Fighting and Hitting?

M.

I have the same deal with my 15 and 13 year old boys. I could never leave them alone together and it is sketchy now. My ex and I have to be referees. They are much too big for me now, the 15 yr old being 5'10'', 200lbs. and it becomes quite scary when the fists start to fly. I wish I could give you some great advice but quite frankly, the only thing that works is to separate them, in different households!! They are both in therapy and the oldest is dealing with anger management. There is an on-going peer group in Worcester for adolescents 13-17 that deals with anger management. I can forward the # if you, or anyone else, is interested. Good Luck!

when my older 2 boys start fighting (ages10&7) they BOTH have to take a quick time out in separate rooms and when they've cooled off, they have to tell eachother they are sorry, i love you and name something nice/positive about the other person. they still fight but not as often. i don't know how well this will work with the 16yr old. maybe thru the school or community there is classes offered on this subject and their punishement will be having to attend one or volenteer their time for a local charity together.

I am with you !! 2 boys 4&6 Fight all the time. I mean fist fighting and wrestling to the floor. Time outs don't seem to work anymore and I end up sending them to their rooms and taking special things away from them. So you're saying this is going to go on an on and on. I don't know how much more I can take. I always say to them HUGS NOT HITS! Nothing seems to work anymore.

Hi M.. I know this'll probably sound like a longshot, but have you spoken w/your pediatrician/family physician about their behavior towards each other? I got a lot of helpful suggestions (& meetings) from my pediatrican. Some days are like a Bruins game w/my son & daughter = & I'm the ref. Most days are smooth. Do your boys have separate bedrooms? If not, you might want to seriously consider putting them in separate bedrooms. Ultimately, its up to you & they need to know that YOU run the house - not them. :-)

M.

I find that when my kids fight, they are usually bored. It isn't always that reason, but most of the time it is. When my two youngest start to fight, my oldest son and I seperate them and do things with them that they like to do. For example, one of us would take the youngest one and let her rollerskate or ride her bike in the driveway, while my other daughter likes to read or draw picures. And one of us would do that with her. Or we would take out a board game and play as a family. We find that seperating the two girls for an hour or two helps. They start missing each other and then they play together without fighting again.
I hope this helps.
T.

Hi M.,

I'm sure you'll get lots of advice, and each piece may work together to solve the puzzle!
My Mom was very clever. First, we went to our rooms with no discussion. Since we knew what we were doing was wrong, Mom never talked about it afterwards, so we didn't get extra attention for acting out. She just set a timer, and when the timer was up, we could come out. After we took time out, she would somehow always need a task done that would take two of us. Her favorite was having both of us do the dishes. We would talk about how unreasonable she was and how we couldn't wait to get out of our house. By the end of the chore, we were getting along fine and in a better mood. Mom smartly ignored out hissing comments when we were doing the chore, and kept herself busy supposedly out of earshot. Now my sibs and I talk about this and roar with laughter at how clever she was.
Later she would spend positive time with us (just moments really, as we were teens and didn't want too much attention).

Best of luck!