FAKE Sister in Law

My SIL is a lot like this and it drives me nuts. But saying something just makes it worse not better. Ignoring is the best policy. As for the name thing, sorry, I am on her side. There is no way of knowing whether you will have a girl. My husband and his sisters had name "reserved" since they were in grade school. Do you know what? Not one of those names that we were all forbidden to use was ever used by any of them. My first SIL never had a girl. My other SIL changed her mind numerous times because the initials just didn't go with her husband's name. And I didn't like my husband's picks. I can't imagine picking a name and being stuck saying it millions of times a day, just to get back at some one. Maybe she just likes the name. And at least someone gets to use it. First to have the baby gets the dibs on the name unless there is some kind of really special circumstances.

By being mature and forgiving. This is a family member and she's not going away. If you can't "keep your mouth shut", then try to limit the amount of time spent with your husband's sister.

You don't. She is a 16 year old child who is not yours. Why on earth would a 16 yr old G. get under your skin so badly? I say let it go. If you have a daughter you can still use the name if you want.

You're mad at her for using a name you considered for a child that doesn't even exist yet? How do you know she did it on purpose? You're mad at her about complaining about a gift from her mother? How does that affect you? It doesn't. It has nothing to do with you.

Why is she "fake"? Your scenarios don't describe why you think she's "fake". What they do describe is a paranoid, jealous, insecure person who has lowered herself to the maturity level of a person they claim to be so horrible.

The fact that you view her so negatively & have let her get under your skin so much says more about YOU than it does her. Why are you so threatened by her? I think you've created all of this negativity & have made her behavior about you when it's not. Why do you care so much about what she does? She's not your child, is she? She's young & dumb & clueless.
I'm assuming you're an adult, so quite frankly, I think you need to start acting like one.

I suggest that you start thinking more positively about her & make an effort to be nice, you know, be the better person & set the tone. Because what you're doing clearly isn't working and guess what? You're poising yourself with the hatred & she could care less. This type of thing can ruin marriages, so I suggest you grow up & act your age.

I think you should act more mature than her especially since you are older than her. And being mad at her, for using a name that you can't even use right now, is immature. You need to put your energy into your husband and kids and try to keep your distance. She is feeding off of your anger, and it is working.

Take a deep breath and ask yourself why you are so wound up in her behavior. She is a teenager! Yes, she's annoying. But why are you giving her so much power over you? Ignore the behavior. Be polite. And you can still name your as yet non-existent daughter what you want to. Being mad at her for "taking" a baby name for a child you haven't even conceived is a bit over the top.

I think I'd start with pity-she is a child with a child-and needs some adults in her life that can be positive role models and have compassion for her and how difficult her life is at such a young age. Take the high road and shake this off-if you have a healthy child, a clean place to live and a husband with a job-you are way ahead of the game-be grateful for what you have and name your little girl whatever you want.

Why does it bother you so much?? If she's still young then she is doing what young people do. Otherwise, she is being immature. Neither should really affect you.

She's 16/17 years old. She's a child that's probably been indulged over and over and over again. Her older brother has a wife and child that are getting a lot of attention from him and the family... attention she probably feels was hers and she's now missing out on. She wants to be fawned over, she wants to be seen as an adult, and what will get that faster than anything else? Having a baby. What will piss you off and get revenge on you for stealing her brother AND the limelight? A baby AND the name you wanted to use.

This is immature, childish thinking. She'll eventually outgrow it. Having a child of her own is going to force her to grow up quickly as long as she's not constantly indulged further. A baby is usually a kick in the pants to reality. Hopefully, within a year or two, she'll realize that you're an ally and not the enemy.

You are 10 yrs older than this girl and youa re letting her immature behavior get to you like this???

I don't get the "FAKE" that you call her. I get that she wants attention and even negative attention will get the reactions she wants. You are feeding her fire right now and playing right into her hand. When you stoop to someone's level like this, it not only looks bad toward SIL but also shows that you are not mature yourself.

You are not in some competition with her. You have 10 yrs age difference..... USE that difference and maturity to your advantage instead of rolling in the gutter with her and allowing her comments, etc to get to you. No one MAKES you sit and listen to her stories...... get up and help your MIL with something or take care of your child.

You have a child now..... ACT like a mature parent and be a good parent to your child. Stop worrying about SIL and what she does with her life. You live your life the best you can and parent your child the best you can. Your child should be #1, not worrying about SIL. If you act more positively.... you might be a good role model for her and have a good impact in her life..

This post makes it sound like you are both 16 yrs old.

If you do ever have a girl baby, name her what you wanted to,but spell it differently if you can. It will still be her name but unique from your sister-in-laws baby. And do not let her behavior get to you,she is only a teenager yet and not grown up yet.

This is all you! Sorry but stating a name is not like you patented the name, you have no legal claim to it. My sister in law stole on of my names, I laid blame and anger where it belonged, on the person who told her that was our girl name, my ex husband! If you told her you were an idiot, sorry but you were, of course if it is a good name someone will steal it. Not to get at you but because it is a good name!

You can only control yourself and frankly that you are in a battle of wills with someone ten years younger than you doesn't bode well for your own maturity.
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Oh and why the heck can't you use the name, I did. Fits my daughter pretty well. That is if you ever have a girl which is why you don't own names, you don't know the future.

As for the name...you can both name your child/children whatever you want. Telling your MIL that you were "keeping the name" does not prohibit anyone from using the same name if that is what they want to do. If/when you have a daughter and if that name is still the name you want, you go forward with you choice. When/if someone comments, you say "Yes, we loved that name so much when we picked it out with our first child and knew we would still be naming our daughter that. We were flattered that SIL decided to use it too even though she knew it would be duplicated when we were blessed with a daughter".

Sounds like she's jealous of you taking her brother away...I know you didn't but it seems she's in competition with you for either your hubby/her brother's attention or her parents' attention/relationship. You too are their "daughter" but are an adult while she's younger so her relationship is different. I say to try to nuture your relationship with her and her relationship with her brother. Be a big sister.

She's sounds young and immature. You don't have the market on a baby name, just pick another fabulous name IF you have that baby. That's always been a crazy argument to me. That will teach you to keep your baby name ideas to yourself. You are letting what she does get to you. That's why she does it. You need to change your response to these things. You can't expect he to change because she won't.

Avoid and ignore. People like this thrive on attention, dont give her the satisfaction.

Consider the source - a teenager who obviously has issues. Ignore her and limit your time around her. Explain to your husband your feelings, and let HIM speak to her when and if necessary. She's obviously not very self confident, and is trying to compare herself to you.

If it bothers you this much, then limit your time spent around her. Easy as that. It is really frustrating when someone names their kid what you wanted, but you cant control that.

Next time you get pregnant (if you do) and your discussing baby names, just give out crazy ones, and not the ones you actually plan to use. It's most likely an attention thing for her, so stop giving her anything to go on.

wow. she sounds like an out of control brat of a teenager...

my husband's little brother (14 years younger) was similar. he had a serious illness as a child, and that whole experience just left him VERY spoiled and self-absorbed (don't get me wrong, i feel terrible for what they ALL went through - but if you've ever known someone who has had a very long, very serious illness, you might understand - i've seen it happen more than once). i am ashamed to say that i wasn't very nice to him. but he never went as far as your sil. he actually grew out of it too so that was nice. i have to make an effort and remember to be nice lol. and it helps.

but in your situation, gosh i have no idea. just remember she IS just a kid (even if this happened awhile ago, she's still significantly younger than you guys). my mom always said, "rise above". no matter what anyone tries to do to you - just be the bigger person and that will show in the end. hang in there. it sounds like a miserable situation.

Well, she probably really liked the name, perhaps even before you ever even said it was one you liked. Most people would be respectful of your choice, but some people just are clueless, whether they intentionally meant to annoy you or they did it innocently. All you can do is try not to let it irritate you, you don't want to waste energy on stressing about her. It's tough to not let things bother you, but you don't want to be consumed by it, so just let it go. Be a friend and ignore the annoying stuff.

Stop spending time around her. Don't worry about how people perceive you or her. They will eventually see right through her. Don't give her money or advice or tell her anymore names etc. Basically keep anything personal away from her. She sounds miserable and wants to make everyone else too. She also sounds like she is threatened by you---maybe she thinks you are taking her brother away?? Let her be and let her grow up a bit. Is she a good mom? Does your MIL and FIL help with her child??? She sounds unstable. Hope she has help for the baby. GL