Feel Distant from My 6 Year Old

K-Bell had a great answer and I'd just like to add something. When I transport my kids (regular day to day stuff not on super long trips) we have a no radio, no electronic zone in the car. We've never done otherwise so they don't realize it's "different". We use that time to talk and reconnect. I think that has contributed greatly to the fact that my boys tell me anything and everything. Sometimes too much... :0

He's a 6 year old boy..convo's are top of his list. How about taking him out to toss the baseball or whatever "Ball" he's into. Shoot hoops etc. Do something you'd normally see a dad doing with a boy. I do it on occassional and my son LOVES it.

Also it's hard for kids his age to recall specifics about the day. Try to ask him something more specific. ..... tell me something funny that happened at school, who did you play with at recess? What did you learn in science?

I rarely "played" with my kids but I did spend tons of quality time with them and still do. Conversations happen naturally when you're connecting on a personal level.

Why don't you try:

Reading from a chapter book each night
Playing catch, kicking around a soccer ball or shooting hoops with him
Cooking or baking together
Watching a movie or special show with him
Plant and tend to some flowers, herbs or veggies
Build something with him (this could be over time, a little each week)
Do a puzzle together
Play a board game

He is entering the age where you two will start to relate on a different level than you did during the early childhood phase. I find this stage of parenting to be so much fun. Find things you BOTH enjoy doing and you will be able to connect with him through those activities for the rest of your lives.

two suggestions-
1. make the most of those margin moments. i.e. car rides, waiting in line at the grocery/ bank, during a bath, during bed time, sometimes kids can really start talking then, esp if you are a captive audience to them. make yourself present and available, and let him talk, or ponder aloud if it gets the conversation started.
2. its ok to hate superheroes. I happen to love it. At 6, your kid should be willing/ able to sometimes play a game that you like. figure out what you might do that you both enjoy.
3. do something fun/ physical/ silly. we crazy shake, barnyard dance, spin till we drop, jump over cracks, race (fast), hand upside down. it feels great and makes for good memories/ bonding.

"How to Talk so your kids will listen and Listen so your kids will talk is another suggestion.

best
F. B.

First of all, it's FINE for him to watch TV and play on his own. Those are perfectly normal, healthy activities.
Second, connecting isn't just about playing together. I wasn't much into playing either, I found it tedious after about five minutes.
Our quality time included:
-having the kids involved and helping at mealtime
-having the kids help us with things around the house, washing cars, working outside, etc.
-watching movies/TV together, playing games (including video games)
-going for walks, hikes, bike rides on the weekends, or to a museum or to the pool or the beach
-having the kids at the table doing homework or crafts while I was either prepping or cleaning in the kitchen
-I also read to them pretty much every night, all the way up to about second/third grade (I LOVED reading longer chapter books at that age, I miss that so much now!)
As far as the questions, yeah, they need to be more specific. Instead of saying how was your day, ask something like "what activity are you doing in PE right now?" or "which friend did you play with at recess and what did you do together?" Asking a kid (or teenager) anything where the answer could be yes, no, fine, nothing, usually leads nowhere.
You are more than a mother-child now, you are a family, focus on doing things together as a family and it will all be good!

it's AWESOME to have kids who don't need you to focus on them every second. so first off, pat yourself on the back.
but yeah, i get that you do need to connect with your growing son, and find new ways to do it. i never ever enjoyed 'playing with' my kids for long when it came to trucks or superheroes or other 'down on their level' stuff. i just didn't. and i don't think it does kids any favors to pretend to be having fun when you're bored to tears.
nothing wrong with a little tv when you're fixing dinner either.
but reconnect through some different methods. i read to my kids twice a day, so we had that, but while reading aloud is awesome, it's not really conversation per se. having adventures is grand- once or twice a month find somewhere you both want to visit- zoo, discovery museum, hiking trail, swimming lake- and spend a day hanging out together. board games or simple card games are a blast with kids this age. if you've got a mutual interest, schedule time to dig into to it together. my kids weren't super-stoked about horseback riding (to my sorrow) but they did enjoy an occasional ride together. i'm not a big ball person, but i'd play t-ball or basketball with them for half an hour. or frisbee golf. or hula hoops. or bike rides.
10 or 15 minute increments aren't bad either. if you say upfront 'i've got to do laundry in a bit here, but let's go for a ride around the neighborhood first, then you'll play in the yard on your own' then everyone knows the time parameters and all is well.
but for really getting into the deep, amazing, lifelong heart connection conversations, you just can't beat the car. i don't know what it is about cars that helps kids open up. i swear 90% of our effective homeschooling happened because of all the endless driving it forced me to do!
khairete
S.

Board games are a great way to connect with kids. Also turning off the tv and having him help with dinner would be great. Kids love to help out and conversation is easier when you are both working on a task.

Every night I used to read a story or two from the Chicken Soup for the Kids Soul book. The stories are so touching and I really think it helps kids develop empathy towards others. The best thing though was that it opened up great dialogue between us.

I always found dinner time to be some what hectic. Reading these stories before bedtime when we were both relaxed and winding down was such a fabulous way to end the day and I feel I really got to know my daughter through our conversations.

Of course you get bored playing with him, you're an adult not a six year old boy.
Bring him into your world. Invite him to help you prepare dinner, kids LOVE working in the kitchen. Do you garden or do home improvement type stuff? Kids love that too.
Basically your son is still young enough to get exited about just being with you so take advantage of it.
You can also keep doing the usual mom stuff, read to him, take him places, include him on shopping trips, stuff like that.

At six, he doesn't need or really want you to play with him - he wants to act out his own imagination.
He's supposed to be distancing himself from you at this age.
Asking him to deconstruct his day is a bit much. If something that he considers earth-shattering happens, he will tell you about it. Otherwise, kids that age, boys in particular, just aren't big on small talk.

You received a ton of great "play" suggestions already.

When I have a lot of "grown up" chores and don't have time to play, I try to figure out ways to include my kids in what I have to get done:

If you're fixing dinner: My kids set the table. They sit at the counter and snack on veggies or cheese while I cook or they "help" me write a grocery list or to do list. They'll do homework or I'll quiz them on spelling words.

If your cleaning: give him his own broom/dustpan or let him use the vacuum - let go of a "perfect" job and let him help. Take masking tape and tape a square on the kitchen floor. Give your son a small broom and say all the dirt needs to be in the square. My 5 year old boy loves this.

My 7 year old loves to help put things in their proper place. I keep a laundry basket of "things that belong elsewhere":toys, clothes, extra supplies for the upstairs bathroom etc. and he loves emptying the basket.

If you're doing laundry: dump all dirty laundry on the floor- let him play in "the mountain", bury him, pretend you can't see him, etc. then line up the empty laundry baskets and sort laundry by throwing items into the baskets.
It's like basketball, but you're really doing laundry.

There will always be chores that need to be done. And kids simply want to be with you. Instead of having him watch TV while you get stuff done, include him. Doing work together will get those conversations happening.

Best,
T. Y

Shut down TV and electronics. Board games, card games, playing ball outside, cooking, going in long walk, take him for ice cream etc eyc. You will reconnect!

My big connection time was in the car (no movies) when we talked or sang. And of course, there was book reading before bedtime. I also started bedtime around 8:00 and we'd do teeth brushing, pj's and quiet time in their room together. And then the books. We both liked this part.

I enjoyed watching my sons build with legos and train tracks and the like. They created a "universe" and storyline with it. It was great. I didn't so much listen to their story as I watched them physically build it. That was my way of "playing". They liked that I was available to talk to, and to show off their work in front of. I didn't stay the whole time, but I let them know that it was important to me by spending a little bit of time with them. But I had other things to do and they got used to that. It's okay for you to come and go...

Mine all got to a stage where they pulled away a bit around that age - I think it's natural and they don't need their moms quite as much. They don't need to run and tell us everything.

I have things I do with each of my kids - crafts, baking, gardening, watching a show that we both like together, walks, etc.

Moms mentioned all the other ways - games, etc. Like Mamazita's answer very much - that's kind of how it is at our house.

Mostly I'm just available. If my kids need me, I put down what I'm doing. If they need to talk, I make myself available.

Good luck :)

It's ok to get bored sometimes, just mix things up.
Let him know you'll play for 15 mins but then you need to start dinner or do
some housework.
Things I do to "play" w/my youngest: superheroes, board games, bike riding, hiking, an occasional video game.
I'm more into going places. I take him to the library, outdoor malls, community
events, at Christmas time we drive around to look at lights, go somewhere to have hot cocoa & cookies, parks, fairs etc.
I read up on asking kids about their day at school. They say to steer away from very "common" quetions like "What did you do today?". Instead ask very
specific questions like "Who did you play w/at recess?", "What was the most fun part of your day?" "What was the funniest thing someone did in class?"
etc.
Take him to outdoor malls.
Set up playdates at the park w/classmates.
Look for community events in your area.
Take him for swimming lessons.
Get down on the floor & play cars, build blocks.

Updated

It's ok to get bored sometimes, just mix things up.
Let him know you'll play for 15 mins but then you need to start dinner or do
some housework.
Things I do to "play" w/my youngest: superheroes, board games, bike riding, hiking, an occasional video game.
I'm more into going places. I take him to the library, outdoor malls, community
events, at Christmas time we drive around to look at lights, go somewhere to have hot cocoa & cookies, parks, fairs etc.
I read up on asking kids about their day at school. They say to steer away from very "common" quetions like "What did you do today?". Instead ask very
specific questions like "Who did you play w/at recess?", "What was the most fun part of your day?" "What was the funniest thing someone did in class?"
etc.
Take him to outdoor malls.
Set up playdates at the park w/classmates.
Look for community events in your area.
Take him for swimming lessons.
Get down on the floor & play cars, build blocks.

Find an activity that you both enjoy doing together. My boys and I connect when we go to the zoo, go hiking, canoeing, bowling, mini-golfing or watching horror movies together (and discussing the movie afterwards).

Let me first start by saying that I have not read any of the other comments so forgive me if this has already been stated. I am a mother to three kids and I feel closer one than the other all the time. It changes like the seasons so I feel like it's balanced. I have learned that you have to find that one thing that you both enjoy to connect on. My oldest is drawing/arts/crafts etc. My son the middle is ice skating, mini golf, and sometimes it's as simple as alone time with each of us reading our own book. My youngest is, hands down, board games. They all like cooking. I will say I tell my kids "I do NOT like video games and I will NOT do it but it' okay that you do." I don't thnk you should feel bad about the super hero thing. My kids are ok with the fact that I could careless and my eyes glaze over when the topic turns to Minecraft. haha There are times that my kids are changing (and maybe I am too) so we are not that close anymore. Unfortunately, parenting isn't as easy as we like and our children are human not robots so we can't expect to always connect with them the way you see it on t.v. You're doing great, Mom. Maybe ask him if he would enjoy and dinner and movie date with you once a month. Then you can talk about all that kid stuff at dinner and then enjoy a nice movie where you can quietly enjoy mommy/son time. I have a feeling he would love that and look forward to it. Again remember you are doing a wonderful job and that you are doing the best you can.

Every now and then, I have a no electronics day with my boys. No iPod, no Wii, no TV, computer - and this means me too - no TV for me, checking email, no MamaPedia :)

At first everyone goes through a little withdrawl :) Then we all have fun for the day. It's amazing how much time we have to play and connect when we all put away the distractions.

To get away from the endless Ninjas, etc, we take turns choosing what to do (2 boys and me). We agree at the start to play each person's activity for at least a little while before moving to the next thing.

We don't do this often (every few months) because we often have so much stuff going on. But it is fun.

I feel the same way about my first grader. I blame it on school. I'm thinking of home schooling so I can have her back.

Sometimes I feel like that, he's playing video games and I'm working on my computer. My son and I do "drag out" the bedtime routine when we can. We stop TV electronics an hour before bedtime, after a shower we read or chat on my bed, then chat some more in his bed. We ask each other what was the best and worst part of your day? This gets him talking so much more than what did you do at school today or other questions I've tried. We take turns saying prayers that express our gratitude for the blessings in our lives.

My son went through a similar stage last year (age 5-6).

I started asking him more open ended questions that forced the conversation (very similar to my students at school). Example at dinner we all go around in a circle and talk about our days, but instead of just asking best and worst parts, we will start with "Did you have a thumb's up or thumb's down day". Then once that response is there we will ask what was the most thumb's up part and what was the most thumb's down part. If either child said "I don't know" we responded "Well, think about it and we will come back to you" and we went on to the next family member, and then went back. It was a bit forced at first, but now most dinner conversations are awesome - it seriously is one of my favorite parts of the day.

As far as connecting - I couldn't stand playing super heroes with my son, just not something I was personally into, so we have found ways to connect with things we both like. We draw (he will pick a topic and we both draw our own version of it), we color together, we pull weeds in the garden, go on scavenger hunt walks, or read chapters in his books together (he is currently in a Boxcar Children book phase, which I LOVE). He still does playtime on his own or with his sister, but we have our ways of connecting and having fun together too. Find something you both enjoy and go from there.

Lastly, remember that as many things often do, this too shall pass. :)

all kids are different. 6 is an age where some little boys are getting more independent, but mine (who is now 8) is still pretty affectionate and we are still close. So don't worry about what other people tell you he "should" be doing. There's no reason a son and a mom can't be close.

One thing I can suggest is, make bedtime a special time. I'm not one for dragging out bedtime routines forever and a day (which can be especially hard if you have other kids) but for us it is a great way to connect for a few minutes. we say a prayer, I tuck him in, give kisses and hugs, and then we talk about anything. I try to keep it to about 10-15 minutes each night (although we do a lot of talking in the car and at other times too because I'm a single mom of an only). Anyway that is a nice way to give him undivided attention and kids need that sometimes.

Another idea might be to get him to help you in the kitchen. I fall into the "electronics trap" too at times, it is too easy when there is not an adult available to monitor and "oh well, he's ready 10 minutes early," etc etc to hand him the tablet...but I think any time you can eliminate electronics is a good thing.

I had another idea, and that is to do "mommy and me" dates. I know it's hard with so much going on but my son and I love doing this. It is a great way to get one-on-one time without interruptions. Even if it's once every few months.

Good luck!

You're not his playmate. You connect with him by doing things with him now. He's school age and it's time for him to start doing stuff with his peers and turning to you when he needs your help in some way.