Facts of Life... for a 9 Year Old...

It's time for her to know. If you are having a hard time finding the words, get a book. I read "It's not the Stork" to my child when he was 7, and it was perfectly age appropriate.

There are fabulous books on this subject, and they will take you through various stages of development, curiosity and ability to comprehend. One of the most under-appreciated resources in any community is the children's librarian! She/he can advise you, show you what they have available, and research what is available through inter-library loan. They will order something for you, have it delivered to your local library, and you can return it locally as well. If you have religious or cultural beliefs that will color your discussion, say so to the librarian. When you find something that suits your assessment of your daughter's developmental stage, you can consider purchasing it. But in the meantime, don't be afraid to leave a book in her room to peruse after you discuss it.

This is an ongoing process for you, not just one conversation. I remember a book called "Period" which I had for my stepdaughters. We had a lot of good conversations about this. And no, your daughter is not too young for this information.

My best advice is to use the correct biological/bodily terms, and no euphemisms. The shame around this topic comes from kids thinking that adults won't call body parts and sexual acts by their names. You can teach her the slang (and probably should), but you should use the real words. Nothing is worse than an unprepared kid getting an earful from a classmate who wasn't well educated!

I'd also remember that there are lots of ways that families are created, and no doubt your daughter has classmates or other friends who are adopted, are part of same-gender families, or who are being raised by grandparents. You'd best cover those family types rather than give her just one set of "married people do X" and then leave her sadly lacking in info about the people she knows or will meet.

And it's okay to say "You know, I'm not sure. Let's look that up." You don't have to know everything right off the bat. You just have to let her know that you're the person for her to come to!

Check with the schools to see when they start introducing this topic as part of the curriculum. If they offer a class, please don't "opt out" - kids need this info!

Good luck.

This is only as awkward as you choose to make it.
Give her the facts. Plain and simple. And let her ask questions.

If you're embarrassed, she will be too. If you're not, she won't be.

I'm a believer in open communication from day one and answer any questions age appropriately.

By 9 your daughter is seeing some girls approach puberty. She needs to know she can talk to you. Most likely, she knows far more than you think she does from talk at school so she may he asking you did validation of what she's heard.

If you are embarrassed, go for a drive or a walk so you are not eye to eye.

I didn't use any specific books but there are many on the market that can help guide you with your conversations.

Good luck!

Believing in Santa is not an immature thing and doesn't mean she shouldn't start to learn about her body. You need to get her a book (The Care and Keeping of You is one example) and let her read it - answer ANY questions she may have. Trust me, the more you explain ahead of time about all of this the less freaked out she will be when she starts puberty.

By nine she is old enough to understand proper body function and how a baby is made and born. She could start puberty any time now, she should have a basic understanding of how her own body works and what menstruation is for. I got my kids the book "its perfectly normal" and had my 10 year old read out loud while my 8 year old and I listened in. I answered any questions they had and it was really informative for them both. Since then my son, now 12, had felt comfortable coming to me with additional questions he has had, most recently about the HPV vaccine and HPV. By having this open and comfortable dialogue with them I can feel more confident that they will come to me rather then turning to their friends for advice about sex in the future.

By age 9 she already knows. Her friends know, their friends know, and if they don't know they made up stories about how "they" think babies are made.

There are kids this age who have "playdates" at one of their houses and when mom is off doing stuff and not supervising them they're having sex and make out parties. It happens. It's shocking but it is happening.

When my granddaughter asked me, after just turning 10, if she could get pregnant if she had sex I answered the best I could and reminded her that I had told her if she has any questions about anything we could google anything I wasn't sure about. So we googled when a person is old enough to have a baby.

Youngest was age 5. By a male family member. Then age 6 had some, age 7, 8, and 9 took up a couple of pages. Then age 10, it was page after page after page, full of kids that had had children at age 10. Male family member, father, brother, uncle, grandfather, pastor, etc...by the time we were here we were both in tears. She understood that if she had sex she runs the risk of getting pregnant. But that isn't the reason to worry about this. What the crime in all this is that adults will convince a child they are special and they are doing something wonderful for the adult. And they convince them to not tell.

What she needs to know is that she should always tell you if someone is acting like that with her.

By age 9 she should have already had at least 1 sex ed talk through her school, didn't you let her attend? Ours had it in 4th and again in 5th and a more in depth one in 6th grade.

Kind of stunned that you haven't given her a real answer in 4 years. What are you waiting for? If you don't know how to broach the topic, browse some books and find one that you're comfortable with and read it with your daughter. The American Girl Care and Keeping of you is excellent and talks about puberty, periods, hygiene, etc. and having that background might be a good springboard into a more detailed discussion on the mechanics of reproduction. If you want to have open lines of communication with your daughter, get over your squeamishness. Sex organs and just like any other body part - no need to dance around the topic or be shy about explaining how things work.

If she's not super mature and she's been asking since kindergarten, there's no need to get graphic quite yet. Go with your gut. Start with the basic "mom and dad make one together" if you must, or maybe just how it starts with the mom's body and see how interested she stays.

My nine year old is VERY mature, and I was thinking she was probably hearing about sex by now in school since so many kids have phones and troll the internet and older kids talk. She's been reading "The Care and Keeping of You" (great book, get her that for starters) for a while, and we've discussed all the parts. She also loves science books that show fetus development from conception to birth. I told her she's old enough to learn about sex whenever she wants to talk about it and to let me know what she hears so can tell her if it's accurate, but she hasn't wanted to discuss yet. I'll tell her very soon, but there's no rule for exactly when. Know your child! Good luck!

You should definitely tell her the specifics on how a baby is made...because by this age the kids are all talking about it at school. Get one of the books recommended if you are uncomfortable and that will really help.

I'm just going to say - you want her to hear this information from you and not the kids on the school bus. Try the American Girl book "The Care and Keeping of You."

You don't have to talk in detail about the actual sex act, but development is a good place to start. Hit the library and ask them for some age appropriate book recommendations to get the conversation started if you're not sure where to begin.

"What do you think?" is a good place to start. Then you will know where she's at and whether or not she has factual info already.

There are lots of books that cover this.
But that's not where you start the conversation.
Most begin with discussing changes that will happen to her as she grows so she won't be shocked when she gets her period - which could be any time now.

This is a good one but there are many others:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Care-Keeping-You-Younger/dp/160...

I always dreaded this topic, and my daughter was also fairly immature or young for her age. People were always surprised that I hadn't had the talk with her by age 10 or so, and said "trust me, she already knows." You know your kid best. By the time I did have the talk with her, I asked her what she had heard or knew- she didn't know anything. So don't feel pressured to tell her more than you're ready to!

Having said that, I thought the Care and Keeping of You was ok, but not my favorite. The book that really helped me, with puberty and many other aspects of raising a tween girl was called Between Baby Dolls and Boyfriends. It sort of lets you still be you and not just follow someone else's script for raising a girl. Can't remember the author's name but I got it on Amazon.

Good luck!