Explaining Lying to a 2 Year Old

storytelling is a big thing at this age. like Peg M said, his imagination is really developing right now. I just explain that it's fun to tell stories, but when people ask you a question, you answer with the truth and not a story because its not nice to tell people something that isn't true. They will tell anyone anything that will get a rise out of them at this age.

Your little guy is going through a completely normal stage that incorporates imagination and wishful thinking. He'll gradually comprehend the difference between real and not real over the next 3-4 years. And, as Patricia G. mentions, kids haven't yet got time and event sequencing figured out. So the best way to handle it is often a non-committal comment, without too much emotion attached to it. He will gradually figure it all out, and learn to more accurately follow the examples of the adults in his life. And his peers (sigh…).

I recall as a first-grader, desperate to have an interesting story for Show and Tell, I made up a whopper about jumping out of a plane with a parachute. I got stood in the corner as an example to the rest of the class, and that hurt. But not as badly as never having anything interesting to show and tell the class about.

And it sounds like your son may also beginning to explore the edges of social convention – what happens when he reports some startling news to an adult (or another child)? How do they react? How consistent are the rules; do they apply to everybody?

If this is so, then he's also going to be acutely aware of when he hears his parents telling some untruth, or partial truth, or kind fib. So be prepared to be challenged, both by his calling you on it, and by hearing him learning to do the same things as he grows up. Studies show that adults lie shockingly often! Here's a fascinating article – the latest understandings about why kids lie: http://nymag.com/news/features/43893/. Well worth reading.

And you can also google 'toddlers lying' for all kinds of information about how to handle it. My best to you!

ADDED: Oh, and incidentally, when we require a child to say he's sorry when he's not, or when he doesn't even know for sure that he did something wrong, we are teaching that child to lie as social convention. I think it's far better for a parent to explain why a behavior is wrong, and give the child time to ponder it and reach his own conclusions. As his capacity for empathy and compassion grow, he WILL realize he's sorry when he hurts someone or breaks something.

I have the most precious letter that my grandson dictated to his mom, a full two weeks after breaking a toy of mine that I let him play with, telling me he was sorry. He was not prompted at any time to apologize. When he was ready, he did, and it was loving and authentic.

So many things that a small child says are not what I would really consider lies....they are just saying what they WISH would happen. Like saying that he went to the beach...that sounds like FUN to him...maybe he has great memories of doing something like that...or overheard a conversation about going to the beach.
The problem with the hurt nose story is that someone else ended up being hurt by it...and that is a totally different story!! I would concentrate on that aspect of it...that by saying what he did he made his class mate sad and hurt his feelings. Use this as a time to teach empathy ...and also to touch on the importance of telling the truth. You can't get too entangled in it or he is just going to be confused....you have to THINK like a 2 year old!!! It is very possible that he really didn't remember what had happened to his nose...and didn't think it would be alright to say "I don't remember"...so he just said the first thing that popped into his mind!!
Maybe you can start correcting him gently when you hear him spinning one of his "tales"...."Johnny I know you would LOVE to have a trip to the beach but you know that what we REALLY did was go to the mountains". Don't make too big of a deal out of this or it may blossom into a bigger problem than it needs to be.

Children this age haven't completely sorted out the difference between reality and fantasy. What happens is true, and what he wishes had happened is true, and what might have happened because it happened to somebody else is also true, and what sounds really interesting and will get him some attention is true as well. That's the way your boy's mind is working from minute to minute right now. It will change.

I agree with the "making up stories" line. "The trouble is, Jimmy, that when you make up a story that somebody else did something wrong, that somebody else gets into trouble. You need always to say what's really true when it's about people you know, and when your teacher is asking you a question." This is a time to help him, gently, to be aware that some things actually do correspond with what is - and that's the definition of truth.

As Peg indicates, you have to model truthfulness as you go along. It won't be too long before your son is asking you deep philosophical questions like, "Why did you just say on the phone that Daddy wasn't home when he's sitting right over there?" and "Why do you say Aunt Millie's hair looks bad when you told her that it looked good?"

If it were me, I'd certainly let the teacher (and maybe the other child's parent) know that the other child was not at fault. I imagine you've done that already. But teachers are experienced at this. There's an old Sam Levenson joke about the teacher who sent notes to all her students' parents the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home."

I'm not sure if this will help, and as I type, I can't help but smile because when I was young and even a little older, I always made up stories.

Now, I'm not sure why other than I just have a very active imagination. I'm probably ADHD, although back then they didn't really diagnose as much.

Getting to the point, I strive to be a very honest person as an adult. I can't lie about the littlest thing. Don't worry, and anyway they really can't reason until age 3 or so. And you know, I don't know what the "experts" say, but I believe age 7 is more of an age of culpability or realization of right and wrong.

Enjoy those stories, he may be a writer in the raw!!

I think that you have to realize what you are describing isn't really lying.
Little kids have imaginations and they are learning the difference between what is real and what isn't. ESPECIALLY at this age.
As far as making up stories, that's not always a bad thing. The teacher was correct in making him apologize for saying that a boy threw a block at him if the boy didn't because the boy could get in trouble for that. That's a pretty abstract concept for a 2.5 year old. It's a process.
Saying he's going to be a strawberry for Halloween when that's not true is not a punishable offense. Part of the fun of Halloween is that you can be anything you want to be and it's fun. But, you have to understand it also sends mixed messages because he isn't REALLY a monkey, right?

I don't think you should worry so much about this.
That's my personal opinion.

Best wishes.

Making up stories is not the same as lying. Lying is " false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood." A toddler telling stories is not lying. It's possible that a child did do the block throwing, but that it happened at a completely different time. I think you can just say, "what a great/funny, etc. story" and ask a question about it - do you want to be a strawberry, etc. I think it's imagination vs. lying. I don't think you can really explain it and do it justice at this age cause they just can't cognitively understand on the same level. I would separate it into what happened/didn't happened; what things are, vs. what he's thinking about.

Children at this age don't generally understand that lying is wrong and dishonest. It doesn't do much good to punish them because it's a cognitive thing.

At this age I call it, "telling stories". So, I just say, "Don't tell me a story. I want to know what really happened."

I get the difference between story telling and lies. Obviously you're not thinking of disciplining his creative stories.

I'm a total disciplinarian, and I did always discipline lying, but not really until age 3 and up. My two year old is catching on well watching me talk to (and discipline) the others (3 and 5) about it. Her brother is learning not to lie. He's almost 4.

Yesterday, I saw her (2 year old) standing by a bunch of micro crushed crackers on the rug that I was pretty sure she crushed up and threw down, but all 3 kids were there, so I said, "OK, who crushed up the crackers and threw them around?" My two year old actually said her OWN NAME!!! So cute! I gave her big hugs and praise for telling the truth, and she did "get it" because she sees me go through it with her older brother. BUT, if she had NOT told the truth, I would have gone through it with her just basically and concisely verbally at 2. When your son tells a lie, just firmly state the truth and firmly tell him not to lie. When he gets a bit older, you can enforce. At this age, it's just a little early to navigate effectively. But your son sounds pretty advanced in his logic for 2 and 1/2! You can probably start discipline a little earlier with him, use your instinct.

For mine, starting at around 3, at first, a lie would get a consequence and the truth would not, even if they did something wrong, they would just get praise for telling the truth. This would be accompanied by a firm, concise explanation of what lying was-which they already knew from talking it through in their twos. Firm, clear, teaching voice, but never angry. At a little older, they'd get a warning before I asked that a lie would get 2 consequences and the truth would get just one (I use swats, but use you most concise and effective tool of choice). That pretty much nipped the lying right away. My five year old has lied once in the past 2 years. My three year old is catching on, and he definitely understands the gravity of lying. At almost four I see him morally choosing to tell the truth now instead of just choosing against the consequence like when he was just 3.

I explained to my kids that we can make up funny stories just like the books we read, but if it's a funny story we need to say 'this is just a funny story' & if it's a true story we need to say 'it's not a funny story like the books we read'.

I don't see it as lying. My 3 1/2 yo on has a hard time getting his stories straight sometimes but I never perceived (or even thought it might be) lying. It's just the age. What I do with my boy is if he says something I know isn't true, I'll say 'are you sure that's what happened??' and remind him what really did happen... Or just call him on his mistake. Try not to be mad at him, at this age they need a bit of help keeping stories straight.

2.5 sounds awfully young to try and convey this to.

Dr. Sears is an expert in this field, he has two really good articles on helpful ways to deal with early childhood lying;

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/mora...

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/mora...

I think you're reading too much into it. A child that young is not capable of lying in the context that you're suggesting. He is capable of being overly imaginative, exaggerating, etc. Now, a 5 year old, that's completely different. I wouldn't punish a 2.5 for "lying" as you put it, because they don't know they're lying, really.