Family Friends with Herpes Simplex 1

I had a good friend in childhood who had a problem with cold sores. Others in her family were mildly or not affected by the virus. It was not anything I ended up having a problem with, and we shared drinks, etc, frequently -- probably even when she had an active sore.

I don't think they are a huge deal, and I never worry about it as I do conjunctivitis or strep throat. Some people still say that if you have HSV1 then you are immune to HSV2 -- although I haven't been able to verify this anywhere -- and I'd much rather them have a sore on the lip ocassionally instead of having genital herpes.

Just my two cents...

Hi A.,

As someone who gets cold sores and knows how unpleasant they are, I understand why you are concerned. However, I did not get the disease until I was 21, and I caught it from my husband (fiance at the time) who caught it from his mother when he was a child. I am sharing this story just because I know that I would be crushed if this thing that I caught through no fault of my own kept someone from allowing their children to spend time with me. It seems to me that only the 18 month old kids are too young to understand that they cannot share cups, kiss, etc. Just a thought...but what about only separating them when their 18 month old has an outbreak. The 4 year olds, and certainly the adults, can simply be cautious about sharing germs...
Good luck!

A lot of people get cold sores, isn't it likely that once your kids start school they will catch one from someone else? In my case, my mom has had cold sores on and off for as long as I can remember (I am 42 now) and my father, sister and I never get them. I am sure we kissed and shared glasses when she was capable of transmitting them. I should also mention that although she gets them on and off, we are talking about a cold sore every year or two. So, my gut feeling is not to sweat it too much and continue the babysitting exchange - perhaps just not when someone has an active sore.

Have you talked to your Dr? Do you realize how many people actually have Herpes 1? Cant remember the exact number but its somewhere between 50-60% of the population. People dont realize how gross it is to share cups, spoons, food etc w/ their children. (or those who put the pacifier in their mouth after it drops on the ground and then give it back to the baby - the ground is probably cleaner) Chances are the kids got it from their parents who probably didnt know at the time that they even had it. You might be able to avoid it now by seperating the families but at what cost? Somewhere along the line they may be exposed to it again as they get older (10, 15... when they start being interested in boys/girls - I dont even want to think about that w/ my kids but its part of life) If you're concerned just talk to the mom and dad and let them know how you feel about exposure so they can take precaution. They should already be taking precautions w/ other kids around, to me it would be common sense. Make sure they have common sense.

my mother and a close friend both have this, my mother has had it my whole life, i think and could be totally off base here that you can only catch it when you are experincing an outbreak., or cold sore. so perhaps your best bet would be to try to avoid playing together when any of the children seem to have an outbreak? once again i could be wrong but seeing as how i have survived all 27 years without getting it i wouldnt be to concerned, as long as all the correct precautions are being taken.

A.:

I am a pediatric dentist and have seen many patients, some of whom were only months old, with this diagnosis. One of your responders are correct. Many people carry this virus. If your children do not contract it from your friends, that's not to say that they will not get it from another source. That source can be anything as basic as touching a door knob of a store. While we want to protect our children and our families, a virus like this is very common and anyone can get it anywhere. I think if you talk to your friends about letting you know when someone in the family gets an outbreak and then rescheduling your visits around it. Otherwise, how do you explain to your young children that all of a sudden they can no longer see their friends. As one of your responders pointed out, her mother has it and she never got it even when she was a young child. It sounds that you have formed a great friendship with this family, enough to trust your children with them, and all members of the families click very well. I think that is very rare and something to be cherished. I think it would be of great loss to throw that away due to a virus as common as Herpes Simplex. If it was something more serious and more debilitating then maybe... but not for Herpes Simplex. Good luck.

I have no idea how you came upon this information about your friend and her family, but herpes simplex is extremely common. I think, but don't quote me here, that something like 80% of the population is infected with herpes simplex 1 before the age of 5. Not all of these people get frequent outbreaks. Certain things can make us susceptible to outbreaks. Too much sun, stress, lack of sleep, chronic illnes, poor immune system and other factors can increase the likelhood of outbreaks. I think some people are simple genetically more susceptible to outbreaks. Don't be afraid to question your family doctor about risk, but, I would not avoid a good friend over this possibility. However do not share cups, utensils, etc. or kiss if active sores are present. The truth is, people are often shedding the virus more readily before the coldsore even erupts!

Best Wishes
J. L.

I have had cold sores my whole life - presumably from my mom who is the only family member I know who has them, too. I can say although they are a nuisance, I get them about 2-4 times a year and that's all they are - a nuisance. You learn what triggers them and just deal with them. I wish I didn't have them, but I also wouldn't necessarily end a friendship over it. I say that with kindness and no judgment. I would have an honest conversation with your friends about being careful whenever any of them has a sore. Good luck and hope this helps.

There is no need to split up the kids (and lose the friendships and babysitting opportunities you have established) over this. Herpes sounds awful and has a certain connotation but it really is not so terrible to have an occasional cold sore. My husband has had two or three cold sores in the ten years we have been together (and a boyfriend of several years prior to that had rather frequent cold sores) and I have yet to contract herpes.

Transmission is only an issue if the kids have active lesions (cold sores). If you want to be extra careful you can wait a couple of days after the cold sore resolves to let your kids visit. It is a good idea to start reinforcing to the kids that they should not share cups, utensils etc. with others. This will lessen their risks of various infections and, although hard at first with young ones, is a good practice to start early when it seems like kids are always catching something. Try explaining to your kids that they should avoid kissing the other children when they have a cold sore so that they don't become sick. Cold sores are icky enough that it is an easier message to get across than if you were talking about the flu or another illness they can't physically see.

This will be my first responce to this website...you're topic got my attention for sure!
I have had this simplex since, well, as long as I can remember. I am the only one in my family with it, not my mom, dad, sisters or brother...just me! I am 30ish. My parents kissed me, my siblings and relatives too! Still...only I have it.
None of my boyfriends...'girl'friends...not my husband, son, step son....just me.
What I am trying to say is, don't drop that family like a hot potato. Cold sores are a nuisance, but not the end of life.

Very contagious and are most contagious before they are even present. I'd be very very careful. No kissing, use gloves to change diapers, washing hands, and telling the kids who have them active to not touch them. Even if it's HSV1 they can spread to the eyes, nose and privates. I had an aunt who loves to kiss everyone well guess what she planted one off me even after I tried to fight her off and two weeks later my face blew up like I'd been hit by a 2x4, No Joke! The fire and pain from it spread to the nerves in the right side of my face into my brain and swelled like the elephant man. I was breastfeeding and I was faced with medications I couldn't take because I would have had to stop breastfeeding my daughter. I was so angry. They are no fun, you have every right to want to stay away and protect your family. I get one maybe about every 2-3 years now, and I use Zovirax topical cream and I take acyclovir pills when I'm feeling one come, I never want to experience that pain ever again.

Good Luck it sounds like you're in a tough spot.

I will be the one that rains on the parade. I personally wouldn't expose my kids to this after I knew about the condition. Knowing that I chose to put my children into a situation that would cause discomfort for the rest of their life is not something I would do. If they happened to get it somewhere unknowingly is different then choosing to get it. Having small children together, it is impossible to keep them from exchanging saliva. They wipe their noses with their hand, touch a toy or another child and bingo...that's all it takes.
This is a website that explains the condition.
http://www.aad.org/public/publications/pamphlets/viral_he...

Ah, most of the population carries this virus. 7-9 out of every 10 people you meet is a carrier. Cutting off a family because of it would be pretty ridiculous.

Hi A.,

I also have Herpes Simplex 1 and the only way it can be passed to another person is if I have an active infection (cold sore). If there is no cold sore....there is no risk of passing the virus on to someone else. The virus is dormant until it "wakes up" and causes a cold sore. It is during this time that the virus can be spread to another person. However, in some people, the virus stays dormant permanently. I am a mother of 2 children (ages 5 and 7) and have been with my husband for over 17 years. No one else in my family has Herpes Simplex 1. Whenever I develop a cold sore (which rarely happens) I avoid touching my cold sore and avoid kissing anyone in my family until the cold sore heals. You're lucky in the sense that you are aware that your friends have this virus....and you can use that to your advantage. You can make the request to your friends that if/when someone does develop a cold sore, that you be told so you can make the choice whether or not to stay away until the cold sore heals and the virus becomes dormant once again (at which time there is no risk of spreading the virus to another person). It's the same thing as staying away from someone who is sick with a cold or the flu, etc. - it's a temporary situation not a permanent one. I see no reason whatsoever for you and your friends to separate because of this virus.

L.

Honestly, I know that cold sores are gross. As I have had them before, but I can count on my hand how many times I have gotten one... Its not that big of a deal. If you care about this family and these people then you should take precautions, but don't treat them as though they have HIV or something, its not that bad. Would you prevent your family members from kissing your children if they had it?? And not to mention, there are people like myself who, technically I have it, but never have outbreaks. you won't even know that they are contagious and you get it anyways you know?? I hope I don't sound mean or anything, I really don't mean to be, but I think that if you care about your friends who sound very close to your heart, then you shouldn't make them feel that they have done something wrong.

I hate to think you would seperate your kids based on a cold sore type thing. It's not like the kids are kissing or sharing cups and things. Cold sores are not a big deal, although they look bad. It's more like just having a cold that you can see. If it is a problem talk to your Pedi. They will probably tell you the same thing, not to worry about it. Kids get them and still go to school, and activities aren't limited just because someone has them. Teach your kids to be respectful of someone with them, and not share drinks (not that you should anyway) or other things that get put into your mouth. Otherwise why ruin a good thing? I've had cold sores off and on my whole life. Big deal. It's like having pimples. Would you ban your kids for pimples? It's really the same concept. They can come and go, treatment is available over the counter. Your kids can get them, just from being sick not just from other people, which is rare if you don't spend all your time touching someones cold sore. Use the same preventatives you would for the flu or cold and you'll be fine.You even said that you can't imagine seperating your families over this so don't.Glad to hear you are genuinely concerned for your kids. Good friends are hard to find.