My 7 Year Old Boy Is Very Distant from Me Is This Normal?

The TV and computer have to go. My daughter can not have either in her room because I know I will never see her. Since are in a new town join the Y and sign him up for sports. Maybe he can meet friends that way.

He may be feeling anxiety from having a stepdad, a new baby and moving away from his old home. Try to get him involved in something that will get him away from the TV and computer. Good Luck!!

Family time, when there's an infant, is often not "family time", but "make the baby laugh" time, or "get the baby to stop crying" time, or "feed the baby" time. It's not interesting to a 7 year old sibling.

So I'd encourage you and/or his stepfather to have some "7 year old boy" time. Go to a batting cage, ride a bike, play miniature golf, play a cool board game: something that isn't a movie or tv. Make sure it focuses on his interests, not yours. Try to do this once every week or two. Hire a pre-teen or young teen neighbor to watch the baby if you're doing something at home. If you're staying at home, that's a great time to hire a kid who might be a little young to babysit alone, but is old enough to be a mother's helper while the family is at home; let the mother's helper entertain the baby or rock the baby, right in the next room so you're aware of what's going on and available if there's a concern. Then find a qualified babysitter for the outdoor adventures. Use something like care.com or a reliable resource.

Find out what his interests are (computers, superheroes, Harry Potter?) and find a cool new book and read it with him. Even if you don't understand it or aren't familiar with it, enjoy his interests. Ask him about the superhero, or build a complicated Lego set with him.

well, your main problem is right there. if you invite him to isolate himself by having electronics in his bedroom, he's got a perfect out, doesn't he?
my kids had tvs in their rooms when they were old enough to buy them for themselves.
i'm really glad you're aware and concerned about the distance. i love that you are looking for ways to bring him into the warm center of the family.
think less about 'inviting' him (which opens the door to his courteous decline) and more about 'we're going to play monopoly tonight after the baby's in bed! do you want the race car or the shoe?'
i hope his stepfather is actively working on this as well. do they have one on one time? does he take him out for burgers, play catch with him, take him on hikes?
a 4 month old is very time consuming, but you also need to make one one one time for your son.
and if you're in a new city, you've got ready-made family time right there. a walk in the park after dinner, exploring the children's museums and art centers on weekends, going to plays and sports events and carnivals. get a sitter from time to time and focus just on your son.
you can fix this, mama!
khairete
S.

He's reacting to the changes in his life, which is totally normal of him, but not healthy.

Get the TV out of his room, yesterday. Make sure that you have an inviting family space for him where the TV, a game console (if you have one), books, puzzles, and toys are. This is where he should be spending his time at home unless he needs a quiet space away from the baby to do homework, read, or build things like race tracks or complex Legos that he shouldn't have to put away when he's done playing. But by default, you should be spending time in the same physical space. Be sure to engage him - if he's playing a video game, sit with him and let him tell you about it or teach you how to play. Turn off the TV and play a game. Go to a park, or ride bikes, or play whatever sport he likes with him (and your husband should do this too). Get him enrolled in sports or scouts or something so that he can make friends and have friends over, and you or your husband can take them to the park or plan something fun for at home.

It'll take some time for you all to adjust - a move, a new baby, and a blended family are big transitions. But take the TV out of his room - it's a bad idea to begin with, and just gives him the chance to isolate himself.

First, I would take the tv out of his room. Tv can be in the family room for family time and you can monitor what he is watching.

Second, instead of asking, just say something like tonight is family game night. Have a great day at school! Don't make family time optional, but make it fun.

Third, get out and explore your neighborhood together so he starts to feel more at home.

Lastly, nurture new friendships. Invite kids over or for outings.

Good luck!

First - take the tv (computer, tablet, cell phone, what ever device he connects to the internet) out of his room.
Second - 7 yr olds are so not interested in newborns - don't force them to be together or to make him responsible for his younger sibling - the age gap is large enough they may never have much in common.
Third - try to get as much one on one time with him as you can.
Leave the baby home with Dad and take the 7 yr old out with you, read to/with your 7 yr old, etc.
Babies are notorious attention suckers - make sure you have some for your older baby - he still needs you.
If/when relatives are all about "Oh how's the baby doing?" say
"Just fine! And Mikey is being a great big brother and doing so well in school".
Don't allow conversations to exclude him - he's not chopped liver.
Compliment him on things he does well.

A 7 year old should not have a TV or a computer in his room. It's totally tempting to hole up in there and be anti-social. TV is a family thing and a public thing - you need to know what he's watching, and you can participate in it that way.

It's normal for 7 year olds (or any older sibling) to retire from the baby chaos that surrounds any newborn/infant. How long has his stepfather been in the picture? Are they still getting into a routine, and now there's a baby in the mix? Is his father in the picture? If so, did you move farther away and now visitation is more difficult? It's not an excuse for him to check out, but it can be an explanation. Get to the bottom of it - you have to build a family here.

Stop "inviting" him to participate because that means he can decline. It's better to say, "Grab your coat, we're heading out" and go do something fun. What's in your city? A zoo or children's museum, a children's wing of a library, a nature trail? Go learn about your new area! Do some things as a family that are more for his age, and just take the baby along. Find out if there's a set of passes at the library that allow you to attend events/attractions for free or a reduced cost. Are you a member of AAA? They often have coupons and suggestions and a guidebook to area venues.

Has he made friends at his new school? Can you invite one of them to come along with you? Can you schedule play dates? The happier he is with his life and his surroundings, the happier he will be with you.

Call the high school or a local college, or the local agency that runs a Red Cross babysitting course and see if you can find a babysitter (perhaps a "graduate" from a few years ago since you have an infant). Have a new sitter come once or twice while you are home, and then venture out leaving the baby at home, so you can do things with just him and his stepfather, or leave stepdad home with the baby and take off for a mom-kid date.

But it's also normal for kids to become a little more independent and do things with friends. You may also be feeling a little nostalgic about your times with just him, as you are also adjusting to having a baby who, no matter how much you love her, cramps your style and kind of controls the schedule. See if you can break out of that.

Maybe don't have a tv in his room for him to retreat to?

You cannot ask him and take no for an answer! He is only 7 and you are the one who sets his reality and what is expected of him every evening....you are the one who is teaching him what family time is all about. I feel very strongly here that children should never have a TV in their room. I think you need to make the TV disappear. Tell him from now on you are having family time after dinner. He can watch some TV while you are cooking dinner if he likes. After dinner is homework, bath time, and hanging out as a family. Put out board games, cards, and other fun stuff where he can see or easily find it and prepare to sit with him on the floor and be silly with him. Pretend together. Build a fort. Praise his excellent building skills. Make cookies together. Play trains or cars...make roads on paper or put together hot wheels tracks. Whatever he enjoys. My kids and I like to do a puzzle together sometimes. We like to do joint drawings...one of us does one part then we pass the paper. We keep passing it around until we all decide it is done. Please make some changes in your family. It is very sad that you allow a 7 year old to make these kinds of decisions. I'm sure it makes your life easier some nights and so you just sort of let things slide. But to be a family you need to be bonded...you need to enjoy each other, laugh together and talk. Some nights, sure, pick a family movie to watch together and sit together snuggling on the couch eating popcorn. Most nights you should actually spend time together. My 7 year old loves building forts, taking a box and making a "house" or "car" out of it, being chased (this is the favorite), playing hide and seek, playing ping pong (we have a cheap table top ping pong set and we play on the floor in the hallway almost nightly), playing cards, and games like Mancala, Life, Othello, and Sorry. Play darts. Play nerf gun war. Play doorway basketball with one of those tiny basketball hoops. Make up a game where the floor is lava. Make an obstacle course. Play Uno. Play red light green light or Simon Says. My 7 year old also likes to use the rainbow loom to make bracelets (my son used to love this when he was younger also), sewing (very simple things), felt needling (to make little animals and things), and art. Sometimes I will make a huge batch of homemade play doh and that is a big hit. Or a batch of "gak" which is also a big hit. Get creative mama! My son was 6 when my daughter was 4 months old...I still made time to do things with him. You can do it! (PS - Boys get sucked into screens much more easier than girls in my opinion. It is very hard for them to tear themselves away once they start. If you take the TV out of his room this will solve this problem easily. Having a no TV after dinner rule will give you and entirely different kid. It's good to be bored! That is when you can get creative and start being silly.)

No, this isn't normal. Either you have taught your son to prefer the TV to you by putting one in his room and having one going in the family room a lot, or your son has some issues.

You need to get the TV out of his room. He won't like it, but it has to be done. You need to turn the TV off except for short times during the day in which the family sits down and watches together. And only after he has done his chores and homework and sat with the family for dinner should you all be watching TV.

Do not relent. Do not argue. Tell him that you have made the decision to only watch V together and only for "x" amount of time. Stick to your guns.

You allowed this to happen over time, and it will take time for him to get over it. He will experience withdrawal because this is his "go-to".

You may need to ask your ped for counseling if he is terribly difficult with you or if he still is distant.

You invite your 7-year-old for family time "but he nicely declines".

People will differ on their opinions of what age under 18 might be okay to "decline" family time, but I doubt that anyone on here thinks that is okay for a 7-year-old!!

Tell him tonight is family night. Game night, movie night, restaurant night, etc. It's a statement, not a question. No declining allowed. Build a foundation now of family time being a normal part of his life, so that you will not have an even tougher battle with this during his teen years.

ETA: Great SWH! Congratulations! Enjoy the puzzles! Take photos to remember these fun times together. (There are companies that will also turn your photos into puzzles, if you ever want to do that.)

Simple. Take the TV out of his room. A 7 year old should not have his own TV, but should be watching TV in a family area, like the living room.

There's no way I would have allowed my children to have a TV or computer in their rooms at that age.

Designate the hours between breakfast and dinner as "no electronics time". That means no TV, Wii/X-box/handheld games/cell phones. Most importantly - that means everyone, including you and his stepdad. Once that option is removed, you'll be amazed at how interactive kids become. It also means that the parents are not so distracted, which makes a huge difference in terms of how parents interact with their kids.

ETA: You can even jump start it with a no-electronics binge. Sometimes, when we are really crazying with commitments, and I feel like my family is losing touch with each other, we will have a no-electronics day. All day, from wake-up until bedtime, no electronics for anyone (music is ok). My kids moan and roll their eyes when I tell them, but inevitable we have a really fun day. And when I ask them at bedtime if they are glad we did it, they ALWAYS say yes. I realize this might be harder to do when they are teens, but right now your son is the perfect age for this.

No, he isn't allowed to withdraw and not be part of the family.

Here is what I'd do. I'd plan game time or family activity time after dinner for an hour. He is not allowed to say no BUT he can say can we do it at 7 instead of 6:30 or something like that. Unless he can DVR his shows. Then he's not missing anything.

As you force him to interact with the family in a fun way he will remember it and then start liking it. NO electronics when doing a family thing. Not in the vehicle while driving there or during the activity. Only people having fun. Now if the trip there takes some time you could let him do something electronic on the road, we have a DVD player in every vehicle so we'd have a movie in for both to see.

Some other ideas are to go to the park as a whole family. Go to the store together. Whole family, dad, baby, him, and mom. This way he can't stay at home. No parents at home so he has to go.

If you can't figure out anything to do as a family you can google family fun night or family home evening or family activities. Family home evening will have some religious content ideas in there but the LDS church has a high focus on the family doing things together so if you're not interested in the faith part of it you can still get a ton of ideas for activities and other things.

Get him engaged. Only a little bit of time each day, maybe even 3 evenings per week. Then go do something on a day off. A picnic in the park with ball gloves for playing catch or a soccer ball to kick around or a kite to fly. Go to the zoo, the aquarium, an amusement park, anything that puts you together as a unit and takes you away from the home.