Feeling Gulity About Son Not Having Many People in His Life

Hi K.,

I am 29yrs old and I am a single Mom. I wanted to email you and let you know my thoughts on your situation. I am a big fan of being a stay at home mom and if you have the opportunity to do so I would try and take advantage of that. Although in my situation, I have to work. My bodd was gracious enough to allow my son to come to work with me. I work at a small motor shop so it was not to much of an inconvienience at first. The older my son got the more difficult it got to have him here with me at my office. I realized the interferrence and decided to put him in a home daycare with someone that me and my family new. I wanted to be absolutey sure of the whole trust factor. He has now been in daycare for about 2 months and I have to say he is so much more happy to be around other people, other kids. He is able to play and interact way more than he was doing being stuck with me 24/7. Maybe you should consider only a few days a week or a couple of hours a day. I hope this has helped you and I am happy to give any advice. I hope that everything works out for you and you son. - P.

Children definitely need to interact with other kids and people to develop better social skills. Plus, it helps them to be more outgoing and they learn a lot from other kids. I wish I could stay at home with my daughter but unfortunately I can't due to financial reasons. The one thing that has helped is when I see how happy my daughter is playing with other kids and she has friends. She is only 18 mths old but they do stuff with her in her daycare that I would have never thought about. She paints, plays dress up, learns sign language etc. I think you should consider a few alternatives like putting him in daycare 1-2 days a week or signing him up for a class. I took my daughter to Gymboree for a few months and she loved it. It gave us quality time together plus she was interacting with other kids her age and teachers. They do a lot of activities with the children that you wouldn't think of or don’t have the resources to buy the equipment for. I also take my daugther to story time and swim lessons. If you have limited resources then consider a story time or other activities where you can get together with other kids. I think it is very important for a child to interact with other children, it teachs them so many good skills like sharing, interacting with their peers, how to be more independent (i.e. they learn how to do stuff without mommy and daddy doing everything for them or having to be right around), socializations just to name a few. Playgroups are good but I also think your child needs a little time away from mommy and daddy. I am not saying that he should be in daycare 5 days a week because I definitely think having you had home is better but he should be in some environment without you guys for one or 2 mornings a week or one day a week. Good luck!

K.,

Your son is still very young and I don't think you should be beating yourself up over this. I am also a SAHM and I have to tell you, I found a local playgroup when my son was 16 months and we met once a week. Do you know what happens at these groups? The moms sit around and talk and all the children play individually by themselves. It was great for me to get out and have adult conversations but I think my son cared less. My son and his peers did not really start interacting until they were 2 and older with each other. At around 4 years is when it was really a socializing experience for him. My advice? Your son is young - enjoy this time with him. Go to your local library and find some books on things to do with your child for fun. Easy stuff that does not take much time or effort but will really make the most of your time together. Check on the internet for things to do in your area that may interest him AND you - different parks, maybe a Little Gym or Gymboree in your area. Find a playgroup for you - you may be the one who is feeling the boredom, not him, and that is truly okay - believe me that's why I found a local Mom's club. But, really? Hold on to that kid for as long as you can - daycare is an option but if you don't have to, don't. They can't raise him like you can, they can't teach him the things that you can, and they do not give them the undivided attention that is so important to someone that young. There is plenty of time for him and socializing later. As for you, find something so YOU are not bored, so you can remain energized for that little guy. If it is a playgroup or Mom's club, that's just an added bonus for him too. Good luck.
M.

Hi, K.. Maybe you could try to meet some other SAHM to get together with. Then your son could have other kids to play with. I'm not sure where you live exactly, but I stay at home with my 10 month old son and I watch a 9 month old boy. I live in Kensington (Atlantic and Kernan). If you live close and would like to get together just let me know.
T.