Fighting Children...

Everytime they fight make them stand in the hallway with their noses to the wall for length of time like 10-15min. or even longer if they talk,cry,moan,groan or move add 5addt'l minutes on for every time. Awesome punishment for stubborn kids.

My daughter respects me because I'm tough, aggressive, follow through and she knows if she doesn't what the consequences are you have to be consistant and tough and never give in. I have mastered the talent of raising my voice and getting down to buisness like a man when I have to. I am a single mom and I cannot let my kids walk all over me.

It isn't that they don't respect you, they just know that you are more of a push over then dad. This happens when you aren't consistent on the punishments. Instead of yelling at them, which means it has gone on too long. Start when they start disagreeing and tell them it is time out in their rooms or seperate for about 5 to 10 minutes. This stops it before it gets going. If they start fighting and you don't catch it early, seperate them without yelling for their time out. Do not take sides, give both the punishment. After sit down at the table with them and have a popcycle stick and have them take turns, one who is holding the stick has 3 mintues to state their case.. then it is handed off to the other. Don't let them interupt each other during this time. Still don't take sides, just ask open questions "how does that make you feel when she does that?" "What are you trying to do when you say something like that?" It could open them up to communicate and also teach them to be in touch of their feelings and how they treat others. When done, still not taking sides, point out that sisters are special and they only have one... they need to learn to treat each other with love and respect and they will be best of friends when they grow up.

Nose in the corner thing usually works well I've heard. That way they can't look around and see what else is going on.

When I was doing daycare I found what worked best (I use it on my 4 and 2 year old right now) is when they are fighting they have to sit on the couch and hold hands. They are not allowed to talk or whine during this time. They just need to sit next to each other and hold BOTH hands with each other and spend quiet time together. 5 minutes usually does the trick for older kids! 1 or 2 works for mine yet.

And when you tell them to do something make sure they reply with "yes maam." That way they are acknowledging the fact that they HEARD you and UNDERSTAND what is expected of them. It is amazing how well this works. Even my 2 year old does it and then listens because he answered that. When they don't say yes maam, they usually don't follow through with what was asked of them........

I agree with the other responses you've gotten. It's never too late to work on behavior, and they do respect you. All of my friends have said the same thing - that they can yell all day and get no response and when Dad opens his mouth the first time, everyone listens. There is something about a male voice that gets through, and this even works for dogs...

I have one child right now, but my family was 4 kids within 4.5 years and I know we did fight. I hardly remember my Mom ever getting involved, other than to say "take it outside" or to another part of the house. "If there's no blood, I don't need to hear about it". I agree that kids will fight to get your attention and ignoring can work, but is hard to do. All of us yell at our kids sometimes, really we do, and it's OK.

My Mother-in-law had a little trick that worked wonders for me....sit them on chairs, on opposite sides of the room and facing each other. They will make faces at each other but after awhile, it'll turn to giggles. It was at that point that she would let them go play again. It worked great with my kids too!

Something else that worked great for me, especially out in public places is to pick two points and make them run back and forth between them. I figured that they had so much energy to burn, I'd help them burn off a little of it. Of course, I always did this outside (usually picking two trees fairly close together so that the distance wasn't overly far) and kept the amount of time appropriate to the age and made sure we would all be in a safe place. (My parents did this to us kids when we were young and I hated it but it was effective)

In the car, I simply pulled off to the side of the road (again, somewhere safe) and made them get out of the car and sit on the sidewalk while I stood there with them. I only had to do this twice, after that simply slowing the car down along with asking if they wanted me to stop, would cause them to stop because they were embarrassed by having to sit in full public view with mom standing over them, arms crossed.

As they got older, I made them exersize rather than just running, push-ups, jumping jacks, etc. And if they tried arguing with me, well, that's a simple solution too. Simply don't. Speak in a firm clear voice, let them know you mean business and just let them know that you didn't ask for their comments, just do.

If they were fighting over a toy, it went on top of the fridge, problem solved. They'd get it back a week later. Eventually they learned to share because they didn't like their toys being taken away. As teens, I simply took the cords to their equipment so it either wouldn't play or couldn't be charged (kept them in my purse or car's glove box) as punishment.

I'm sure if you think about it, you'll find your own little clever ways to handle things that are appropriate to your kids. Good luck to you hun!

ugh, same thing here, but 2 boys. at this age i think they need to work some things out on their own so i put in my ipod so i can't here it. the bickering makes my blood boil and i snap quickly, my husband much more patient. I don't think it's disrespect, they are just so used to and comfortable with you, they don't even hear your voice anymore. so unless there is bloodshed i listen to the music that makes me happy and let them work it out. and when that fails, i rely on "wait 'til your father gets home"!

I highly, highly endorse the book "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline," by Becky Bailey. It's FANTASTIC for discipline from the perspective of what are you, as the parent, doing to contribute to their behavior. It was a major attitude adjustment for me, which I really needed.

I also recommend "1-2-3 Magic," by Thomas Phelan. This book really takes the opposite approach. It's a strict, time-out based approach. It's more of the "quick solution" for discipline. So, if you're at the end of your rope, read this one first--it's a quick read and leads to quick results.

BUT, make sure you balance the strict, time out approach with the more "root of the problem" approach of the Easy to Love approach. The difference is parenting from fear (of a timeout) versus love.

It's a never-ending balance, I know. Best of luck to you!
E.

I have 3 boys all close in age and for the most part they all get along and play well together. During the times that they do fight I just gently remind them that if I hear or see fighting, then all involved will be put in time-out, regardless of who started it or why they are fighting. This seems to work most of the time. When all have completed their time-outs then we can discuss what happened and talk about different ways to solve the issue without fighting, yelling, or screaming. I sometimes have to put them back in time-out if they still have not calmed down. The boys have gotten good about understanding their emotions and can usually tell me if they are ready to come out of time-out and talk or if they need to stay in for a few more minutes.

I definitely do NOT think it is ever too late to change behaviors. As the kids get older new problems arise which call for new discipline techniques. Our parenting skills and methods are always changing and evolving to keep up with our children.

Good luck!

I highly recommend the book "Siblings without Rivalry" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Your library may have it.

Also note that some of the fighting is simply for your attention, or for them to attempt to get YOU on their side. Try really hard not to referee, or be as unbiased and even about any discipline as you can. If you send one to her room, send them both. Walk away. Notice they probably don't fight as much if they can't run to you to tell on each other. They both want to be right and want you to side with them. Stay out of that as much as you can! Teach them to work it out themselves.