I am feeling a little excluded by my family right now and could use some other perspectives. This weekend was supposed to be a family weekend to celebrate my moms birthday 9she turned 50 a couple weeks ago) and we were all supposed to spend the weekend at my uncles house that is about 2 hrs from mine. Everyone is going out there Friday morning except me (I have to work but i wasnt even invited for that day) so they can play golf friday afternoon which is fine i was planning on driving out after work friday with my 2 small children. I find out this morning that they are also planning on playing golf Saturday afternoon and hadnt planned on involving me at all till dinner on saturday. I realize this weekend is not for me it is for my mother but it just seems very rude to me to plan a family weekend and exclude one person just because i have small kids and cant get out on the golf course with them. Im not saying they shouldnt play but could they not have planned to play golf saturday morning so we could spend the afternoon, evening and Sunday morning as a family. I honestly feel like saying nevermind we will just stay home cause i see no point in putting my kids in the car to drive 2 hrs just for dinner to sleep at my uncles house and then turn around and come home the next morning (plus it seems like a waste of money). So do i suck it up, keep my mouth shut and go or follow my instincts that they dont really want us there and stay home?
I should add i am a single mother and their father is useless to the point of being nearly $5000 behind in child support and has not kept them for more than 2 hrs at a time in the last 6 months. My mother lives 10 min from me and we see her regularly including having already had dinner with her for her birthday. This weekend includes my uncle and cousin who live 2 hrs away as well as my other uncle 2 cousins and all of their girlfriends that live in OK and we dont get to see very often and my grandmother who lives less than 5 min from my front door.
Je§§!¢aWe§§!¢a- wow that was rude, did you even read the entire post? My children and i have already done something with my mother for her birthday, we took her out to dinner on her actual birthday this is just family that doesnt live in town and have not gotten to celebrate with her yet.
We are going to go saturday evening.
If you can't suck it up and be a gracious guest, stay home. Don't bring everybody else down. Guess what? They may not have been single parents but they raised their kids. They missed out on things because they had little ones, they didnt see family because it didn't work out. Now is a time that they can do it and just have fun. Let them. They deserve it.
From a 52 yr old.
I'd go so I could see my family in what ever amount of time there will be. You don't have any idea when the last time you see them will be.
Sorry but I think you're being a bit of a baby about this. You and your kids see your mom all the time. This is a time for her to be able to spending with her extended family doing what I would presume is an activity that she enjoys. You cannot partake of that activity - that doesn't mean that she can't enjoy a couple of nice days of golf with HER family on HER birthday and still have you and your kids join for the parts that make sense. This isn't slighting you at all - it's celebrating her day with her extended family doing an activity that's enjoyable. The world doesn't stop because you are a single mom with a crappy ex. Get over yourself, go for dinner and the sleepover Saturday and be a gracious guest.
I would plan on leaving in time for a late afternoon arrival on Saturday and returning home on Sunday afternoon.
I'm not sure what you wanted them to do, but if the weekend is about your mom's birthday and she loves to golf... but it's a 2 hours drive, so be a respectful adult and go.
Who did the planning? I would likely take that into consideration. I think that you should contact that person/committee and request an itinerary for the weekend. I can't say if you should have been included in the planning, but I think that you should ask what's on the agenda for Saturday morning. If nothing in particular, what are the options?
Are you the only one with young (?) children?
I agree that it's rude not to at least inform you of the weekend's plans and let you decide your level of participation.
I think you should go, hire a trusted neighborhood babysitter on Saturday afternoon and go try playing golf with everyone. It might be fun. And you could get a break from the kids which you probably need. Of course you have to know some great teenage girl who lives near your uncle and likes to babysit. How old are your kids? Maybe drive there after lunch and take them on a little nature walk or to feed the ducks until everyone is done with golf. You would not want to miss the bday dinner for your mom. I understand your frustration though. I guess the other relatives were not thinking about your needs when they planned this. They probably don't really understand how much work it is for you for so little time with everyone. Try to let it go and enjoy yourself. Deep breaths!
How would your mother feel if you didn't come with the kids? Would it hurt her feelings or would she understand that the trip would be so short on one on one time with her? I'd ask her and see what she says, then base my decision on that. If you see her regularly and she's ok with you not coming, then do something special for her the next chance you get. Excluding you 2 days in a row for golf screams they aren't really concerned with your feelings or time spent with your mom. Sorry, but that's how I see it.
Good luck!
I think I'd go for Saturday night dinner and take mom out for breakfast (unless they're playing golf), and then be on my way home.
Can you leave the kids home with Dad?
It just doesn't sound like a "kid-friendly" weekend. I'd be gracious about it but I'm not sure I'd drag the kids there for what is basically adult time. Maybe you can bring the kids to see your mom another time, or how about just drive over for the day on Sunday?
JMO.
Just a different perspective....when I turned 50, 2 years ago, my husband came down with a terrible flu, so did my 8 year old, and they slept on the couch together for 3 days, medicated with flu meds, and I had to cancel our nice dinner reservations and ended up going to a new friend's surprise birthday party. It's was a bummer and I wouldn't recommend that route to others. But I had fun, even though it wasn't all about me.
Your family really likes to 'overdo' birthday's and they like to golf a lot, IMHO. You've already celebrated once, so when does it end? Is your mom particularly close to her brother/ your uncle?
A 2 hour drive with 2 little ones is a bit long, especially alone. Do you have DVD player in your car? Will they nap? It's always nice to see family when you can, especially when your a single mom. You're kids will benefit tremendously from being exposed to good family members.
But, I don't think you should intentionally left out. I think your being a little too sensitive about the plans and how they unfolded. Maybe they got a smoking deal on golf fees for booking back to back sessions. Who knows. If you go, go for the fun of it, not because you feel bummed about being excluded.
Suck it up...it's not your 50th! Your mother is still young and spend her time taking care of you and your siblings when you were small. It was your choice to become a mom and it's your mother's turn to have her free time.
Grandchildren are a blessing but that doesn't mean that they are your mother's priority...that's your job.
No one needs to adhere to your schedule for this specific occasion.
I'm thinking that instead of not including you (golfing) they might have thought they would burden you by leaving you behind and they might think you would feel left out at the house by yourself with your kids. I think instead of wanting to exclude you they had good intentions to not leave you alone : ) Enjoy Saturday evening with them and think in terms of "they had good intentions" instead of excluding you that way you can enjoy your time with your family.
Like you said..... this trip is not about you.
If you were not working and didn't have the children with you, would you be golfing with them? Have you golfed with them in the past and been a part of that group?
Personally, I would go and sho support for the family. You never know when you may need support and if you are being supportive, you are most likely to get support when you need it.
Let your children mingle wih cousins, etc and get to know the extended family.
I do think it is great that you are so close with your mom and grandmom. Show your support to your mom for attending her celebration.
hmmm either staying home alone or going to my uncles house and hanging with cousins and their wives for a weekend who will probably dote on my kids...i'd choose going.
Chances are one of their wives wont like golfing and will hang with you and if not you and the kids can do something local and fun and diferent for the afternoon....also are you sure they cant go golfing too? are kids not allowed on the course? couldnt they play while people golfed? or is there mini golf there?
you see your mom allof the time so you should J. go and go with the flow.
Why haven't YOU planned something to do with your mother for her birthday?
Why are you waiting to be invited somewhere by other people who are honoring (wait for it) your mother so that you can do something with her that not only involves you and your children but is something your mother enjoys?
Why are you making assumptions about why you're not being included for one reason or another (you're working, you're a single mom) when in reality it's a brother spending time with his sister for her birthday and maybe he wants to do it his way?
You're a grown woman with children of her own. Don't you hope when your children are grown that they're close enough to plan birthday outings for each other?
Be secure enough in your family's love for you that it's not about you being excluded. It's about your MOM. It's about arranging her weekend in a way that's best for HER, not you. And they DID think about including you and made sure to for the weekend. So you can choose to go, or stay home and not participate at all, not see any of your family, and just be miserable wishing you were ordering salmon in dill sauce with mashed potatoes instead of eating microwave pizza with boxed wine and a Milky Way.
SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP. :-) Say nothing.
I think you're overreacting, but I also think that the party planner assumed you wouldn't/couldn't participate in most of the festivities, which is why you weren't invited. Sounds like a miscommunication. Either go & have fun, or stay home if you're that upset. If you live so close to your mom, take her out on your own terms.
go. as you said this is not about you or your kids. I don't think they are excluding you, just not considering your situation. Or heck, maybe they are and have planned all this with you in mind, but they guessed instead of asking you?
I am curious. Is there no opporutnity on Saturday morning to all have breakfast/brunch before they hit the links? Does the golf club have a driving range? I take my kids with their clubs to the range and just go to the very end, hit a bucket or go to the putting practice greens. Again, if not super busy - it is like a mini golf outing.
I think you are feeling hurt and as a result, blowing this out of proportion. go, support your mom, be a part of the activities you can be a part of and enjoy time with your kids playing and having fun:)
