K.E.
Hello T.,
I sympathize with you. I have an ex husband that I have to deal with, more on a regular basis, though, and I can say that if I did not have a child with this man, I would have said ADIOS and never looked back! But for our son's sake, I often bite my tongue and bear it. My ex and I have decided to show our son that even though we couldn't make it together, we still respect eachother, and we try very hard to be stable for him, as hard as that is sometimes. I always say that I have to "fake it till I can make it!" and it is so worth it in the long run. As far as telling your child's father that he cannot see his child, I don't think that you should do that, as it is important to your daughter, and her well-being that she be allowed to see him.
However, this is not the case if he is in any way causing her harm. You do seem to have your child's best interests at heart, so I'm sure that is not the case. You do have a right to tell him that he needs to show respect toward you while in the presence of his daughter, because not only is it hurting you, it is devastating her. You see, she will not understand why Dad feels this way about Mom, because she loves you, and has none of those ill feelings toward you that her father does. And in the long term, your daughter will only turn against her father, because she loves you, and will begin to feel like she has to protect you and defend you, a burden that no kid should ever have to bear.
If I were you, I would sit down with your ex and have a heart-to-heart, as two mature adults with the awesome responsibility of raising a child together would do. Let him know exactly what you expect from him, and be completely up front with him about the way you feel about him, that you do not have plans of being with him. Raising a child up is more than making sure they have clothing and food and housing. It's about preparing them for the world, and showing them the proper way to interact with people of all relations to you. Show your daughter how to have a loving relationship with a man, and when she gets old enough to marry, she will know who to kick to the curb, and who to keep around! I wish the best for you and your daughter.
K.