Female Friends Doing Nothing Wrong but Hating Them.

Updated on March 15, 2013
C.Z. asks from Manning, IA
9 answers

I am asking this more to get my mind off of dads death. Probably not the best question to ask but I need something!

Trav has a friend, who mind you has really done nothing wrong, but I hate her. I read into EVERYTHING that she writes on facebook. to see her name alone makes me mad. I love his other female friends, I can honestly say its not the FEMALE thing bothering me. Its just her. I dont know why! Yeah right after we got together like a week maybe ( not even "facebook official" she posted something that bothered me but he corrected her on it.

This also is not a periodic thing. Its every single time!

Anyone else do this? How do you correct yourself? ( I have tried but it feels like no use and I end up bottling anger that leads to a disagreement really about nothing!) Did you ever find out why that ONE person got to you? Am I a jealous freak?

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

ETAOk so hate was to strong of a word. Its more like irritated mixed with I dont trust her. If that makes sense?!? She sends the little hairs on the back of my neck flying like a cat.

ETA2- They partied together a while back, they tell me nothing happened. I have no reason to believe different. As for therapy I would believe that bit if it wasnt just this one person. Yes I had been cheated on by DS biological father with my best friend and I am cautious because of it. The therapist honestly thinks I am past that though. She listened about it but didnt really tell me why I thought that way.

Just M- I can honestly say that I would be irked too. However never been in that situation.

Also it has been talked about. A lot. Like now I am just beating a dead horse because he knows it irks me. He has stopped responding to her which I am glad but he shouldnt have to.

As for with my dad, this happened long before his death.

Peg- no offence but she is my complete opposite. She is a city girl, party, scream really high pitched. I am the farm girl, stay at home watch movies, and my ears are sensative. Really its not girls like her that irritate me because I actually have friends like her... buttt just cant get over not liking her.

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T.M.

answers from Tampa on

Shrug...sometimes you just don't like someone for their personality or looks or whatever. We are human...we are not going to like everyone and everyone is not going to like us.

Sometimes you just meet someone and you just don't click or something in their personality just irks you. That's OK.

Just be cordial and not nasty....

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S.E.

answers from Wichita Falls on

First you are going to have to figure out what is really bothering you about this person. There any number of people i don't like just because we don't 'click' but never do I actively hate someone without reason.

The reason may or may not have anything to do directly with her. Does she act overly familiar with your SO? Does she remind you of someone who has hurt you in the past? Does she bring up any old insecurities?

Until you figure out the underlying cause of the irritation and deal with it, you are not going to get rid of it. Time for some honest introspection.

3 moms found this helpful
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L.R.

answers from Sioux Falls on

Question: Do you feel like she is disrespecting you? That is what I'm getting.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Always pay attention to your "sixth sense." If she makes the hair on your neck stand up, there's probably a reason. At some point, it will reveal itself. In the meantime, I'd be pleasant but cautious with her.

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J.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

hmmm i have one girl like that.

When we met he gave M. his phone number I called back a week later we went out once and then Emmy was sick and then I was busy so we didnt go out for a few more weeks. We were seeing other people still at this time only having been on one casual date. He was seeing another girl very casually before he met M. so during this in between time of seeing eachother I think they went to dinner and a party together once and fooled around.

Once we met up again he stopped seeing her BUT for some reason knowing he fooled around with her after having met M. irks M.. Odd right since I was stilling casually seeing someone when we met during this period too right?!

There's no logical reason this girl should irk M.. I was doing the same thing and fooling around with someone. At this time I hadnt expected to meet someone who would turn into my fiancee. They only fooled around and stopped seeing eachother once we started dating (even stopped when we were casual in the begining) but yet it irks M. and when we run into her I get this feeling in my stomach thats odd

With all of that said I completely trust him with her and would never have doubts. We've ran into her a bunch of times throughout the last 2 1/2 years and i'm sure he has without M. a few times too since she has mutual friends. We've ran into other people we have both been with and i dont get bothered at all, but for some reason even though i can be friendly with her the mere sight of her gets under my skin

even typing this it irks M.. the only somewhat logical reason i have is because it was after he met M. even though we were not dating?!

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

This is exactly the kind of problem to which I like to apply a process called The Work. (http://www.thework.com/thework-4questions.php)

It's really eye-opening, and often amusing, and sometimes frustrating, and therefore probably not for everybody. But you fill out your angriest, most outraged answers to the questions on the free worksheet, then follow the process to, hopefully, find a new place to stand and understand. It really works for me, but I have to be ready to allow it to work, or it won't.

If that's not for you, then I hope you find something that is. Often, the people that irk us the most are the people who have characteristics we'd rather not have to look at, because they are too much like us.

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K.R.

answers from Minneapolis on

Jealousy is a form of insecurity. She shouldn't be your focus at all. Talk to him about how you feel, and work on building your mutual trust.

It would never occur to me to be jealous of any of the women my husband is friends with. We have a rock-solid relationship, and for me to be threatened by other women would be kind of absurd. It's possible to have that kind of relationship, and it is what you -- and every other woman -- deserve. You deserve to find a terrific man, make a commitment to him (and have him make a commitment to you), and have children with this man who will be with you forever, and will never cheat on you. It's possible, and you don't need to settle for less.

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H.M.

answers from Dallas on

I had to tell my husband one of his coworkers was flirting with him and he didn't believe me he was oblivious. This was close to the begining of our marrage. I am a lot more secure in our relationship now but I would still have to talk to him if I felt like you are feeling. Have you let him know how she makes you feel? Don't bottle it up that's not good at all. Also is there a history with them is that why? Sit down and talk with thim. If you havn't already. He may be able to put your mind at ease.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

If she's done nothing wrong and your DH has done nothing wrong, then it's you. And I stick with other suggestions I've made today with individual counseling if you can't get past your hatred for her.

You also said your dad died, so I bet that is also playing into it.

As far as FB, block her or put her on a list and then change your settings so you don't see her posts or post things she sees.

There are friends that DH has that I don't like. There's one guy who is just crass and rude and I spend as little time around him as possible. I have no idea why he and DH are still friends and I don't always like the way DH acts when he's hung out with this guy. I don't worry every interaction, but I admit a small sense of "urg" when I know they went to whatever together.

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