I posted a few days about other feelings that my family was being isolated by other parents at my son's school. I am posting this in a new thread because I I already gave some feedback about the outcome but wanted to elaborate. I first wanted to sincerely thank everyone who responded. So many insightful words reaqlly helped me put some things in perspective.
After listening and doing a lot of thinking about the situation, I came to realize that nothing I could do would change the minds of the other parents, and even if I could, would I want people that are so judgemental and willing to isolate 2 little boys to ever have any impact on my sons? The answer became so clear, of course not! Sure, maybe I could make my side of the story more known, and maybe over time things would subside and my sons might be included in activities with school mates, but then what? We will be surrounded by the same people, only integrated into a communitty that condones and participates in bullying?
That's not who I am and I certainly not the kind of behavior that I want my sons to view as 'normal'. I can already see the venemous influence that these parent's judgements have had on their own children( preschoolers telling other preschoolers that they hate someone), and as sad as I am about my son's current isolation, the sorrow I would feel if my son treated another child this way would be devastating. I am still not sure what our resolution will be, but trying to acclamate and 'fit in' with people who bully is certainly not the answer. Thanks again to everyone.
I am really impressed and proud of you for coming to this difficult conclusion. Wishing you all the best in whatever you decide. I completely agree with you, 100%.
If possible I would pull my children from this school and send them someplace else. There are rules and regulations governing confidentiality in the workplace. If you can determine your supervisor leaked confidential information about your medical condition to others, you may have a case on your hands.
I agree with you these people are horrible and how they are treating you is abominable. I feel mostly for your boys. I say get them involved outside of that particular community of people and they will flourish.
It worked for me when I had to be in an hostile environment every week day but the weekends I spent with my real friends. I lived what seemed to be a double life but it helped to shape and mold who I am now.
I am sorry to hear about your isolation. I went back and read your original question. What a hard thing to deal with.
I just wanted to throw out there that it might help if you branch out to meet people and make friends outside of your little community. Meetup.com is a great tool for this. There are lots of different groups you can join based on your interests. I belong to a moms group on there and they have lots of playgroups and get-togethers.
I live in a community where we have often felt ostracized and left out, as well. Most people here belong to the same church, and we do not. It has made it a lot harder to get to know people, for sure. Sometimes my kids' classmates will say mean things to them too about how we don't go to church because we are too lazy, or that the police will arrest us because we are not churchgoers. It sucks when your kids are left out or picked on, especially little preschoolers like yours! I have learned that my best bet, like I said, is to branch out. I try to be friendly with the ladies around here, but most of my friends (and my kids' friends) live about 30 min. away. We do a lot of playdates or meet in the middle at a McDonald's or a park. You have chosen not to try to be buddies with these people, and I think that is a great decision. In the meantime, I think you can help by looking elsewhere for friendships.
I just read your original post - don't know how I missed it.
I am so sorry that people are treating you and your family this way. I really don't get it at all. And my heart is breaking for your little ones as well!
Is there any way you can put them in another school, even if it means having to drive a bit further? It's just so hard to believe that adults would treat children this way.
Maybe you could put your boys in some sort of after school activity where they can make real friends.
Again, very sorry this is going on and wishing you and yours the very best!
I'm glad you posted an update - I was thinking about you and wondering how things were going :)
Can you get your boys involved through park district activities? I'm sure Chicago has a treasure trove of things to do. That will give them some kids to play with who are not haters. Maybe a boy scout troop that is centered outside of your immediate community?
I'd also recommend karate for both of them. This will give them lots of skills and confidence. Since other kids are singling them out, having that internal knowledge that you can defend yourself if those other kids get out of hand, physically, will give them so much confidence.
Summer park district catalogues will be coming out soon, I think getting your boys involved in activities outside of this immediate community will be so beneficial.
http://www.chicagoparkdistrict.com/
Remember this community is where you live, not your life. Wishing you all the best.
Oh my goodness that sucks big time!!!! I just ready your original post. It seems like anywhere you turn you have them there. If it keeps up I would file a momplant. My first thought was take a tape reporder anytime you know you are going to be around the other parnets for proof. That's not cool that they are poisoning thier children. I am so sorry ya'll are going through that and hope that is stops soon!!!!!!!!!
Good luck and God Bless!
Wow! What an awesome place you have come to! I think you are spot on with your conclusions. You don't need people like that in your life! And I think this is a harsh but huge life lesson for your family. Huge things you can now teach your sons. What wonderful little boys they are going to be learning about kindness and learning to not judge people.
I think now that you see the situation for what it is and can let go that you will find positive wonderful people come into your life. New things will open up for you and your family and all those negative people will be just a blessing for reminding you of how we should treat each other.
I just read your first post and feel very bad for you. I also know, as I grew up in your area and have relatives in those professions that require you to stay, how you must. One thing however, is that while these people might be gossiping or bullying, there are always one or two friends out there who care and will be welcoming you into their lives. It is not everyone who is the 'mean' girl or the 'mean' guy. It is people who themselves are insecure and they build up their own selves by putting others down. They do not need to be your friends. You have others. And children are resiliant, and there is a lot going on in schools now about being bullies. There are of course other homes and other lives, but it is a testimony to you that you bravely stay and face your tormentors. Yes, if you must, if it came about, give them your doctor's names and a listing of what you have been through. I remember going shortly back to my job after I had uterine cancer, a hysterectomy and being yelled at by a teacher because she was mad someone didn't do something. Just grabbed my gut and cried. Yesterday two years later, after all I went through I was evaluated and the evaluator said I was moving so much faster these days and therefore it would give me a good evaluation. Uh, hello out there? Whatever happened to respect for those in pain? Remember however, each person in their own way gets it back somehow. Kind of called you reap what you sow. So enjoy your children, maybe hubby can take classes to do something different (free computer at library? for example) and you just enjoy those who do care and love you. The rest need to be forgiven. They often just don't realize what they are doing.
