Feeling Guilty About Switching to Formula

Hi,

Due to PPD, I had gone from breastfeeding to formula sooner too (after 3 mos for me) and I felt bad. Formuala fed babies are fine. She is 18 mos old and you would never know the difference. You have to do what's best for you. I also was going back to work.

D.

Rachel,

I can sympathize with you. I have a 2 1/2 year old girl and I am a single mom. I had to decide in the hospital when she was born not to breast feed. I tried but for some reason it did not work for me. I went through the feelings of not being a "Good" mom because I did not breast feed, but it was the best decision for her. He will be just as healthy and well off as if you did breast feed him. That will still be a very special time between you and him (he won't know the difference) and the bond between you will be just as strong. Just love him to pieces (with a bottle). Good Luck!!!

Rachel...

You shouldn't be feeling so guilty and hard on yourself. I felt bad as well but couldn't imagine juggling it all when I returned to work. I read and was told that the first two months are the best to breast feed. That is when they receive all the benefits it has to offer so you gave him what he needed. The only thing I am wondering is why you choose Soy Formula after breast feeding? Is he sensitive to regular formula... I too tried Soy but then was told by my Dr. its not the best alternative.
Again... don't feel so guilty - your son has received what he needed when it comes to breast feeding.

Take care,

Breathe deeply and say to yourself: “Rachael you stopped breastfeeding earlier than planned and may be you were a little selfish doing so, but you know what? I forgive you. I forgive you and set you free.”

You can do this in front of the mirror, if it helps, or do it daily until you feel forgiven and free of guilt.

R., no one is superwoman. Even if you could have put more effort –and you said you did not have the resources- we cannot change the past, let it go.

Do the best you can for your baby now.

Neither one of my kids would breastfeed. So I haven't been in your position but I do understand a bit. I never breastfed because my first was born via emergency c-section so I was in way to much pain and my second had health issues that prevented it. I still feel guilty about not breastfeeding and they are 2 and 4.
I will say to you what my aunt said to me. Do you hold him everyday, do you worry about him when your away then the heck with everything else your doing okay. It's corny I know but it kind of made me feel better. It made me realize we can only do what we can do and if were to stressed to enjoy our children then they miss out on alot more than the benefits of breast milk. Message me if you want to talk.

Have you thought about pumping. I am also a full-time mommy and full-time employee. Your work has to supply you with a place that you can pump in private that isn't a bathroom. I stayed home with my son until he was 12 wks then I went back to work full-time. I had set my body up before I came back so that I only had to pump at lunch time. Then I continued to breast feed him while I was with him. I only pumped for about 3 mos. Because the pump (in my case) didn't pump as well as my son nursed and I was pumping less and less. So I stopped pumping when he was about 6 mos. But I continued to breast feed him until he was 9 mos (he got teeth and wouldn't stop biting me, so I stopped). Your body will adjust to what and when it's needed. I never got engorged and had no problems. My son wasn't hungry, at least not anymore then a regular breastfed baby. I would only nurse him at night when I was home from work and on the weekends or on my days off. Your body works up a rhythm and it really becomes supply and demand. You don't have to give up nursing because you went back to work. I didn't.

I had the same feelings as you. When my first son was born he was a preemie and so I tried my hardest to help him grow up healthy, I thought that breastfeeding was best but for his first three months he wasn't gaining any weight, we started supplementing him with formula and he started growing. It really broke my heart that I wasn't able keep him healthy, but I thought that even if I couldn't do it, the formula would.

With my second child I had lost a lot of blood and had to have a blood transfusion which delayed the production of my milk, I tried to get him to feed but he didn't want to, and without him trying I wasn't going to make anything. he was already a healthy 9 lb baby, so I tried not to let it bother me. Of course I felt guilty, but it only lasted about 3 weeks.

If you still want to breastfeed, get a pump that you can take to work. You can schedule pumping on your breaks, or when you take a bathroom break. Employers have to allow it.

I don't know if I have advice, but I can sympathize. I was looking forward to breastfeeding for a full year, and it was the one issue I felt really strongly about. I only ended up doing it for three months, because I got sick and had to go on medication which hadn't been tested on nursing women right about the time I went back to work. It was so upsetting. Everywhere I looked I saw ads and articles advocating breastfeeding and I would start crying! All I can say is that I got over it within a few months. To make myself feel better I'd indulge in something I wouldn't have had if I had been nursing still--wine, coffee, a cocktail. The guilt was tough, though! Yes, breastmilk is better, but the formula available now is very good. Every mother I know stopped or at least supplemented when she went back to work. There is simply nothing else to do--let yourself off the hook.

Don't feel guilty because you decided to stop breast feeding your son before you planned on it. I have two girls one who is 3 and the other is 7 months and I didn't breast feed either one of them and they are both healthy. I have a very strong bond with my 3 year old that you would never know that she wasn't breast fed, the same bond is forming with my 7 month old. As long as you hold him and tell him you love him as often as you can it shouldn't matter weather you breast fed or not. He will be just as healthy either way.

Don't stress out about it!!! I only breast fed my son for 3mths. Breastfeeding is very demanding, you have to have alot of support and time. Don't waste time feeling guilty about this. FYI this will not be the first time you little will make you feel this way! As long as you do your best in raising and caring for him. Whats more important is your relationship with your son!

don't feel guilty about switching, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty either. every mom is different, every mom's preference and situation is different. you doing 2 months of breasfeeding is good, thats 2 months longer than i could do it with both of my kids. i only wish i could have done it that long :) good luck, and i know how it feels to be a single mom hunny. have a great one :)

I konw how you feel. I did have intentions on breast feeding, but ended up having an emergency c-section. I ended up not producing as much milk for some reason. I did my best and tried pumping as much as i could, but i just couldn't keep up with him! i was so upset that i used to cry, because i felt like i was letting my husband and my baby down. My advice to you, is please don't beat yourself up over it. As long as your baby is eating what you give him and healthy, don't worry about it. Some formulas are just as good as breast milk. And my child is just as happy and healthy as any child i've seen that has been breast fed. so just enjoy him, and don't sweat the other stuff

I know how you feel. I recently had to start supplementing with formula myself. My daughter sucks me dry! I feel sad when I look at her with the bottle in her mouth when I know she wants my breast. I also feel that I'm not giving her enough, like there's something wrong. I'm thinking of switching over when I go back to work too, but I'm not sure yet I do enjoy breastfeeding a lot. I was formula fed, and so were all my brothers and my sister, and we're all healthy adults (and teenagers my 2 youngest brothers are 17 & 14). Don't stress about it, as long as your little guy is happy. I give you props, I can't imagine going it alone with my baby that young! My oldest was almost 18 months when me & my ex split up and that was bad enough!

You really should feel proud of yourself for even giving breastfeeding a try. Remember that your baby needs you in more ways than one. The first few weeks are so important and u were able to provide him the nutrients he needed not to mention those 9mo's he was in your belly. But he also needs to have a happy and alert mommy. Only u know how much u can handle and I know how much energy u need to breastfeed. So you are definitely doing the right thing. They now make such good formulas and they are very close to the nutrients found in breastmilk. Your son will never grow up and question u on breastfeeding but he will remember the mommy who worked hard to take care of him and the mommy who nurtured him with lots of love and attention.

Hi R.~ I understand going back to work and leaving your baby. I recently did it myself. I have you given any thought about cutting down on the breastfeeding instead of completely stopping it? Maybe breastfeed in the morning before work and at night before bedtime. During the day you could pump and use it the next day instead of using formula the whole day. Good luck!

Hi R.:

Good for you to breastfeed - any breastmilk is better than none. I admire that you have a full time job and take care of a baby boy and still wanting to breastfeed.

As for breastfeeding, you don't have to stop totally if YOU don't want to. There are several things you can do. You can pump breastmilk and give it to him in a bottle - or just breastfeed him when you are home and give him formula when he is in day care.

If you want some breastfeeding advice and support, check out La Leche League at http://www.lalecheleague.org - they have lots of advice and monthly meetings. The local leaders are usually ready to drop everything and come to your aid if there are breastfeeding problems - even in the middle of the night (in that case they drop out of bed ;-).

Yoy are doing everything to have a happy healthy baby with a happy and healthy mom - breastfeeding or not. Good luck with all the juggling...

N.
(who breastfed my two kids too)

Your baby got he best for 2 months. You should feel like a goddess. Only you could give that precious milk to your baby and you did it!!!
S., Lactation consultant

Hi R.,

I'm the mother of 2 boys, ages 3 and 5. My intentions were to breastfeed both however had a host of problems with my oldest. He struggled from birth with latching on and did something weird with his mouth which left me in a whole lot of pain. I also found myself very uncoordinated and could not get him to latch on without my husband's help. It got so painful on the fourth day that I was crying and dreading every time I had to nurse him. It was my husband and mother who finally said to stop trying and feed him formula. Once I got over the immense guilt I felt, I found I loved the freedom of bottle feeding. Then with my second I decided to formula feed from the beginning being that I had a 3 year old at home and very little help during the day. I know the decision to switch to bottles is a difficult one but hopefully your guilt will pass once he adjusts and you see how happy he remains, despite the switch.

Hi R., I really identify with you. My daughter is 2 now but I planned on breastfeeding for a year and was only able to do it for 3 months. She was a preemie and in the hospital for the first 10 weeks, during which time I pumped every 3 hours and froze the milk (she was even getting it through a feeding tube when she was too little to suck a bottle). By the time she came home she was still really small and unable to be put to breast but I kept pumping, even though my supply was dwindling. Then I went back to work and still tried to pump but there came a point when it was taking too much of my energy. It was a difficult decision to make but it gave me more energy to devote to my daughter. I felt so guilty that I think I cried for 2 weeks straight but my mom kept telling me to feel great about the 3 months worth of breast milk I was able to give her and that helped. Every bit does make a difference so give yourself a pat on the back for your efforts. When your baby is older you will realize you made the best decision for both of you. Sometimes the way they need us isn't the same way we planned on being there for them. Congratulations on the birth of your son!

R.,

I'm sorry that you were not able to nurse as long as you wanted to. I can certainly see why you made the decision you did. While I did nurse the whole way, I am a SAHM. There's no way I would have made it having to pump at work and carry it home, worry about storage, all that stuff while working. I'd have done the same thing too.

Sometimes in life our circumstances determine our choices, and the perfect ideal in our mind just isn't practical in our life. Is your baby growing and thriving? I bet he is. If you're worried about how the change will affect him, try to be mindful of feeding time when you are together. In the evenings and on weekends, don't prop him with a bottle, hold him close, sing to him and smile, all the things you'd be doing if he was nursing. He's soaking up your love and attention along with what's in that bottle, so make sure what he's getting on that side is premium quality Mommy time.

R., formula isn't poison. He's going to be just fine, and so are you. As you go along the next few years, you're going to find so many things to feel guilty about, you won't be able to keep track of them all. Raise your son the very best you can, and be proud of being the greatest Mommy you can make yourself be. around every turn we all see things we wish we could do for our kids, and for whatever reason, can't. Walk by those. Keep looking at that beautiful boy, and all the things you two are doing right together.

Jess

Hi R.,
I have an 18 month old baby girl, and when I had her, I wanted to breast feed only. Unfortunately, I have closed ducts, and the milk could not come out. By the 3rd day she was born, she had to eat, so I had no other choice than to put her on formula. I felt horrible, because of this, but like I said; I had no choice. I had her on formula until she was 9 months. The pediatricians will tell you to go to the year, which I would have, but one morning, as I was preparing my baby's bottle, I got a gut feeling that something was wrong. This gut feeling was so strong, that I didn't give the bottle to my baby girl. Instead, I got online, and started to research each ingredient the formula had. I checked for the side effects, and let me tell you, my daughter never drank formula again. All the closed containers I had, I took back to the store and exchanged them for organic milk. I don't want to scare you, but to at least suggest that you find out what is in that formula. First find out what it is you are giving your baby. Once you know, and are 100% sure that is safe, then feel free to give it. My advise is that if you are able to breast feed, do so. Avent sales a manual pump that you can take to work with you, and every hour or two you can step into the bathroom, and get milk out for your baby. Breast milk doesn't go bad for a long time, but if you feel worried that it could go bad, just keep a small cooler in your car. Always go for what is best for your baby, even if it gets inconvenient for you. Now, if you think you made the right choice, then there is nothing you should worry about.
- Good luck!
PS- A great alternative to breast milk is Goats milk. - you can find organic goats milk formula at a health food store.

Hi Rachel. Don't feel guilty. I know that's easier said than done. I have three children and each time I stopped breastfeeding I had the same feelings you are having. Breastfeeding is a tough thing for most women, even if it comes naturally like it did for me. It takes a lot out of you physically, mentally & emotionally. Even though I felt bad about not breastfeeding any more, I felt better because I felt like my children actually had ME back. I am at my fullest when I am not breastfeeding. I'm not so tired and I am definatley not as scatter brained. :) Don't beat yourself up about it. After I had my son (almost 8 years ago) I began stressing so much about going back to work, that I too had to stop nursing when he was about 2 months old. Beleive me, most babies don't care what you are giving them, or where it comes from, just as long as they get fed. As mothers, we put so much stress and guilt on ourselves. I hope this has a helped a little. Feel free to contact me if you need anything else.

:)

Hi Rachel (and all else here!)-
(My apologies for how long this may turn out LOL!) I know that your posting is from three years ago but I am new to this thread and website today after doing Google searches regarding this situation (switching from BF'ing to formula/bottles).
I am on baby #2 now; she is 6.5 months of age and I have been nursing (and pumping at work) exclusively for this time. This whole situation has been new for me as with my first child (age 7) I did not breastfeed. When I had my son I had just turned 20 years and did not fully understand everything BF'ing entailed (the bond, the nutrients, etc.) so I chose to bottle feed from the beginning. At the time (until last year when I met my now-husband) I was a single mother doing all of this on my own (with my family living in GA while I was in FL), so choosing to bottle feed helped in my situation as well.
BF'ing has been wonderful! My daughter's very first feeding was about 15 minutes after she was born (delivered via c-section [planned] as was my first born [not planned, emergency delivery) and she latched on and nursed for 30 solid, blissful minutes. I was attached at that very moment to the bond. Now, after this time in the hospital it was very hard. When I thought she was latching on, she wasn't and she began to cough and/or burp up blood and at the time I didn't realize it was not due to her health, but because of her latching difficulty. I struggled with this and with different positions and with sore and cracked nipples but I made it through, as my husband likes to refer to as a "glorious champion!" I have continued to nurse and struggle through the WORKS: Thrush, multiple cases of Mastitis, the biggest stressers I have ever encountered in my life and so much more than I ever imagined I would have to deal with, and have managed to nurse throughout the time.
NOW... six and a half months later I have reached my end (emotionally, mentally and physically). I have reached a point where I just can't handle the part-time job it requires to be a breastfeeding mother working full-time/long, hellish hours at work. Not to mention that my most recent case of Mastitis sucked the life out of me and my mind; and, I feel as though my entire free time at home during the evenings and weekends with my family is almost non-existent due to my pumping and nursing attempts (my daughter does not enjoy nursing as much anymore and I consider myself blessed if she nurses for 4-solid minutes at a time). With my stressers in life I have encountered I know it has also taken a toll on the nursing / supply & demand relationship as well (even with the advised oatmeal, Fenugreek, etc.). All of this being said, after long discussions and crying episodes (more like weeping uncontrollably!), my husband and I have chosen to wean our daughter to formula; the same formula I used with my son seven years ago (just to be consistent and "equal" at least in some way where feeding is concerned).
Since deciding this I have been an emotional WRECK! The feeling of guilt has consumed my thoughts for the last 24 hours even though this decision was the best choice for myself, my family, my job/work productivity and our lives. It has made me feel like less of a mother regardless of my first child having not been breastfed at all. Sheesh!
Having found this specific thread (and comments included) has been so helpful for me and oddly enough has given me a good sense of security in my decision and because of that, I wanted to say THANKS to all of you and your comments. It feels good to know that I am not the only woman feeling this way/has felt this way.

I can't help but just wanted to say that your son was born 1 day before my daughter