capable of doing, and you are the mother to these two little darlings. Mother always knows best! Your husband is supporting you, and he needs to fight this battle with his parents. Believe me, they will travel to see that little baby if they have to!!

Another consdieration to think about is are there going to be other kids at your in-laws? Winter is a time when people get sick, if someone has a cold or sore throat are they going to stay away? Bringing a newborn especially one without its shots could be dangerous and then you would have to stay in a room away from everyone.(you're breastfeeding that's good but still need to think of the babies health first) I know from experience travelling in the winter with a 5 week old is not easy. My father-in-law died 5 weeks after my first daughter was born so we had no choice. But we had a sister-in-law that had to continously bring her sick daughter to Grandma's house even though her other Grandma was at their house. So I had to stay in the bedroom away from the sick child so my 5 week old baby without shot wouldn't get sick. Also, I felt awful and tired the whole time I was there and I had a relatively easy delivery. So my advice is think of what you might put the baby at risk to and if you don't want to go then they'll have to understand. If they can't understand then they are being very selfish and self-centered. Go with what you want to do.
Don't go just becaused your pressured.

I once had the same problem with my family. my baby was two weeks early but two weeks before Thanksgiving. Enough time (in my mothers eyes) to travel. It was only a 1.5 hour drive.

Stay home! Enjoy your family with out guilt.

M.

I agree...I wouldn't travel with a newborn and a 2 yr old that long of a drive in the winter!!! I think your family should be understanding of the situation and if they really want to see you guys for the holidays maybe they should consider making the trip to see you???

My in-laws and stepdaughter live in WY which is only a 2 hours drive from here, but our son was born in Dec and we weren't comfotable with driving there to see them! They came and saw us or waited till our son was a bit older and the weather was better!

Hi J.,

I agree with everyone has said. My dad's mom and sister are that way to us Grandkids. If we can't make it to thier house on Christmas we basically get written off for the year, we get no gifts...etc... now I don't care about the gifts, I enjoy the day. People need to understand when you have a family and become an adult - things change. It may stink but that is life. In my marriage vows it said the man and woman leave the parents and become one. That means to me that you do for your family. It sounds as if your in laws are very selfish, and I would just flat out tell them, we can't make it this year and don't talk about it again. Tell your husband that it will blow over they are just going to be mad because they are not getting thier way. I feel that they are trying to control you and your husband. My mom does that to me it actually helped to ruin my marriage. Don't apologize either you are not doing anything wrong. I hope this helps!

S.

I also had hard recovery time and did try to travel with a new born. Don't let them make you feel bad because you need to heal and take care of your new baby. I would invite them to see you but, don't budge on going there. If they decide not to come it is their loss and there is always next year. Good luck.

I had to deal with the same thing with my in-laws. I was pregnant this last Thanksgiving and Christmas. I did the mistake of traveling to their place for Thanksgiving and I got really sick from it. They were nice and came to our place for Christmas but I know that they would have rather done it at theirs. I would suggest to stay at home for the holidays. I had a very hard time recovering from my first and not so much with my second but you never know what could happen. If they get mad who cares! Yes they are your family but they are just your extended family and your husband should be nice enough to realize you and your kids are you real family now. They might be mad at you for a little while but they get over it eventually. I wouldn't take any chances and if they really wanted to see you and the baby I think they can give up one year at their place to come see you. There will be many more holidays so stay home and have a good holiday season with your family. Hope this helps!

You can give any number of reasons for not travelling to them:

1) You don't feel comfortable travelling for long periods of time in a car with a newborn, or you don't want to take a newborn into an airport.

2) You will still be in recovery mode and won't be sure how you'll feel sitting for long periods on time.

3) Remind them of the last time you went to their place and the next time that you'll see them after the holidays.

4) It's your children's needs that you need to put 1st.

5) They should be supportive of your decisions as parents and not judge how you handle your family.

6) They should not make life more difficult as a new baby has joined the family.

I could go on, but they just get less tactful as it's really not appropriate for them to be upset about your decision not to travel with a new baby.
I'm sorry that they are being unsupportive!

Congrats on the impending baby. I feel your pain about the in-laws.I was in your shoes last year. Explain to them firmly but lovingly that you won't be able to make it this year but they are more than welcome to come to your place for the holidays. Once you tell them you aren't coming, stop talking about it. Don't continue to give reasons why, don't try to make them see your point of view. When you keep explaining yourself, you make it seem like your doing something wrong. They won't be happy, but the situation will blow over much faster.

I had almost the exact same situation with my oldest son when he was born. When it came down to it, both sides of our family thought they should see us more than the other side for whatever reason. Although it is hard, the most important thing is that you are comfortable in your surroundings with 2 youngsters, and that the newest addition does not feel your stress level. If that doesn't work, you can always bring up the fact that most pediatricians do not recommend traveling for children that early on. Just make sure that you take lots of pictures!! :)

I had this same thing happen to me. My family gave me a lot of grief but what I told them is that I have my own family now and I want to be able to enjoy and have my child enjoy the Christmas's I had when I was a child. Which is waking up in my own bed and walking out to see the tree filled with toys! The Christmas before I decided to stay home, my son and I walked in Christmas morning to my sister still wrapping presents under the tree! I also gave them the choice to come to our house and they refused so how can they excpect you to go there is they refuse to come to your house. You shouldn't feel bad and don't let them get to you.

Even though it is nice to get together with family. They do not truely understand how much work we have to go through to get everything ready for the holidays. You think they should know when they had to of done it too. You know maybe you should invite your family to your house instead of worrying about going anywhere else. Just make sure you call your in-laws first. Give your mom or mother-in-law a call and tell her about the situation and then maybe she will understand. If you do not tell her your side of it then they will never understand. Tell them that you will of just had a baby and you will find it easier this way. If they do not understand, then you do what you need to do. Some times parents do not like to change a tradition and they do not like when someone trys to make a change. My parents were the same way when we tried to change when we did our family christmas. My mom could not think of doing our family christmas any other day but christmas eve. Well, I guess she does not understand when we put in 2 to 3 christmas' in on one day/evening you are really tired the next day. My parents are just stuck in their ways and do not want to have change and they must be. Good luck.

We took a 21 hour drive to Vegas for Christmas when our son was 9 weeks old. We are road trip people so we figured it was a good trip to get him used to the car. I mapped out all the rest stops and gas stations close to the freeway so we could stop often to change his diaper and to nurse him. As for nursing in front of people...I just always had a big cozy blanket that I would cover us up with. That way I didn't feel naked and my son could concentrate on eating. I think the decision to go or not to go is really up to you and your husband. Your inlaws will get over being upset. You have to do what you feel is right for your family. Another suggestion if you really don't want to make the trip for Christmas...blame it on the pediatrician. Say that they worry about him getting RSV since its winter, he's under 3 months, and he'll be around other people. It always works for me...who can argue with a doctor's orders? Best of luck.

Let your hubby handle his own family. You and your husband discuss it and if it's best for you to stay home. Then stay home. Enjoy your own family and if the In Laws choose to join you great, if not call and wish them Happy Holidays as part of your celebration.

But the most important thing is let your husband tell them and let your husband deal with all the related fall out. Once you have your own family and kids that is number one and they should understand how difficult it is to travel with small children.

If they had their hearts that set on seeing the new baby they can make the trip to see you, what a great holiday gift that would be!

Don't feel guilty either, that may be what they want. Make the decision, stick to it and maybe now that your family has grown it's time to stay at home for the holidays (every year) and visit other times of the year.

Maybe a great gift to yourself would be the book
"when difficult relatives happen to good people."

It really made light of a few similar issues for my husband and I and dealing with our respective parents.

I feel for your situation. My in-laws live 4 hours away from us and we have been married for 15 years and still struggle with the holidays. I think with a new baby, your in-laws should be able to understand how difficult it is to travel. That is along a long drive! Maybe they could make an exception just this once. We have finally came to a reasonable conclusion. We trade off for Thanksgiving and spend Christmas Eve here and travel to their house Christmas day and spend a few days. I still don't like the drive out there Christmas day, but my in-laws are also unreasonable if we ask them to visit us for Christmas. In 15 years they have not once been to our house for the holidays. I'm sure your in-laws just want to see your kids, but at the same time, they should be considerate of you and your new little baby. I love my in-laws very much but I must admit, when the holidays approach, I get a lot of anxiety and thats not what the holidays are all about. Good Luck!

Don't give in! I traveled with my son when he was only 8 weeks-it was horrible. I was only nursing, and it made the trip sooooo long to have to stop every two hours to nurse him at a rest stop (this was in Dec. too), so it was freezing. When we arrived he got so horribly sick we couldn't even enjoy ourselves! So be strong, and you don't have to make excuses-people spend too much time having to make excuses for things they don't even have to do. This is your choice, not your in-laws. Have wonderful holidays, and get the most out of baby's first holiday. And congratulations!!!!

I agree with everyone. You have to do what's best for you and your family. I would tell them that your pediatrician said you should keep your baby at home for the first 2-3 months due to it being cold/flu/RSV season. And again reiterate that you'd LOVE to have them come stay with you for the holidays. If they refuse, then you've done everything you can to appease them. Then stay home and enjoy the holidays with your husband and kids!

I have major in-law issues too, so I completely understand. My hubby and I just moved here, and we decided not to travel at all for any holidays anymore. We have a new baby due in december, and we decided that it was time for 'our' family to start our own family traditions, and celebrate holidays in our own home. All family will always be welcome, but we won't be traveling anymore to anyones house.

My MIL about cause my hubby and I to divorce. But we went to counseling, and moved 6 hours away from her. He now see's her for who she is, and see's how she tries to control everything. Your hubby has to stand up and control the situation if it is his family starting things, just like you would have to do if it was your family doing it. And he cannot let them have any control over the family you two have created.

Good luck, it can be an awful situation to deal with. And VERY unfortunate if a divorce is considered when otherwise everything is perfect. And I know from experience, it will only get worse, or better over time.

J.

J.,

I traveled with my newborn son almost 19 years ago from Dallas, Tx to Sacramento, CA... would I do it again???

Not in a million years... with all the airborn viruses.. what I know about recycled air on the plane... being uncomfortable with a newborn... I wouldn't fly.

I would not drive that far... it's too far to drive with a new baby.... how many times are you going to have to stop and feed the baby... diaper changes... all the gear you need to pack... that's a car load in it's self!

Your family needs to know that they can not expect you to do this, not with a new baby. They need to be willing to travel to you and not you to them. Sorry, they need to be a little more comadating to your needs as well as your little ones1

I totally agree with everybody in here don't do it.
have them came over.
good luck with your baby.
josie

J.,
I had the same problem with my ex-in laws. Stick to your guns and don't let them make you feel guilty. You know what you can do (or want to do). Things change with you have kids and you may find that you don't want to travel again until the kids get older. Our kids don't want to leave our home at Christmas, especially. Let them know that you would be happy to have them come to your home.

Talk to your husband and make sure he's supporting you all the way. I'm sure it's frustrating for him too to feel split like this, but you and his children are his priority now.

I am sorry to have to say this so bluntly... but your in-laws are being unreasonable and selfish. You have every right to focus on your little one-- rather than running around (or rather driving around) and putting up with their silliness. Stay home. Take care of your newborn baby and yourself (you will need every bit of sleep and relaxation you can get because you will now have two demanding your time and attention.)

If they can't handle it, then give them some time to adjust to it. But I certainly would not allow them to 'guilt' you into doing something that will not be in your children's best interest. travel can be very stressful for them and you two. So, if they are unwilling to be charitable towards you and your husband, then explain to them that you want to minimize the stress of a 6 hour drive on your little one. (Babies at that age need round the clock attention and calm soothing environments-- not a plastic carseat and hours of tedium!)

In fact, I would go so far as to suggest that you do not try to invite them to your place to celebrate the holidays-- Who needs the stress-- especially when they are clearly not willing to empathize with you and your husband.

Good luck and best wishes.

-E.

J.
I think that your in-laws should respect your decision and if they really want to see your family for the holidays they will come to your home!!
A.

J., "Family mesmerism" as they call it, is the cause of many emotional situations in demanding families.
You have your own family now. Be firm but kind. No travelling
this year. Stick to it.
C. welzel, RN

Hi J.. I agree with not traveling with a newborn. I had a 3 week old last Thanksgiving and I didnt go anywhere. My in laws all live here but I didnt even want to go anywhere locally. So I say stick to your guns and stay home. You are buliding a family of your own now and you are going to want to start traditions of your own.

Good Luck!